I grew up in a Christian home.  I never would have believed that I would have such HATEFUL feelings toward anyone, but I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE my MIL.  She is a WITCH!!!  Thank God I am not alone.  I was beginning to think I was!!!  Since confession is good for the soul, I need to say to SOMEONE that I cannot wait for my MIL to be GONE!  God forgive me, but I CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!  I HATE HER!!!!!!!!  I was taught not to hate, but I HATE HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Thanks.  I feel better now.  Does anyone else want their MIL to be GONE - like gone as in "GONE TO THE OTHER SIDE"??????

        Signed - Needed To Tell SOMEONE

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
Yes.  I do.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I too was brought up in a Christian home (my brother is a minister).  And I also HATE my FMIL!  I wish she would either disappear or pass away.  I have had visions of what life will be like once she is gone.  I will be sad for my DH because she is his mother, but she is EVIL!  She is 65 and not in great health.  Hopefully it is only a matter of time.  Don't worry, you are not alone in your feelings.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I feel for you.  I, personally, am not waiting for my MIL to die - my husband, her son, is.  It is sad that a woman could be so nasty and manipulative that her son would actually say to me, "Everything would be so much easier if she'd just die."

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I sure do.  My MIL is a user.  And, if you don't follow what she says or does, she will treat you like cr@p.  I learned this when I was first married, and as a result of it, I moved to my parents' side of town - not hers!

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
AMEN, Sister!!  Make sure you send mine along with yours.  My MIL is unbelievable.  I have NEVER had a problem with any mothers in the past.  They all have loved me and WISHED I would marry their sons.  Some of them still tell me that today.  My MIL - HA!  We aren't even allowed to be in the same room with one another anymore, because we just go at each other's throats.  She still treats my husband and I like we're children, and strongly believes in that old rule that children should be seen and not heard.  In other words, I'm not supposed to speak to her, unless spoken to first.  And, she INSISTS that I call her "Mother <insert last name here>".  I call her by her first name at all times.  Believe me, I was raised in a Christian household too, but I can only take so much.  On the rare occasion that I do see her (family functions that we can't get out of, etc.) and she starts speaking to my back, I simply turn around and say, "Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were there.  Usually there is an eerie coldness that enters the room before you."  Of course this is said in a sweet-as-pie voice with the biggest smile I can manage.  It ALWAYS sends her turning on her heel, and usually muttering, "Well, I never."  Just keep hanging in there.  Eventually, her number will be called, and then you can go out and buy the prettiest red dress - and wear it to the funeral.  Don't forget the tap shoes J.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I have thought that in the past also.  I was determined that I would dance on her grave once they put her in the ground.  For about three months (a near record) she has been nice (so far).  I try hard not to hate her.  Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't.  Hang in there!

