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Mother-In-Law Stories
March 26, 2002
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MIL knows that my grandmother raised me.  A while ago, my grandmother was in the hospital with a severe case of pneumonia.  And, MIL (the witch that she is) consoled me with the words, "Well, we all have a time to die."  Recently, her boss died.  So, I sent her an email which read, "In the words which you used to console me, 'We all have a time to die.'"  About a month ago, thankfully, my grandmother celebrated her 80th birthday.  MIL actually sent her a birthday card.  And, in it, she put a handwritten note that said, "Wishing you a long life."  Sometimes, I wonder if MIL has multiple personalities.  Can I have anyone's thoughts on this situation????  What do I do now?  I ignore her as much as I can!!!  I cannot stand her!

        Signed - We All Have A Time To Die

RESPONSE:  We All Have A Time To Die
Gee, why would I have been tempted to respond to this woman's "comforting" statement of "We all have a time to die" with "Really?  When's yours?"

RESPONSE:  We All Have A Time To Die
It seems like she is two-faced.  I would ignore her, and not give her the attention that she does NOT deserve.  Good for you for sending her that email.  That was poetic justice on her part.  Keep it up, and don't back down from this b!tch.

RESPONSE:  We All Have A Time To Die
Did you sense malice from her when she said, "We all have a time to die," or do you think that in an extremely awkward and misguided way, she was trying to help?  People say the goofiest things - well meaning - when death is involved!  When my dad was terminally ill (but, actually, we were still hoping against hope that he might recover), some relatives wrote him a letter telling him how he must be saying his "good-byes"!  He hadn't, at that point, "given up", and he had not realized that he wasn't going to beat the illness.  And, these couldn't have been more well meaning people!  I don't know, I'm sure you can sense if your MIL DOESN'T mean well.  Malice is hard to disguise.  But, what I think when I hear well meaning people saying things like this is, "Well, it teaches me what NOT, EVER, to do!!!"  I mean, really, what an ignorant thing to say!  But, maybe it's the best they know?

When my wife was about 6 months pregnant with our first child, my MIL (who is hot-tempered) got into an argument with her over something from their past.  My MIL walked over to my wife and slapped her.  I jumped up and yelled at her to stop.  She was startled, and stopped.  My wife was used to her mother's abuse, and with some talking, she convinced me to go away for a while to calm down.  I returned a few hours later to calmly sit down and discuss with my MIL the danger she had put my wife and unborn child in.  She told me to, "Back off," and that my wife was still her daughter.  She said that even though she is 20 years old, she was still able to discipline her any way she sees fit.  I lost the volume control of my voice for what my wife says was almost an hour (I stopped when I went hoarse).  During that time, she had no choice but to listen.  And, it seemed that some of what I was yelling about sunk into her thick skull.  Things between us after that seemed to be much better, until the baby was born.  We had a tiny baby girl that had to stay in the hospital for 3 weeks due to a surgery she had to have.  Before those 3 weeks were up, my MIL told my wife and I that she would have the right to discipline our daughter as she is growing up.  I told her that her daughter (my wife) was raised like that, unfortunately, but I wasn't raised that way, and my child won't be raised that way.  My MIL said something like," How is my grandbaby gonna know I love her, if I can't paddle her butt once in awhile?"  It's been almost ten years since she said that, and I still shake my head when I think about it.

        Signed - SIL of a #% **MIL

RESPONSE:  SIL of a #% **MIL
Your MIL is a horror!  Good for you for standing up to her, and not allowing her to harm your wife or your child.  Someone needs to paddle her bottom with a 2x4!!!  I only hope you don't have much contact with her now.  She sounds like a witch!

RESPONSE:  SIL of a #% **MIL
I am not against spanking, BUT, it is not anyone's right to discipline YOUR child without your permission.  AND, they must do it in the way YOU see fit!

RESPONSE:  SIL of a #% **MIL
I am so sorry.  That's absolutely horrible!  This is the first time I've ever responded to a post on this site.  Something about your story really hit a nerve.  My matron of honor was raised in a home much like your wife's.  Her life has been greatly affected by her childhood.  I am so glad to hear that you will stand up for your little one.  She deserves a loving home, not an abusive one!


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