I just have a quick request.
To make a long story short, this is a second marriage for both DH
and I. In June we are to attend a wedding for his cousin.
I have been horribly mistreated by DH's maternal side of the family,
which is the side that the bride is on. I want to wear something
somewhat offensive and would like to get some input from all of
you. You have helped me before in dealing with these horrid
people, and typically I am not a vindictive person, but I want to
show them some hurt like they have done to me. My initial
idea was to wear a plain, white, business suit like dress with a
jacket. Any suggestions from you all would be welcomed!!
Thanks!!
Signed - Want To Hurt
Them Back!!
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
What?? Wearing something offensive to the wedding will not
hurt them. It will only reflect badly on you, and give them
more ammunition. It sounds to me like you've let yourself
sink to their level.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Top three ways to offensively dress for a wedding in my book: #1.
Attire which is all black, complete with a black hat and veil and
black gloves (like you are going to a funeral). Black will
especially stand out in the month of June. #2. Depending
on your shape and age, VERY form fitting clothes, like something
that will cling to your body to show off your cleavage and/or a
very high cut skirt. #3. PLAIN Jean shorts and a t-shirt,
like you were going to a carnival or picnic. To top that look
off, you can even put your hair in a pony tail.. Lots of luck.
My wicked witch MIL wore black to my wedding, and it still fries
me to this day.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
I completely understand how you feel and why you feel that you want
to get back at your husband's nasty family for how they have treated
you. However, you are only lowering yourself to their low
level by dressing offensively. I think that if you dress nicely
and appropriately for the wedding, you will always be able to look
back and know you are the better person.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Unless you're the bride, NEVER wear white to a wedding.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Do you hate the bride, or just her whole side of the family?
Wear black if you must, but wearing white at someone else's wedding
would just show you to be a jerk, and give them fodder to snipe
and complain all the more about you for years to come. Or,
you could dress WAY down, like you've got a garage to clean as soon
as you get home. Or, ONLY go to the reception, dressed to
the nines , and stay for fifteen minutes - long enough to offer
congratulations and tell the happy couple (or the family) you've
got another, more important, engagement.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
If you're attending someone else's wedding, would it hurt your husband
for you to use this wedding as an opportunity for revenge?
Has the bride herself done anything against you? In any event,
I would not recommend you wear white to someone else's wedding,
as this is not an occasion to take revenge on anyone. Wear
something nice, and show how classy you can be. There'll be
plenty other times to get back at these people. Count on it.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Please don't do anything inappropriate or make a scene at the wedding.
All that will do is lower you to their level, and give your ILs
legitimate ammunition to use against you. If you dislike your
DH's family that much, the solution is very simple: Don't
go to the wedding. I'm sure your husband is a big boy and
can attend by himself. Then you can do something fun - like
go out with your girlfriends!
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
If you dislike these people, why are you going to their wedding?
Why, for that matter, do you want to be like them? What you're
planning makes you at least as tacky as them. If you don't
like the folks who are getting married, don't go. If you accept
their invitation, behave yourself.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
As hard as this may be, don't do that. Two wrongs don't make
a right, and the only one who's going to look like a fool is you.
You're not hurting them by what you wear. If they treat you
that badly, then do what you have to do to keep them out of your
life. I know that getting even is sweet victory, but it's
not worth it.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
I think you should just cut off contact with these people.
If you are rude, you are justifying their mistreatment of you all
these years. You and your husband should decline the invitation
to the wedding. If they ask why, I would tell them the truth.
You shouldn't lower yourself to their level.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
I know you want to hurt them back, but when you stoop to their level,
you only hurt yourself - and then they've won. They have turned
you into what they wanted you to be all along. I think you
should wear something that makes you look like a million bucks.
That would hurt them much more!
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
My advice is: Don't do this. You are better than them.
Wearing something offensive will only make YOU look bad. The
best revenge is to live well. I think you should go to the
wedding dressed like the classiest, best looking woman there (on
the arm of your beloved DH). Be happy, cheerful, and dignified.
Dance with your DH every chance you get. Enjoy yourselves
as if you are on a romantic date out on the town. Your DH
will be so proud of you, and that is your best revenge.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Although I do not know the whole story behind your relationship
with your in-laws, I can empathize with wanting to "get them
back". However, I do not see the point in ruining someone's
wedding day by wearing offensive clothing. What purpose would
that serve? I understand they have hurt you, however, stooping
to this level will only accelerate any problems with them, and make
things worse in the future. I am all for standing up for yourself
and not taking abuse, but I believe there has to be a better way
than this.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Unless the bride has specifically hurt you in the past, you REALLY
need to think about this. Also, remember that there are other
people involved, namely the groom and his family. Show your
displeasure somewhere a little less open.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
Don't stoop to their level. It only makes you look bad.
RESPONSE: Want To Hurt Them Back!!
I understand your feelings, but I don't think you should do it.
Never behave the same way as your in-laws do. If your in-laws
were horrible at your wedding, then show them some class (and be
an example of the way a person is supposed to act). I am afraid
what you have in mind will backfire. Has this bride been awful,
or just that side of the family? And, you don't want to hurt
and/or embarrass your DH, do you? Always take the high road
in front of the DH when it comes to being in public, IMHO.
Now, if you really want to strike back at the wedding, then do it
woman to woman - quietly. Buy an atrocious wedding gift.
We women are good at finding just the right thing, so another woman
knows we are unhappy with them, but it goes right over our husbands'
heads. IMHO, that is the way to strike back. Just be
prepared, if you bring a gift in TERRIBLE taste (and you can find
anything from tablecloths to sheets to pillows to vases that are
UGLY if you look hard enough) for someone to point out that you
have no taste. Personally, I would dress to "kill"
- be knockdown classy and gorgeous - and buy as inexpensive a gift
as I could get away with. The best revenge is to look great
and be happy!
