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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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March
27, 2002
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FEBRUARY
2002
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I am upset that my 72
year old MIL will not be joining us for Easter this year.
She has to work. My husband's niece is a troubled young woman,
and my MIL's answer to helping her is to let her lay home while
she gets out to make the money to support this woman and her children.
MIL is a wonderful woman, and she is not in great health.
Her children will not approach MIL and let her know they are concerned
for her. And, I have, against my better judgment, spoken with
a family member about my concerns - and I am sure that World War
3 is brewing. I love my MIL, and don't want her to be taken
advantage of. I know this is her choice, but I still think
it is awful that she will miss out on dinner with her family.
And, who is to say - at her age, this could be our last holiday
with her. I think her niece needs to get a life. I think
her children should be looked after, but until niece can hit rock
bottom and not be rescued, I think it is not MIL's place to keep
her up.
Signed - Not MIL's Place
RESPONSE: Not MIL's Place
You are a very nice, caring person!
RESPONSE: Not MIL's Place
While I understand your concern, it may be helpful for you to remember
that there are people who NEED to feel NEEDED. Your MIL may
find great satisfaction in doing all she does for your husband's
niece. Surely those of us WITH a life would think that your
MIL should GET a life. However, this behavior may give her
a sense of meaning, value, importance, or something she is otherwise
lacking. Sad? Yes. Disgusting? Yes.
Reality? Perhaps.
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Worst gift: My MIL claims
to have had a tough life, as my FIL has spent money supporting his
2 sisters and parents. Not that my MIL lacked anything - she
owns 2 houses, and had her own chauffeur driven car. In spite
of this, she always guilt trips my husband into buying her expensive
clothes when we visit or when she comes over. It is customary
in India for the MIL to give her DIL clothes for a festival called
Sankranti. Would you believe she actually gave me a dress
belonging to my elder SIL that she (SIL) did not fit into.
She actually told me that she did not "waste money" buying
a dress for me, when she could give me this one. What was
worse, was that there was a big, brown oil stain on the dress!!!
She insisted that I wear that dress at her place!!! When I
told my husband, he said, "Forget it. I'll buy you what
you like." Does he not understand that this is a big
insult? Doesn't anyone? Earlier, she "gifted"
me pink plastic cups that my SIL (DH has 2 sisters) picked up in
a garage sale!!!! How Do I Stop This????
Signed - If Only I Could
Get Back!!!!!
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My MIL is not a nasty,
vindictive woman. In fact, most people who know her and know
how I feel about her are surprised because she is "such a nice
person, who wouldn't hurt anybody". Not intentionally,
anyway. My DH and I have been together for almost 5 years
now (married for 3). But, it has been hard, as we are from
different countries. We had a small wedding in my country
(Australia), and his family attended. My FSIL told me, on
the night before my wedding, that I was stealing him from his family.
And, then, on the day of the wedding, my SIL and her boyfriend wanted
my wedding photographer to take photos of them. And, when
my MIL wanted a picture of her family, I wasn't included.
When my mother wanted a picture of her "family", my husband
was included because, as my mother said, he is part of her family
now. Well, I never had to deal with my IL's very much (I love
my BIL, though) until I got pregnant, which was very soon after
the wedding. Since that time, I have been hating my MIL more
and more each day. She went so over the top (I was working,
and very, very sick for 7 months, and I didn't have time to deal
with nosy people). She told me to take drugs to stop the morning
sickness because, "it was affecting the baby". A
week after my daughter was born, my mother and brother came to stay
with us, which was a big help to me, as it was a very long labor,
but it annoyed the he!! out of my MIL that she wasn't the first
to see the baby. My MIL didn't come to see us until 2 months
after the baby was born (my request), but I invited my BIL so that
he might take away some of the tension. My MIL invited my
SIL (who I hadn't spoken to in a year) and when I found out (through
my BIL) I told her to ring my SIL and tell her to ring me.
There was no phone call. SIL turned up on my doorstep with
MIL & FIL. Well, we moved back to my country not long
after, and my relationship with them got worse and worse, until
I asked them to give us some space. And, then she went crying
to my DH, asking, "What had she done?" After asking
them to please back off, my FIL let me have it. He accused
me of all sorts of lies, told me that I was trying to keep his granddaughter
from him, told me that I should respect him because he's my husband's
father, and told me to be a good wife and a good mother. Things
got much worse after that. But, I still tried to have some
sort of relationship with them. I rang my MIL just before
Xmas, and I told her how I felt, and that I was not comfortable
with my FIL (he never apologized to me, only to DH). She completely
ignored me (she always does) until a few months later. My
DH, who had been in the middle of all this arguing, decided to finally
say something (only after I had told him that I was finally happy
and wanted them to ignore me, so I didn't have to deal with them
anymore). So, my MIL rang me, and I told her everything.
I said that I am sick of her acting like I'm just a nanny looking
after her grandchild (she actually told me on the phone that she
was so excited when she found out I was pregnant - that she told
her friends/family that we - MIL and FIL - are having a grandchild).
Everything she does for my daughter is just so that she can tell
everybody what a great grandmother she is, and how we wouldn't be
able to cope without her. She has not seen a photo of my daughter
for almost a year now, and I'm seriously thinking of shutting her
out of my daughter's life forever. As for my FIL, he's already
out of my daughter's life. And if DH doesn't like it, well
then he should have thought of that when his mother made me cry
(and he wouldn't allow me to tell them because he didn't want to
hurt his mother's feelings).
Signed - Too Late, Too
Bad
RESPONSE: Too Late, Too Bad
GOOD for YOU!!!
RESPONSE: Too Late, Too Bad
Wow! Do you ever have your hands full with this "situation".
Is there any possibility that DH could write a letter to his parents
explaining that: A) His wife and child are number one
and number two in his life. B) His mom and dad are number
3 and number 4 in his life. C) It would make him the
happiest man on earth if numbers 1 through 4 could love, respect,
and enjoy each other. It may be helpful for him to add that
he wants THEM to respect and appreciate you as his wife, and he
expects YOU to respect and appreciate them as his parents.
It is just an idea. You have my support and good wishes.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives