To Help The Red Cross Click Here
Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.

 
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
Back To Mother-In-Law Stories Home Page
Mother-In-Law Stories
March 27, 2002
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
 
FEBRUARY 2002
S
M
T
W
T
F
S
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
MARCH 2002
S
M
T
W
T
F
S
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I am upset that my 72 year old MIL will not be joining us for Easter this year.  She has to work.  My husband's niece is a troubled young woman, and my MIL's answer to helping her is to let her lay home while she gets out to make the money to support this woman and her children.  MIL is a wonderful woman, and she is not in great health.  Her children will not approach MIL and let her know they are concerned for her.  And, I have, against my better judgment, spoken with a family member about my concerns - and I am sure that World War 3 is brewing.  I love my MIL, and don't want her to be taken advantage of.  I know this is her choice, but I still think it is awful that she will miss out on dinner with her family.  And, who is to say - at her age, this could be our last holiday with her.  I think her niece needs to get a life.  I think her children should be looked after, but until niece can hit rock bottom and not be rescued, I think it is not MIL's place to keep her up.

        Signed - Not MIL's Place

RESPONSE:  Not MIL's Place
You are a very nice, caring person!

RESPONSE:  Not MIL's Place
While I understand your concern, it may be helpful for you to remember that there are people who NEED to feel NEEDED.  Your MIL may find great satisfaction in doing all she does for your husband's niece.  Surely those of us WITH a life would think that your MIL should GET a life.  However, this behavior may give her a sense of meaning, value, importance, or something she is otherwise lacking.  Sad?  Yes.  Disgusting?  Yes.  Reality?  Perhaps.

Worst gift:  My MIL claims to have had a tough life, as my FIL has spent money supporting his 2 sisters and parents.  Not that my MIL lacked anything - she owns 2 houses, and had her own chauffeur driven car.  In spite of this, she always guilt trips my husband into buying her expensive clothes when we visit or when she comes over.  It is customary in India for the MIL to give her DIL clothes for a festival called Sankranti.  Would you believe she actually gave me a dress belonging to my elder SIL that she (SIL) did not fit into.  She actually told me that she did not "waste money" buying a dress for me, when she could give me this one.  What was worse, was that there was a big, brown oil stain on the dress!!!  She insisted that I wear that dress at her place!!!  When I told my husband, he said, "Forget it.  I'll buy you what you like."  Does he not understand that this is a big insult?  Doesn't anyone?  Earlier, she "gifted" me pink plastic cups that my SIL (DH has 2 sisters) picked up in a garage sale!!!!  How Do I Stop This????

        Signed - If Only I Could Get Back!!!!!

