Two lifeguards are working
together on a beach when one of them notices sharks circling a woman
who has drifted out a little too far. He begins to get up
to race to her rescue when the other lifeguard grabs his arm and
holds him back.
The first lifeguard says,"Why are you holding me back?
We have to go save that woman!"
To which the other replies, "Don't worry. That woman
is my mother-in-law."
"Are you trying to kill her?"
"Although the idea may be tempting, that is not my intent.
Just watch."
With that, the sharks organize themselves beneath the woman, and
ride her on their backs all the way to shore, safely depositing
her.
"What in the world gave you the notion that would happen," asked
the second lifeguard.
"Professional courtesy."
Signed - Professional
Courtesy
RESPONSE: Professional Courtesy
Ha ha! I love it!
My in-laws are the most ignorant people I know!
For instance, after my daughter was born, I was asleep on the
couch one afternoon. They walked into our house and my FIL
woke me up to ask me where his son was! Yes, he woke me
up. My DH was upstairs! Just this past weekend, they
dropped in, knowing that our baby is sick. They had been
with their 15 month old grandson (who is sick with RSV!) - so
they could have made my baby sicker (because their heads are up
their butts). Then, as I pulled my dinner out of the oven,
my MIL told my FIL, "Are you ready?" As they headed
out of the house, she hugged and kissed my DH, and whispered,
"If you need help taking care of the baby, just call."
He proceeded to hug and kiss her and whisper, "Thanks for
stopping by, ma." Hello, I am the mother here, right???????
I could go on and on. I guess I should have known before
I married him that things would not change with this woman.
Signed - I Am The Mother
Here, Right???????
RESPONSE: I Am The Mother Here, Right???????
Hey, you are not standing up for yourself! My own mother
tells me that you have to draw your own boundaries and speak up
when, and if, you need help, or when you need to be taken care
of. They are supposed to be "family", but don't
count on that kind of caring (except from your own mom).
God bless, and good luck! Demand what you deserve!
RESPONSE: I Am The Mother Here,
Right???????
If you don't have locks on your doors, get them. If you
have them, use them. Make sure the in-laws don't have keys.
If they ask why the door is locked, say something like, "You
never know who might just walk in while the baby and I are napping
- I need to protect the baby." When the in-laws come
to the door and have to knock because the door is locked (and
you know they have been exposed to something), do not let them
in. Say something like, "Since you've been exposed
to something contagious, I am sure you realize you can't be in
our house because of the baby." Or, if your baby is
sick, say, "I'm sure you don't want to be exposed to what
the baby has." I ALWAYS keep my doors locked now, or
my in-laws would just walk in.
RESPONSE: I Am The Mother Here, Right???????
Yes, you're the mother, but your DH is the FATHER! Why shouldn't
your MIL ask your DH if he wanted help (especially if you were
eating your dinner, which is usually a hint for people to leave)?
Maybe, your FIL woke you up because he thought you were alone
in the house, and didn't want to go upstairs without your knowledge
to find his son. Apart from visiting after seeing a sick
child, which could be ascribed to thoughtlessness, I don't see
what the problem is.
This is kind of long.
But any suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!
My story began when I gave birth to my daughter, who is MIL's first
grandbaby. But, I have a son from a previous marriage, who
was not truly accepted until midway through my pregnancy (only because
I made the comment of how the baby was going to call everyone what
his big brother called him). Everyone went into action because
my DH has a very large family and his parents are divorced, so I
have to deal with 2 sets of ILs. Anyhow, everything was fine
the first year after the baby until MIL asked to take the children
away on a trip. I reluctantly said that it was ok, but only
after much begging on her part. Well, a few days after they
returned home, she came over because my husband had called that
morning to tell her that I did not feel well, and asked if she could
she come over to take care of us. I had a migraine, but I
would never ask anyone to come baby-sit me. I had been sick
before, and had managed to take care of both of my children, and
take care of my house. I called her back and said she did
not need to come, and that DH was crazy to think that I could not
handle it. Of course, she came over anyway. I had showered,
and was just finishing up with my cleaning. I was feeding
the baby spaghetti, and was allowing my one year old to use her
hands to feed herself while I sat in front of her highchair.
