Help Question:
Can you please tell me what IMHO stands for?
Editor's Response: In My Humble Opinion.
Thank you for the question. We have added this to our Help
page.
I been having trouble
with my MIL since my baby was born. She wants to be the mother
of my baby. The first day she saw my baby, she just grabbed
him and gave my newborn to her grandchildren without asking me.
She calls my husband to tell him that I should not breast-feed since
the baby will not have enough milk. She also convinces my
husband that he should be helping HER, instead of me. My husband
takes his mom's side, since he feels that he does not want to disappoint
his mom. I find that there have been too many rude comments
that she said too me or to other people. Recently, she has
been a bit nicer, but I have a really hard time to forgive her.
My husband knows that I resent her, and he gets very distanced from
me. What can I do???
Signed - Trouble With
MIL Since Baby Was Born
RESPONSE: Trouble With MIL Since Baby Was Born
Tell her to get out of your life!
RESPONSE: Trouble With MIL Since
Baby Was Born
OK, I don't have children, and I'm not married, but I think I can
still offer some advice on this. Your husband might have a
responsibility to his mother, but the day he said, "I do,"
he put your needs first and foremost - before ANYONE else's needs.
You need to have a talk with your husband and let him know that
this momma's boy thing is not gonna fly. If he's so devoted
to his momma, he should have moved in with her.
RESPONSE: Trouble With MIL Since Baby Was Born
I feel for you. I was in the same situation last year when
my first child was born. She seems to have an issue with control.
You need to stand up to her, and make sure she knows that, as the
baby's mother, you make the decisions. If your husband is
willing, he can tell her that both you and he make all of the decisions
regarding the baby. If he isn't, you will have to do it yourself.
My husband (after 12 months of me nagging) is finally standing up
to his mother and father. I told him how resentful I have
felt about the whole situation, and that I felt it could hurt our
marriage if he did not step-up and deal with his parents.
You need to do the same with your husband before it is too late.
Remind your husband that you did not marry his mother, you married
him. And, tell him that she is his problem, not yours.
Also, don't try to please his mother anymore. If she is doing
something to the baby that you do not like, tell her immediately.
If she doesn't like it, just say, "I am his/her mother, and
that is the way I see it." Let it be her problem, and
not yours. Don't ever forget that YOU can speak up when it
is needed, and you don't have to put up with her. My MIL has
gone from being a downright b!tch to me, to respecting me, because
I have stood my ground with her.
Yippee! Happy day!
I've posted here before, and told you that my husband has "divorced"
his mother, who, so far as we can tell, has Narcissistic Personality
Disorder. She has tried and tried to lure him back into the
fold - to bribe him, to guilt him, whatever, and, bless him, he's
resisted. We came home from a vacation on Tuesday, and there
was a slip from the Post Office saying that there was a package
that needed signing for. DH went to check it out, and it was
from his mother. He refused it, since he doesn't want anything
from her. The Post Office must really be on the ball, because
within a few hours he had an email demanding to know why he'd refused
the package. He didn't respond to that either. And,
this morning, she sent another email with the subject line "Good-bye",
saying that she realized she'd just given him another opportunity
to hurt her (yeah, instead of giving her another opportunity to
hurt him!), and she wouldn't make that mistake again. He is
nearly delirious with joy, thinking that, maybe, this is the end
of it, and she'll finally leave him alone. I confess, I'm
not as hopeful. But, hey, if it buys us a year or two without
any contact, I'm for it. BTW, to me, the dead giveaway was
the "signature required" delivery. She claims the
package was only an old book that she thought he'd like, and we
live in a "very" safe country neighborhood - there is
no reason the postman couldn't just leave a package. She wanted
control - to KNOW that he'd gotten it, so she could demand thanks,
or at least acknowledgment. It backfired.
Signed - Happy For Him!
RESPONSE: Happy For Him!
I am in the same situation with the divorcing of the in-laws.
I hope yours works out (and mine too).
RESPONSE: Happy For Him!
Dealing with a MIL with a mental illness is very difficult.
However, if one day you contracted an illness, would you be happy
if your children abandoned you? It is okay to keep a distance,
but contact her once in a while and help her to get professional
help. She might need some drugs from a doctor. You might
discover a huge difference in her once she is treated.
RESPONSE: Happy For Him!
I think my MIL has the same problem. She is needy, manipulative
and guilt-mongering. But, my DW has been her protector since
my MIL ended a marriage to her father, "that she never should
have allowed herself to be forced into in the first place."
This woman takes responsibility for nothing. She is poor,
helpless, and always the victim. How do you get your partner
to recognize that his/her mother is a monster?
RESPONSE: Happy For Him!
If it buys you a year or two of peace, I will be happy for you also.
But, I am afraid you will find out that this was not good-bye, it
was another contact. People who really are walking away do
just that - they walk away. She is waiting for a response.
And, when she doesn't get it, she may use another excuse for contact.
I was stalked for a while, and her favorite way was to send letters
I had to sign for. I always signed, or sent them back refused.
They just kept coming - about 1 letter a month for about a year.
Finally, I asked the PO for their advice. They told me not
to accept a letter and not to refuse a letter. You can simply
do nothing. If the PO tries to deliver and you're not there
to sign, they take the package back and leave you a note (as you
know). If you are home, do not sign. And, make sure
they don't send it back right away as refused. Do nothing.
After a certain amount of time (I think it was 30 days when I did
it), the Post Office will return the letter/package to the sender,
with NO explanation. It really got some facts through to my
stalker. It said, "I do not care. You are not important
enough to me to even open it out of curiosity, and I didn't care
enough to bother to send it back." I know it blew my
stalker's mind. She thought I got her letter and read it.
She was trying to figure out how I felt about what she said.
She started asking people if I said anything about a letter from
her. I hadn't told anyone, so no one knew. Then, when
the time was up (and I think it was awhile, like a month or more),
she got the letter back. A witness told me she kept asking
the mailman, "Why? Did she refuse it? Did you try
to send it? Why would she just leave it there all this time??"
The mailman just kept saying, "Yes, the PO had tried to deliver
it." He said that I knew it was at the PO, and he had
NO idea why I didn't pick the letter up. I guess she threw
quite the hissy fit after the mailman left. It worked like
a charm! Well, kind of. She never sent me a letter again.
But, unfortunately, she continued to stalk me. Oh, well, one
battle at a time, eh? You might want to consider that with
your MIL. Also, there is a very good book called, "The
Gift of Fear". I recommend that you and your DH read
it. I got mine at Amazon for under $10. Otherwise, the
library might have it. It has advice on how to not keep your
stalker interested. Sometimes, we inadvertently react wrong
when handling a stalking situation.
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