Q: What's the difference
between a dead mother-in-law lying in the middle of the road, and
a dead snake lying in the middle of the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the snake!
Signed - Skid Marks
RESPONSE: Skid Marks
I loved this! Thanks for the laugh!!!
I have been married for
14 years, and I have 3 children. When we got married, I was
3 months pregnant (we were already engaged for a year). My
MIL tried to talk us into having an abortion. When that didn't
work, they tried the, "We won't come to your wedding,"
routine. When that didn't work, they called me the day before
our wedding and tried some, "it won't be legal," trick.
We married, and had our son. Two years later, when my husband
was working at a hospital with his mother, they became friendly
with the lunch lady during their lunch hour. My husband got
a little too friendly with her, with the encouragement of my MIL,
and he had an affair. She knew about it, supported it, and
covered it up. When I found out and we separated, my MIL said
it was all my fault. My husband and I got back together, and
wanted to work it out. Meanwhile, my MIL and the lunch lady
were talking. My MIL was giving this woman all kinds of advice
on how to break up our attempts at reconciliation. I got pregnant
again, and the lunch lady found some other poor soul to ruin (she
got married, had a baby, and was divorced a year later because she
was cheating on him). So, 10 years went by, and we had another
son, and then a precious daughter. When my daughter was in
first grade, she became the teacher's pet. The teacher started
calling here under the pretense of talking to my daughter.
To make a long story short, guess who ended up in an affair with
the married teacher? I found out that my MIL let my husband
use their boat for their rendezvous, and that they told him to send
his cell phone bill to their house so I wouldn't find out.
So, again, he stopped seeing her because he wanted to work things
out. I'm not so sure this time. The teacher began to
stalk me. She shows up at my kids' sporting events, and calls
and hangs up all the time. She calls the police and tells
them that I'm stalking her. Well, lo and behold, guess what
I found out? She was chit chatting with my MIL on the phone
every night, finding out schedules and what's going on in my house.
We have been separated 3 times since I found out, and each time
she hunts my husband down and tries to get back with him (he won't).
I found out that this was all coming from my MIL. She told
the teacher that I had 2 affairs on him, and that I "rack up
the credit cards" (I have never had a cc balance in my life).
She tells this teacher and my husband all these lies to make me
look like I deserve this. She also calls here and wants to
take our son here and there, but never the other two children.
You know - the child she wanted me to abort 13 years ago.
This woman is the biggest mental case I have ever known. Her
only purpose in life is to have her hair done and go shopping.
They have claimed bankruptcy twice. We owned our own home
before they did, and her husband has cheated on her more times than
I have fingers and toes. These people should come with a warning
label, "DANGER - a relationship with this family will cause
serious and permanent damage!!!!" I dare anyone to top
this one.
Signed - Top This One!!!
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I am sorry this gawd awful woman is ruining your life. Your
MIL and this teacher should be shot for what they are doing.
If you want to work this out with your husband, I would suggest
strongly that you two move far away from MIL and this teacher, and
put a restraining order on the BOTH of them. I would leave
without a forwarding address (with your husband and children).
If they come near you or your family, have their sad, trashy @sses
arrested. I would also strongly suggest going with your husband
to counseling, and stay in counseling for a long time. You
have a lot to work out, and need help. This is hard for you,
I am sure. Your MIL should honestly be cut out of your family's
lives for good. Good luck. Please come over to the board
to talk anytime! Keep us posted! J.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
You have a lot of patience, because I would have cut my H's wee
wee off! Two affairs! He should feel damn lucky to have
you. You guys need to cut off ALL ties with his mother.
I would MOVE and not tell her! YOU need a fresh start elsewhere.
Get an unlisted number, too.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I felt hurt, angry, and sick for you after reading that story.
What a terrible experience. You are a strong person to bear
up. God bless you.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
You dare someone to top your story. I won't. This story
is at the pick of the top stories. A bad MIL, and an even
worse husband. Oh my god. Your story is at the top,
but you are at the bottom. Be strong. Be strong (and
get away from that MIL and FIL.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
Dump your husband. Not only would you get rid of that awful
MIL, you'd get shot of a spineless adulterer who does NOT respect
you. Don't think your children don't know all about it, either.
