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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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April
13, 2002
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Worst gift: My MIL came
over recently. After she left, she called up to say that she
had developed a rash. She asked if we had fleas in the house.
We don't own a pet, and the house is spotlessly clean (and only
6 months olds). For my birthday, she wrapped up a container
of flea powder!! She was serious.
Signed - Flea Powder
RESPONSE: Flea Powder
I am sorry that you have to put up with a rude @ss like that for
a MIL. I would just let her know that, since your home is
obviously not up to her standards, she should tell you which hotel
she will be staying in so you guys can squeeze some time out of
your busy schedule to stop by and see her.
RESPONSE: Flea Powder
Maybe you could turn this to your advantage. After all, she
can't visit until you get the "flea problem" resolved,
right? Good luck.
RESPONSE: Flea Powder
What a B!TCH!!! I would have handed it back, no THROWN it
back at her. But, for the record, you CAN bring fleas in on
your feet. And, in some areas, there are sand fleas (like
Florida). What did your DH say to these childish antics from
his mommy? I am curious.
RESPONSE: Flea Powder
Time for the "Geriatric Gift Basket"! Get a pretty
basket, put in some pretty tissue, then some products MIL may need:
Foot powder (for odor), corn pads, incontinence pads, wrinkle cream,
age spot fading cream, and my personal favorite - wart remover.
Add anything else you can think of. A lot of this stuff can
be gotten from a dollar store. Then, put a huge bow on it
and give it with a big smile on your face, like you think it is
just a GREAT basket. You might want to include lice shampoo
because of that little flea powder stunt.
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Worst gift: One year
my in-laws went to Vegas for their vacation right before Xmas.
When they got back, they had presents for everyone from Las Vegas.
Everyone seemed to be getting really nice presents - like beautiful
sweaters, books, CDs, etc. So, when it got to be my turn to
open my gift, I had just one present in a small box. It turned
out to be a pin of a clown face with blinking purple lights for
its eyes!!!!!! And, that was all I got! It was like
an evil clown demon! I kept it so I could show all my friends
when they complain about their in-laws.
Signed - Clown-Hater
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Worst gift: My worst
gift from my MIL would have to be the gift I received second Christmas
after my DH and I were married. We live in a different state
than she does, so she sent a box full of gifts to us. There
were gifts for DH and my son, along with a note saying that she
"forgot" about me. Like, she couldn't have just
thrown something in there for me. I would have been happy
with a pack of gum, because it would have shown that she thought
about me. I have since learned that others "married"
into that family are treated the same by the people born into the
family. My MIL never remembers my birthday, although I always
remember hers. But, why should she remember mine when she
doesn't even remember her own son's? She buys my son things
that she already knows he has. She will call my house, but
as soon as she finds out DH isn't home, she has to go right away.
If I call her to tell her something new that my son has done, she
can't even take the time out to hear about it (she just sits around
the house all day, so it's not like she is busy). She even
forgot my son's first birthday. I could understand it if she
had 20 grandchildren, but since my DH is an only child, my son is
her only grandchild. When we are in town, she can't even play
with my son for 5 minutes. She just acts like he isn't even
around. I don't think that is normal, since she only gets
to see him once a year. I have decided that, since she shows
no interest in my son, I won't bother her with any more pictures
of him, nor will I call to let her know about something new that
he did. And, I won't bother letting her see him whenever we
are in town. I have told my DH about how I feel, and that
I won't bother her with anything to do with our son. He says
that it will be her loss.
Signed - MIL Doesn't
Care
RESPONSE: MIL Doesn't Care
Good for you. Don't waste your time trying to make her take
interest.
RESPONSE: MIL Doesn't Care
Your DH is right. It is her loss. Your child does need
to feel like he is nothing by his grandmother. I would stop
sending her pictures out of the blue. But, if she calls, you
could tell her you've had some taken, and ask if she wants any sent.
It makes you look less vindictive, and puts the ball back in her
court. Since she shows no interest in your son, don't call
her about him, or mention him to her when she calls. Let her
ask about him. Call your own mother, DH, sister, or friend
if he has done something noteworthy.
RESPONSE: MIL Doesn't Care
I'm sorry that you have a selfish old witch for a MIL. I know
how you feel (HUGS), because I also have a noninvolved in-law who
really doesn't even deserve the title of "grandmother".
Like yours, she sits around the house all day, but never calls.
She sulks at his birthday parties (she is the world's biggest baby),
and has no real bond with my son. I believe that deep down,
these monsters are actually jealous of their grandkids, and the
attention they receive from others. I know that my in-law
definitely has narcissistic traits, and can not stand it when the
spot light is not on her. I wish that my son had a normal
grandmother who would come over and play with him and love him.
But, since my husband's mom is too warped to be normal, I have to
protect him from hurtful people like that. She is doing me
a favor by removing herself from our everyday lives, because she
has nothing productive to offer anyway. Our children deserve
so much better.
RESPONSE: MIL Doesn't Care
It's so strange that we have the exact opposite MILs. My husband
is an only child too, but his mother is so smothering that we wouldn't
have a moment's peace if we had children (she even goes into hysterics
over our dog). Want to trade?
