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Mother-In-Law Stories
March 8, 2002
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FEBRUARY 2002
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MARCH 2002
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My husband and I married right out of high school, and my MIL has resented me ever since.  When we began our marriage we had financial problems, as most young couples these days do.  I made a few mistakes with our finances, and lied to everyone about them, including my husband, mostly because I was young, scared, and I didn't know what to do.  Ever since then, my MIL has held this over my head, and used it as a tool to create distrust between my husband and I.  She went as far as fabricating a story about me having an affair, and stating to my husband, "She lied to you about being late on the mortgage.  What makes you think she is not lying to you about having an affair?"  The real kicker is that we live next door to each other, and she is very hard to ignore.  We live in a very rural area in a very small town with only two local banks.  The main bank is where we carry our mortgage, checking, and savings accounts.  This is the same bank where she banks.  Once, when I was making my mortgage payment, I realized that I had lost the coupon book for the mortgage.  So, I called the loan department and asked for the account number, which they gave me, and they told me to write it on a piece of paper with my husband's name and address.  I did so, and dropped the check and piece of paper off in the overnight drop at the drive thru window of the bank.  When I received my receipt in the mail a few days later, it had savings deposit printed on the front, and so I called the bank.  After much research, the loan officer realized that the teller could not bring up the account number I had written down on the paper, so she did a search with my husband's name and address, and the oldest accounts come up first.  The oldest account listed was a savings account that my MIL had, with her and my husband's name on it.  And, so, the money was deposited by the teller into that account.  The loan officer informed me that the money would be immediately withdrawn by the bank for the error, and allotted to the correct account.  Sounds simple, right?  Well, not so when you are dealing with my MIL.  She received her savings statement a month later.  And, while reading the transactions, she read in the bi-line a statement that said "Withdrawal per loan department for account #XXXXX".  She immediately called the bank and realized that the account number was our mortgage.  She called my home, calling me a thief, liar, embezzler, sneaky, and anything else she could trump up at 7 AM in the morning.  She said these things to me without even so much as asking what happened.  I called the bank and had the PRESIDENT of the bank call her at work and explain the error.  I, to this day, have never received an apology.  But, I have saved the best story for last.  This past Christmas, she bought my husband, my daughter, my SIL (her daughter), my 2 BILs, my BIL's fiancé, and me a trip to Colorado for a nice winter vacation.  Sounds just lovely, right?  Wrong!  I will give you the shortened version.  She picked an argument with me.  My SIL jumped on me, and it ensued into a fight.  My MIL jumped on my back in the middle of the fight and began to punch me from behind, and later punched me in the face.  She told me she wished my husband would kick me out on my @ss, because I am a troublemaker.  Needless to say, we called the airport for an earlier return flight home so that we didn't have to stay in the same chalet together anymore.  But, being two hours from the airport, we couldn't even get anyone to take us there to get home.  So, we had to endure two more days with her there before being able to come home.  That was five weeks ago, and she has yet to see her grandchildren, whom she claims to love so much.

        Signed - Going Nuts

RESPONSE:  Going Nuts
She assaulted you, and you still want to be around her?  I would NEVER subject my kids to someone who had assaulted me.  And, if your husband wants to "keep the peace", I'd divorce him as quickly as possible.

RESPONSE:  Going Nuts
Those two b!tches need to be in JAIL!!  And, you guys need to do business with another bank.  And, WHY does your DH have an account with his MOTHER?  And, did he DO anything while you were being physically ATTACKED?  I would sell my home and move away as far as I could, and NEVER see them again.  I cannot believe you would even entertain the thought of allowing that she-devil to see the kids again!  It would NEVER happen with me.

RESPONSE:  Going Nuts
Going Nuts, you need to come over to the boards and talk to us over there.  I cannot believe your MIL.  If she punched you in the face and back, why didn't you press charges for assault?  I don't care if she is your husband's mother, she is an adult - and what she did is a CRIME!  What in the world is your DH saying about all this cr@p that is going on?  I think you know what part of the problem is, and that is that you are living next door to this God-awful woman.  MOVE, MOVE AS FAST AS YOU CAN!  You live in a small town, and have to put up with the BS, and that is hurting your marriage.  Why don't you also switch banks to help matters?  This woman needs to be stopped, and you should not have to see her ever again.  You are doing the right thing by not letting her see your children.  Let her know that, until she acts like a CIVIL HUMAN BEING, she will not see you, your children, or your husband.  Tell her that all contact is cut off.  And, tell her that if she so happens to place her big toe onto your property, you will call the police!  Please, do something!!  Talk to DH, and tell him about this, if he doesn't know already.  Your MIL takes the cake of EVIL WHORES!  Good luck.  Keep us posted.

