Help!! My grandmother
is driving me crazy! I am 13 weeks pregnant, and she gives
me advice almost every day. I know that she means well, and
that she really does love me, but her outdated ideas are insane.
Last night, she told me that I'll probably get cervical or uterine
cancer, because it runs in the family. And, to prevent it,
I needed to douche. She also said that, when the baby is born,
I need to bathe it in alcohol to prevent skin problems. My
family has tried correcting her for years. We've even called
her doctor to tell him about some stupid things she does (drinks
Epsom salt!). He calls and tries to tell her that these things
are potentially lethal, and to stop immediately. She says,
"Oh, really? Of course I'll stop." Then, she
gets off the phone, and turns to one of us and says, "Don't
you listen to those doctors. They don't know anything.
My ideas have been working for years, and I'm just fine."
I will never leave my baby alone with this woman. I love her,
but she's crazy. Any advice? What do I say when she
gives me some other stupid piece of advice? I don't want to
offend her. But, she doesn't listen when I disagree, and we
end up arguing. Then, she says that I'm just upset because
I'm pregnant, and that I need to calm down or I'll have a nervous
baby. AAAAggggghhhh!!!!!
Signed - I'm Gonna Scream!
RESPONSE: I'm Gonna Scream!
I feel for you. I, myself, am 22 weeks pregnant, and I will
share some advice that I got from my own mother. If anyone
gives you advice, politely thank them for their concern for you
and your new baby. Don't disagree with them or tell them they
are wrong (especially if you know it will start an argument).
You can even mention how you are looking forward to raising your
child on your own. Maybe if you repeat, "Thank you so
much for caring about our new baby. DH and I are very excited
for the chance to bring up OUR child, and your support is great,"
every time she gives you advice, she will catch on. This way,
there will be no arguments and no discussions, and you don't lose
your head. I don't know about having a nervous baby from being
stressed, but I do know it makes for a frantic mom. Take care
of yourself. You are the important one here. Take care.
RESPONSE: I'm Gonna Scream!
My grandma is the same. I used to argue with her, but now
I just nod and say thanks for the advice. Of course, I never
use it, but at least there is no fight!
I HAVE A SOLUTION!!!
After many sleepless nights over my MIL, I have finally come to
terms with how these women work! A few weeks ago, my MIL and
I finally had a knockdown fight. It was a long time coming,
and I have written my story in here only to have so many responses
tell me that she is an awful, mean lady who is seriously mentally
disturbed. Well, the fight finally brewed and exploded, and,
after I had said all that has been brewing for 8 years, she was
(for the 1st time ever) speechless. I set rules for my household,
my children, and the way she treats me. If these rules are
in any way broken, then she loses the right to see them, and we
simply won't be around her any longer. Now, keep in mind that
I am married to a huge momma's boy. But, once these women
push long enough (8 years), then they, too, will come around, trust
me! If anything came from our discussion, she now knows that
I am an adult, and she can't treat me like a little girl, especially
in my own house. Believe me, it was the worst conversation,
and hardest thing I've ever done. But, people (in-laws or
not) just can't treat each other the way the MILs posted about here
treat all of us. They are strong women, but we, too, are strong.
Good luck!
Signed - Set Rules and
Be Strong
My MIL is not a very
nice woman. Before we were married, I had people come up to
me from her small town telling me things that she was saying about
me. Well, I went on and ignored her, because I always thought
that she had a self-esteem problem. The week after we were
married, I was telling her that my parents were so happy that I
married my DH, and that they just adore him. She then said,
"Ya, DS knew that he would never marry a supermodel."
First of all, what does that have to do with what I was talking
about? And, second of all, how could someone say that to their
DIL? Well, the day that I finally broke was the day that she
went to my best friend and started telling her lies about me:
About how badly I treat her, how I never make the bed when we visit,
how I am jealous of her grandson, and that I need to grow up (there
were so many more things). Well, of course, my best friend
was going to tell me. When I found out, I was FURIOUS and
HURT!!! I told my husband that he better confront her, and
that he wants to know that this wasn't going to go on anymore.
Well, he did, and she denied it all. She said that my friend
was lying. Then, the other day, her sister told me that she
told her that she gave us $1,000/month while my husband was in grad
school, that they paid for our wedding, and that my parents never
paid them back. Oh my goodness, I blew up. First of
all, we have $75,000 in student loans, and she never gave us $1,000/month.
And, second of all, my parents paid for every bit of the wedding,
and she never helped at all. I think that she has a mental
problem. I could go on forever with so many stories, but I
don't have the time. I have never disliked someone the way
that I dislike her, and sometimes I find myself taking it out on
my husband. I feel so sorry for him. He has never been
told, "I love you," by either of his parents. I
can't seem to get rid of the anger. What do I do?
Signed - What Do I Do?
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