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Mother-In-Law Stories
April 15, 2002
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Did you see that Ebay auction in which a guy sold his mother's wonderful secrets of raising him with so much love, for over $600.00?  Someone sent me an email about that, really touched by it, but I felt cynical!  I thought, "Yeah, she would be really great if she actually treats this guy's WIFE decently, too."  I don't know if he's married, but I don't think it's so unusual for a mother to be selfless, adoring, and devoted to her son.  But, the real proof in the pudding is:  What kind of MIL is she?  In my experience, those overly involved mothers make pretty horrible MILs.  If she's the exception, her "secrets" are really WORTH $600!  Hey, maybe some of you could sell a list of advice about how to get along with MILs for $600!!

        Signed - Skeptical

RESPONSE:  Skeptical
I think you raise an excellent point - that it is a mistake for women to make their children their whole lives, and it's a mistake for parents to make their children the center of their marriage.  It's not good for the children.  I had this discussion a few months back with a cyberpal who just couldn't understand how any woman could be so awful as to work when she had children.  While I certainly wouldn't want to put a 6 week old baby into daycare, I can very much understand why women who have a lot of time, education, and effort invested in a career, want to protect and maintain that (for the simple reason that children *grow up*, and will sooner or later very much want you to *NOT* make them the center of your life).  Certainly, once the kids are old enough to be in school (unless you're home schooling, I suppose), it's time for mom to start getting a life outside of her kids - for everybody's sake.

RESPONSE:  Skeptical
Actually, you could be wrong.  His mother could have raised him to respect others, make his own decisions, and to stand up against injustices.  She might have raised him to love and cherish his wife.  Someone who does what he does must be happy with his life, which means all around, no?

When my husband and I were engaged, a coworker told me a story about how she had registered for a certain pattern of china, only to have her FMIL go to the department store and change her pattern.  One day, we were having dinner with my in-laws and talking about our gift registry, and I told them this story (because I thought it was funny).  My MIL, however, decided that I had told the story because I thought she would do the same thing (I didn't think that).  So, to prove me wrong, she went out and bought all 12 place settings of our china.  Four years later, she is still buying me china, and refers to that story every time!  Get over it lady!

        Signed - Can't Talk To A Psycho Like A Normal Human Being

RESPONSE:  Can't Talk To A Psycho Like A Normal Human Being
That's the sad thing about having Psycho in-laws.  You can never make an innocent comment without it being taken the wrong way.  Better not to talk to them at all.

RESPONSE:  Can't Talk To A Psycho Like A Normal Human Being
Did you ever explain to her that you weren't referring to her that night?

Worst gift:  My SIL's birthday is one day before mine, so we celebrate them together, as we have some mutual friends.  We were at MIL's house earlier that day to do the birthday dinner and the whole gift thing.  I was expecting to get nothing, and that would have been fine with me.  Well, MIL came out of the house with our gifts.  My gift was a plastic shoe box with tampons, shampoo, soap, and toe nail clippers in it.  SIL got a printer for her computer, a camera, a new TV, and a promise that she would get MIL's car in 2 months (the car was only a year old).  SIL didn't even need the car, she already had two!  I told my husband that receiving soap was more insulting than getting nothing.  On a good note, MIL got the plastic shoebox and soap stuff back for Christmas!  He he he.

        Signed - Not Good Enough For MIL

I have tears in my eyes as I write this.  I have been married to my wonderful husband for 11 years.  Since my children have been born, his mother has gotten even nuttier.  The latest episode of MIL insanity occurred at a family dinner a few days ago.  I don't let MIL watch my kids, because I truly don't trust her.  I wasn't in the door of MIL's house for 2 seconds when MIL asked, "Are your girls still in preschool?", to which I replied, "Yes," (and they are not - but I don't want to give MIL the satisfaction that they aren't).  Her response was "Smart GIRL!!!  You need to learn how to let go of your children."  My three year old daughter heard the word "preschool" and began to relay the story that she didn't want to go back to preschool because one of the little boys was (quote - excuse me) "picking his nose".  MIL REPLIED TO my THREE YEAR OLD, with a sick gleam in her eye, "OH!  SHOW ME HOW HE WAS DOING THAT?!?!"  I immediately responded with, "NO!  We don't behave like that in our house," and MIL responded to me like a cobra, flipped her head around and hisses out, "TAKE IT EASY!!!  IT WAS JUST A JOKE."  I wanted to smash her.  I am at my wits end.  She is a lunatic.  Can ANYONE relate?  What do I do???  I try to keep that nutcase b!tch away from my innocent children as much as possible, but we still are "obligated" to go down there for family dinners (according to DH).

        Signed - Actually Encourages Her Grandchildren To Pick Their Noses

RESPONSE:  Actually Encourages Her Grandchildren To Pick Their Noses
What a pig!  Children pick their noses, everyone knows that.  Why would she want to see it?  Where is DH and his spine in all of this?  You are going to have to use your mouth, just like she does.  Tell her to stop undermining you in front of the children, or she won't be seeing them anymore.  She is a bad influence, and I think she is doing it to piss you off.  The lasting effects of all of this will stay with the children, however.  I am one of these people who can't keep her mouth shut.  My MIL learned a very long time ago not to go there.  She can say all that she wants to behind my back, because what I don't know won't hurt her!  See what I am getting at?  Put your foot down and keep it down to her and your DH.  Dry those eyes, and take "action", instead of reacting.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Actually Encourages Her Grandchildren To Pick Their Noses
That is a difficult situation.  The only way to put a lot of distance between her and your children is to find a job out of state and move!  I'm having the same sort of problem that you are (I don't trust my MIL around my kids AT ALL), and I'm seriously contemplating asking for a transfer to another state.  If hubby won't come with me, I'll go alone and take the kids, because I can't deal with her neurotic behavior, and the safety and well-being of my children ALWAYS comes first.  Good luck to you.

RESPONSE:  Actually Encourages Her Grandchildren To Pick Their Noses
You are not overreacting.  I am in a similar situation, and have come to the conclusion that, ultimately, I am my children's mother, and I will always have their best interests at heart.  I will fight tooth and nail to raise them as strong, loving and respectful.  What your MIL did crossed the line, and infringes on that belief.  You reacted in the same way I would have.

RESPONSE:  Actually Encourages Her Grandchildren To Pick Their Noses
I would have let him do it.  Only, I would have let him wipe it in her drapery - you know, the kind that have to be dry cleaned!  Then, I'd have said, "HA HA HA, it's only a joke.  Lighten up!"  She wouldn't have liked that very much!  I, too, have a wacky MIL.  She started out wacky, but I sat her down really quick.  My mother also had a real wacky MIL.  She went with my parents on their honeymoon, and stayed with them on their wedding night - in the same room!  Sounds sick, or what?  I always swore I would never take the sh!t my mother took!  And I don't!!!


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