You deserve better than a "man" like that.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
Drag DH into marital counseling before taking him back. The
counselor will more than likely be an ally. Your DH needs
to see that his faaamily's way of doing things is wrong. While
in counseling, I would tell DH that MIL is off-limits. If
you find out he so much as said, "Hi, mom", he can get
his butt out. Also, keep written records of his affairs, phone
calls, MIL offering her boat, etc. I am pretty sure that a
divorce lawyer would make mincemeat out of her and DH, if it comes
to it. I would make an appointment with an attorney - a MEAN
one. Find out what all your rights are. The first appointment
is generally free. And I would let DH know you saw an attorney,
whether the attorney could stop all contact between MIL and your
children, and if DH can get non-supervised visitation. His
choice of women to cheat with is less than good. That stalker
is dangerous - be sure the lawyer knows you are scared for your
children. I do not normally advocate keeping children from
their father, but your DH says he wants to try again, so I would
put some stiff stipulations on him if he wants to work on the marriage.
And, if the marriage does fail, you have to protect your children
from DH's girlfriends. The ball is in your court, IMHO.
Play the game by your rules, or he can get out. Let him live
with mommy dearest if he doesn't like the rules. HE cheated,
you didn't. He has some making up to do. My IN-LAWS
would help my DH cheat in a New York minute. I told him that
our marriage is over if he does. I don't want a marriage where
you have to put something like a chastity belt on your DH before
he can be allowed to go out!
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
No, I can't top your story! But I will say that, not only
is your MIL one of the biggest losers I have ever read about on
this web site, but so is your husband. Your MIL sounds HORRIBLE,
from everything you said. I feel badly for you that your husband
cheated on you so many times. But, frankly, I think that,
even if your MIL had encouraged him to have those affairs on you,
he should have had a backbone and honored his wedding vows to you.
Okay, so he cheated the first time and you took him back.
But, then, after the second time that he cheated (and you found
out your MIL was involved again), why did you let your husband back
in the house????? It really sounds like you need to move FAR
away from your MIL, IF you want ANY chance of saving your marriage.
Yes, your MIL is dangerous, but your husband is just as bad, or
worse (he cheated on you and broke his vows, whereas your MIL didn't!).
I know I am not in your shoes, and it is always easy for an outsider
to tell someone to leave their spouse, but I would seriously rethink
all that has happened in your life. And, I don't know why
you continue to torture yourself like you have. In your situation,
you not only have a lousy MIL, but your husband doesn't sound so
great either!
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
OMG. I would just like to say that, although your MIL meddles,
it isn't her fault that your hubby cheats - it's his fault!
Once a cheater, always a cheater. With three repeat offenses,
I really do think this applies! Dump this man - he is no good
for you OR your children. They are growing up seeing a their
father (a man they respect) treat you like cr@p.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I am not going to be the only one to tell you this, but you need
to get out of that marriage. He has a clear history of cheating
on you, which will not stop, believe me. He also has a family
that will support him in these actions, which is not going to change,
either. Take a good long look at your entire marriage, and
everything that has occurred, then see if you can truthfully, and
with all of your heart, stay in it. Do you want your children
to develop these same relationship habits? Because they will
- your own husband is proof of that.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
It sounds to me like your problem is not so much with your MIL,
but with your husband. He has cheated on you twice.
How are you ever going to trust him again? Why would you have
another child with this idiot after the first affair? You
need to wise-up.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
You should report this teacher to her boss. She used her position
as a teacher to break up your family. I would get a divorce
as soon as possible. You deserve a faithful partner, and I
would restrict your children's visitation with their father and
their grandparents. If you do decide to stay married, I would
recommend marriage counseling. And, demand that your husband
cut his parents out of his life forever.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I strongly believe that your DH is as at fault here as well as your
MIL. It was wrong of your MIL to encourage and support your
DH, but your DH is not a baby who does not know what is wrong and
what is right. Only he can make a decision as to whether he
will have an affair or not. If it happened once, maybe I would
think that MIL had a role there. But, it happened twice -
I am sure he is the one who needs to be corrected. I am sorry,
but I felt like telling you the truth about what I feel.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I'd say your biggest problem is not your MIL, but it is your husband's
cheating. Your MIL can't make or persuade your husband to
cheat on you. Yes, she may be covering for him, but if I were
in your situation, I'd have booted him out the door after the first
time. Once a cheater, always a cheater. He made the
decision to take other ladies to bed with him. You deserve
better than to have a husband you can't trust. I'd say the
character flaw is in your DH. He obviously doesn't take his
marriage vows seriously, and doesn't respect you as his wife.
He probably likes that you are blaming his mommy, because it gets
him out of the fire.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
Why do you keep taking this loser back? To he!! with him and
his whole toxic family, I say!