Help!! My MIL is
not talking to me. When we met, we were best friends.
I found it odd that one of my SILs would not even speak to my MIL.
They'd had a custody battle over my SIL's grandson, and MIL took
her to court and won. MIL and I were friends until I married
DH! Then, two days afterwards, she started complaining that
my DH's truck was in her name still, and he knew she was on a low
income and needed him to pay the truck off. She told me that
I was blowing all her son's money, and not paying the truck off.
DH called her and stated that it was our money, that I was a thrifty
spender, and that I was not wasting anything. Also, when DH
was out of town working, MIL came and took the truck at 10:00 PM,
stating that the truck was in her name, and no one else was going
to drive it, except DH. Since then, I recently had a horse
for sale (DH has one too). MIL came over before I got there,
and told the man purchasing the horse that if he purchased her son's
horse, she was going to sue him and me. I had to do a back
flip to sell my own horse (showing the purchaser that, in fact,
the horse that I was selling was actually mine, and not DH's).
Since then, I have tried to call MIL 2 times. There was no
response. She also picked up my stepdaughter, and would not
let her even call my house. My DH's ex won't let her call
the house either. DH has to initiate all the phone calls.
But, while the step daughter was at MIL's, the stepdaughter, the
ex-wife, and MIL went shopping. I am at my wit's end.
Any advice?
Signed - HELP!!!!
RESPONSE: HELP!!!!
I love the idea, and I wish I had the opportunity to do the same.
I think you need to dress as similar to the bride or bridesmaids
as possible. You definitely should wear white, maybe even
a tiara.J
When I became engaged
to my wonderful hubby, he and I knew we would have some issues with
his mother. She is a very complicated, needy, controlling,
and manipulative woman. She is always right, and has never
apologized to anyone, or forgiven anyone. She is bitter and
angry about numerous things that occurred during her childhood and
her 35 years of marriage. She speaks of those things constantly,
and uses them as an excuse and justification for all of her behavior.
Up until the wedding, things seemed to be okay with her. We
had a few issues regarding wedding plans that we had to ask her
to back off on, but we were faring quite well. Unfortunately,
we had no idea what was to come. At the wedding, there was
a confrontation between some guests. My MIL decided that she
needed to "discipline" the participants in this verbal
confrontation. She called them at their home and personally
attacked them, insulted them, called them names, and criticized
them. My DH and I did not share in her anger and hostility
towards the two participants, since they, themselves, had apologized
and forgiven each other. Also, it wasn't our place to get
involved in an argument having nothing to do with us. My MIL
and FIL became enraged that my DH did not call these people up and
basically "rip them a new one". This was seven months
ago, and since then, my ILs have sent us a bogus bill for a huge
amount of money for gifts and furniture that they gave my DH over
the past ten years, plus interest, of course. They have disowned
him. They have threatened to write him out of the will.
They have told us that we should divorce. They have continually
criticized, insulted, and emotionally and verbally abused us.
They have called us names, and slandered us to their friends and
family. My DH and I realize that participating in their anger,
or responding to them in any other way than stating our limits and
boundaries in firm kindness, would only further exacerbate the situation.
So, in response to their mean-spiritedness, we wrote up some "boundaries"
and sent them. They were such things as: We won't listen
to you criticize and insult us anymore. We will end the conversation
if it gets hostile. We currently don't feel comfortable allowing
you into our home or going to your home, etc. Of course, these
boundaries were not received well at all, and we were accused of
being, "that part of sick society that chooses to think only
of themselves", trying to destroy my MIL's family, purposefully
trying to "hurt" her like she has been "hurt"
her whole life by everyone, and on and on. My DH and I have
continually reached out to my MIL and FIL to try and put all of
this behind us, and start over with them. We have apologized
for the part we have had in everything, yet they choose to not forgive
us, and just to continue to insult us and find more and more things
to criticize us about. Luckily, we live in another state,
and have only been having infrequent phone contact with them recently.
This has been a big challenge for my DH and me these first months
of marriage. Luckily, my DH sees how unhealthy his mother
is, and we are standing united against her hurtful and inappropriate
behavior. If my MIL cannot forgive and get past all of this,
there is no way we can have a relationship with her at all.
I would love to have a healthy, respectful relationship with my
ILs, but if they are unable to stop their personal attacks, and
instead work on building trust and mutual respect, it just isn't
possible. My heart goes out to all of the other writers who
have IL troubles. It is so hard, but we are to love our enemies,
regardless of whether they are strangers or family. We were
not created to be someone else's dartboard, though. We are
not meant to be the continual target of other people's anger, insults
and criticism. We need to set boundaries and stick to them
to protect ourselves and our own families from poisonous contact
with unhealthy relatives.
Signed - I Love Them,
But It's Got To Stop
RESPONSE: I Love Them, But It's Got To Stop
Good for you to set those boundaries. I wish that my DH and
I could sit down and do the same. His mother criticizes us
for things that she has actually done. Good luck to you.
I think it may be time to set boundaries within my own life, and
if DH can help me, that will be great. If not, then I will
do it on my own.
RESPONSE: I Love Them, But It's
Got To Stop
How did your husband grow up in that atmosphere? I am so relieved
that there are other people out there who have supporting husbands.
At least he stands beside you and sees a problem. My husband
would have left me hanging, "Deal with it," would have
been his response. Just make your plans now with your husband
to set some boundaries before you have their grandchildren.
That makes it rough, because you want to protect them. Good
luck
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