I have known my FDH for
almost six years, and we have been together for three years.
He was married before, and he has four children whom I adore.
And, I get along well with his ex. His mother died four years
ago, and she was a wonderful woman who I miss very much and would
have loved to have had for a MIL. His father doesn't have
much to do with us because he is raising my FBIL's children, and
he works two jobs. But, he is always there if we need him.
My problem is with my FSILs and FBIL. My FSIL had been my
friend for as long as I had known my FDH (she introduced us).
But, now, because of something I had supposedly said two and a half
years ago, she is not coming to our wedding. She is a lazy
woman who has never worked a day in her life, and she criticizes
me because I don't have a job. I have an 8 month old DD, and
I am five months pregnant, but she doesn't see why I can't get a
job. She and her husband live in this nasty trailer and have
two dogs, but she doesn't see why I don't let my daughter go over
there much when there is dog hair all over the floor, and she was
already convicted of child abuse against my stepkids.
My FBIL is just as bad, if not worse. He is the one with the
two kids whom my FFIL is raising, and he got married about three
years ago to a b!tch! Now, he has two more kids with his wife,
who already had two kids of her own, but they can't take care of
the two whom FFIL is raising. Not only that, but they are
going to try for another, because she wants a boy! The main
thing that I don't like about them is that 5 days after I got home
from the hospital from having DD, I went to see them so they could
see the new baby (that's right - NONE of them came to see us in
the hospital). My FBIL looked at my DD and said, "That
kid doesn't look like she is FDH's." I couldn't believe
it. I just started crying, and left. Why would someone
say something so mean? And, this is coming from a guy who
can raise someone else's kids, but not his own! WHATEVER!!!
Anyhow, the reason I don't like his wife is because I was at the
grocery store one day and saw her oldest daughter (age 9), and she
told her friend that I was a bitch! She is nine years old,
and she said that right where she knew I could hear her. She
must have gotten it from somewhere, and I am guessing it was her
mom, who is the biggest back-stabber in the land. Oh, another
thing is that, whenever we see FSIL and FBIL (be it at a store,
or anywhere), if we wave or anything, they will just look away and
pretend they don't see us. They do this to the other family
members too, though, so I don't feel so badly. But, it makes
me sick to know that they think they are so much better than we
are, when our house is paid for, and it was paid for by US (while
they went to her parents and his dad to get the money for their
house, because their credit was so bad). Now, I see why their
credit is bad, though, because FFIL says they haven't paid him a
dime, and it has been two years. FBIL also doesn't work, but
that wouldn't be so bad, cause FSIL does work (but he makes her
pay a baby-sitter to watch the kids while she is at work, in case
he wants to go do something)! Whatever!!! My FDH has
a good job, but we don't have a lot of extra money, because he pays
a lot of child support to his other kids, something FBIL has never
done. He even had the nerve to tell FDH, when he switched
jobs, and got one week behind on his support, that he better start
taking responsibility. He has NEVER paid support to his kids.
Anyhow, I feel better now. Thanks for listening.
Signed - I think I Am
Marrying Into The Manson Family
RESPONSE: I think I Am Marrying Into The Manson Family
I know where you're coming from! My SIL used to always say
sh!t about me not working and taking advantage of her brother.
We were not married yet, and I invited him to stay with me, because
he couldn't afford his rent. He used my car every day.
He also used my phone and other things, but I WAS TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF HIM! SHE really pisses me off. She was on welfare
her entire life, and she did NOT have a job! Her family is
the kind to take everything and anything they can get from family
and friends until they have nothing left to give, and then they
call everyone "bastards" for not giving them the shirt
off of their back too! My MIL and SIL are the worst ever!!!!!
They lie, cheat, steal and neglect their children!!!! Who
are they to talk about us, right?!
RESPONSE: I think I Am Marrying
Into The Manson Family
You need to have been working, because you are not married to this
man. YOU must protect yourself, as he can legally put you
out if your name is not on the deed too, and you cannot do a thing
about it!
RESPONSE: I think I Am Marrying Into The Manson Family
I honestly don't know where to start on this one. First of
all, these people are toxic, and you should not have anything to
do with them at all. I wouldn't. BUT, why in the world
are you living with some guy and having kids without being married,
and expecting people to respect you? I know it is considered
normal these days to do so, but that does not make it right.
Wedding? Go to the courthouse! What your boyfriend's
family is doing is atrocious and terrible, but you should not throw
too many stones! Go to the courthouse or wedding chapel and
get married, and provide your kids with parents who are trying to
do the right thing!! You sound like a nice person, and I am
not trying to hurt your feelings, but I am sick of this kind of
thing, and I am not going to compromise on my opinion. BUT
again, stay the heck away from these people, and cut them off.
You do not need this in your life!
RESPONSE: I think I Am Marrying Into The Manson Family
Yes, the family you are getting is a doozy. IMHO, you are
going to have to learn to ignore the actions and comments of morons.