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
I am so sorry to hear that your MIL is such a witch, but your DH
didn't go and have an affair because of her. She aided him.
He would have done it anyway - lose the loser.
RESPONSE: Top This One!!!
It sounds like you have a BIGGER problem with your husband than
with your MIL.
Okay, here's one for
you. What can I do about my DH who is constantly concerned
about his mother finding out how much money we spend on certain
items? Some background: MIL, BIL, SIL and I got into
a huge fight some months ago regarding BIL/SIL's wedding outside
of the country. We politely told them that we couldn't afford
to go, and they started questioning our spending habits, and why
we couldn't afford it. We worked things out, eventually, although
we still didn't go. I think DH still feels the need to justify
any large expenditures, and it boggles my mind. For instance,
I bought him a leather chair and ottoman as a gift, and 2 weeks
later MIL and FIL came to visit. DH was so concerned about
what to tell MIL about the chair, because she would realize that
it was new, and he didn't want her to know how much we spent on
it. I thought that was crazy! I don't think they even
asked how much it cost, but DH offered the information that, "we
got a really good deal on it, because it was a floor sample".
I was upset at him for that. Then, I have a friend who works
in a jewelry store, and she was able to get us a good deal on a
new diamond for my engagement ring. I had been wanting to
do some custom work on it, and this was the perfect opportunity.
We financed the diamond, and had my ring custom designed.
The next time we went to visit MIL, DH pointed to my ring and said,
"How are you going to explain THAT to my mom?" I
said, "Excuse me?! I don't owe your mom an explanation
about what we spend our money on!!!" I couldn't believe
that, after all this time (BIL/SIL's wedding was 2 months ago),
he is STILL concerned that dear old mommy will have a fit that we're
spending our money on extravagances, but yet we couldn't afford
to go out of the country for a wedding! I am sorry, but the
reason we didn't go to the wedding has nothing to do with what we
spend money on NOW!!! Besides that, the reason we didn't go
was because we didn't have the money up front (DH had been out of
work for 5 months, and we had just gotten married ourselves).
MIL offered to "loan" us the money. Since we were
already in debt to her for other things, I didn't want the extra
burden of owing her more. It just so happens that NOW we can
afford to do more and buy nice things for ourselves. It has
NOTHING to do with the fact that we didn't have the money 4 months
ago! Why doesn't he get this?!
Signed - Don't Let Mommy
Find Out!
RESPONSE:
Don't Let Mommy Find Out!
My Gosh, your H needs a set of balls, doesn't he? It is NOBODY's
business how you spend your money. And, if you do not want
to go out of the country for a wedding, just be honest and TELL
them. And, if they b!tch about it, tell them to BUZZ OFF!
I mean, what can they do to you? Sheesh!
RESPONSE: Don't Let Mommy Find Out!
You are right. It is none of your MIL's business what you
spend your money on. Do you or DH question her on her spending
habits? No. It sounds like DH is more of the problem
than his mom. Evidently she is not saying anything about your
new items, but DH feels that he should give her an explanation on
what is YOUR business. I would sit down with DH and explain
to him that he does not have to offer any explanation to his mother,
even IF she ever does ask about the chair, ring, or anything else
you buy. Remind him that it is NONE of her business, and that
if she asks, simply tell her that or just tell her the truth about
how you obtained that item. If she starts in on "you
can afford this, but not a trip for the wedding" cr@p, tell
her again that it is none of her business, and that you two should
change the subject. Keep repeating that, and get firmer with
every repeat. Good luck.
RESPONSE:
Don't Let Mommy Find Out!
I don't mean to get down on you since this is a support site, but
I think you're in the wrong. If 2 months ago you and your
husband couldn't afford to go to an immediate family member's wedding,
regardless of WHERE it was (flying across the country can be more
expensive sometimes than traveling from the East Coast to Europe,
so "out of the country" doesn't necessarily mean expensive
- you haven't said how much it cost), then I really think you shouldn't
be spending money on a fancy new leather chair and a fancy new diamond.
I'm sorry, but a family member's wedding is always more important
than a leather chair. You will never be able to go to that
wedding again. You can buy a chair anytime. Have you
paid off the money you borrowed from MIL? Do you have a ZERO
credit card balance? Do you have at least 3 months living
expenses (rent, insurance, food money, bills, etc.) saved in case
you and/or your husband are out of work again? If you can't
answer YES to all of those things, and yet you are buying more furniture
and financing a new diamond after you've only been married a couple
months, you are very fiscally irresponsible, and you will end up
deeply in debt. Congress is in the process of revising the
bankruptcy laws so people won't be able to shrug off their credit
card debts quite as easily as they used to. So, you could
potentially have to carry this debt all your life, and never be
able to get ahead if you make stupid decisions now. Frankly,
I think your ILs are right to be worried, and your husband is right
to be embarrassed. Sorry, but YOU, not he, need to grow up
financially.