MIL watched, and I could tell something was on her mind. She
took the baby to her room and changed her outfit into a going somewhere
outfit, and attempted to rock her to sleep. I was not in the
room the whole time. But, she finally left, and I went in
to change the baby back into something more comfortable. The
baby began to cry a little, and I patted her back to sleep.
I came out and sat on the couch. She said, "I have something
I need to tell you, and I have been holding my tongue for a whole
year now." I said, "OK, say what you gotta say."
She said, "I have watched the way you care for your baby, and
feel you do not do a good job. She is always dirty, never
clean. Her nails are never trimmed. Your house is not
kept clean at all. It is filthy." What a surprise
it was. I knew she was a b!tch, but to make up lies and say
such horrific things was intolerable. I looked at her in total
disbelief. I then let her have it. She was not to set
foot in my house until she apologized and learned to show some respect.
If she honestly believed that I, of all people, was going to put
up with such nonsense, she was gravely mistaken! I kicked
her out. She refused to move. I went to the door, opened
it, and told her to get the he!! out of my house! She finally
got up. I am not a pushover, nor have I ever been. If
anything, some might see me as being a witch sometimes, but only
when provoked. So, her behavior, where she was talking down
to me, set me off. It was not pretty. She knew this
beforehand, and she still tried this with me. It works on
the other DIL because she has no backbone. I cut off all ties
with her. I told my DH about it after she left. He said
that he would speak to her. She told him a whole different
story, of course. She even called my mom to tell her what
had happened. My mom got all upset with me. I told my
sorry mom that she knew me well enough that I was not gonna tolerate
any BS from anyone, even her! She quickly butted out and apologized.
OK DH said he was gonna stand firm, that we were not going
to allow her to disrupt our family. If she didn't like it,
then she had no business coming over. Well, what happened?
She came over while I was at work. I happened to call, and
DH was very hesitant. I asked to speak to her. He wouldn't
let me. I told him that he had one minute to get her out of
my house, and that when I got home, all he!! would break loose.
It did. We almost divorced, because I saw him as being spineless.
He was. We went to counseling. The counselor told him
to be a husband first, and a son second! Three years have
gone by, I have not set foot in MIL's house. And she hasn't
called or come over. Oh, yes, DH told her to apologize.
She said, "No." She felt that what went on in my
house was her business. I spoke to her once after a counseling
session to allow her a way to make amends. She got so upset,
and said, "No." OK, I told her some cr@ppy things
to let her know that I meant business. She had the nerve to
get upset with me. I told her that she would not like it if
I went to her house and bad mouthed her home. Or, better yet,
if I said that she was fat and needed to lose weight. Ha!
She is five feet tall and all her 200 lbs shows, and then some.
She said, "How dare you speak to me in that way."
I said, "You can disrespect me, but I can't disrespect you.
Does it feel good to be talked down to?" She told me
that we were arguing because I was a lot like her. Ain't that
some sh!t. No contact. DH took the children over a total
of a dozen times in a three year period. This was the compromise
the counselor made us come to. I was OK with it to a degree,
because this meant I did not have to see her, but it also showed
me that my DH had no respect for my feelings. I lived with
it. They were not allowed to spend any holidays on the actual
day. The visits were always before or after the holiday.
Let me tell you what really bugs me about this whole situation:
She severed ties with the children and her son to a degree.
She did not care. That told me all I will ever need to know
about her character. This past February, she called me at
work to apologize and admit she was wrong. Hot dog!
I could not think of much to say. I just listened. She
said that she regretted ever opening her mouth, and that she had
gone into a depression - even thought about killing herself after
the stunt (that's what I call it). She hoped that I would
allow her a second chance. I did tell her that most people
who cross me don't get second chances. All it would have taken
was an apology, and that no matter how horrible her actions were,
I would have given her the chance (NOT FOR HER SAKE, BUT FOR THE
SAKE OF MY DH). I also told her she should be ashamed to have
let this go on for three years. ONE CALL! ONE SINCERE
LETTER EVEN! I told her she better not screw it up.
