Worst gift: My great
aunt, who constantly gripes if you don't see, call, or write her
on every occasion (including any minor surgery), called to tell
me that she was going to come over to visit me and bring along my
great, great aunt. When I told her that it was my birthday,
and it would be a nice treat to see them, she seemed a little shocked
because she hadn't known. When they got there, they had brought
me presents - unwrapped. She gave me the compass that she
had ripped off of her dashboard, and a bar of soap in black crepe
paper that looked like it was from a hotel room in 1979. My
great, great aunt gave me some used place-mats, and a hot-plate
that had pictures of the rocky mountains (they were laminated and
yellowed with age). I thanked them, and laughed my butt off
after they left. It still makes me chuckle. So, in a
way, I guess they were good presents.
Signed - If I Gave Her
a Gift Like That or Forgot Her Birthday, I'd Have Hell to Pay!
RESPONSE: If I Gave Her a Gift Like That or Forgot
Her Birthday, I'd Have Hell to Pay!
Perfect! Why don't you just write a note and say exactly that?
"If I gave you a gift like that, or forgot your birthday, I'd
have he!! to pay!"
True tales of my MIL:
1). Once, I caught her walking backwards out of her home,
all the way along her house and out to the street. I asked
why she was walking backwards, and she replied, "I don't want
people to know that I'm not at home. So, if anybody sees me,
I want them to think I'm going *IN*, not *OUT*. Oooookay.
2). Not being familiar with the concept of referred pain,
she once told her doctor that she had a STRING inside her connecting
two points, and that if she touched the one point she could feel
it in the other because of the string. 3). Once, at
a skating center, she had to use the rest room. But, she was
loathe to actually sit on a public toilet. So she straddled
the toilet and proceeded to accomplish her goal, when, suddenly,
her skates started to roll. She rolled right out of the stall
and into the crowded rest room, much to the horror of all, since
her panties were still around her ankles. Also, she got flustered
and forgot to stop peeing. And, well, I have no idea why she
told me this story, because it's pretty awful, no matter how you
look at it. I bet your MIL sounds pretty good right now.
Signed - No Way I'm Putting
My Name Here
RESPONSE: No Way I'm Putting My Name Here
This is the best laugh I've had all day. Your MIL may be a
moron, but at least she's entertaining.
RESPONSE: No Way I'm Putting My Name Here
Nah. Your MIL just sounds silly, while many of us have MILs
who are downright vicious.
RESPONSE: No Way I'm Putting My Name Here
LOL!!!! Does she have to think about breathing? Thanks
for the good laugh. That is one of the funniest MIL stories
I have ever heard.
RESPONSE: No Way I'm Putting My Name Here
HA! HA! HA! HA! HA! Is your MIL on
medication? She needs to be! Thanks for the great laugh.
You are so fortunate that your MIL's insanity hasn't festered into
evil, just insanity! HA! HA! HA! HA!
HA!
RESPONSE: No Way I'm Putting My Name Here
LOL!! Thanks for the chuckle. I needed it!
My fiancé and
I are to be married within a few weeks. We are very much in
love, and look forward to sharing the rest of our lives together.
However, there are issues with his mother. Most recently,
everything seems to be related to the wedding. For instance,
she has been making payments on a $6,000 dress, to wear to our wedding,
for the past 4 months. My dress, by the way, costs less than
$1,000 - including shoes, head piece, necklace and earrings).
We are not getting a limo for the ceremony because we are trying
to be practical in regard to costs that can be eliminated (everyone
knows how costly weddings are). She, however, wants to get
a limo for herself. She says that it will be easier for her,
as she is going to be a basket case that day. What?!?!?
Please. She is making the wedding all about her. Oh,
she does not have a date for the wedding, so she has demanded that
not one, but two of her brothers walk her down the aisle.
Of course, so she can draw more attention to herself and her "grand
entrance". She says she is too broke to give us
any money for the wedding, and feels his father should pay for the
rehearsal dinner, because he (the father) makes more money than
she does. No wonder she has no money left. She has spent
it all on herself and her appearance. She has no idea that
this wedding day is about us, not her. She says she loves
me, but I cannot deal with her selfishness and her need to be the
center of attention on our day. She has always neglected my
fiancé and his needs since he was a child, putting herself
first. She is in no way capable of recognizing that, or how
her lifelong behavior has affected him. Nor will he (my fiancé)
address the situation with her. He does not want to hurt her.