My son is very small
for his age. DH and I are very concerned about this.
We have discussed this with his pediatrician, and he is not concerned.
He feels that DS is within normal range, but is he is at the low
end of normal. He has given us some nutrition guidelines,
and basically told us not to be too concerned. The doctor
told us not to make food into an issue with our child. Now,
for the real problem. MIL is blaming ME for DS's size.
She says that it is because I don't feed him properly, and that
I let him eat junk food too often. This is not true.
If she spent any time at all with him, she would see that he doesn't
eat much of anything, whether it is wholesome food or sweets.
I don't feel that I need to justify myself to her. But, I
don't want anyone to think that I am mistreating my son. He
is generally healthy, and gets a normal amount of colds for his
age. Other than that, there is nothing else abnormal about
his health. Why does she have to blame me for this?
And, if the doctor isn't worried, why can't she just let it go?
We have many short family members, and maybe DS will be like them
and not be very tall. And, besides, the doctor feels that
since DS's height and weight are in proportion, that his height
is OK.
Signed - So What Is MIL's
Problem?
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
What is it about MILs that they always blame you if your baby does
not look healthy. Tell her that she had her chance to be a
mother, and now it's your turn. Also, inform her that she
may be ignorant to children's individuality. Some children
do not eat as much as others. She has no right to judge you
and put you down. You are doing your best as a mom!
Sometimes children do not grow as big, that might be genetic, or
other circumstances. I had the exact same problem! Don't
worry, things will be okay. Make sure that she does not put
you down. To this day, I am always stressed about my MIL judging
me, because my son does not eat much. Don't give her details,
it's none of her business. Set boundaries, and ask her to
not talk about it in front of your child, because she is not only
putting you down, but she is labeling your child as a fussy eater.
Good luck! I know this situation may cause a lot of stress.
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
Well, read this and relax. I am a 31 year old male.
I weight 80 kilos and my height is 175 cm. Better then average
stats. I was the smallest, thinnest boy around. My bone
age was 2 years below my actual age. My mother was worried
because her mother drove her nuts, blaming her on countless occasions,
and wanting reasons as to why I was like this. Don't worry
for your boy - he will grow up. And, if he eats (even junk
food), then it's ok. If you want (a good thing to do anyway)
is to have your kid under a doctors surveillance - one meeting every
6 months should do. And, it will also serve as to ease your
MIL burden. He!!, you can wave the periodical test results
(every 6 month - remember, make sure you get a lot of documents
from the doc - explain to him/her why - he/she will be glad to help)
in your MIL's face and tell her, "The doc said everything is
all right." Don't worry - if something needs to be done
(hormone shots for example), the doc will tell you about it.
Be happy!
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
Tell your husband to step up to the plate and tell his mother to
stop making an issue about your son's height. It's his responsibility.
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
Tell your MIL to back off. This is YOUR son and not hers.
Tell her that the doctor is not concerned, and she shouldn't be
either. If she keeps blaming you, tell her it is none of her
business what you feed your child, and that she had better let you
raise him or she won't see him AT ALL. She is just the grandparent,
and should respect your decisions (and DH's) as the primary caregiver
of this child. She has no rights as a grandparent, and should
shut up. Keep your chin up.
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
I think that, next time it comes up, I would repeat what the doctor
has said. Then, say that you DON'T appreciate medical advice
from unqualified people, and that you don't want it discussed again.
Then, if that doesn't work, I'd just say how offensive all the talk
is - and that it makes you feel as though you're being blamed.
And, keep in mind, you're probably a better mother than most women
were in decades past. These days, there is much more medical
information, and easier access to it, not to mention the most well-educated
generation of parents this country has ever known. Good luck
to you and your family.
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
It sounds like your MIL has a "soft spot" with you that
she can keep hitting. Look, you know you are a good mother.
You know your child's habits, and you cannot change genetics.
If he is going to grow slowly at first and then have a growth spurt,
then so be it. If he is going to be short, then so be it.
