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Mother-In-Law Stories
April 9, 2002
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Well, I don't know where to start.  My MIL and I are such the opposites that we make the "ODD COUPLE" look happy.  Currently, my in-laws are living with me.  What started out to be only a few months, has now turned into ONE YEAR!!!  I am your typical husband (I will let you create your own image) - strong and silent, who loves his wife and 5 year old daughter.  My MIL is an emotional wreck.  I think she's SIBYL.  She is addicted to my wife and daughter.  All her happiness comes from them.  She is a gabber (talker) in the mornings.  Unfortunately, we both wake up early, and she wants to talk about world events at 6:00 am.  So, when I do not respond, I am the rude one, and she goes running to my wife.  Thus, the whole day is joyfully - full of crying, and MIL insisting that I hate her.  I can go on for days.  And, YES, my friends do tell me that I should write a book.  They get a kick out of my horror stories.  I apologize for not having a specific story, but I can't just tell one.  Once I get on a roll, it's all over.

        Signed - Once I Get On A Roll, It's All Over

RESPONSE:  Once I Get On A Roll, It's All Over
The BIBLE says the wife or husband come first!!!


RESPONSE:  Once I Get On A Roll, It's All Over
Mothers and daughters tend to be very close.  And your MIL has a talking need.  Maybe she should find some other friends.  You should talk to your wife about how you feel.  Do a marriage weekend with your wife.  Marriage Encounter is an excellent opportunity for the two of you to discuss your concerns.  Don't let your MIL control your marriage.  However, you want your wife to be happy.  From experience, the Marriage Encounter weekend saved our marriage!

RESPONSE:  Once I Get On A Roll, It's All Over
Good for you for letting them stay an entire year.  I understand that you are the strong, silent type, but maybe it's time to stop being silent.  If you aren't a talker in the morning, just tell your MIL.  Simply say, "Mom, please don't take it personally, but I'm just not a morning person.  I'd love to have this conversation with you later today, or tonight, when I get home from work."  Many family problems come from misunderstandings.  I would think you didn't like me, too, if you didn't want to talk to me.  I don't think she can figure it out on her own that you aren't a morning person.  Just talk to her.

frequent fry her - Right Husband Wrong MIL 2 of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Right Husband Wrong MIL, 2 of 4/Posted: 9-APR-02
Has anyone out there ever seen the movie, "The Ref"??  It's with Kevin Spacey, and is one of the funniest movies I have ever seen.  Anyway, the MIL in the movie is mine to a "T".  I have a MIL who is absolutely PERFECT.  The woman does NO wrong, and my husband and I are the most rotten people on earth.  Actually, her son is only rotten because he doesn't know how to "control his wife".  On the rare occasion that my flawless MIL does make a mistake, we get a half-@ssed apology that goes a little something like this, "I'm sorry for whatever it is that I did wrong in your eyes, BUT I was just trying to love my family to best of my ability, because they mean so much to me."  YEAH, RIGHT LADY!  There is a part in "The Ref" where the MIL starts yelling at her son because her picture wasn't over the fireplace - to which her son (Spacey) replies that they were thinking about replacing her picture with a large wooden cross, and every time that she feels unappreciated, she can climb up there and nail herself to it.  That one line pretty much sums up my MIL's whole existence.  If we ever receive a sincere apology from her without a "BUT" attached to it, I think we'd keel over.  Is there anyone out there who has "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????

        Signed - Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????
Oh YES!!!!  I loved that movie, and my MIL is so much the same.  Her family is like that - always doing mean things to everybody, and then, if they DO (hardly ever) say they are sorry, it goes like, "I'm sorry for anything you 'think' I might have done!"

RESPONSE:  Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????
Yes, my MIL is exactly like that, and her apologies are ALWAYS, "I'm sorry for whatever you think I did - blah blah," without ever really believing that she has done anything wrong.  I hate her.  You have my sympathy.

RESPONSE:  Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????
I once heard that, "BUT is a conjunction that negates everything I just said."  Try that on her and see if she understands.  Good luck

RESPONSE:  Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????
You have my sympathy for having a self-righteous MIL such as my own, and the fictitious MIL in "The Ref".  Perhaps the next time our own MIL's feel wronged, we should borrow that line from Kevin Spacey about the cross.  LOL!!!  Good luck to you!

RESPONSE:  Anyone have "Mother Teresa" as their MIL????
I think I will rent that movie tonight.  Maybe my husband will finally see how weird my MIL can be!

