My MIL story isn't as
bad as all the others that I've read on this site, but it nevertheless
hurts me. My husband and I have 3 wonderful children, and
we live an hour and 30 minutes away from my in-laws. They
never visit or call us. We always have to call them, and we
try to visit them at least 4-5 times per year. They don't
acknowledge our children. In fact, DH's sister has a son,
and DH's brother has a daughter (who is not biologically his), but
they treat these children better than they treat ours. God
forbid anyone should forget the DIL's or SIL's children's birthdays.
But, our children are overlooked. Yesterday was the final
straw, when our youngest son had his 2nd birthday, and they not
only didn't send him a card or gift, but they never called, either
- which really hurts. They don't believe (for some reason)
in celebrating birthdays, and we, occasionally, get a card in the
mail for our birthdays. I'm not concerned about us, though
- we can deal with no gifts, etc. But, it's our children who
are suffering. The children don't even know DH's parents.
When his parents phone up around Christmas time, they ask us what
our children are into. I would like them to form some sort
of relationship with our kids so they can find out for themselves
what the kids are into. DH keeps making excuses for them,
and won't acknowledge what they do. Any advice?
Signed - The Children
Don't Even Know DH's Parents
RESPONSE: The Children Don't Even Know DH's Parents
Yes, I can relate to your story. My MIL only lives 2 miles
away. We all attend the same church, and she barely will speak
to our children. She will come around at Christmas or birthday
to give a thoughtless gift. But, any other time, she is completely
unavailable to be a grandmother. This has bothered me for
some time, and I don't know how to solve the problem. I have
emailed her, and she prefers to call my DH to cry on his shoulder.
I just wanted to write to let you know that I understand your problem,
even though I do not have a solution! Good luck!
RESPONSE: The Children Don't Even Know DH's Parents
DH doesn't acknowledge what they do?? Then don't even talk
about his parents to your kids. How can they suffer if you
don't let them feel what they're "missing"? That
way, if they decide to become "nice" and enter their world,
it will be a nice surprise. Your kids don't need them to be
happy. And, stop buying gifts for their side or sending cards.
It's not reciprocal. They know it, and know that your "need"
for them in your kids' lives is your Achilles Heel. And, it
will only hurt you.
RESPONSE: The Children Don't Even Know DH's Parents
Visit your in-laws more often. Try to cultivate a warm and
friendly relationship with them. Shower them with gifts (small
ones). Phone them frequently. Good Luck
RESPONSE: The Children Don't Even Know DH's Parents
You MUST protect your kids from hurt. If your wussy H isn't
man enough not to let his babies get hurt, then you MUST set the
boundaries, NO! Tell these sorry suckers that you will NOT
tolerate your kids being slighted, and that they either act like
grandparents or they WON'T see the kids or you again. In other
words, poop or get off the pot!
Worst gift: My mother-in-law
is Catholic, which I have no problem with - but she has a big problem
with me being Baptist. For every single holiday or birthday,
or whatever, she buys me something religious - like a cross (I have
so many that my house looks like a church). The last thing
she bought me was a picture of the Last Supper. Most Baptists
don't hang "images" of Christ in their homes, and she
knew that. Also, this picture was hideous. It was shiny
and hologram-like, surrounded by a fake plastic "gold"
frame. It looked like it was from the Dollar Store.
My husband made me hang it up in the dining room to be polite, but
I hated it, and finally took it down a week later. I couldn't
take it anymore. Well, MIL is living with us right now (I
told her she can't come back when she leaves in 2 months).
It's a really big deal (and there are a whole bunch of other long
stories). So, when she saw that I had taken it down, she went
on a rampage, ranting and raving, yelling that I don't appreciate
anything, and saying that she wants every single gift she's ever
given me back. Like I really care! I hate all her gifts
- but, she doesn't know anything about etiquette. When you
give something to someone, it's not your business what they do with
it!!!
Signed - MIL Told This
Baptist Girl Only Catholics Go To Heaven
RESPONSE: MIL Told This Baptist Girl Only Catholics
Go To Heaven
I feel for you. I, too, am Baptist, and my MIL is Presbyterian.
Not that there is anything wrong with that, but I am southern Baptist,
and she is always making cracks about it. It drives me nuts.
She wanted her preacher to perform our wedding ceremony, and he
wanted $200 to do it. My Pastor wanted no money, and was happy
to pay for his trip to the ceremony (out of state). But, of
course, we didn't let him. Luckily, my DH was very fond of
my Pastor, and he did perform our wedding ceremony. Signature:
A Fellow Religion Dissing MIL Sufferer.