I told her that I did not trust her as far as I could throw her,
and that this relationship would never be the same. I also
told her that I had forgiven her for her stupidity, but that I had
not forgotten. So, now what am I to do? I don't like
her, but I know I must make some kind of effort to show that I can
be a grown up (so that my children can get some kind of decent relationship
from these people). What am I to do? She wants us to
come over all the time. I politely tell her, "No."
She even wanted to take the children on another trip. I said
(you guessed it), "NO!" She wanted to baby-sit,
I said, "NO!" She wants me to take them to her work
to visit, I said, "NO!" She wants us to go to lunch,
HE!! NO! What am I to do? I think I am going to call
her this week, so I can set things straight.
Signed - Queen Of My
House
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
Congratulations!!!!! Good for you. I admire people who
take charge and take control of a situation. And, you certainly
did! I would try to be appreciative that she realized her
mistake(s), but simply tell her that so much damage was done, and
things will never be "normal" (or what she may expect
things to be). It would probably be best just to say that
you will never LIKE her, and would like to keep contact to a minimum,
which she should be grateful for, because a minimum is better than
nothing at all. I would tell her (so she has some kind of
rough idea of what you will allow) that a short visit (two or four
hours, or whatever) every other month, and a short visit the second
day following holidays (or whatever you're comfortable with) will
be allowed. But, I think that she deserves to have some idea
as to what you will allow in the future, so that she doesn't get
her hopes up too much. Also, letting her know what to expect
will benefit you too, because she won't be as likely to expect far
too much. Please, NEVER, even after 20 years go by, never
let your guard down. She sounds like a totally evil creature,
and that type never truly changes.
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
Wow, I am really impressed. I think I do not have that much
courage, but I would love to be able to do what you did. I
think you are right - if you do not put your foot down, ILs start
walking over you. MIL has a room specially for us in her house.
Although she tells us that, it is used as a guest room when we are
not visiting. Once, during our visit, I had gone out shopping
and MIL had the guts to clear all my shopping (that was on the couch
in the bedroom from the previous day) onto the bed (so that I had
to clean it before I went to sleep). I was really pissed off.
I asked her why she did that, and she said that it was a mess.
I got so angry, and asked her where else I should keep my stuff
when the closet in my room was full of her stuff. That day,
I think she realized that I am not the kind of person who will take
lightly to whatever she does in my room (she claims it is our room).
It was a small incident, but I am very proud of myself for not letting
her get away with it. And, even if I am a messy person, that
is my business.
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I really don't know what is worse: Having her for a MIL, or
having you as a DIL. In the name of god above - maybe you
are a no BS woman. That's OK Maybe you are a strong,
demanding person. But, what the he!!? She is beaten.
The witch has died! She is on her knees and begging.
And you say, "no". In my opinion (mine alone - take
it or leave it as you please), you should say, "yes,"
to some of the things she asked you for. No need to get emotional
and soft. Just give her some slack. BUT DO TRY TO KEEP
THE LEASH IN YOUR HAND.
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I think that she was WAY out of line to say what she did.
I would feel the same way about my MIL if she did that. I
think you are a reasonable person, and you were being reasonable
to listen to her and to be willing to try to accept her apology.
But, how could you ever trust her? I think you have the situation
under control. It's a challenge to try to be nice to someone
you can't stand, for the sake of the children, but you're doing
OK All your feelings seem, to me, understandable. I
would never forget it if my MIL said something like that, either.
It's funny how they think so well of themselves. They aren't
humble at all, and can't respect the way the DIL does things.
One who can is worth her weight in gold!
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
Frankly, I think you overreacted to the most astonishing extent.
If any of my friends had done that, I'd think they were ill.
You call it "taking no BS" - I call it "going nuclear
on very little provocation". Plus, she finally apologized,
and you still didn't make any effort (after telling her you wanted
an apology). It smacks to me of hypocrisy. And again,
I think it is completely irrational, hysterical anger under the
guise of "being in control".
