Mother-In-Law Stories March 31, 2002

March 31, 2002

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	Frequent Fry Her^TM. - MeOhMi 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02 My MIL feels she needs to be at our home all the time (and, since we are military, we do not live close, 7 whole hours). So, she brings her boyfriend up. This man is around 50 years old, has zero manners, and is inconsiderate. He still thinks like there is a place for a woman and a place for a man. And, there is no way in he!! the man should cook or clean. Well, my DH does both, mainly because I stink at cooking. I can clean, but I also work full time, have 2 kids, am pregnant with the 3rd child, and go to college full-time. Well, they were coming to visit (when we moved closer, I had to put a limit on her visits, 10-15 days with us was nothing for her, so I said that fish and guests stink after 4 days, that was long enough). Anyway, here they come. They come up, they know my house, they know which room is for them. They are late night people, but I get up at 4:00 am to go to work M-F, so I go to bed early. Like I said, I work, but this time they knew they were coming and they knew I was going to have to work 12 days in a row. I am 5 months along with the baby. I had to clean the house (so it was somewhat presentable) and go to the grocery store (I do a month of shopping at a time). When they pulled up, I had taken all the cold/frozen stuff and put it all away, but my DH said he would take care of the rest. I pushed the bags out of the middle of the floor so that they would be able to get in. As I said before, I cleaned, but only the areas they could see. There was some laundry cleaned and folded in the living room (it was on one side of my sofa). I sat down and waited, I needed a break. They came, things were OK at first. Her boyfriend, tired from the trip, came in and sat on the sofa (not near the laundry, yet) and propped his feet up on my coffee table (now, I am a little protective of my furniture, especially the couch - it is new, I paid too much for it, and I had to beg for a new one for about 5 years because I was embarrassed by our old one). So, I swore that when I got a new couch, nobody would eat or sleep on it. So, there he was, sleeping. MIL said nothing to him, she just looked disgusted. He also took control of the remote control. This was not a big deal to my husband, since he has his very own office with all his stuff in it, along with a TV. So, he was in there. Meanwhile, I was mad. But I didn't say anything, and I got over it. The first day and evening went well (my laundry was still on the edge of the sofa, and I had added a little to it). So, the second night the MIL fell asleep on the matching chair to my forbidden sofa, and the BF laid his head on my clean laundry as a pillow, and decided that this was where he was going to sleep. I woke up in the morning, and I was on FIRE. I was so ticked. All that work, and now it needs to be redone. My MIL, eventually, took herself to bed, but did not wake her boyfriend. Well, I did not say anything, but I was boiling inside. But, then about 10 minutes later, they both decided it is now OK to eat on my couch. I have had to tell my own father not to eat on the couch, so NO PROBLEM HERE. But, it ticked me off. My husband was still asleep, and I always have to be the bad guy. So, I said, "I don't allow food on my furniture, and I don't allow people to sleep on it either!!!" Then, I went to wake my husband and told him what I had said. I was mad. But, my husband and I argued about this now, because I claim that since MIL brought him, she should have taken care of him. I said that if I took you to a friend/ family member's house and you would have tried to sleep on their laundry (I was most ticked about having to redo all that), your head would have never touched it before I would have told you not to." He does not think his mom is at any fault, but she slept in the chair, and did not say anything to the man she brought here. But, you can't say anything bad about his mommy or he takes offense. Signed - Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy ( I want my own Frequent Fry Her^TM Page ) RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy Simple solution - TELL HER!! It's not difficult to say, "Don't eat or sleep on the couch, and keep your feet off of the furniture." And, one last thing, show your husband where the laundry goes! RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy I do see your point, and your DH is a major mama's boy. Set the rules! Tell your DH that it is your way or the highway! RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy I totally agree with you! Your MIL is very inconsiderate to you and your house. Anyone with manners would not have done what the BF had done. If they don't think enough of your house, then they don't think enough of you and what you care about. I have a MIL like that, too. She thinks a 14 day visit is nothing! Maybe next time, tell the MIL, "No." She and BF should stay in their own place! RESPONSE: Can't Say Anything Bad About His Mommy What you need to ask your DH is one question: Who is my spouse? He will say that he is. Respond with, "Just wondering if it was you or your mommy. It's so hard to tell when she is here!" It's impossible to put two women in the same kitchen, so to speak. When we marry, we are supposed to put all others aside, and cling to each other. Your MIL and DH, for sure, are cut from the same cloth! Good luck.
	Frequent Fry Her^TM. - MeOhMi 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02 My husband and I have a hobby - we both like tropical fish. So, we bought a tank, one that we could afford. The stuff to put in them is very expensive, so we bought a small tank. We would go and examine fish stores around town looking for cool things for OUR tank. Well, here MIL comes in all her glory - OH, you guys got something I am not involved in, better get involved. So, next time we talked to her, she had been to every tropical fish store in her area, checking stuff out. Now, she had been up here 3 times since we got the tank, and every time she comes, she has to bring something. And, my husband says she is just being nice. But, I don't know. I think, maybe, there are other motives to this. We had pet names for each other in the beginning of our relationship (my DH and me) when she started referring to my hubby by the pet name I called him, It sort of disgusted me. So, I stopped referring to him by this name. And, when she comes up to visit, if we go out to eat or something, she always announces to the waiter, "This is MY SON!", and really stresses it. And, I am there thinking, "Does the waiter really care?" So, I was putting all these little things together, and thinking that she does not want us (DH and me) to have anything that is "US". And, I don't know why it would be this way. We went to Disney World one year, for about 3 days, with a few friends (all our age, with kids). She did not know them, and it was kind of a reunion (we are military, and they are friends from overseas). So, we met them there, and had a great time. We did not mention to her that we were going, due to the fact she would have invited herself. She flipped when we told her that we just got back from Disney (of course, she called right away). We had mentioned it months before, but I guess she thought that if we were really going, she would know and be invited. We did a trip with just her and us, but did we really want to hear his mom complaining about all our friends? I didn't. My husband is no help when it comes to his mom. He does not want to discuss it, and it would not be so bad if everything my mother did while she was visiting wasn't wrong in his eyes. I am having our 3rd child, and this is the first time my mom can come for the birth. I really want her to be here. She is going to take care of my other two children, and help out my DH. Now, my mom is a pain in the butt too, I don't deny that, but she will help while she is here. She will do dishes and scrub the tub, so I will know my kids will not be bathing in their own scum from the night before (stuff like that). And, if DH is at the hospital with me, and out of her hair, it will be no problem. But, if his mom came up, I would probably come home from the hospital to a nasty house, and have to take care of whatever they did for the few days I was in the hospital. She came about 6-7 days after I had my first son. She was there for 10 whole days, and sat around controlling my television. And, what really ticked me off is that she got handed a beautiful, clean baby, while I went in and cleaned the tub, etc. And, then, when he was dirty, she handed him back. I thought she was there to help??? Am I wrong not to want her HELP again? I told my hubby that we will make a trip to his mom's after my parents leave. That way, we can stay in a hotel, and I won't have to scrub her tub too. She does not clean. Her tub is about 7000 years old, and has that much scum on it. And, it totally disgusts me to hose my kids down in her tub. She always asks, "Why don't you give them a bath?" And, I think, "Did this tub used to be white?" Never will my kids sit in that tub. They scream the entire time I shower them off in there, too. They hate it, and they are 2 and 4 years old. Signed - Did This Tub Used To Be White? ( I want my own Frequent Fry Her^TM Page )
	Frequent Fry Her^TM. - MeOhMi 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 31-MAR-02 My wonderful MIL comes to visit about 3 to 4 times a year. Sometimes, she is invited, and other times she is not. When we choose to go on a vacation, if we mention it to her, she takes it as an invite. So, I told my husband, who will not tell her NO, not to say anything to her when we were planning our trip to Disney (she went 10 months ago with us for 5 entire days). But, Disney was offering Active Duty Service Members free and reduced rates. So, we thought we could maybe go again for a short vacation. I warned him, "Your mom takes things the wrong way, don't mention it to her. She just went, and it would be nice to offer it to my parents this time, or to your father and his wife." I left after that, and went to school. When I came home, there he was, chatting on the phone with his mom, and telling her all about the reduced rates. He then handed the phone to me. And, when I was talking to her, she was on the web surfing the rates to see when would be the best time to go. When I got off the phone, I was so mad at my husband. Why can't he just not say anything? I just told him, "It's going to kill her when you get to tell her that she is not going!" I was mad, and now we are basically not going on a vacation because I guess, for him, that is easier than telling his mommy "NO." It just makes me so mad. Signed - Not Going On A Vacation ( I want my own Frequent Fry Her^TM Page ) RESPONSE: Not Going On A Vacation Since your DH is such a pussy wimp, TELL HER YOURSELF!!! Tell her that it is rude to invite yourself along with people all the time! I would, and let the chips fall! RESPONSE: Not Going On A Vacation My DH is the same way - he can't tell his mom "no". So we decided that, since I'm stronger than he is, I will break any bad news to her, and he will just have to back me up. So far, it has worked great - he knows that he HAS to back me up, or else. Why couldn't you have mentioned to her on the phone, "Did DH tell you that we are planning to bring X instead this time? Isn't that nice of us to share our trip with other people. You were the first one to go, and X are the next ones to go with us" Then, quickly hand the phone back to DH. It worked for me.

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