My MIL is the most manipulative
person I have ever had the displeasure of meeting. She has
never liked me, and tells her son that his stepchildren (I had two
when we married), "aren't his kids, so they aren't his responsibility."
Before we were married, she called me and told me all about how
he is irresponsible, bad with money, and just immature. His
own mother did that. She makes sure to degrade my husband
whenever she can, and she does it in the nastiest way possible.
My FIL is a man with no voice, unfortunately, and he doesn't help
the situation at all. She degrades him also. Right before
we married, my husband was at their home getting some things, when
she became so angry with him about us that she announced (when he
was leaving), "he is dead to me now." My FIL's response
to my husband? "You know how your mother gets sometimes."
She constantly takes every opportunity to interfere in my marriage,
and my FIL will do anything to spend time with my husband so he
can have some happiness. The most recent event? Demolishing
the kitchen because she wants a new one, and having my husband work
on it (for FREE!) - sometimes having him there for 10 hours a day.
Unfortunately, my husband can't see this is bad, and can't figure
out why anyone would begrudge him time with his father. My
husband wants to have a child, but every time I even think of it,
I cringe, knowing that she would favor the new child over the children
we already have. These are just a few of the awful experiences
that I have had with my monster in law. I hope my husband
and I can make it through these issues. But, if she has her
way, we'll be divorced before our one year anniversary next May.
Signed - Wishing They'd
Vanish
We just found out that
my sister-in-law is newly engaged. I DO NOT LIKE HER.
Anyway, we will undoubtedly hear story after story after story about
her engagement and wedding plans. I know this will become
"ROYAL WEDDING #2", right there after Princess Di and
Prince Charles'. Please offer any advice on how to handle
my dislike for her and my IL's during this dreaded time. We
will, most definitely, hear many stories from my MIL and FIL about
their "little girl" getting married, and how wonderful
and well-off her fiancé is, etc., etc. FIL has already
e-mailed us a picture of his little girl's engagement RING!
Talk about VAIN! I don't want to come off as rude, but I also
don't want to pretend that I'm so happy for their little princess!
I could not care LESS! I can't express the utter dislike and
disdain I have for these evil people! HELP! I'm so disgusted!
Thanks for letting me RANT!
Signed - Geesh, This
Engagement Doesn't Need To Become A National Holiday!
RESPONSE: Geesh, This Engagement Doesn't Need To Become
A National Holiday!
Sorry to hear about what you are going through. I know the
feeling of having a QUEEN SIL. It is nauseating. Unfortunately,
you are going to be subjected to the bragging and boasting cr@p
until SIL is finally married. And, I'm sorry to say, it won't
end there. Then there is the bragging about the apartment
or house, etc., etc. And, when SIL has CHILDREN, WHOA!
The child will be presented to the other "subjects" in
the family like Simba on the Lion King. Remember, you don't
have to PRETEND to be happy or excited about anything. Take
it all with a grain of salt. People who brag about themselves
are generally miserable, and apparently aren't worth being bragged
about, so they have to do it for themselves. It is sickening,
but try to keep it all in perspective. They are making huge
@sses out of themselves each time a photo comes through (how idiotic
to e-mail a picture of the engagement ring! Oh brother!!).
If you don't like SIL, then that is your prerogative. Be true
to yourself. The wedding will be over soon. Just look
out once the grandchildren arrive. LOL. IGNORE, IGNORE,
IGNORE. And, if anyone asks you, or questions you, as to why
you aren't jumping up and down with glee, wrinkle your eyebrows
together and ask them, "What do you mean? I am not following
you? What do you mean, why am I not happy??". They'll
get the hint and leave you alone soon enough.
RESPONSE: Geesh, This Engagement
Doesn't Need To Become A National Holiday!
Just curious, but why do you dislike your SIL so much? Anyway,
try to avoid your ILs during the wedding planning. If you
are forced to be in their company, grin and bear as many stories
as you can, and just politely change the subject as often as you
can.
RESPONSE: Geesh, This Engagement Doesn't Need To Become
A National Holiday!
I would just smile and nod when they tell you things about the wedding.
A few well placed "ohhhhs" and "uhhuhs" will
help. Don't give an opinion on anything. When it comes
time for the wedding, send them a gift, go to the wedding, and be
done with it.
My MIL, being the rude
person that she is, feels that we are all entitled to her expertise
in home decorating. After my children were born, I purchased
a leather couch, mainly because it is easy to clean. She criticized
the leather couch that I purchased. She told me that "NO
ONE" buys leather, and that it just isn't "classic".
I also received a lecture on how to tell a "good" couch
from the type that I bought. She feels that there is only
one decorating style that is acceptable, namely HER style.
Well, the punch line to this story is that, since she spends a lot
of time with my SIL's children (not with mine), she recently purchased
- you guessed it - A LEATHER COUCH!!!! I nearly laughed out
loud when I saw it. Should I have called the good taste police
on her? I was tempted to remind her of the lecture she gave
me, but I held my tongue. She has a great selective memory,
and would probably conveniently not even remember what she told
me. What a turkey!
Signed - What A Turkey!
RESPONSE: What A Turkey!
I would never say anything to your MIL about the couch, but I would
give her some type of "leather couch cleaner" for Xmas.
RESPONSE: What A Turkey!
Years ago, my FIL walked me over to my brand new car, that was sitting
in his driveway, and proceeded to tell me everything that he thought
was wrong with it. One of his criticisms was that if I bent
down and looked at it from an angle, very closely, I would see that
the slope was slightly off. When I told him that I couldn't
see it, he became very irritated with me. Another criticism
he made was, "Your bumpers are junk. Just you watch,
when you wreck it, you'll see." I thought that he was
not only incredibly rude, but jealous too. Your MIL was reaching
for something to complain about, just like he was. I think
that next time she critiques you, you should call her on her hypocrisy.
Better yet, ask her, "Is that the best you can do?"
RESPONSE: What A Turkey!
My MIL told me to buy furniture that was only DARK or BROWN or BLACK
in color so it wouldn't show dirt. She ended up buying a white
couch, which I always manage to spill something on every time I
visit. LOL.
RESPONSE: What A Turkey!
Damn, but this woman sounds familiar. Don't you just love
folks who believe that they are the reference standard for the universe?
That's just like my MIL. So is the selective memory part.
Let me guess - this woman lies like a rug, with the general trend
of, "if it makes me look good, it's the truth".
Sounds like NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) to me.
Good luck!
My MIL will be having
surgery at a hospital near my home. After the surgery, MIL
will be staying with us. I have no problem with that, as she
will need someone to look after her, and we are the obvious choice
(of all the siblings) given our location and the fact that we have
no children. What gets me, is that MIL announced that she
will be observing Passover during her stay. I guess this means
that we are expected to buy and prepare the special food that is
necessary to properly observe the holiday. She knows that
DH and I do not observe the holiday, so she knows that it will be
outside of our daily routine. I would have been happy to try
to accommodate her, but I think she should have discussed this with
us first, not just told us what her plans are while she will be
staying in our home.
Signed - MIL Forgot Her
Manners
RESPONSE: MIL Forgot Her Manners
I don't think it was out of line for MIL to mention she wanted to
observe Passover. Maybe her approach to this was the problem.
Is it possible you can take her to a Seder dinner at a local synagogue,
or for just one evening have one Seder dinner at home? I don't
think that is asking too much. What might be too much if she
expects you to do the traditional sweeping through the house beforehand,
knowing you are also acting as her caregiver.
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