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Mother-In-Law Stories
April 8, 2002
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MARCH 2002
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APRIL 2002
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I would just like to know what everyone's opinion is about a question that's been on my mind for a while.  Is it fair to just want your husband and mother in the delivery room with you, but NOT your MIL?  Your mother is there for your support (being the parent that is actually delivering).  But, should your husband have the right to say that the baby is half his too, and therefore he should be able to have someone that he wants in there to support him (say, if it's your first child together).  What do you all think?  If you think it is okay to not have MIL there, how would you tell MIL?  Thanks in advance for your responses.

        Signed - Just Wondering

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
Labor and delivery is hard enough.  Just tell your MIL, "I don't want you in there."  Straight up.  It is entirely your call.  You are the one who will be in pain delivering a baby.  Tell her she is welcome to wait in the waiting area and come in as soon as all is cleaned up.  Ask her to think back when she was giving birth to your husband.  Would she have wanted a bunch of people there to watch?  Hopefully, she will understand, since she has been through it.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I am a fourth year medical student (graduating in two months) and have witnessed a number of women having babies.  It is one of the most emotional and exhausting moments in a woman's life.  It is also a very delicate time for the woman and her baby, because labor is a tremendous physical challenge.  You have to be around supportive, caring people, and you have to be in a good frame of mind.  You should talk to your OB/Gyn about your wishes.  Generally, doctors won't allow more than one or two people in the room during the time of delivery, especially if that is what the patient (meaning you) wants.  Yes, he is the father, but he will have plenty of time after the delivery to reach to his mother for support.  During the delivery, the focus should be on you and the baby.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
You have every right not to want your MIL in the delivery room with you.  I was recently put in the same predicament, and although my MIL is a VERY controlling, manipulative person, I actually got my way for once.  Check with your hospital to see how many people they allow in the room with you.  Most hospitals only allow 2 people, and I chose my mother and DH.  Your DH and MIL should be able to respect this decision.  After all, how can you be expected to choose his mother over your own in this situation?  You're the one giving birth.  You will need more support than DH.  If your hospital allows more than 2 people in the delivery room with you, just explain that you would not feel comfortable with her presence.  This is a very special occasion for you, and you should not let anything make it an uncomfortable experience for you.  Your MIL will have many opportunities to visit with the baby after the delivery.  I know my MIL snatches (literally) my baby every chance she gets.  Please, take it from someone who kept her mouth shut for too long:  Don't let the MIL dominate you.  Speak up for yourself and your wants.  You'll be a much happier person for it.  Good luck, and much happiness to you and your new baby!

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I thinks it's totally ok to not want your MIL there if you're not comfortable.  I mean, she can wait in the lobby and be there right after.  But, let's be honest, you're probably not going to be the most comfortable.  Your body will be fully displayed, and that can be embarrassing for a lot of women.  So, if you don't want your MIL there, I think that's a-okay.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
Too many people in a delivery room just cause problems.  Frankly, I'd say only your husband should be there (cut the apron strings, already!).  But, if he's being a jerk about it, just take your mom.  Talk to the hospital, and see what their policy is on how many people can accompany you in the delivery room.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I think that you, being the person who will be exposed to the world, should have veto power over anyone your husband wants in the delivery room.  Besides, he's supposed to be supportive of you, and be strong for you.  More people (in my opinion) will cause unneeded chaos in the room.  What happens when you're having a contraction and need your husband to hold your hand or rub your back, but he's gone to the cafeteria to have tea with his mother?  I'm also pregnant - delivering in July - and my husband's mother asked him if she could be in the delivery room with us.  He (thankfully) referred her to me.  Nope, she will not be in that room with us!  I want no one there but him and the medical staff that has to be there!

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
Absolutely not.  You do what you feel comfortable with.  This is YOU giving birth, not ANYONE ELSE.  You don't want to look back at the birth of your child with regret because someone you didn't really want to be there was there.  I hope you put yourself first for this.  You don't need people adding stress during a time when you need energy and comfort and support!  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable.  First of all, the whole world will be looking at your crotch, which for me was very embarrassing!  Childbirth is very stressful and intense, and you should have people with you who will support you; not give you stress!  Not to mention, the nurses and doctor will probably only allow two people to be with you in the delivery room because it will be too crowded.  Just tell her that, and hopefully she will back off.  Good luck!


RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I'm new on this site and I've never posted before.  I think your husband should not have his mother with you in the delivery room unless you like her and feel comforted by her presence - and YOU want her there.  Of course the child is his too, but you will be under great stress while giving birth to a child.  It is a beautiful, but also stressful and painful experience.  You have to get all the comfort you can get.  Your husband can do nothing to help you, except by giving you that comfort.  I don't know what kind of relationship you and your MIL have together, but you should only allow her in if you feel completely fine thinking about her being there.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
No.  You should NOT be forced into accepting your MIL into the delivery room.  Even my mother was uncomfortable being in there with me when our son was born.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
My response to DH?  "Excuse me??  When you carry a child for 9 months, and face going through the pain and stress of giving birth, THEN you can say you have a right to have your mother there too!!"  I'm sorry, but there isn't even ANY comparison here!!  That is one of the most moronic things I have ever heard of a DH saying.  Does he honestly think that he has the right to subject you to the embarrassment and stress of having your MIL see you reacting to pain, and watching private parts of YOUR body while giving birth??  Well, then, I would schedule a colonoscopy for him, and tell him HIS MIL will be there watching.  My God!!  I am trying to be so careful not to scare you, but for pity sake, things happen during birth.  For one thing, sometimes the woman voids her bowels.  A woman in labor does not look her best, and sometimes does not sound like a lady (involuntary bodily sounds).  She may cry, scream, or spout hate words at her DH.  My sister works in the maternity ward of a local hospital, so I am getting most of my info from there.  My 1st birth went great.  BUT, the last thing I needed was my MIL looking at my private parts!!  If you want to be nice, then just say, "Sure Honey!!  MIL can be there for the birth of our child - when YOU give birth to it!!"  Talk to your Dr., and tell him all this.  Drs. can be a great help.  My Dr. flat-out told my DH that I could not handle ANY stress during birth (high risk), and he hoped DH would keep everyone away who would cause it.  My DH just kind of gulped and said, "Yes, Sir!"  So, talk to the Dr.  The hospital will keep out anyone you have asked them to - and they will take the heat for it too.  They just cite "rules" as their reason.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
No, I don't think he has any right to say who is going to be in the room.  Yes, the baby is half his, but it is a very private time for you.  Would he want your mother looking up his skirt?  I doubt it.  My ILs wanted to be in the room with us, but I told them, "NO WAY".  I know I would have been uncomfortable with them in there.  If it isn't comfortable for you, it is going to make the delivery uncomfortable for you.  And, lets face it, delivering is uncomfortable as it is.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
First off, Congratulations on the baby.  I believe it is your choice.  If you would prefer your MIL to not be in the room, then that's how it should be.  True, the baby is half your husband's, but is he giving birth?  No!  I believe that even your Doctors and nurses will tell you to have comfortable people around you (to keep you from getting to stressed out, which in turn could stress out your baby).  I will be going through this same dilemma soon myself.  Good luck, and congrats again!

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
To support him???!!!  You must be joking.  He is there to support YOU because it is half his baby.  Jeeez, I have never heard such a lot of hogwash.  The lady in pain ( YOU) makes the rules here.  YOU are the one doing the hard labor, and YOU make the decisions.  If my husband said that to me, I would tell him that if he needs support to watch me in pain, then it is best that he not be at the birth.  Signature:  Now I Have Heard It All.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I think that, in the end, it is up to you to decide who is in the room with you.  I, personally, would even have a problem with the doctor being there - but you can't do anything about that.  I think it is strange for your husband to insist, especially if it makes you uncomfortable.  Put your foot down.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
You really need to have a heart to heart with your husband.  If you don't feel comfortable with your MIL there, then don't allow it.  My husband and I never discussed his mother.  I just assumed that they wouldn't come.  I went into premature labor, and MIL and her husband showed up and sat there and just watched me until I got upset and started crying.  Don't let that happen to you.  You are going to have so much more to worry about than being on your best behavior.  In my case, my husband and doctors told them to leave because of my complications, and because I didn't need to be upset like that.  I ended up having an emergency C-section, and I had a 3lb, 12oz baby girl, who was in the NICU for 3 weeks (and now she is a healthy, 15 month old).  Everything ended up OK, but I still cringe every time I think of them just sitting there uninvited!  Good Luck.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I do not feel your husband has the right to demand someone be present in the room when it is YOU who is delivering.  Is he mad?  Does he have any idea what the birth process looks like?  It is a very personal experience, and only YOU should decide who is going to be in the delivery room.  Yes, the baby is half his, but unless he plans on climbing onto the table and opening wide, he has no right to tell you who should be there.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
Wow - my DH and I were just discussing this same topic.  I feel the same as you, and we are not going to have MIL in the room.  What we are going to do is to tell her after the baby is born.  Our situation is probably different, since my parents live in town, and she lives 2 hours away.  I think that if she did live in town, I would hope that I had a closer relationship to her than I do now, and I would tell her that I only want my "mommie" and my DH in the room, and hope she understands.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
To be honest, I would not want my mother or my MIL in the delivery room.  They can wait outside like everybody else.

