I just had my first baby
in November. He's now 4 months old. He was 8 lbs., 13
oz. He was a big boy, but not huge. Everyone said he
was adorable. BUT, my MIL decided to inform me that he was
"TOO FAT", and should go on a diet (she didn't care that
the doctor said his weight was perfect). Then, an hour later,
my baby started crying because it was time for him to eat.
As I fixed his bottle, my MIL started lecturing me about "starving
my baby". Go figure. The funny thing is that I
just saw a picture of my husband as a baby. He looked just
like my son, only FATTER!!! Signature:
Signed - A Big Boy, But
Not Huge
RESPONSE: A Big Boy, But Not Huge
Your MIL is unbelievably jealous. She is trying to manipulate
you in any way she can. She wants to have control of SOMETHING
during this very happy time in your life. It is sick.
I have seen it first hand. Your story sounds EXACTLY like
my story. I lived through the "baby is too fat"
thing. My little girl is a toddler now, and MIL still, occasionally,
comments about my daughter's weight. IGNORE HER. Ignoring
her and not reacting to her comments will KILL HER. Don't
let her know that you want to smash her face in. My daughter's
weight is just fine based on the The American Academy of Pediatrics
Charts! Besides, I am an aerobics instructor and KNOW about
healthy weight. A MIL who comments on an INFANT'S WEIGHT is
INSANE and JEALOUS!!! Would MIL like it better if your baby
was in the NICU when he was born, and if he was SMALL??? Feed
that baby each and every time it is hungry. Don't listen to
what MIL says. Feeding your baby should be a beautiful bonding
experience, and don't let that witch's voice enter your head while
you are bonding and feeding your baby. She doesn't want you
to enjoy the feeding process!!! And, hey, do you really care
what she thinks? You really shouldn't. Congratulations
on your new beautiful, healthy baby boy, and enjoy him as much as
you can without the voice of MIL in your head. He will be
a toddler before you know it.
We are planning on doing
some work on our house soon. My MIL is very excited about
this, as she is very ashamed of our home. It is a normal house
in a nice neighborhood. It is about 65 years old, but it is
in good shape, and we have been steadily making improvements (at
our pace) since we first moved in. MIL never ceases to make
negative comments about our home. Well, the other day she
was here and we showed her our plans. She wanted to know if
we were going to also get new furniture, redo the patio, and fix
up the basement. I said, "No, we are just fixing the
master bedroom and the kitchen now. That is our choice, and
that is what we want to do now." I think that she knows
that we are not doing that other work now. She just wants
to point out what else needs to be done. This is not the first
time she has made comments like this. When I told her off
once, she said, innocently, "I was just asking."
I think that is BS. She knows that if we were going to do
anything else, we would have told her right then. All she
is doing, IMHO, is taking cheap shots at us, and craftily criticizing
our home one more time. I want to tell her that she doesn't
exactly live in a palace. And, that even if she did, she should
try to be nice and just leave us alone. One time, when she
was telling us what we "need" to do in our home, I told
her that if it doesn't bother us, it shouldn't bother her.
We know what needs to be done in our home, and in a perfect world,
we would do it all immediately. But, it actually is quite
a nice place, and MIL would be surprised to learn that people actually
compliment us on our home quite often. Why can't she just
keep her nasty comments to herself?
Signed - Why Can't She
Just Keep Her Nasty Comments To Herself?
RESPONSE: Why Can't She Just Keep Her Nasty Comments
To Herself?
It's actually MY mother who can be just like the way you describe
your MIL. My advice is: Don't talk to her about the
house. Just stay silent. Don't show her plans, don't
chat about the house, don't show her new things - nothing.
Then, when she asks why, tell her it is because she always has something
negative to say. With me, it reached the point where I never
invited my mother over, and even made excuses as to why she couldn't
come over when she asked to (before she asked why I was shutting
her out). When I told her it was because of the constant criticism,
she said she was trying to help. I said, "I am proud
of what we have done to the house, and would like to bask in that
awhile before thinking about the next project that needs doing."
It did a lot to stop the criticism. If she gets going again
while she is here, I walk into the kitchen, while asking if she
needs coffee, or I tell one of the kids to show grandma their latest
drawing - and grandma stops criticizing. It might work with
your MIL. But stop chatting with her - she's one of those
MIL's who you can't chit chat with, from the sounds of it.
Does anyone else have
a MIL who never invites anyone to her home? I am so tired
of having to make most of the holiday dinners, birthdays, etc.
I live between the ILs and the other siblings, so I have been making
the lion's share of the dinners. I have refused to do it any
longer. I told DH that we can meet them in restaurants from
now on. I feel so used by her. She uses the excuse that
her home is small, but the reality is that we have a small family.
No one ever minded going to her "small" home for a get
together. But, a few years ago, she just stopped inviting
the family over. She says that since we have larger homes
than she does, we (the siblings and their spouses) should be the
hosts. We are all busy, and I think that everyone should take
a turn, at least once in a while. Does any one have any thoughts
on this?
Signed - MIL Never Invites
Anyone To Her Home
RESPONSE: MIL Never Invites Anyone To Her Home
Making holiday dinners and birthday dinners are supposed to be fun
things. STOP DOING IT IF IT IS A CHORE FOR YOU. You
don't need to feel burdened. If no one pitches in, then maybe
it is assumed that you will always do it. Do the restaurant
thing. And, if they get sick of it, maybe someone else will
offer to make dinner. Don't feel guilty about not having dinner.
If you feel used, you probably are. Lots of luck to you.
Hope you had a nice holiday!
RESPONSE: MIL Never Invites Anyone
To Her Home
I see nothing wrong with stopping all the free dinners! Yeah,
it's nice to get together, but if you're feeling used, then it's
not worth it. I would only do it if you enjoyed doing it.
If MIL can stop, there should be no reason on this earth why you
can't. MIL will just have to travel farther now to see everyone
at her other kids' homes! I can't stand the one sidedness
from these b!tchy MIL's. It's always the world according to
them. And, if you decide that you want something your way,
well, you're the one with the problem! Stand firm, and who
cares what anyone thinks!
RESPONSE: MIL Never Invites Anyone To Her Home
Wow. I have sympathy for both of you. Here's what I
think, and I hope I take my own advice. I think that if you,
your MIL, or any of the others do not want to have the holiday dinner
at your house, you shouldn't do it. How can anyone have a
good time if the host doesn't have a good feeling about it?
I think your suggestion about meeting everyone in a restaurant is
a great one. I guess what I hope is that this would all get
worked out before anyone feels so put upon that you can't have a
nice time together when you do see each other. Do whatever
it takes for everyone to feel happy getting together. Otherwise,
politely make other plans, and don't even get together with the
extended family on holidays - but do it gracefully and politely!
Sometimes, it's so tempting to let my displeasure with something
be known, but that gets NOTHING BUT BAD results, and I am never
comfortable with other relatives who act snippy and angry because
they aren't getting what they want. Whenever I haven't been
kind and polite, I always wish I'd had a little more patience and
self-control.
RESPONSE: MIL Never Invites Anyone To Her Home
Yes - I think my MIL would need a map to find her way to her kitchen!
I have known my husband for over nine years, and have eaten at her
house twice, although I have cooked many meals for her over the
years at my house.
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