RESPONSE:  Going Nuts
Where the HE!! was your husband while his mother was committing assault and battery on you?  That MIL needs to be brought up on charges, and arrested.  Why in the world wouldn't you have her arrested?  If a stranger did that to you, wouldn't you have them arrested?  I would have, that is for sure.  If ANY of my DH's faaaaamily EVER lays a hand on me, they will regret it!

RESPONSE:  Going Nuts
Boy, I feel sorry for you, after having read your post!  I am in a similar situation.  I have made some financial mistakes with creditors, and have heard that my MIL has made comments about it behind my back.  I would have never gotten into the financial bind that I did, except for the fact that my DH had been out of work for nearly 6 months due to having had two surgeries, and I couldn't afford to pay the creditors.  All I could afford to pay for were the utilities, and to put food on the table.  We always have bill collectors calling us, and we used to avoid answering the phone.  DH's parents would always make a big deal that we didn't answer our phone.  We even changed the number once, ha!  I am going to call one of those places that helps you get your credit back on track again soon.  Maybe you could do that too.  There are commercials on TV that you can get the information from.  I'm just curious - after your MIL jumped on your back and also punched you in the face, and you had to stay two more days, what did your husband do about it?  I would have left her house, even if it meant sleeping in a motel.  There's no way on earth I would have stayed there (for even one minute) after she did such a thing!  Did she hit you in front of your children (you didn't say)?  I think you should have pressed charges!  If your husband didn't stand up for you, then you need to DUMP him!  You didn't say what you were fighting about with the SIL, and what provoked the fight between you and your MIL.  I would have liked to have heard more of the story.  If I were you, I would stay away from that witch of a MIL.  You're lucky you're in a different state from them.  At least you can be thankful for that.

Worst gift:  For my 29th birthday, I received an ironing board from my in-laws.

        Signed - See Jane Run. Run Jane Run

RESPONSE:  See Jane Run. Run Jane Run
What a weird gift.  Do your in-laws think you can't, or don't, iron?  For their birthday, I would suggest giving them something just as ridiculous.

My daughter is divorcing, and I am still very fond of her soon to be ex.  I would like to send him a letter or poem to help him through this time, but have been unable to find anything.  Also, is this an appropriate thing to do?  I feel as if I am suffering a loss, also almost a deathlike loss.

        Signed - I Want Him To Know I'll Always Be Here

RESPONSE:  I Want Him To Know I'll Always Be Here
I think that would be a very nice gesture, but, first, see how your daughter feels about what you want to do.  If the divorce is amicable, then she may not mind you keeping in touch with your soon-to-be ex-SIL.  I called my husband's sister's ex-husband after they divorced (we didn't find out about the divorce until AFTER it was final) just to let him know that I was sorry about the divorce, that I wished him well, and that we would always be "family" because our kids were cousins.  It was a nasty divorce that cost about $40k in legal fees, and there was a huge custody battle.  My husband's sister told us her side of the story, and totally expected us to take her side.  Well, after getting her ex-husband's side of the story, eventually, we believe him.  And, frankly, I see no reason to support my husband's sister, because she was never nice to me, and was racist towards me.  PLUS, her ex-husband was always nice to me.  After I heard about my SIL's divorce, I had to call her ex, because I thought, "How awful to be part of the family one day, and then, all of a sudden, have everyone cut you off and hate you!", especially when I honestly feel like the ex didn't do anything bad.  My SIL decided that he didn't make enough money to support her, and she wanted a husband who had a title (a teacher wasn't good enough for her!).  Now, my husband's brother and his wife are divorcing, and I am keeping in touch with the wife.  Wouldn't my husband's jerky family be shocked if they knew that all of us "outlaws" are in touch with each other????  They are all sickos.  I am lucky, because I married the only sane one, who has basically disowned the rest of his family.  When a couple divorces, it is hard on both families.  Your son-in-law is lucky, in that you are supportive of him, and that you like him and wish him well.  My stupid MIL would love it if my DH and I divorced.  I kid my husband that his mom would throw a big party if we divorced!  The thing is, if my husband and I ever did split up (and even if the divorce was all his fault), my MIL would still drop me like a hot potato, and never want anything to do with me ever again.  She is that blind, and can't see straight when it comes to her son.  Good luck to you getting through your daughter and SIL's divorce.

RESPONSE:  I Want Him To Know I'll Always Be Here
Try to put yourself in your daughter's shoes, and then think EVEN HARDER about what you might do.  Since I don't know the situation, use the words, "Do unto others as you'd have done unto you," as a guide for ANY situation.  Remember, whatever you do, your daughter will ALWAYS be your daughter.  And, IMHO, you should think about how your actions will impact her FIRST, and then think about how she would feel WHEN she finds out you wrote her soon to be ex a letter.