While I can understand that in part, I am fearful that on "our
day" I am going to flip out on her because I have reached my
limit. Wish me luck.
Signed - Fearful in California
RESPONSE: Fearful in California
I can sympathize. I have a MIL on the opposite end of the
spectrum. However, I do understand how much MILs can drive
us soon-to-be-brides nuts. So I would do this: Have
a separate invitation printed just for her. You could probably
sweet-talk a printer into doing it as a "sample".
Accidentally have the ceremony time printed late, and let her think
the ceremony is an hour later than it really is. Even if you
don't actually do it, just think of how funny her "grand entrance"
would be an hour too late!!!
RESPONSE: Fearful in California
You are getting a sneak peek at what your marriage will be like
(especially since you are marrying a child, not a man). I
would cancel the wedding and run like he!!!
RESPONSE: Fearful in California
I appreciate exactly how you are feeling right now. My MIL
was a total, utter nightmare leading up to the wedding. She
was self obsessed and negative. On the Tuesday before the
wedding, when she saw the stunning church in Italy that we were
due to take our vows in that Saturday, her comment was, "the
floor needs repairing." I near enough wanted to strangle
her, which is about where you are at right now. But, and I
know this is immensely hard to do (I struggled then, and I struggle
now), think what sad people both of our MILs are. They are
really to be pitied. They have pathetically narrow little
worlds in which they only think about themselves, and are unable
to see the joy in the world. I decided that I was not going
to be like that. I know it is incredibly hard, but don't flip
out on her. By doing that at this late stage, you will not
relieve stress. You will only add to it, as she will no doubt
respond aggressively, and your fiancé will be caught in the
middle. You don't need that right now, and neither does he.
I know it seems impossible to imagine at the moment, but on that
day, you will be so joyful, and so filled with happiness, that nothing
she does will be able to take that away. And, I assure you
that nobody will give two hoots who she walks down the aisle with,
or what she wears. They are coming to see you walk down that
aisle. Rise above her unpleasant behavior. Choose to
look up at the altar, not down at the floor, which is where both
our MILs are unfortunately at. I know it seems superhumanly
hard, but I did it, and it had very positive effects. I had
the best day of my life. So did my husband. She and
her husband did not ruin it for either of us. My husband saw
her and his father's behavior, with their complaining and refusing
to show up to the lunch the day after the wedding, etc. Then,
he looked at my behavior, and drew his own conclusions. He
used to try and pretend that his family wasn't so bad. After
that, he could no longer pretend, and he doesn't anymore.
We agree on the subject. And, though we still struggle to
deal with them, we struggle together. Don't go for her now.
Don't demean yourself. Rise above it, and your husband will
respect you for it. And, most important, you'll respect yourself.
RESPONSE: Fearful in California
Don't let your MIL ruin your day. Believe me, if she acts
inappropriately, the only goal she will achieve is to draw negative
attention to herself. NO ONE, not matter what dress they wear
or car they pull up in, is going to draw attention away from you
and your husband for long. It's up to you. But, if the
limo thing comes up again, you might mention to her that it may
strike people as inappropriate for her to drive up in a limo, when
the bride and groom do not. But, if your MIL is as selfish
as you describe, she might just react defensively and create a real
brawl. Are you prepared to deal with that? Another thing
to consider is the feelings of your FH. If his mom is upset,
it will detract from his day. Don't be too hard on him.
Men do NOT like confrontation - especially with a woman who is liable
to get defensive and emotional. He is hardly alone in this
regard. As long as your MIL isn't doing anything truly mean
and destructive, try not to focus on her. Good luck, and let
us know what happens! Oh, and $6,000 on a DRESS? Absurd!
RESPONSE: Fearful in California
She will never change. It will only get worse. Her type
always wants to be the center of attention, whether at 20, 40, 60,
or 80 years old. Sooner or later, she will begin to devalue
wives in general, and she will begin to glorify mothers in general.