The very next time your witchy MIL says something about his size,
stand up to her and say, "GENETICS have a lot to do with a
person's size too." Undoubtedly she will have some horrible
come back. But, remember, it isn't your "fault"
that your son is small. Your pediatrician isn't worried.
If it would help with your worries, ask him to run an iron count
on your son. This way, if his iron is within normal range,
at least you'll know he isn't anemic, JUST SHORT!!! You have
to start really believing that you are a good mother, and your son's
size is 100% due to genetics. And, then MIL won't bother you
anymore. It sounds like MIL is a real b!tch, since she is
using this very sensitive subject to get to you. I wish I
could throw a box of twinkies at her head at about 80 mph for you.
Keep your chin up. Your son might play in the NBA yet.
RESPONSE: So What Is MIL's Problem?
I know how you feel. My 3 year old is speech and developmentally
delayed. My MIL has made comments like, "You need to
work with him more, etc." My 4 year old is okay, just
a little immature. He will be starting K4 in the fall, and
I think he will be fine and do well, as we feel he is very smart.
BUT, MIL told me a few months ago that she and one of my SILs "decided"
he needs head start NOW. She said that he didn't get along
with other kids. Mind you, my MIL lives 1000 miles away, and
has seen our kids at SIL's home only a few days out of the last
year. The only one DS did not get along with was this SIL's
son, who is 9 (and a real brat - he hit my 3 year old, who was then
2). I, too, wrote her, because if I had said to her what I
wanted to say that day, I would have regretted it. I told
her, firmly, that WE are DS's parents, and we have decided to go
another way with this. And, I said that he will be starting
K4 in the fall, and I that I just KNOW she will respect our decision.
I haven't heard a thing about it since.
DH's company is transferring
him to a job in another state. We are very excited about the
move, as it will mean a promotion for DH, and hopefully a better
lifestyle for our family. Of course, the down side is that
we will be far from family and friends. Although I don't like
MIL all that much, I do feel strongly that children should see their
grandparents. We still have the phone, email, and the US mail.
And, of course, there is school vacation time, during which we can
see and keep in touch with all of those we will be missing.
MIL is upset about our move, and has started giving me the cold
shoulder. I don't know why she is giving ME a hard time.
I am not the one whose job is being moved across the country.
In fact, I am the one who will be doing all the leg work, as DH
is due to start the new job very soon. I will be staying behind
to sell the house and care for our children while we wrap up ALL
the loose ends. DH, on the other hand, will be staying in
a nice hotel (with a gym and a pool), and eating in restaurants
on an expense account. If MIL is upset, why doesn't she talk
to DH about it? DH doesn't even notice the way she behaves.
And, he is so busy and overwhelmed with all that is going on, that
anything his mom does isn't even registering with him.
Signed - Why Do I Get
The Arctic Air?
RESPONSE: Why Do I Get The Arctic Air?
Need a sweater when you're around MIL? Join the rest of us.
You get the cold shoulder because you are the one causing the great
upheaval. Most MIL's couldn't ever blame their precious babies
for anything. It's easier to get mad at the wife, because
they can get away with more.
RESPONSE: Why Do I Get The Arctic
Air?
Call her on it. The next time she is b!tchy with you, just
call her on it, and tell her you will not put up with it.
And that she needs to b!tch to DH.
RESPONSE: Why Do I Get The Arctic Air?
Why is she blaming you, and not DH? Because that's what MILs
like ours do. Their babies can do no wrong, so they blame
"the awful SIL/DIL". Believe me, I've been there.
Although I don't know your entire situation, I can share something
that might leave you in a better mood. When I was 16 (8 years
ago), my dad got a big promotion in his job, but it required us
to move 5 hours away to another state. My mom is the one who
got blamed by her MIL. How dare SHE move her baby son and
grandchildren away from her! They ended up moving, and my
mom says it was the best thing that she and my dad ever did!
Sure, it meant moving away from other family and friends that they
loved. But, she said that, for once in their married lives,
they had peace and tranquility! MIL was not constantly calling
or visiting. And, there were no worries of her stopping by
unannounced. Who cares what she says! Do it, and be
in peace, like my mom. Good Luck!
RESPONSE: Why Do I Get The Arctic Air?
I know this will be easier said than done, but don't let her bother
you. If she continues this behavior, confront her. Ask
her why she is giving you the cold shoulder. Let her know
that you know she is upset about this move, but shouldn't she be
happy for her son who is getting promoted and being successful?
If she is still crabby, tell her to take it up with her son, not
you, and leave it at that. Don't have much to do with her.
She will just try to control you. Good luck.
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