My MIL is not a nasty, vindictive woman.  In fact, most people who know her and know how I feel about her are surprised because she is "such a nice person, who wouldn't hurt anybody".  Not intentionally, anyway.  My DH and I have been together for almost 5 years now (married for 3).  But, it has been hard, as we are from different countries.  We had a small wedding in my country (Australia), and his family attended.  My FSIL told me, on the night before my wedding, that I was stealing him from his family.  And, then, on the day of the wedding, my SIL and her boyfriend wanted my wedding photographer to take photos of them.  And, when my MIL wanted a picture of her family, I wasn't included.  When my mother wanted a picture of her "family", my husband was included because, as my mother said, he is part of her family now.  Well, I never had to deal with my IL's very much (I love my BIL, though) until I got pregnant, which was very soon after the wedding.  Since that time, I have been hating my MIL more and more each day.  She went so over the top (I was working, and very, very sick for 7 months, and I didn't have time to deal with nosy people).  She told me to take drugs to stop the morning sickness because, "it was affecting the baby".  A week after my daughter was born, my mother and brother came to stay with us, which was a big help to me, as it was a very long labor, but it annoyed the he!! out of my MIL that she wasn't the first to see the baby.  My MIL didn't come to see us until 2 months after the baby was born (my request), but I invited my BIL so that he might take away some of the tension.  My MIL invited my SIL (who I hadn't spoken to in a year) and when I found out (through my BIL) I told her to ring my SIL and tell her to ring me.  There was no phone call.  SIL turned up on my doorstep with MIL & FIL.  Well, we moved back to my country not long after, and my relationship with them got worse and worse, until I asked them to give us some space.  And, then she went crying to my DH, asking, "What had she done?"  After asking them to please back off, my FIL let me have it.  He accused me of all sorts of lies, told me that I was trying to keep his granddaughter from him, told me that I should respect him because he's my husband's father, and told me to be a good wife and a good mother.  Things got much worse after that.  But, I still tried to have some sort of relationship with them.  I rang my MIL just before Xmas, and I told her how I felt, and that I was not comfortable with my FIL (he never apologized to me, only to DH).  She completely ignored me (she always does) until a few months later.  My DH, who had been in the middle of all this arguing, decided to finally say something (only after I had told him that I was finally happy and wanted them to ignore me, so I didn't have to deal with them anymore).  So, my MIL rang me, and I told her everything.  I said that I am sick of her acting like I'm just a nanny looking after her grandchild (she actually told me on the phone that she was so excited when she found out I was pregnant - that she told her friends/family that we - MIL and FIL - are having a grandchild).  Everything she does for my daughter is just so that she can tell everybody what a great grandmother she is, and how we wouldn't be able to cope without her.  She has not seen a photo of my daughter for almost a year now, and I'm seriously thinking of shutting her out of my daughter's life forever.  As for my FIL, he's already out of my daughter's life.  And if DH doesn't like it, well then he should have thought of that when his mother made me cry (and he wouldn't allow me to tell them because he didn't want to hurt his mother's feelings).

        Signed - Too Late, Too Bad

RESPONSE:  Too Late, Too Bad
GOOD for YOU!!!

RESPONSE:  Too Late, Too Bad
Wow!  Do you ever have your hands full with this "situation".  Is there any possibility that DH could write a letter to his parents explaining that:  A)  His wife and child are number one and number two in his life.  B)  His mom and dad are number 3 and number 4 in his life.  C)  It would make him the happiest man on earth if numbers 1 through 4 could love, respect, and enjoy each other.  It may be helpful for him to add that he wants THEM to respect and appreciate you as his wife, and he expects YOU to respect and appreciate them as his parents.  It is just an idea.  You have my support and good wishes.


Note:
  To better handle the volume of submissions - stories received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.  Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses posted per day).  Stories and responses will no longer move from page to page based on status.
mother-in-law stories bd10358.gif
Worst Gift Stories

For WORST GIFT Stories, Click Here.

 


The Sister Knot, Apter
The Sister Knot
Why We Fight, Why We're Jealous, and Why We'll Love Each Other No Matter What


Secret Paths: Women in the New Midlife
Secret Paths
Women in the New Midlife


Working Women Don't Have Wives, Dr. Terri Apter Working Women Don't Have Wives
Professional Success in the 1990'S


To See More Books By
Dr. Terri Apter
Click Here.


           Back To The Top - Click Here

Search this site or the web powered by FreeFind
    

Site search Web search


DISCLAIMER: 
All advice on this website is for informational and entertainment purposes only.  All responses are from reader submissions unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).  We do not endorse any of the advice.  We provide it to you as a service.  We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims as to the outcome of following this advice.  We provide it for your entertainment only.  Should you choose to follow any of the advice, it is solely at your own risk.  This is not intended to substitute for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.  We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.  B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.

Your privacy is important to us.  Click here to view our Privacy Policy.

Copyright 1999 - 2010, B A Squared, LLC.  All rights reserved.  Reproduction in whole or in part in any form or medium without express written permission of B A Squared, LLC is strictly prohibited.  All materials submitted (written or otherwise) to www.motherinlawstories.com become the property of B A Squared, LLC.  Submission of any material (written or otherwise) constitutes your permission for B A Squared, LLC to use, edit, reproduce and publish this material (in whole or in part) in any way it deems appropriate, and releases B A Squared, LLC from any and all liability associated with the publication of said material.

CONTACT US: To contact us for any reason, please use the email form on our Help Page which you can get to by clicking here, or email us at webmaster@motherinlawstories.com.