RESPONSE: MIL Told This Baptist
Girl Only Catholics Go To Heaven
Take her at her word! Give her back each and every cross and
other relic she has forced upon you.
RESPONSE: MIL Told This Baptist Girl Only Catholics
Go To Heaven
Tell her to go home if she doesn't like it. I am a convert
from Catholicism to Baptist, and my grandma nearly threw a fit when
I did it. But, she now realizes it is MY life, and I have
to decide what I think God wants me to be. Tell her the rude
behavior stops NOW!!! I would also get a garbage bag and give
her back EVERYTHING!
RESPONSE: MIL Told This Baptist Girl Only Catholics
Go To Heaven
Since she believes that only Catholics go to heaven, I'd just tell
her that, since you won't be seeing each other in the afterworld,
why waste time and emotion now? And, bid her a fond "Adieu"
when her @ss walks out your door.
RESPONSE: MIL Told This Baptist Girl Only Catholics
Go To Heaven
Ack! I'm a Catholic, and I would never dream of telling someone
that ONLY Catholics go to Heaven. That's bullsh!t (don't worry,
I'll go to confession later). Tell your MIL that you will
be happy to give back everything she has ever given you, with the
exception of your DH. And tell your DH, in front of her, that
any more cr@ppy-looking Dollar Store religious items will be instantly
thrown in the trash (since your MIL obviously has no respect for
the fact that you are Baptist, and are not converting to Catholicism).
And, that if he doesn't like it, he can damn well go and live with
her. What a b!tch (once again - I'll make it to confession
later). I hope that you tell her off but good, in FRONT of
DH, so he knows exactly what his mother is capable of!
Please help!! My
MIL is insanely jealous of the time that my husband and I spend
with my family. She thinks that we spend way more time with
my family than hers, and she demands that she have "equal time".
This has been an ongoing battle ever since we got engaged 8 years
ago. My husband and I do not see this as a realistic expectation.
We split the holidays fairly, and see my family a little bit more
often throughout the year because both us of enjoy spending time
with them. I have never told my husband that wouldn't see
his family; this is his choice. My MIL fits the mold of the
"stereotypical MIL" - makes rude comments to me, goes
out of her way to make sure I don't feel like part of the family,
gives my husband guilt trips, etc. We have told her that it's
not a competition, and that we are much more interested in the quality
of the time we spend together. I've told my husband that I
will see them more if he thinks it will fix the problem (even though
I really don't want to!). He says "No", and that
"equal time" is not a realistic expectation. He
feels that our relationship with my family has nothing to do with
his. I, personally, would love never to see her again, but
I want it to work out for my husband's sake. We are about
to start a family, and I know he would like his family to be involved
in our life. This is about to sever the relationship between
my MIL and my husband, because she just can't get over it.
We just can't figure out a solution. Any suggestions?
Signed - MIL Demands
"Equal Time"
RESPONSE: MIL Demands "Equal Time"
It sounds like your DH doesn't want to see her either. I would
"forget" to tell your MIL about any time you spend with
your family. If she pushes the point, I would make it very
clear that the more she complains, the less time will be spent with
her.
RESPONSE: MIL Demands "Equal Time"
Thank God your DH is behind you, and is not a wimp on this kind
of thing. The rest of us should be so blessed. As far
as MIL being a baby about it, and whining about "equal time",
don't tell her when you see your family. Just don't talk about
it to her. It is none of her business, anyway. Don't
sweat it, and let your DH handle her. Believe me, when you
have your kids, you won't want that whiny butt around anyway.
RESPONSE: MIL Demands "Equal Time"
If your MIL was a little less worried about her "time"
with you, and acted nicer, maybe she would be visited more often.
The fact that she is wanting more "equal" time is ridiculous.
I give your husband a lot of credit for sticking to what is right
in this situation, even after you suggested that you are willing
to go and spend more time. Jealousy is an awful thing.
This woman needs to calm down a little and enjoy life. As
far as a family being started, well, you will probably face more
"time issues" when the baby (babies) comes along.
The best thing to do is just ignore (even though it's hard to ignore
her whining). She needs to grow up a little and see that she
is not the center of attention, like she would like to be.
Enjoy your life, and be thankful your hubby is not a momma's boy.
RESPONSE: MIL Demands "Equal Time"
If your husband says, "NO," and doesn't care, why are
you insisting? He seems to be more at ease about accepting
how awful they are than you are. A baby will only make them
worse, as the One Big Happy Family thing is in your mind (God bless
you). But, not everybody feels this way. So, you might
as well be thankful if they get OUT of the picture.
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