My MIL has been driving me nuts.  I would love some input on this, because I have been questioning myself a lot lately.  My husband and I have a beautiful baby girl (first grandchild to both of our parents).  She's 16 months old, and I am a stay-at-home mom.  Before the baby came along, we'd see our in-laws, maybe, a couple of times a month (we live about a half hour away).  Since the birth of the baby, my MIL will not leave us alone.  She calls, emails, always wants to get together, and is begging to baby-sit.  And, I mean begging.  She offers to pay for us to go out (does anyone else think this is strange?).  My husband and I made a commitment to each other that one of us will always try to be with our daughter so that we can avoid baby-sitters.  When this is not possible, we have had a good friend watch her.  My MIL does not know this, or she would flip.  She constantly hounds me to watch the baby.  And, when my husband finally asked her to stop begging to baby-sit, she stopped - for a month.  Now she is always telling me that all the other grandmas in her neighborhood, and in her family, get to baby-sit.  And she does not directly ask, but she constantly hints.  It irritates me, because she is so pushy about it.  She constantly makes comments like, "It's not fair, you get her every day," or, "I wish I could be a stay-at-home grandma."  The thing is, we do not want her to be as involved as she wants to be.  She is pushy, and she does not take "no" for an answer.  I feel like all the relatives are making comments, too, because she complains to them.  I am in a difficult situation, because I mean no disrespect to my MIL, but I feel like she is suffocating me.  She can be as sweet as pie, but, lately, I feel like there must be something wrong with ME (not her, because I deny her time alone with my daughter).  She started asking to baby-sit the day she found out I was pregnant.  I should probably add that, though she did a good job raising my husband, her daughter is spoiled rotten.  SIL still lives at home.  She dropped-out of high school, terminated a pregnancy, and has mama and papa cater to her every whim.  I am going off on a tangent - just a bit of family history.  I would welcome comments.  Thanks for this site!  It's nice to know that I am not alone.

        Signed - Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
MIL got her time to play mama, now it is your turn.  You have decided that she is not going to baby-sit, then that is that.  And, I speak not just as a DIL, but a MIL too.  In fact, I had 2 of my grandkids today, and I will have them tomorrow.  I get them at least once a week.  Having my grandchildren here often is a privilege, not a right.  A lot of these grandmas need to remember that.  Your MIL is way out of line.  This is your 1st - she is only 16 months old, and you did not have her so MIL could play grandma.  Tell her to go home and mother her daughter, and leave you to mother yours.  I am sorry that I can't come up with anything specific to do.  All I can think of is to sit MIL down and tell her why she can't baby-sit, and that you will NEVER even consider changing your mind if she doesn't stop this.  You should come over to the boards.  There are quite a few folks there with the same problem, and they may have wiser answers than I.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
So, let her baby-sit now and then, why not?  I would much rather have a relative than a friend baby-sit, unless your MIL is abusive or something.  She loves her first grandchild to death, let her enjoy it!  I hate my MIL, but still let her enjoy the kids.  Children need loving grandparents in their lives.  You sound very possessive of your daughter's time.  Once you have more children, I bet you'll think differently.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
"It's not fair, you get her every day," Ummmmm.  Yea!!  She's your daughter, so, of course, you have her every day!  People do not have children to just hand them around to the relatives.  I can't stand those grandparents who think that, just because their son or daughter had a child, they have "the right" to see them whenever they want, for as long as they want.  When those kind of grandmothers were young mothers themselves, I highly doubt they just handed their DS/DD to the relatives.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
I respect your and your husband's dedication to your baby.  I think it's great that you are a stay at home mom, and that you want to avoid using baby-sitters.  That said, unless you feel your baby would be in some sort of physical danger with your MIL, why NOT let her baby-sit once in awhile?  Maybe a compromise is in order.  If you're just not comfortable leaving the baby yet, tell her so, and tell her that maybe in a few months you'll feel more comfortable and she can baby-sit. Good luck, and let us know what happens.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
My mom is the same way, and my son is 6.  She wants to keep him on days when he needs to be in school.  She encourages my DH and I to, "Just go have a night to yourselves," and gives us money on the way out the door if we take her up on it!  But, she does it slyly, when the one of us or my stepfather isn't looking, like it's a big secret.  We avoid letting her have him more than about once a month overnight, because she either feeds him junk (cookies, snack cakes, and popsicles) or she believes him when he says he's not hungry all day.  He's 6!  He is a growing boy who gets caught up in playing, and doesn't really understand that when he's grumpy in the late afternoon, it's because he picked at lunch and he's HUNGRY!  I shouldn't be surprised - I was raised by her.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
I could have written this post myself.  I completely understand what you're saying.  The problem is - my parents baby-sit.  I trust them.  My ILs do not baby-sit.  I don't even trust them with my kids when I'm in the same room!  No advice - just wanted you to know you're not alone.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
Oh, my, your story sounds almost exactly like mine!  We have a 9 month old daughter.  I'm a stay at home mom, too!  After the baby was born, my MIL stayed with us for a week to "help out", and I didn't get to hold my baby more than 5 times that week!  It was awful!  She offers to pay for us to go out while she baby-sits, too!