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
Given that it is YOUR genital region that is going to be on display, and YOU are the one going through all that pain and effort, you have every right to decide who will be in the delivery room.  Your MIL can be in the waiting room and can see the child as soon as it's born.  If your husband insists on having his mom there, tell him that when HE is the one going through labor, he can make those decisions.  Would he invite your mom to his next rectal exam?

RESPONSE:  Just Wondering
I wouldn't want my MIL or my mother in the delivery room with me.  I think only your DH should be with you.  I think this is a very special time for a couple, and other family members should be in the waiting room.

My boyfriend and I have just found out that we are having a baby.  I am in my early 20's (he is older).  And after much discussion, we decided to keep the baby.  We live together.  He owns property, and we can afford to support a family.  Anyway, after she did some snooping in our bedroom, MIL found some tablets I was taking, and jumped to the right conclusion.  She called my BF and asked him if I was pregnant.  And, when he replied, "Yes," she went off the deep end.  She called me every name under the sun, and said that I had done it on purpose, and that I was trapping him, yadda, yadda, yadda.  I came home from work to discuss it with her, and she continued with the slander.  But, after we talked, she calmed down and apologized.  We then thought she would be OK  My BF saw her today, and she is still saying that she and my SIL want nothing to do with the baby, and that we should have an abortion, as I cannot raise a child.  Meanwhile, she had BF when she was younger than I am!  I don't know what to do.  Everyone says they'll come around, but I'm not so sure with her!  I'm at my wits end.  It makes life very difficult.  Everyone else has been so supportive and loving.

        Signed - Driven Crazy!

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Why aren't you married yet?  IF he were so supportive, he would take you to the courthouse and marry you TODAY!  Tell your BF's mom to buzz off.  And, don't allow her access to the baby, either.  Avoid her like the plague.  You don't need the stress.  Also, if your BF is a jerk, there IS adoption, you know.  You have options here.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Tell your boyfriend that his mother owes you and him an apology, and you will not talk to her unless it comes, and it is sincere.  If she calls, don't answer the phone.  If he hands you the phone and she doesn't apologize (or she starts in on you), hand it back to him, or hang up.  Don't take the abuse.  It does not make you a b!tch to push back - it makes you fed up.  If she comes over and starts to spit this poison, tell her to leave.  If she says it's her son's house, inform her that you live there also, and she can't talk to you that way.  Warn him that you are going to do this, and tell him that you expect support.  She might be his mother, but you are the mother of his child.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Ignore her.  If she wants nothing to do with the baby, then that is her loss.  If she wants to say things like that about you, then your child is better off without her in his/her life.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Congratulations on your baby, and best wishes to you!  I'm sorry your MIL and SIL have to make this such a difficult time for you.  They have absolutely NO RIGHT to tell you to have an abortion.  You are in your early twenties, and your boyfriend is older?  You are both old enough to make your own decisions, and it is none of their business how you choose to live your life.  Once the baby arrives, I'm sure they will come around.  But, in the meantime, they are doing some serious damage to their relationship with you and your BF.  I hope your BF is supportive of you right now, and tells his mother and sister that if they continue to behave horribly, they will never have a relationship with his new family.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Really fry her bacon by getting married!  LOL!  Seriously, I would let it go.  If everyone else is being loving and supportive, you don't need her or her daughter.  She will sing a different tune, most likely, when your child is born.  It is amazing how many of us horrible DILs bore the most fabulous grandchildren (that MIL can't live without)!  LOL!  And, if she doesn't come around?  Her loss.  And, from the sound of it, your gain.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Your MIL will regret what she said.  Once the baby is born, she will want to see the baby.  That is when you should draw the line and say, "You wanted the baby aborted!"  She is crazy!  She deserves no respect.  Stay away from the stupid b!tch.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
Think about this LONG and HARD.  You are in your early 20's (no I am not a MIL, but I have been in my early 20's before).  I'm not sure where you are in your life, but parenthood is a job you just can't take lightly.  It's really hard work!!!  I can't defend your BF's mom's reaction, but I can understand her consternation.  Here you are, with little life experience under your belt.  You are going to have a child, and expect your BF to support you and the child.  Have you thought about the upcoming expenses associated with parenting?  Do you know that you will have to put many of the dreams you've had on hold?  Just because BF has property, doesn't mean that is an infinite income!  And what will happen if your relationship with BF deteriorates during your pregnancy, or after the baby is born?  What is your support network going to be?  I can tell you right now that you can't expect your BF's family to support you!  Please think about this.  Do what is best for yourself and the child you are carrying.