Her son will be called "mom's precious boy", or "mama's
baby", or some juvenile term of endearment. You and DH
must NEVER let her know if you've had the smallest disagreement,
let alone a big fight, or she will broadcast to everyone that you're
miserable together. You and DH, at your wedding, reception,
and in all social settings, must pamper each other, and make clear
to everyone that you are each other's highest priority and life's
greatest blessing. This will put her in her place, and chances
are, she won't f*** with you as much. Sorry to be so blunt
with my advice, but BEEN THERE, and DONE THAT, so I'm giving you
the benefit of knowing what to look for, what to expect, and the
best way I know of to deal with it early on. Good luck.
Congratulations, and best wishes!
I was interested to read
one of the responses to the entry about dealing with a pathological
liar. The respondent wrote that the person would become hysterical,
and break into phony tears, and blame the person doing the confronting.
Wow, is this dead-on! I was working for a doozy of a MIL (not
my MIL, fortunately), and, although she might sincerely have wanted
to be a good person, she was incredibly nasty and malicious.
It broke my heart, because I had truly thought of her as a good
person and a friend. But, she was a "frenemy" to
everyone, without a drop of loyalty. She didn't bother getting
her facts straight about people, either, and always saw everyone
in a dark, twisted light. Then, when I'd meet them, you could
tell that they were so much more decent (and less crazy!) than her
descriptions of their "tragic lives"! It's a long
story, but it was depressing to hear her nasty, unflattering portrayals
of EVERYONE - including her children, neighbors, husband, "friends",
and ESPECIALLY her DILs. She was as catty to me as she could
be, and it hurt me deeply - little insults every day. One
day, she told me, "Don't mind if I'm nasty," in a cute,
coy way! Knowing I would have to quit that job if I didn't
make a last-ditch effort to save our friendship, I did confront
her about the nasty remarks, and how demoralizing I found them.
I thought we could work things out. But, to my astonishment,
she burst into a tantrum like a three-year-old! She cried
and cried, and had to take a heart pill. And, she turned me
into the bad guy for upsetting her. She used to tell people
she could drop dead if anyone upset her, but she was always upsetting
everybody else! It was one of the most toxic jobs and relationships
I've ever experienced in my whole life. I still haven't completely
gotten over it, and my heart goes out to her DILs. Well, your
description sure sounds familiar - I was fascinated!
Signed - Glad to Have
Escaped
RESPONSE: Glad to Have Escaped
You're a very perceptive person to see her patterns (the woman you
worked with), and you are very caring to consider how her DILs must
feel. I learned a year ago that people outside the family
are also noticing my MIL's pathological lies. My best friend
ran into my MIL in a local shop one day when MIL was SUPPOSEDLY
bedridden and grieving the loss of her mother, just a week earlier.
Well, my friend said MIL was so jolly - bubbling over with excitement
about a vacation she was going to take to the Orient (which was
never taken, of course, and which has NEVER been mentioned to anyone
else in the family). MIL seemed "relieved" that
her mother had passed away, saying, "Now I can go places and
do things." Thus, the wild story about the Orient.
I say "wild story" because MIL has never left the country
in her 65 years! Is it mere coincidence that DH and I had
just returned from Europe, and MIL suddenly started talking about
travel? Well, my best friend called me and said, "Your
MIL is evil. She is overjoyed about her own mother's death."
So, to all of you out there who think that nobody REALLY knows your
MIL, think again! Chances are, she has quite a reputation
for lies, selfishness, cruelty, etc. You'll find out (slowly,
but surely) that other people find her repulsive too. Truly,
what goes around comes around.
RESPONSE: Glad to Have Escaped
Yes, that does sound like my pathological liar of a MIL! I
wouldn't be surprised at all if it was really her, and she was taking
a little fake heart pill to boot!!!!!!! I did hear from several
of her coworkers about the way she and her malicious daughter often
spoke about me, and other family members as well! Sorry that
you had to be subjected to that malingering cancer!!!!
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Worst Gift Stories
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