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
I can totally relate to what you are going through.  It is very difficult.  If your MIL isn't too nutty, maybe you can leave your daughter with her OCCASIONALLY, such as when you make a trip to the grocery store or something.  She sounds like the kind of person who will take a mile if you give her an inch.  I didn't really get why you are hesitant about leaving your daughter with her - except that you are afraid she might spoil your daughter, or that she is very domineering.  Maybe, if you give her a chance, she might "cool it".  The only way you are going to know is to try.  My MIL is downright nuts.  She favors one of my children over the other, and now she makes nasty comments at family gatherings about how I never leave my girls with her.  It is a tough situation.  You can try to make it a win-win, but it is very difficult.  Be true to what YOU want to do for YOUR daughter.  Don't ever feel guilty about following your motherly instincts.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
You will have to get your DH to LAY DOWN THE LAW and tell his mother to be more reasonable, accept the word no, stop competing with other "grandmothers", and stop gossiping to family about what she considers to be your faults - OR else she should not be a part of your lives.  Get him to do it URGENTLY, ASAP.  She sounds like she will not give up, and will probably drive you crazy.  I have a MIL who is like this.  DH undermines me and give into her whenever possible.  And, I used to believe all the sob stories (as I didn't really know her very well).  But, once I found out all her lies (mostly over culture), I have become harder, and say "no" more and more often.  My MIL also spoils her son and daughter, and my son.  But, that's another story.  Good luck

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
Boy, can I relate to your story.  I've been married for 13 years, and my MIL has spoken to us on average a total of 2 years.  She has refused to have anything to do with us on the basis of how I do not let her have my 3 kids for the entire weekend.  I have told her that she is more than welcome to come pick them up for the DAY, and I will pick them up just prior to bed time for them.  But, NO, THIS is NOT good enough.  She thinks I don't trust her.  It's not that.  If my MIL took my kids every weekend like she wants (why she would is beyond me!), when would my husband have time to be with them and do things with them?  I have 3 BOYS.  My husband does boy things with them.  What could she do with them besides buy them out?  She doesn't know this, but I really do NOT trust her.  She is just like your MIL - PUSHY.  She insists that she is the laughing stock of the family, since every other relative gets to have their grandchildren all weekend long, but she doesn't.  So, you are definitely not alone in this messed up situation.  Trust me, IT'S NOT YOU.  Please, don't ever come down to the fact that something might be wrong with you, because nothing is wrong with you.  It's motherly instinct to want to be with your kid(s)as much as possible.  Besides, why would I want my MIL's bad habits to rub off on my kids (who are definitely not going to be taught and raise by her rules - she has made clear that she will not listen and follow any of my rules when the children are under her care).  Try giving your first born child to the MIL ONCE for her to care for, make specific instructions to her which she totally ignores, and later find her at a friends house (I happened to bump into her - totally accidentally) to discover she has brought along ONE DIAPER, ONE BOTTLE of milk, and nothing else - no diaper bag - NOTHING.  First thing I asked her was, "Exactly what were you planning on wiping my baby's @ss with, YOUR HAND?"  She laughed it off as if it was nothing important, and since that day, she has NEVER had my kids.  Her biggest beef was to keep them overnight for a sleepover at her house.  Some children do not like to sleep in any other bed but their own (till they get older).  But, like your MIL, my words went over her head, and I was the rotten DIL.  So, because of this, plus many, many, many other issues that she has thrown in my face, she has written her first born son, her ONLY DIL, and only 3 grandkids, off.  Hang in there, and stick to the commitment that you and your husband made!

RESPONSE:  Nice To Know That I Am Not Alone
My MIL is exactly like yours.  I started to think something was wrong with me for not wanting her to watch my daughter, but that was 7 years ago, and I now have 3 kids.  And, I still won't let her watch them.  There's just something about her.  Be strong, and follow what you believe.  Her entire family talked about me, and made comments at every party.  Be strong, because after 7 years, she still bugs about not being able to spend time alone with the kids.  She feels that, "All the other grandma's can take their grandkids anywhere," and she feels so hurt, etc.  I am the devil in her eyes, and the more she pushes, the more I want to get my kids away from her.  The only advice I can give you is to make sure your DH agrees with you (it took 3 years before DH agreed with me), and to stick to what you believe.  That's YOUR daughter, not hers.  My MIL also has a daughter who is a spoiled rotten brat. J

