Where to begin?
My husband and I were married 2 years ago. I should have known
by the way that she treated me that I would never be accepted into
MIL's family. I was talked about (she told everyone I was
white trash), laughed at, and ridiculed. Between her and my
mother, they were trying to plan every aspect of our wedding.
Well, my hubby and I were not going to let this happen, so we moved
the date of our wedding from August of 2000 to February 2000.
Well, of course, this was just such a huge scandal. To this
day, 99% of her family, friends, etc., think the reason we moved
the date is because I was pregnant. Not true. Well,
it was not 2 days into our marriage, and she was calling constantly,
telling my husband I was no good, and lying to him, etc. My
husband just dismissed it. About 3 months into our marriage,
I was about to graduate from college. Due to the rules and
regulations, I was not allowed to walk in the ceremony (I had planned
not to, to begin with) due to an outstanding bill. I did not
divulge this information to my in-laws, and just told them I planned
not to participate. Well, my MIL took it upon herself to call
the university. From whatever she found out, she concluded
that I was not graduating (which I was, and did), and decided to
scream and yell at me, etc. We cut contact. About 4
weeks later, she decided to call and apologize to my husband, not
me. About 3 weeks later, we announced that we were pregnant
(due in February 2001). She walked around telling everyone
I was ruining my husband's life. UGH! The baby was born,
and she decided to take it upon herself to try and raise him (not
going to happen). After 5 months of her trying to run everything,
I was fed up, and told my husband how I felt. He thought the
same thing, but he thought he was overreacting. We decided
to play things out. Tensions grew. When my son was about
to turn one year old, he had an infectious virus that caused us
to have to cancel his birthday party. Since my MIL, FIL, and
BIL had already been exposed to the virus, we asked if we could
all have dinner and a small family party. MIL said that it
was no problem. I told her I would take care of the cake.
Well, we got down there for the weekend, and I got busy planning
the cake and making it, only to find out that she had bought one
for him. My husband told her how we wanted to use our cake,
and she said, "Fine." When it came time for the
cake, we gave my son cake and ice cream. She pushed aside
our cake in order to give him hers. And, when my husband said
something about it, all she could say was, "Life's a bitch."
UGH!!!! Anyway, this led to how she can not let us raise our
son, etc., etc., and my husband told her off. I told her off
with some colorful words. And now, after 2 1/2 weeks, it has
been very quiet, except for 2 emails
Signed - Very Quiet,
Except For 2 Emails
My MIL is definitely
becoming senile. She is 76 -77 (wont admit it), and smokes
about 60 cigarettes a day. She lives alone, her choice, in
a big 2 bedroom apartment. She has a summer villa by the sea,
and a very good pension, but she spends all her money on cigarettes
and silly things. So, for the 20 plus years that she has been
a widow, she has not been able to save one penny. Whenever
she needs money for extra things, we pay (which I don't mind), but
she tells my DH not to say anything, as she hates to think she needs
us. DH has a brother who is married with 2 kids, and MIL has
made my SIL's life a living he!!, as she has never stood up to her.
They live nearby, so she used to spend every weekend at their house.
My SIL does not smoke, and it bothers her. But MIL is a selfish
old bag, and does not give a damn. I have been married to
her dear son for 27 years. We have no kids. And, although
I did not have problems with her (basically, because DH has always
stood up for me, and will not stand any nonsense or bad mouthing
from her), he always has told me he will not hear a word against
his mother, either. However, lately she has really lost it,
and it started being a problem. She is a lazy woman, who had
a husband and 2 sons doting on her, and now she is reduced to a
wrinkled old lady. She never had any friends, so at the age
of 55 when she was widowed, she never made the effort to go out.
Now, she just stays at home, and she has a woman come and cook,
clean, and shop for her. But, her mind works overtime, and
she causes all sorts of problems. However, I have found a
way to drive her completely crazy. She loves to wear bright
red lipstick on her thin lips, and always puts too much over her
lips, making her look like a clown. And, she dresses badly,
or stays in pajamas all day. I dropped in unannounced with
some chocolates, and then said to her, "Where are all your
friends? You must go out and enjoy yourself, and not sit around
and wait to die." I enjoyed myself so much, because she
has such an ego. She makes up all these stories about how
she went out to have a drink at a bar or restaurant, because she
does not want pity, and therefore puts on an act. Then, I
went home and told my hubby what a bad son he is. I said that
he should see his mum (last visit January 1), and told him how well
she is, etc. My husband believes it, and is pleased with me
for the effort I made. But, he has a brother who calls her
20-30 times a day and tells her how sweet and beautiful and young
looking she is (Liz Taylor eat your heart out). And, then
he has to tell his brother that she has not been anywhere, and that
she lies. Whereas I pretend that I did not know that.