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
Don't worry, you are NOT alone at all!  I HATE my MIL too!!  I see her face and I get nauseous!  Whenever she calls, and I hear her voice, I cringe.  I can't stand hearing her voice on our answering machine, either.  My voice is on the outgoing message, and therefore she directs the message to ME.  UGH!!!!!!  My MIL is 70 years old, and, unfortunately, she is in such good health that I am sure she will outlive me.  It is amazing that when you hate someone, even the tiniest thing that might actually endear you to someone else, gives you the heebie-jeebies, and makes you hate them more.  My MIL has these UGLY age spots all over her face, hands, legs, etc.  I see them, and I want to vomit - especially because she thinks she is so gorgeous.  She has bought EVERYTHING from a department store make-up line, thinking it makes her more beautiful.  Now I won't use any of the stuff from that brand JUST BECAUSE my MIL does!  I know that sounds immature, but I hate my MIL that much!  Even a slow, painful, tortuous death for my MIL would be too good for her.  And, as much as I detest her and hate her, even if she keeled over tomorrow, I wouldn't be satisfied, because I have yet to tell her off as to why I hate her so much.  I am fortunate that my DH can't stand his mother either, and he is very supportive of me.  He never calls her, and says that all I have to do is say the word, and he will gladly cut her off.  The problems started when my husband and I started dating 20 years ago, and my MIL objected because I was not white.  She said she didn't want grandkids that weren't "pure", and, although, she was never mean to my face, it was OBVIOUS to me that she didn't like me, and wanted me to join her family.  Of course, she was NOT happy when we got engaged, and then she did not want to invite any of her friends or family members (outside of my husband's siblings) to the wedding.  I told my husband that it was actually to her advantage to invite her friends, because that way she'd have more "white folks" to hang around with at our wedding.  My husband told her she better invite her friends or he would be very angry.  She did, and some came.  I basically ignored her at our wedding.  To this day, one of my friends tells me that she totally remembers my MIL wearing a big frown the whole wedding day.  I look back and wish we would have told her that she wasn't welcome to come to our wedding.  Why did we essentially beg her and her friends to come?  Then, we later found out that she gave my husband's brother and his wife, who got married 7 years before us, an all-expenses paid trip to Hawaii for their honeymoon as a wedding gift.  What did my husband and I get?  We got $500!  I have three wonderful kids with my husband, and my life would be perfect if I had a decent MIL.  My oldest daughter is only 10, but I am already telling her to be very careful when it comes to picking out her husband, and to try and make sure that he has a good family.  The stress and unhappiness that can result from having horrible in-laws can really hurt a marriage - especially if one's spouse is not supportive.  My husband's three siblings are total losers too, and did not help things at all.  My husband's two sisters claimed they weren't racist against me, but they were never very nice to me, and I know they didn't like the fact that my very existence made their mother unhappy.  I tried going to therapy for two sessions with my MIL.  She just couldn't understand why I was upset over the things she did.  The trouble is, even though she apologized once for being racist, she has continued to treat me like a 3rd class citizen.  And, her favoritism towards her daughters and her other "pure" grandchildren is totally obvious.  She is an idiot, and will never admit that she is wrong about anything, so she will never change.  This is a woman who I feel has basically contributed NOTHING good to society while on this earth, except for my darling husband.  And, while I am thankful for that, it doesn't mean I have to like her or respect her.  I wanted so badly to be liked by my in-laws, and I wanted to have a close relationship with them, but my MIL set the ground rules from the very beginning, and basically let me know where I stood in her mind.  I send my MIL birthday gifts and Xmas gifts, and she gets a Mother's Day card from us.  Plus, we visit every 6 weeks or so.  I do the bare minimum.  Little does she know that things would have been TOTALLY different had she treated me differently.  I would TOTALLY go all-out for her, have her visit and stay with us, and have her really be part of our family.  Instead, we treat her like an acquaintance, and we tell her very little about our lives.  Why?  Because she is judgmental, and I KNOW she doesn't want the best for us.  It is obvious because of how she has talked to us in the past, and she wants her daughters to prosper over her sons.  We feel that the less we say, the less we can be judged, because ANYTHING we say can be twisted and turned against us.  So, we never share news about anything good or bad in our lives - mostly it's just boring ho-hum talk ("How's the weather??").  If I let loose one day, and told my MIL how much I hated her and why, she would have a heart attack and go crying to her daughters.  She would never admit she was wrong, nor would she change.  It just isn't worth my time, although part of me would like to air my feelings, because it bugs me that my MIL will continue to think she is PERFECT until the day she croaks.  Occasionally, on the phone, she will say, casually at the end of our conversation, "Love you guys."  Yeah, that SOUNDS nice, but I don't believe her for a second.  I cannot bring myself to lie to her and tell her that I/we love her back, so I don't ever say anything at all.  She is saying that just to say that, because you DO NOT treat people you love the way she has treated us.  She has SERIOUS problems.  To me, actions speak louder than words!  Anyway, sorry to ramble.  I just wanted to let you know you are NOT alone.  My MIL is an old, pathetic hag.  My SIL (husband's brother's wife) can't stand her either, and we have talked often about how our MIL is going to live until she is 100.  It just goes to show you that mean people seem to live the longest!!

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I was raised the same way, don't hate anyone, but I have to say I HATE MY MIL also.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I'm totally there with you!  I was raised a Catholic, and taught never to hate.  But I hate my MIL too, the controlling witch!  I wish she would "be gone" as well.  I know it's wrong to want that, but you can't control your true feelings.  And, that's how I truly feel.  My MIL has been smoking 2 packs a day for over 25 years, and I can't wait for the day I get the phone call that tells me she has lung cancer.  And, since my MIL is as stubborn as they come, she will keep on smoking with that lung cancer, which is fine by me because it will "speed up the process", if you know what I mean.  But, with my luck, she'll live to be 100, because heaven doesn't want her, and he!!'s afraid she'll take over.  Hang in there, we're all with you!