frequent fry her - Right Husband Wrong MIL 3 of 4 Frequent Fry Her TM. - Right Husband Wrong MIL, 3 of 4/Posted: 9-APR-02
My MIL has always had a problem with letting her children go.  My husband and I are convinced that if she didn't have her children's lives to interfere with, she would have/be nothing.  When it came time to plan our wedding, hubby and I were looking into a few ideas to keep the cost down.  I am the youngest child of retired parents, and I was a recent college grad at the time (which my parents also contributed to financially).  One of the ideas that we came up with was having a Friday evening ceremony, and having a cocktail/ hors d'oeuvres kind of reception.  Nothing too fancy - yet elegant.  We both really liked the idea - since neither of us were really into the whole big wedding deal (to this day, we say we should have done the Vegas circuit).  We had a long engagement - about 2 years - so there was plenty of time for our guests to arrange their schedules to accommodate this.  We had told my future MIL of our possible plans, so that she felt "included" in the process.  Meanwhile, my mother said it was a good idea, and if that's what we really wanted, then fine.  She thought that since we were planning so far in advance, if people really wanted to come to the wedding, they would find a way to arrange it.  So when we told my MIL, she freaked, and wrote a big, long email about how, "You WILL have a Saturday morning or afternoon wedding, you WILL be married in a church, and it WILL be under a certain budget, since we (MIL and FIL) are planning to contribute to it."  Then, she proceeded to tell us that we were being selfish to even consider a Friday night ceremony, and that no one would be able to show up for it, etc.  Then, she also called me a "spoiled "b!tch".  As soon as we received this email, my mother got one from her begging her to talk sense into us, and to explain why having a Friday night ceremony wouldn't work (like my mother didn't just read the e-mail she sent me calling me a "spoiled b!tch")??  Anyway, after some careful consideration, my wonderful man (who was still in the military at the time, but came to visit for the weekend) called his mother and told her that, fine, we'll concede to the Saturday wedding, but next weekend he will be coming home, moving all of his belongings to my parent's house, and changing his address.  At the time, she was fine with this, because she believed she had gotten her way.  Then, the next weekend came, and hubby and I came up to collect his things.  Well, she just stared blankly at us, with tears rolling down her face.  She was sighing heavily, with her hand clutching her chest.  I'm telling you, if I had an Oscar, I would have handed it to her right then and there.  We never said a word to her, and just went about our business.  As we were cleaning out his room, we decided to throw a lot of stuff away.  Meanwhile, MIL was downstairs, and was on the phone with my SIL.  She was asking her to come home from work, because she didn't think she could handle this.  And <GASP>, she said she may kill herself, because she has failed as a mother.  Oh no, the horrors!!  So, we made it out of there unscathed, but we received a phone call later that evening asking why we threw this and that out, etc.  The woman went through the trash bags after we left (the trash bags that we closed and took out back to the trash cans!!!).  Can you believe the type of crazy I am dealing with???  Is it just me??

        Signed - Is It Just Me??

( I want my own Frequent Fry Her TM Page )

RESPONSE:  Is It Just Me??
I know the type.  My MIL has been seen going through our garbage in the wee hours of the morning.  She actually drove right up to our curb, and her and her daughter dug through it!  She also sends dirty emails to us, and our friends too!  Her son believes she has gone mad!!!!!

RESPONSE:  Is It Just Me??
Definitely a crazy woman.  It sounds like she uses guilt to get her way.  Good for you for standing your ground!

RESPONSE:  Is It Just Me??
No, it is not just you!  My MIL is the exact same way.  I actually thought I was reading my own story at first.  Has she gotten over it yet?

RESPONSE:  Is It Just Me??
You mentioned that you're convinced your MIL would be nothing if she stopped interfering in her children's lives.  That's my MIL!  The woman has no life what-so-ever, which is why she is such a busybody in her children's lives.  She doesn't work, has no hobbies or interests, doesn't take care of herself, house, etc.  So, she literally lives for her DS and DD.  She calls constantly, wanting to know EVERYTHING that goes on in our lives.  She's always volunteering to accompany us to doctor's visits and the grocery store.  She begs us to take her with us whenever we go out to dinner, the movies, etc.  The sad part is:  She's still married to FIL.  Why doesn't she do this stuff with him, you ask?  We don't know!  FIL is always willing to take her out, and she tells him, "No," she'd rather both of them go with DS/DD.  SIL is due to have a baby in the fall - MIL's 1st grandchild.  I don't even want to know how she'll be when that baby comes!  I honestly think she expects SIL to just hand her the baby over whenever she wants it, which will be 24/7.  I wish my ILs were like my parents.  They have hobbies, interests, friends, they entertain, and enjoy day trips.  Because my mom and dad don't hound DH and I, MIL thinks they are bad parents!  What a weirdo!


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