RESPONSE:  I Want Him To Know I'll Always Be Here
And, how does your daughter feel about his?  This is a time that she desperately needs your support, whether it's a friendly divorce or not!!!  She should come first with you.  You should certainly talk over your feelings with your daughter.  And, if it doesn't upset her, then maintain some contact.  I know that this sounds like asking for permission, but this is a delicate time, and her feelings should come first over yours.

RESPONSE:  I Want Him To Know I'll Always Be Here
Do they have kids?  If they do, he'll always be those kids' dad, no matter who he's married to.  If not, well, he has been a part of your family - and, if you care about him and would miss him, there's no reason you shouldn't speak to him when you wish (as long as you don't hurt your daughter).  Even if he's not your son-in-law, he can still be your friend.  And, if you can't find someone else's words or a poem that feels appropriate to your situation, write what you feel.  It doesn't have to be long or involved.  Simple is probably best.  Good luck to you, and congratulations for being one in a million.

I desperately need some advice.  I would like to know if it is normal for my DH and I have to spend every holiday with my ML.  My husband has no siblings, and his mother is divorced.  If I want to have dinner with my family, I am obligated to invite her.  My mother was fine with it, at first, but since my ML began sulking and bickering with my DH through family dinners, it's not so much fun anymore.  This summer, I spoke to my ML about her unrealistic expectations of how much time we should spend with her, and she replied that my DH had to be there for her, because she has no husband.  I've begun to believe she doesn't really see a difference.  Minus the sex, she wants the same relationship with her son that I have.  She expects to come and live with us when we get a bigger house.  My husband talks tough and says that it will never happen, but he always gives in to her and makes me look petty.  I would like advice on anything to do with this.

        Signed - Feeling smothered

RESPONSE:  Feeling smothered
Why should your marriage pay the price because she is unable to find a husband?  YEEECH!  Enroll her in a singles club.  Her problems (of being unable to stay in a relationship, or move on if she's a widow) will only encroach more and more onto your lives, but only if you let her have her way.  Don't.

RESPONSE:  Feeling smothered
I've been where you are.  You need to sit down with your husband and talk honestly about this with him.  There is absolutely no reason why your MIL has to be invited to any of your family functions if you don't want her there.  Don't feel guilty about this.  It is her behavior that has caused you not to want her there.  It wasn't anything you did.  Your divorced MIL wanting her only son to be the "man of the house" is a very common problem.  Again, you need to discuss with your husband what he feels are his responsibilities when it comes to his mother.  In order for there to be any peace, he needs not only to set the boundaries, but enforce them as well.  I spent many years telling my MIL that it wasn't her SON'S place to be the "man of the house" for her.  It did NOTHING.  Not until my husband told her (and retold her for some time), did she get the message.  Good luck to you!

RESPONSE:  Feeling smothered
Your DH has to wake up to the potential damage that his mother can create by continuing this.  She is his mother, not his wife.  Her job is over.  And you must come first now.  Remind him of this by asking if he'd like your mother to act this way.  And, get your DH to encourage MIL to join in activities with other people her own age.  She's single, not dead.  There's time for other satisfying relationships with men of her own age.  And, there's lots of activities available out there.  Get DH to encourage MIL's friends to take her out more.  Encourage them to help her to meet more people - and, that includes more men (hopefully, they'll take the bait - and love to help match-make with someone).  All the best.

RESPONSE:  Feeling smothered
Come over to the boards and let's talk!  Your MIL does have unrealistic views on her life.  She needs to find her own friends and spend time with them.  Does MIL not have any sisters, brothers, aunts, uncles, or cousins that she can spend some holidays with?  You have a right to spend time with your family, ALONE (without MIL).  She has a sick image of her son, and she probably needs help.  I would suggest to her, or have DH suggest to her, that she should go talk to someone.  It sounds like she is trying to control you and your family, and that is just not healthy.  It is NOT normal or realistic to have to spend EVERY holiday with this woman.  She needs to find a life outside of her son.  I am afraid that this will happen to me also, because my FDH is an only child.  I am scared that FFIL will die first, and FMIL will want to come live with us and spend ALL her time with us.  I have already made it known to FDH that if she comes to live with us, I will move out.  If she comes and lives very close to us, I will move out.  FMIL and FFIL live two hours away now, and I want it to be farther away.  Having your MIL move in is a divorce waiting to happen.  DO NOT LET THIS HAPPEN IN NO CERTAIN WAY!  Stand your ground about this.  It WILL put a strain on your marriage.  My brother's wife's (my SIL) father lives with his wife and his MIL.  He stated the other night at a birthday party, that it IS a strain, and that he wished it had never happened (his MIL moving in).  Your MIL will try to take over your house, your family, and your life.  Please, oh please, don't let this happen.  Good luck and keep us posted.

RESPONSE:  Feeling smothered
The day he TRIES to let the b!tch live with you, would be the day he gets divorce papers!


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