Otherwise, they will drive you to be as batty and trashy as they
are. Just consider the source, and ignore them.
I hardly know where
to start. It would take pages to tell the story of an eighteen
year marriage with toxic in-laws. My MIL definitely is the
world's best manipulator, and FIL's goal is to make sure everyone
keeps her happy. She considers herself a beautiful woman,
and has always used her sexuality to manipulate the men around her,
including her son. She flirts with him, and hangs on every
word. They have always told me how lucky I was to have him
marry me, even when we were going through some rough times where
he was being abusive with me. They felt I deserved the abuse,
because they felt he married beneath himself. She had the
upper hand for many years, as I had enough battles trying to deal
with my marital problems. Eventually, through much counseling,
and near divorces, my husband has come so far, and has totally committed
to me. My husband told them that they are not welcome at our
house until they can treat me with respect. They act like
we have disowned them. SIL told my DH that blood comes before
marriage, and he was wrong to take this stand. The other SIL
told me years ago that I should kiss the ground DH walked on, even
if he did abuse me - so you can guess her stand. MIL acts
all innocent, like she would never do anything to hurt our marriage
(I could tell you some stories). She tried to get his ex girlfriend
to seduce him at a class reunion. This is a girl she could
not stand when he dated her. She does everything so cunningly,
and then resorts to tears, and acts dumbfounded when confronted.
His father is extremely angry, and said they feel they were just
supporting him like they should. I told my DH, "I guess
they would have bought you an axe if you were an axe murderer in
order to support you." It is all so sick, and I sometimes
don't know how to act now. My husband says talking won't work,
so we just never see them. But, I am fearful of my husband's
feelings if they die before he ever sees them again. He and
my family are very close. My father just passed away, and
my husband grieved so. My dad was the first person who helped
my DH face the truth about himself, and helped him to get help.
He helped him to truly see that he could not ever truly be happy
treating another human being the way he was treating me. But,
I know he misses his family, and it grieves me. I am also
angry, for I see them punishing him through their will some day.
And, although I don't care to receive a dime from them, I know it
will be the meanness behind it that will hurt my DH. I don't
feel comfortable encouraging him to see them though, for I feel
that he has, at this time, won the battle against his tendency to
abuse me (his abuse was mainly mental and physical intimidation,
but he has never hit me). But it is sort of like alcoholism,
and you have to stay away from the enablers who encourage this type
of behavior. I just had a need to share with fellow sufferers,
and would appreciate your responses. Thank you for listening.
It is hard to summarize, for there are so many scars from where
they have kicked me.
Signed - Thankful, But
Sad
RESPONSE: Thankful, But Sad
It is better that he write them off! You do not want him around
people who abuse and belittle, and are general @ssholes!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAR-02
My MIL was coming to visit us. It was her first
time at our new home. And, since my husband is in the military,
it was the first time she had been to our home since we had been
overseas. She had a friend who lives about 2 hours from us
in a major city, so she figured we could all go to a baseball game
together with her friend. That does not sound so bad, right
now. I have never met the friend - my husband had met her
a long time ago, but he did not know the husband. But, anyway,
her friend's husband would watch my kids while we are at a baseball
game. When my husband told me about these plans, I thought
about it for a second, and then said that I was uncomfortable having
someone who I do not know watching the kids. He did not understand
this, and he and his mom double teamed me about this until she got
here. I was very firm, and felt so awful about my decision
and that it had made them so mad. I thought they would understand
that I did not know this person at all. So, she came and flew
into an airport an hour away, and my husband went to pick her up
(I work). I picked up the kids and met them at the house about
5 minutes after they got here. She had time to vent for the
last 2 months about the game and the kids going (by the way, they
got tickets for the kids to go - we just had to sit in the nose
bleed section). Bad seats are better than leaving 5 minutes
into the game because I am worried, right? So, my husband
left to go to a class, and left me with the MIL. I was very
sweet, and suggested that we go to a store and look around (a scrapbook
store). I said to her, "There's a new scrapbook store
up the road, and I wanted to look around it. If you are interested,
we can go now while my husband is gone. Or, if you would rather
hang out here, that is fine. I can go another time."
The horrible response she gave, with her nose all turned up was,
" I already do scrapbooking. I am making grandma and
me books, but I wasn't going to tell you!" Now, why the
heck would you even mention that? So, basically I let her
bash me about 3 different times that trip (which took about 1 day
of her 3 day trip). Then, I turned into the incredible super
B!TCH, which I can pull off really well. And, I hate to do
that, but how much am I expected to take? After that trip,
since my husband does not believe me and thinks I am taking it wrong
(since MIL manages talk to him when they out of the room.), I threatened
to get a tape recorder so that he can hear it right from the horse's
mouth. He did not want that, because he may have to stand
up for me. I need a husband bashing page too.
RESPONSE: Me Oh My
I would love to see a husband bashing page! Good idea!
RESPONSE: Me Oh My
Tape the toxic cr@p and let DH know EXACTLY where the rubber meets
the road!!!
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