I invite her out all the time, but she avoids it. So, this
is the best solution - drive her mad. I turned up unannounced,
rang the bell like crazy, and she came to the door without her lipstick.
But, I did not tell her son that, so she cannot find one word to
say against me, and I have a good laugh, because she knows I am
playing with her. And, if she complains to her son, he tells
her what an ungrateful MIL she is. Don't get mad, get even,
and make them mad. I find it works wonders!!!!
Signed - Don't Get Mad,
Get Even
RESPONSE: Don't Get Mad, Get Even
You sound like a rather cruel person. Nothing in your story
indicated any reason for you to try to humiliate or hurt your MIL.
If you don't like her, don't spend time with her. Your husband
deserves better from you than your lies to him and your mean spirited
jabs at his mother.
Worst gift: The worst
gift I ever received from my MIL was a gift I actually never received.
Once at Christmas time, about a week before Christmas, we traveled
to see the family, and she was there. She brought packages
with her, and I assumed they were for me and my husband. When
we had already given everyone our gifts and received none in return,
I accepted this. I know people don't HAVE to give us gifts,
right? Okay, then later, we were leaving - literally about
to walk out the door, and MIL said to her daughters, "Oh, here,
I have some presents for you both." They opened them
(they were Christmas hand towels - not expensive, but thoughtful).
I admit that I felt hurt. She had not thought to give me one,
but I put a good face on it. She then pierced me with her
gaze, and said that she was sorry that she had forgotten me.
I said that it was fine, and she pretended not to hear me.
Then, she said, with particular emphasis (like I was dumb), "I
said I was sorry that I FORGOT you. Didn't you hear me (giggle)?"
I repeated that it was okay, and she began to laugh harder, which
her daughters joined in on. I told my husband that I thought
she pulled that to be deliberately cruel, and he said, "No,"
she just forgot to get me one, and that she was not a cruel person.
He said she laughed because she was nervously embarrassed.
He said that she is a very sensitive person, and would be embarrassed
to have hurt my feelings. Hubby says his mom is not mean or
cruel, but that the way she acts is, "Just the way she is."
He avoids her as much as he possibly can, but when she calls or
comes into town, she and his sisters can really guilt him.
He says the things she says and does do not affect him. Thank
God she lives in another state!
Signed - The Forgotten
One
RESPONSE: The Forgotten One
I can sympathize. My ex-MIL was very cruel and hurtful.
Her son (ex-DH) also said that she was not cruel. He said
that she was a sensitive, caring person, and he would be mortified
to learn that she had hurt someone. Well, he learned his lesson
when, at our wedding rehearsal dinner, she made comments about how
I should have gotten a padded bra, or stuffed my bra, because the
style of my wedding gown only emphasized how small my breasts were.
I fought and fought not to cry, but I lost that battle with myself,
and ran out bawling my head off. Naturally, she told everyone
who witnessed this that she was only kidding, and I was too sensitive.
That was over 12 years ago, and even though she is my ex-MIL, it
is still a painful memory.
RESPONSE: The Forgotten One
I know how you feel. My MIL was the same at the beginning.
My DH just couldn't see that she was not a kind loving person as
she put on in front of strangers and others. Behind closed
doors, and in front of her daughters, she was a very cruel and evil
b!tch! He took her side for years before he started to see
her true colors. It all came about the first time he saw his
mother do something behind another SIL's back, and he called her
on it. She just laughed and argued with him, until he gave
up and dropped it. I told him, for years, that she treated
me just as kindly. It wasn't until I gave up and forgot about
this pig that my DH got a full frontal view of just how evil his
mommy was. I hope your DH doesn't take as long to see the
truth about his mom. It can be painful dealing with a loved
one who believes the lies of someone else in the family!
My FMIL is a complete
nutcase. She does nothing but sit around on her butt all day,
surfing the web, while her husband commutes two hours each way for
a full-time job. She claims she has to stay at home to take
care of the family dog. Meanwhile, she calls my fiancé
repeatedly at his work, and barrages us with e-mails about our upcoming
wedding. Even though she has not offered to contribute a dime
to this wedding, and complains about how the expenses from the rehearsal
dinner are making her cut back on spending, she thinks she has the
right to weigh in on reception details and the like. She calls
vendors to get information we already have, and then refuses to
listen to me when I tell her, "We've got it covered."
Even worse is how she treats her husband. At restaurants,
she'll order for him. When people ask, "How are you?",
she'll cut him off and say, "He's fine." If my fiancé
and I are five minutes late on the way to meeting them for dinner,
she will phone us and start panting, "I thought you were in
an accident!" This woman needs serious counseling.
I think the thing I hate about her the most is her voice.
It is a childlike, constant cackle. It makes my stomach turn.
Signed - This Woman Needs
Serious Counseling
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