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I admire your courage to speak to your MIL. My MIL has been
putting me down, and I was never able to set some boundaries with
her. Congratulations!!!!
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I have read your post, as well as many others on this site, but
I have to say that it comes off as extremely hostile towards your
MIL. She hasn't appeared to have done anything wrong, except
to tell you that she is concerned about her grandchildren's well-being.
Cleanliness is important - it appeared to make you so defensive
(did it hit a nerve?), and so determined to "prove yourself"
and make her know her place (that she is never going to be able
to live up to your expectations, and it appears that you will use
this to keep her at a distance). I think that in this case,
you should relax a little and let bygones be bygones. And,
let the kids enjoy their time with their grandmother without the
mother creating a hostile environment.
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
As I am sitting here reading the stories on this web site, I can't
believe how the DILs and DHs have been treated by their in-laws.
I just want to say, however, that there is a saying that goes "If
you give someone an inch, they take a mile". It is so
true. Your MIL had no right to come into your house and say
all that stuff to you, considering it wasn't true to begin with.
Is she competing for your DH's attention? Is she just picking
at you so you can look bad? I know how it feels. You
stand up for yourself. And, in the end, you look like the
bad person. I know people have mentioned books on this site,
and I found some easy to use books that have helped me tremendously.
They are called "Boundaries", "Boundaries In Marriage",
and "Boundaries With Children". I think that if
you don't set boundaries and stick to them, then this lady is going
to chew you up and spit you out. Don't put up with it.
It's up to her to apologize to her. You've pretty much done
all you can do to remedy the situation, especially as I feel it
was her fault to begin with. Maybe she has nothing better
to do with her time, and needs to get her own life.
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I can totally understand why you are so mad with your MIL.
Her comments were rude and uncalled for, and she should have kept
her mouth shut. It sounds like everything got blown out of
proportion, and it is her loss that for 3 years she didn't get to
see her grandkids. So, now she has FINALLY apologized.
And, even though it is long overdue, she did apologize. And,
I hope she sounded sincere when she did it. I do give her
credit for finally apologizing to you. And I think you should
give her a chance to show that she has changed. She was big
enough to apologize, and it seems like she really wants to be a
part of your kids' lives. I say that you should give her a
chance, and see how she does. You can warn her that she has
to be careful about what she says from now on. But, face it,
no one is perfect. As long as she does not go overboard like
she did before, then see how things go. My MIL pulled some
nasty things on me (made racist comments about me) and she finally
apologized 6 years later. The trouble is, I didn't feel her
apology was sincere, because she had a very haughty attitude when
she did it, and didn't seem to think that her racist comments were
that big of a deal. Her apology was "erased" when
she reverted back to her old behavior. I think you should
give your MIL a chance, and see how she does. If she messes
up royally again, then you can give her the ax and no one will say
anything bad about you (that you should have given her another chance).
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I don't mean to sound harsh, but you sound awfully rigid and unforgiving.
So it took three years - an apology was what you wanted, and an
apology was what you got. And you have the nerve to tell her
she'd "better not screw it up"???? And then you
don't accept her subsequent gestures to reestablish a relationship?
PLEASE!!!
RESPONSE: Queen Of My House
I can totally relate to all of your feelings. I have a MIL
who sounds exactly like yours. I am newly married (1 year)
and my MIL always talks badly about my husband's previous wife when
I am around. I don't know what to say to her when she does
this. It makes me feel like she's telling me that if I do
these things too, she'll hate me too, and talk badly about me to
the whole family. What is scary about your story is that you
two are kind of alike. You are both very head strong people.
The same is true of my MIL and I. We both don't want anyone
to tell us what to do. I'm very afraid of going through what
you went through, or are going through. If you had to do that
day over (3 years) ago, would you handle it the same way, or differently?
I understand how hurtful it is to have someone criticize your mothering
abilities and your house. She is a total b!tch, but was it
worth these past 3 years to tell her off? I really understand
if you feel that it is worth it. I would love to have a friend
like you once we start having kids.
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