Worst gift: This year
for Christmas, I was given a dollar store notepad that has a magnet
on the back as my gift. I have been asking for years that
we not exchange gifts - we are adults - go buy your own cr@p.
But the beauty of this moment was when I was asked to open my gift
so I could take notes on what my MIL needed for groceries.
Signed - Hoping God Needs
My MIL, Soon!!!
RESPONSE: Hoping God Needs My MIL, Soon!!!
You should have graciously taken down her list. Then, tell
her you are adding a few things for yourself, and that she can drop
them off at your house anytime!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Right Husband Wrong MIL, 4 of 4/Posted: 14-APR-02
Does anyone else have a MIL who thinks the WHOLE
world revolves around her?? My father, unfortunately, passed
away in 2000 - about a year before I was married. My husband
thought his family might want to know, even though, at the time,
our families hadn't met yet, and things were rocky between his parents
and the both of us. So, we called my future MIL, who gave
a half-@ssed apology for my loss, and then went into how tough it
must be. But, she said that she really doesn't understand,
because she never got to know her father (she was the product of
an affair), because he never wanted anything to do with her or her
mother, yada, yada, yada. Then, she moved on to how she hopes
MY father's death will be a lesson for her son that life is too
short, and he shouldn't shut his family out. She also told
him how lucky he is to still have a father here "on earth".
She said that he should love him and keep him safe, etc. Keep
in mind that this conversation took place the day my father passed
away. Is it just me, or did that seem a little insensitive??
RESPONSE: Is It Just Me??????
That was definitely insensitive. These are jealous, sneaky,
selfish people you are dealing with here. I know what you
are feeling. The question is: Did DH fall for her little
lesson that she wanted him to learn from YOUR Dad's passing away?
That will be the biggest shame - if he fell for her cr@p.
RESPONSE: Is It Just Me??????
Get over her, and get on with your life. You can't change
her treatment of you, all you can do is stop letting her affect
you negatively. When she gets to you, she wins. Don't
call her, don't initiate any visits, don't invite her to your children's
events. Let (don't push or nag) your husband decide whether
or not to do these things himself. All you have to do, then,
is be gracious when, and if, she shows up or calls. This will
allow you to distance yourself from a negative situation, and remove
the stress associated with it.
Many years ago, my DH
and I decided to go to the shore for a week of vacation. We
asked very good friends to take the same week, and we both booked
the motel suite apartment right next door to each other. I
called several weeks before we were due to arrive to confirm our
reservations, and I told them my name. They asked me, "Which
Mrs. Smith (not my real name)?" I told them which one,
and said that a Mrs. Jones (not her real name) - my friend - was
supposed to be next door. They said no, that there was a Mrs.
Max Smith and a Mrs. Donald Smith. What had happened was that
our friends backed out, and my dear MIL had made arrangements to
come the very same week. My friends never bothered to tell
us, nor did my dear MIL bother to tell us that they had made arrangements
for the same time. Needles to say, I changed my reservations
and didn't tell her (MIL). I called the next week, and as
my luck would have it, she had changed her reservations to the same
time we were supposed to be going. So of course I changed
my reservations again, and, again, I did not tell her. I called
the next week to confirm, and yes, you guessed it, she had changed
her reservations. This went on for one more time. That
summer, we spent a week at another shore, and never told her.
Several years later, I ended up telling her that this should never
have happened. She is very afraid of going anywhere with just
her husband - I guess she can't stand him. I told her several
years later that I was not her baby-sitter. I know she has
a degree of agoraphobia, but that is her problem, not mine.
It has been like this for me for the past 32 years. Things
are getting slightly better, because I have learned to confront
her as soon as something pops up. I was never allowed to do
so by my DH. We have grown up somewhat, and my advice to anyone
is: Never let it be. It just festers, and doesn't get
better. Confront her in the best possible, and most kind way.
It might help.
Signed - Late Bloomer
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