RESPONSE:  Driven Crazy!
First of all, you cannot call her your MIL because you aren't married. Second, I think you should concentrate less on the situation with your BF's mother and realize what is happening in your life right now. Your unborn child is the most important thing. You are young, unmarried and pregnant. This is a much bigger problem than your BFs mother being unhappy. Turn your life around, and make a better world for your child.

frequent fry her - Right Husband Wrong MIL 1 of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Right Husband Wrong MIL, 1 of 4/Posted: 8-APR-02
My husband and I have been married for just a year, but we have been together for 4 blissful years.  Well, they were blissful until I met "HER".  By nature, I am a very straightforward person, and I do have the tendency to speak my mind on certain issues.  Well, my MIL is very old fashioned for being just 51, and she still insists on treating my husband and me like children.  She believes in the old adage that, "Children should be seen and not heard".  And, she has frequently "chastised" me for "speaking out of turn".  It began to become a serious problem, so my husband (then boyfriend) and I stopped going to visit his parents.  In fact, we pretty much cut all ties with them.  They live about 1.5 hours from us, and at the time, my now husband moved in with my parents and me because our area had more opportunity for jobs (he was just getting out of the military at the time).  We were still going to see his grandparents at least once a month though (they live in the same area).  Of course, it didn't take long for this to get back to my ILs.  When asked why we can't come and see them as well, my husband told his mother, "She comes with me on my visits to see my grandparents, and since you have expressed your interest in never having her in your house again, we don't stop."  My gem of a MIL countered with this pearl, "Well, leave her in the car to wait for you while you come in and visit with us."  Enraged by this, my wonderful, loving husband told her, "I don't put her on a leash at night and walk her.  I will not leave her to wait in the car for me."  After that, we did not speak to her for another 6 or 7 months.  This occurred almost 3 years ago, and even though I'm allowed back in the house, things haven't gotten much better.

        Signed - Right Husband - Wrong MIL

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Right Husband - Wrong MIL
WHAT A NASTY B*TCH!!  Thank GOD you have a REAL man!!

RESPONSE:  Right Husband - Wrong MIL
My MIL did the same thing.  She forbid me to come into her house, so I forbid her to come into mine.  That backfired on her, so she changed her tune in a hurry.  Hopefully, your MIL will stay out of your lives.  Good luck!

RESPONSE:  Right Husband - Wrong MIL
You've got an awesome husband J .

RESPONSE:  Right Husband - Wrong MIL
"Well, leave her in the car to wait for you while you come in and visit with us."  What kind of a comment is that?  Thank God your DH "reminded" MIL that you are not a dog!  You're very lucky that he stood up for you!  I have read about many DH's on this site who would've said, "Okay, mom," to that awful suggestion!  Best of luck to you with dealing with her.

Ever since my FIL passed away, my MIL has lived with us.  We don't mind her at all, and for the most part, we all get along.  My SIL, however, has a problem with it.  She has never asked her mother to live with her, because then her own MIL would get upset (because her MIL has asked to move in with them in the past, and they have said "no").  We pay for my MIL's bills and car.  SIL has never once offered any support, even though she knows that we are sometimes financially strained.  My MIL and SIL are VERY close, as well they should be.  When my husband and I want to go out at night, we first ask my MIL if she can baby-sit our kids.  If she says yes, then we go.  If she says no, then we ask my parents.  My SIL is pretty disorganized.  By the time she gets plans put together and asks my MIL to baby-sit her own kids, it's too late.  She gets so upset that her own mom can't baby-sit her kids.  In the past, I have asked my parents to baby-sit my kids if my SIL wants my MIL for her own kids.  They have said "Yes", but they both work, and it is hard for them to get up in the morning, since they are used to getting to sleep early.  My SIL, however, refuses to return the favor by asking her own MIL (who doesn't work, and lives close to her) if we both have plans for a night.  She is just a selfish person, and thinks that her mother should be there for all her needs, and I mean all.  My MIL cooks for her, does her grocery shopping, picks up her dry cleaning, baby-sits her kids during the day, and baby sits at night when they go out.  She might as well have her live with her and pay for her bills and car.  But, she wants us to have those responsibilities and drain all the advantages she can out of my MIL.  I would never be able to do that to my MIL, and she lives with us!

        Signed - Can't Stand My SIL


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