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
I agree with every word you say.  It's even hard to take those words back, because we mean them.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
Yes!  I also have a difficult time liking my MIL.  I do wish she was gone too.  I also feel very hateful towards her.  I grew up in a Christian family too.  I don't know why I hate her so much.  I know how you feel.  Somehow, I am not able to forgive her.  Good Luck.

RESPONSE:  Needed To Tell SOMEONE
UNFORTUNATELY YES!!!  I would normally feel bad about feeling the way I do, but I wouldn't shed a tear if this old hag dropped dead tomorrow.  And, I would throw a party if she took her evil daughter with her.

Worst gift:  During an in-law visit, my MIL kept mentioning how much she loved Kaleidoscopes, and how SHE has always wanted to get one.  Her son, my husband, and I acknowledged her interest without adding any enthusiasm.  While wandering the mall, she managed to get me away from my husband and announced that she wanted to get us something, and asked what would we like?  Always a loaded question.  "Well, we could really use some everyday cutlery."  Just as I said this, she ducked into a "Kaleidoscopes-R-Us", and started staring wildly at the showcases.  You know, I kind of thought she meant the cardboard ones you get as a kid, thrilling to me at the time.  No, these were blown glass, hand made, and cost hundreds of dollars.  She asked my opinion, and I tried my best to be honest, yet helpful, on a subject I care little for.  I hope I am not offending you Kaleidoscope keepers out there.  Any hoo, I got the bright idea that when she finally choose one of these monstrosities, I would pay for half as our gift to her.  "Wrap it well, it's going on a plane," I remember saying.  "Well, it's for YOU!!",  she said.  My face went quite white, I was told later by the shop clerk.  She swore me to silence until we got home, when she could present it to my husband.  Of course, the minute my husband saw me, he said, "Are you ok?"  I quietly spilled my guts.  The kaleidoscope sits in our china cabinet.  In case we have company, "I will have something to show them."  The glass fruit basket with plastic handle sits in storage, deemed too tacky to get any real estate in the china cabinet.

        Signed - Fearful of Christmas and Birthdays

RESPONSE:  Fearful of Christmas and Birthdays
The first gift I received from my MIL was a hand crocheted afghan, made by her, intended for a woman my husband was engaged to before he met me.  Thoughtful woman, don't you think?

RESPONSE:  Fearful of Christmas and Birthdays
I don't understand why you just can't tell her that it is very cool that she likes those - but you and DH aren't really wild about them.  I guess I would have told her right away, "No thanks."  It's funny - we DILs are so afraid of telling our MILs our own taste.  You wouldn't have acted that way around a girlfriend - so why around her?  I think all that you are doing is not letting her see the real you.  So, she's a little upset that you don't like them as much as she does.  Oh well, people get upset - it's part of life.

RESPONSE:  Fearful of Christmas and Birthdays
Well, it isn't as bad as it may seem.  At least she was thoughtful enough to get you something she would want.  My MIL gets me anything cheap enough to deem presentable.  Only my DH gets anything he may want.  But, still, every Xmas I get her something I either know she wants, or something (usually practical) that I would want.  And wait for my clearance sweater to present itself.  LUCKY ME.

RESPONSE:  Fearful of Christmas and Birthdays
If this wacko ever asks you what you want again, tell her that you want lots and lots of COLD HARD CASH.  And smile.  You, apparently, aren't going to get what you ask for.  You are going to get **sarcasm**.  So, in my humble opinion, for Mother's Day, I'd have no qualms with re-gifting that kaleidoscope, and telling her that it just reminds you sooo much of her, and you really wanted her to have it.  What an imbecile she is!!!  Hey, don't be fearful of Christmas and birthdays, because you can always return her acts of kindness.  What comes around goes around.  Or, you can avoid her as much as you can.  It sounds like you have a real winner.  Best of luck.