Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- MeOhMi/Posted: 1-APR-02
My MIL attended my bridal shower (mind you, I was
Active Duty Air Force and met my husband there - so I had only met
his mom one time before). This was the first time she had
ever met any of my friends, or my mom. She said (about my
mother), "Doesn't that woman ever shut up?" That
was one of my first impressions of my new MIL. And, of course,
my mom heard it, and sort of mentioned it to me. And, my mother
was nice to her anyway, for the weekend. But, now, when I
complain about my MIL to my mom, she reminds me how rude she really
is. I, eventually (after about 3 years), told my DH about
this, after we had a fight about his mom, of course. He said
that he was not there, so he could not judge. He treats his
mom like a saint, and she is a horrible bitch. I have heard
of bad MIL's, but this woman comes off as being nice when my DH
is around, but then, the second he turns his back or is out of the
room, she makes her comments. OH, and, in regards to the fish
tank that I wrote about earlier: She bought most of the corals
in our tank, and my DH and I bought one. But, she doesn't
like the one that we bought. She, specifically, said, "I
like everything, but that one." Good thing my husband
heard this, but he thinks nothing of it. I said, "Why
the heck do you think she does not like that one? Is it because
she did not pick it out???" He won't say word one to
her about anything, it makes me so mad. And, my mom wonders
why I stress every time I find out she is riding her broom into
our town.
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
I feel badly for you, but you have got to stop giving that witch
your energy. She doesn't deserve it. I am glad you could
vent here, but you spent A LOT of time and energy writing about
WITCH LADY MIL!!! Write her off. Your husband needs
to stand up to her, or you are going to have BIG problems.
I couldn't believe you actually CANCELED your vacation in one of
your other frequent fry her stories!!! SHE IS NOT THE BOSS
OF YOU! Stop wanting her to like you. Ignore her.
She is PSYCHO! The less you talk to her, the better.
You only see her 3 or 4 times a year - that is enough. Expect
that her comments are going to fry you. She KNOWS they fry
you. The less you let her know about how much she is getting
to you, the better. WRITE THE B!TCH off!!! Do you really
need her? NO!!! She is the one who is at a loss here,
not you. Don't pay her back with rude comments, just IGNORE
HER. Not saying stuff sometimes says more than any hurtful
comment you could ever come up with. Good luck, and don't
give her the power to piss you off so much.
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
Be very careful!!!!!! My DH didn't say a word for 4 years.
It all came together and he realized many things. I realized
my DH suffered more than I did. Don't let the b!tch tear you
two apart. If your DH won't stick up for you now, later you
will have so many problems that you won't be able to handle.
It took 4 year for my DH to face his own selfish mother. Trust
me, it is worth it. It's worth it to talk back to your MIL.
If something is bothering you - whatever she says or whatever she
does - just tell her to her face!!!!
RESPONSE: Mom Wonders Why I Stress
You have to sit down with your husband when he is in a good mood
and tell him how you feel. Try to not point fingers, and tell
him you love him and appreciate the things he has done for you.
However, you could tell him the way you feel when he does not believe
you - it takes away the trust. Your MIL has two faces.
Ignore her. She does not deserve any respect!
I am the original poster
of "Happy For Him!" I'd like to respond to the poster
who referred to my MIL having a "mental illness", and
said that we shouldn't abandon her, but, rather, get her professional
help, and perhaps medication. I can see why you would feel
that way, but it's important to understand that Narcissistic Personality
Disorder is not in any way considered a mental illness. It
is, rather, a character disorder, a class of personality problems
that are not in any way considered to be mental illnesses.
Before breaking off contact with his mother, my husband did ask
her to get counseling, but she refused, because she feels she's
just fine, and has never done anything wrong. This is highly
typical of NPD - folks who are NPD almost never get treatment, because
they're *perfect*. If they do get forced into treatment, it
rarely works, because they know more than the counselor or doctor.
There is no medication of which I'm aware that is helpful for NPD,
not that she'd go get it or take it if there were. I just
wanted to make it clear that we're not abandoning a woman who is
mentally ill, we're refusing to deal with a woman who has a profound
character flaw. Big difference.
Signed - Still Happy
For Him!
RESPONSE: Still Happy For Him!
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!
RESPONSE: Still Happy For Him!
Sorry about that. I realize that it might be difficult to
treat a woman with personality problems. I guess you are doing
what is best for your own nuclear family J.
Worst gift: Oh boy.
I have been married to my husband for two years. Shall we
say that his mother is slightly *involved* in our lives (mainly
because she has nothing better to do with her time - she doesn't
work, no friends, etc.). I am 5'5 and weigh 125 lbs., with
a pretty decent body. For Xmas this year, I received a GIRDLE
from her. I opened it up in front of the whole family.
Um, thank you, I guess? What exactly is it that you are trying
to say? My own mother thought it was hilarious (and now I
do, too).
Signed - Sadly Laughing
At A Bitter Woman
RESPONSE: Sadly Laughing At A Bitter Woman
For Mother's Day, don't hesitate to give her really slinky, tiny,
tacky lingerie as a present.
RESPONSE: Sadly Laughing At A Bitter Woman
In her presence, I would constantly make references about how your
girdle is killing you.
RESPONSE: Sadly Laughing At A Bitter Woman
Good luck with that one. Hey, maybe one day you can recycle
that gift right back to her. J
How about a grandmother-in-law
story!?! My DH's grandmother is 96. She is alive and
well, and happily living in a very nice nursing home. She
calls her room "her apartment", and doesn't ever want
to leave. She's a little hard of hearing, and has some vision
problems, but other than that, she's perfectly healthy, and aware
of what's going on around her and in the world. We go to visit
her periodically. Maybe it's just her age, but she says whatever
is on her mind. Whenever we walk in the door, she is happy
to see us, but then she commences to tell us that we're fat and
need to go on diets - every single time we visit. My DH and
I are about 20 lbs. overweight, combined. It's not like we're
struggling to get through the door or anything! One time,
she told me my hair was pretty, but I really needed to brush it.
Then, we went to see her before a party, and she said, "You're
not going to the party dressed like that, are you?" I'm
not really upset about it. In fact, I usually think her comments
are funny, but I don't know how to respond to her. Just wanted
to share!
Signed - Cantankerous
Granny-In-Law
RESPONSE: Cantankerous Granny-In-Law
My grandmother-in-law said that my breasts were too small, and my
husband thought it was funny.
RESPONSE: Cantankerous Granny-In-Law
Try this: Wear a big smile and say, "How very kind of
you to say so!" It's a great all-purpose response.
If you're pretty certain the insulter is malicious, just eliminate
the smile, and say it deadpan.
RESPONSE: Cantankerous Granny-In-Law
Just say, "Isn't it funny how old people think they can say
whatever they want."
RESPONSE: Cantankerous Granny-In-Law
She is a very old lady. She won't be around for very long.
I would not worry about it. If she hurts your feelings, you
could respond with humor. But, don't start a fight with her.
She is fragile and old. Even though she is healthy, she might
not know the norms, and correct behaviors of society.
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