RESPONSE: MIL Doesn't Care
Your DH is exactly right. It is your MIL's loss if she doesn't
care about you and your son. This way, you don't owe your
MIL a thing. I know it is sad that she doesn't take the time
to get to know you or her only grandchild, but see it as an opportunity
to get away from her. Don't call her anymore. Don't
talk to her when she calls. Don't send her gifts for Christmas
for birthday. Leave that up to DH. And, if he forgets,
oh well. She will whine and complain that you forgot her,
then you can let her have it with, "What about me and DS????"
Play her own game, but play it better. Good luck.
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I would like to thank
everyone for their responses to my question about what I could wear
to the wedding that would have been offensive. I now realize
how petty that would be, and how bad that would have made me look.
In answer to some questions that were posted, the bride, and the
bride's mother and sister (the bride's mother is MIL's sister) have
all been horrible to me since day one (which I am sure is because
MIL has been horrible to me from day one). The story is way
too long to post, but you have all been there, I am sure.
Now, I have some good news for the sweet revenge. DH is completely
oblivious when it comes to remembering dates for such events as
birthdays, weddings, etc. I booked a weekend retreat for the
two of us to get away the weekend of the wedding. MIL is about
to have a fit that we will not be at the wedding. However,
this is a much needed getaway, and a bonus to avoid all these people.
MIL has poisoned these people against me, when all I ever really
did was love and marry DH. What I can't understand, however,
is why DH holds me to higher standards than he holds everyone else.
We were all taught "do unto others ...". DH is perfectly
aware, and has witnessed the horrid treatment I have endured, and
yet he always expects ME to take the high road. Why is it
that they can treat me badly, but when I get upset and don't want
to be around them (don't want to talk to his mother especially,
and, basically, want to avoid them at all costs), he expects me
to kill them with kindness, and not show that they get to me.
I can understand that he does not want constant friction, but by
the same token, I was always taught to treat others as I wanted
to be treated. They treat me like cr@p, so why can't I retaliate
with: A). Not taking their cr@p and standing up for myself.
Or B). Retaliating with indifference - kind of the "Oh
Well" attitude, and really not have anything to do with the
lot of them? Pretty much what I have had to do is to just
approach it with a very nonchalant attitude. I refuse to remember
birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, showers, etc. It is DH's
family, and I have a large family myself, so he can take on the
burden of remembering all these events (which involve people who
are disrespectful to me, and whom I detest). Anyway, thanks
for listening, and for all your responses.
Signed - Won't Wear White
To The Wedding - In Fact - I Just Won't Attend!!
RESPONSE: Won't Wear White To The Wedding - In Fact
- I Just Won't Attend!!
I was exactly where you are now. We no longer have contact
with the ILs. My DH wanted me to "kill them with kindness"
too. It's what he was taught. "Don't make her mad"
(referring to the mother) was the logo over their front door.
I kept quiet for many years, until we got married, and she decided
her son was dead to her. We've gone on quite happily, though
it does still hurt. I'd suggest avoiding these people at all
costs, too. Your peace and happiness is more important than
trying to please people who only want to wallow in misery (self-created
misery, at that). Make choices that maintain your happiness.
RESPONSE: Won't Wear White To The Wedding - In Fact
- I Just Won't Attend!!
I am glad that you rethought it. I told you to please think
about doing that - you may regret it. I understand COMPLETELY,
but I am glad you decided against it. In fact, I love what
you did! I never thought of being busy that weekend.
Good move - good for you!!! We discuss that very thing over
on the boards about husbands who expect better behavior from their
wives than they do their families. Why not come on over and
join in? It is too big an issue, with too many variances,
to discuss this one time. I think you would do well over there.
Hope to "see" you soon. J
RESPONSE: Won't Wear White To The Wedding - In Fact
- I Just Won't Attend!!
I know exactly how you feel! My MIL acts like I do not exist.
She calls my DH, but never asks about me or her three grandsons.
She even has the nerve to bake my SIL a cake every year and expect
us to come over to her house and celebrate, but not one time in
seven years has she ever done that for me. My advice to you
is to just try and avoid her at all costs. That is what I
am doing, because my feelings and my children are more important
than anyone else. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Won't Wear White To The Wedding - In Fact
- I Just Won't Attend!!
Unfortunately, I have had to go speak to a professional about this
same sort of treatment. My husband's mother is totally disrespectful
to me, and my family (my parents, and sister). She throws
out little things that I figured I should just let go of and let
roll off my back. But, this lady said, "If you lay in
the road, you are going to get run over. She said. "Stand
up for yourself, and if your MIL says some things that sort of leave
you out, jump in there." Include yourself. I am
giving you this information so that you don't have to go through
what I am going through. She also told me to get the book
titled, "The Assertive Woman". I have not read it
yet, but it is supposed to help me cope with these people without
getting angry or mad at them. Just like the day we walked
into their house for the first time after being away (overseas)
for 2 years - it was my birthday, so they had their entire family
there. We walked in, and the first thing they did was to not
include me in a family picture. My kids and husband were there,
and we did not even get a copy of it. My friend said, "You
should have just gotten in there." But, I did not want
to be rude and mess it up if they really wanted that picture without
me. And, she told me, "You are part of the family, whether
they want you there or not. Include yourself."
My mother would never do that to my husband. I would not let
it happen. Good luck
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Worst Gift Stories
For WORST GIFT Stories, Click Here.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives