My son suffers from depression,
and attempted suicide at Thanksgiving the year he was 13.
My MIL called the day after he was released from the hospital and
asked if he could have a gun for Christmas. Then she didn't
understand why I said, "NO!"
Signed - Unbelieving
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
That's terrible. I'm really sorry that you have to put up
with her.
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Can you speak to this fluff-brain without an interpreter?
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Oh my God. Your story tops them all. What a COMPLETE
MORON you have for a MIL.
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Your MIL is an insensitive, stupid b!tch! I would never let
her be alone with my children ever again. I can't believe
someone could be that stupid and cruel. Get away from her.
What did your DH say about this?
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Your MIL is an IDIOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even know
what else to say beyond that.
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Did you just say "NO", or did you explain to her that,
due to his attempted suicide, this probably wouldn't be such a great
gift idea. If you did explain this to her, and she is mad,
then that is her problem, not yours. She obviously can't see
that she is being selfish, and not putting the best interests of
her grandson first. Concentrate your energy on your son.
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
Oh my Goodness! If I didn't have the evil MIL I do, I would
find it hard to believe a person, let alone a MIL, could be so EVIL!
You must've been livid. I hope you don't bring your son (children)
around her much (especially alone with the witch). That sounds
like something my own MIL would do to us. Depression is hard
enough to deal with, without ignorant/insensitive people like that
around. I hope things have improved for your son, and your
own personal family.
RESPONSE: Unbelieving
I am so sorry. Things must be very hard for your family at
times. You don't need the moronic questions of a loon on top
of it. Unbelievable!! All I can do is sit here and shake
my head.
My in-laws disliked me
from the get go. My MIL constantly spoke about me behind my
back to my husband. They were less than pleased when they
found out about our wedding. My MIL told my mother how she
wished her son would get back with a past girlfriend because she
was so skinny and just beautiful. She was a nightmare from
the get go! When we found out we were going to have a baby,
they acted like we told them the sky was blue. Several weeks
later, I had a miscarriage, and my MIL said, "It's ok.
Obese women have deformed babies anyway." I thought I
must have heard wrong! When I finally confronted her about
this, she cried, and couldn't believe I was so upset. My husband
has two lives, one with his family and one with me. Believe
me, I couldn't be happier about that!
Signed - Hands Washed
of Cruelty!
RESPONSE: Hands Washed of Cruelty!
I hope you meant your DH has the life he used to have with his faaamily,
and the life he now has with you. I hope he isn't still associating
with someone who would say such a thing to his wife - even if it
is his mother. I am so sorry for what she said. It was
stupid, cruel, and untrue. I hope you know.
RESPONSE: Hands Washed of Cruelty!
Good for you for standing up for yourself. She is a horrible,
horrible woman.
RESPONSE: Hands Washed of Cruelty!
I am sorry for your miscarriage, but to have to endure a b!tch of
a MIL on top of that is agony! I would call her on all of
her "digs", and would not let her get away with a thing.
What did your DH say about her remarks? I would stay as far
away from her as possible. If, and when, you do get pregnant
again and have a baby, don't ever let her see your children without
you being present. Never let her take care of them while you
are gone. Give her what she deserves - as little contact from
you and any future grandchildren as possible. I am sorry she
has done this to you, but you must put your foot down now about
her behavior. Let her know that, unless she respects you as
DH's wife and possibly the mother of her grandchildren, you will
not have a thing to do with her. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Hands Washed of Cruelty!
Why does your husband have two lives? It says in the bible
that a man shall leave his mother. Your husband's priority
should be you, his wife. He should stand up for you, and stand
by you to his family, or whoever tries to hurt or discredit you.
As you should do for him. His blood family should now be secondary,
and if his family doesn't like you, then that is like saying they
don't like him as well.
RESPONSE: Hands Washed of Cruelty!
My MIL never liked me from the get go either, and she insists that
my husband should get back with his ex girlfriend - the one who
abandoned her 4 kids (ages 2 months to 5 years - only the youngest
was my husband's). This ex-GF simply walked out of the apartment
one day, leaving the kids. She never returned. Three
of those kids, mind you, were not my husband's. But, according
to MIL, she was so sweet, and was such a good mother - so neat with
the housework, so pretty. I think MIL is leaving out a few
words - so immature, so "easy", so irresponsible?
Where do I begin?
DH and I have been married for 7 years. My ILs were never
really a problem, until I got pregnant. We tried to conceive
for 4 years, and the ILs had to know every detail, and talk about
it constantly to people we didn't even know (even after we told
them, numerous times, that this was a private matter, and not to
be shared with anyone else). We tried IVF 2 years ago, and
it failed. MIL chose to share this info with everyone at her
church so they could pray for us. Thanks. When we had
our second IVF attempt, we didn't tell anyone, except for my parents.
It worked, and we were pregnant with twins. The ILs were hysterically
happy. It ended up that I had to be admitted to the hospital
for 11 weeks for pre-term labor. The ILs came to visit whenever
they wanted. This was like my home. They didn't bother
to call before visiting. They would stay all day, at times.
They would tell me I had to make it to 40 weeks because that is
full term. They would tell me I had to lay perfectly still,
not to hurt the babies, etc. It was the worst time of my life.
DH's grandma snuck into my room one day when I had a "no visitors"
sign posted. I asked her to leave, because I wanted to get
into the shower. She refused, saying that she had made the
trip all of the way to the hospital (10 minutes), and she wasn't
going anywhere. Fast forward to when the babies were born.
My parents were at the hospital, which was what I wanted.
We are very close. DH and I decide to call his parents.
They immediately came to the hospital. I delivered vaginally,
and there was a problem with one of the babies (so the delivery
wasn't as quick as we thought it would be). My parents said
that my MIL was saying how something must be wrong, and how she
was going to, "Go down to the delivery room and find out for
herself what was going on!" My dad told her to sit down,
and to have faith in her son, that he would let everyone know what
was going on asap. We had the babies. They were taken
to ICU. We invited all of the parents to come to ICU to see
the babies with us. MIL touched one of the babies before I
did. My parents stayed back and let us whisper, etc., to the
babies by ourselves. Not MIL. She was right there, telling
the babies that grandma was there, etc. The babies stayed
in ICU for 3 weeks. They called every other day to ask if
they could go to see the babies with us. This was a very hard
time for me. I wanted to get to know my babies with my DH
alone. They still persisted. The babies came home.
We told them that we needed a week to be a family. They continued
to call and say that they were in the neighborhood, and were stopping
by. They invited people to our house to see the babies.
We told MIL that one of the babies had reflux, and to hold the baby
upright. She wiggled him all over, and then, after he spit
up, she said, "I guess I must have wrassled him too much."
MIL called and asked to bring GMIL over to see the babies.
I said. "Fine." I asked DH to stay home from work
with me. They were coming over at 11am. At 10am, DH's
aunt arrived. MIL never told me she had also invited the aunt.
The ILs called 2 days later and asked to bring DH's aunt and uncle
over. They were obsessed with our babies, and wanted to be
constantly in our lives and business. We finally decided that
the only way to get out of this insanity was to move 2 states away.
MIL said, "This is the worst day of my life. We are GOING
to be in these babies' lives." ETC. We moved.
The ILs told us that they will visit every other weekend.
This didn't end up happening, but they invited themselves all of
the time! Since the babies were born a year ago, we have NEVER
invited them to our house. I could go on and on, and I will,
at the next chance I get! This is just a taste of my life!
Signed - Living In IL
He!! !
RESPONSE: Living In IL He!! !
It's good that you had the foresight to move two states away.
Get caller ID, and if they arrive unannounced, don't let them in.
RESPONSE: Living In IL He!! !
It sounds like you are going to have to take more drastic measures.
I learned this with my in-laws when our first was born. Just
because the phone rings, it doesn't mean I have to answer it.
Just because they knock at the door, it doesn't mean I have to open
the door. Get caller ID and an answering machine, if you don't
already have it - and use them. Make sure the in-laws don't
have a key to your house. Keep the doors locked at all times,
and make sure they can't look in on you through the door as they
are knocking - then pretend you aren't home.
RESPONSE: Living In IL He!! !
I would have never informed my in-laws about my, and DH's, privacy
about TTC (trying to conceive). I feel that if people ask,
"When are you going to have a baby?", or "Are you
trying to get pregnant?", they are asking about a person's
sex life, and that is just wrong and tacky. I know that the
minute I tell my in-laws that DH and I are trying to have a baby,
they will tell everyone they know, and everyone they meet.
So, that is why we will never inform them of our intentions to try
to have a baby. When we do get pregnant, we will tell them
(maybe when I begin to show, I don't want to at the beginning).
This is your right to privacy, and your MIL and FIL should have
respected that. They didn't, and they deserve a good tongue
lashing. Then, they intruded on your life and your pregnancy?
Why didn't you tell the hospital that you wanted 100% privacy, and
NO VISITORS!?!?! That would have taken care of MIL, FIL, and
GMIL! You could have said that you had a high risk pregnancy
(which it seems like you did), and that any added stress would affect
the babies. I would have also told them, "NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO, NO, NO," about coming uninvited, and that they would
be shown the door if they came unannounced and uninvited.
Start now (it is not too late) with boundaries. Any uninvited
visits will not be tolerated, and you will not see them for a year
if they try to come without your invitation. Talk to DH about
these boundaries, and let him, as well as his parents, know that
you mean business, and will cut off contact until they can behave
themselves like proper guests. This is absolutely wrong of
your in-laws, and they should be stopped. It is one thing
to love your grandchildren, but to be obsessed by them is sick.
Good luck, and keep us posted!
RESPONSE: Living In IL He!! !
The problem is that YOU let them have control,and you let them do
what they wanted to do. GMIL would have been booted out by
security or the nurses, and the MIL and FIL would have been denied
access and visitation if it were me. As for them barging into
your home, there are such things as locks. I would have refused
to let them in. You can still refuse to let them visit every
other weekend. Inform your MIL that she will be in YOUR children's
lives when YOU say she so. Gosh, tell your DH to grow a set
of balls, and a spine too!!!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Purple Butterfly, 1 of 4/Posted: 16-APR-02
This is just one of the many stories I have, so stay
tuned. This is the latest story. It all starts with
my wedding in November 2000. I thought it would be a nice
gesture to have my future SIL as my maid of honor (since we got
along very well, and all three of my sisters lived out of state).
Well, she threw me a bridal shower at, of all places, her mother's
house, my FMIL (who I cannot stand). It was scheduled for
a Saturday in October. But, then, FMIL's friend called and
said that her daughter's (who, by the way, didn't even get married
until months after I did) bridal shower was on that very same Saturday.
Instead of saying, "Well, can't we have so and so's shower
Sunday, since my FDIL will be getting married first."
She said, "No problem. We will move my FDIL's shower
to Sunday." OK, I just let this one slide to FDH.
But, inside I was a bit flamed. Anyway, I had mentioned that
I wanted a very small gathering with just a few friends and family
members. She said, "NO." NO, this would be
too little for my overly extravagant MIL and SIL. They had
to have every friend and family member within a 3 state range there.
I had my mother and my best friend. And, then, right in the
middle of the shower, my MIL made this very, very crude explicit
comment, while taking my picture, to get a reaction. Boy,
did she! I was totally humiliated in front of 50, if not more,
people I barely knew. Now, to the good part. In January
of this year, my wretched SIL got married. Now, through all
of this, I thought, "Hey, at least I would be a bridesmaid
for the woman who was my maid of honor. NOPERS! I was
not even considered! The excuse I got was, "Well, she
had this planned since she was a little girl." I'm sorry,
but I had my wedding planned also, but I, at least, thought to include
my new family. My DH's brothers were all groomsmen.
Anyway, back to her wedding. My sister came out to visit almost
two weeks before this, with my two nieces, whom I adore. So,
I told DH that I would be attending the wedding, but not the reception,
because I wanted to get as much time in with my sister and nieces
before they left. This, he was totally fine with. Well,
3 days prior to the wedding, evil MIL called to talk to DH about
the wedding. And, when he told her I wouldn't be attending
the reception, she flew the coop. She went on and on about
how they would be losing money on my meal (which I am sure she ate
herself). Plus, these people do not hurt for money.
Then, she demanded to speak to me. Well, this just happened
to be New Year's Day, and I was headed to my parent's house to meet
up with my sister, mother, and nieces to go to a movie. I
left when she started demanding, and went to my parent's house.
Now, as if upsetting my household on a holiday wasn't terrible enough,
she called my parent's house too. Luckily, my very outspoken
sister answered, and when MIL started verbally attacking me to my
sister, my loving sister let her have it! This woman went
as far as to say that I couldn't handle my marriage, and that I
don't conduct myself in an adult manner! Gee, maybe she should
take a peek in the mirror some time. Needless to say, after
this incident, I didn't attend either event, and I feel so badly
for BIL. He has to put up with SIL and her outlandish requests
- like the $9,000.00 ring he gave her not being "big"
enough, by her standards. Does anyone have any advice for
me on how to deal with such people, or can anyone relate?
I appreciate all of you listening, and in advance, I thank you for
the help.
RESPONSE: Not Answering The Phone On Holidays
There is something to say for sincerity. I don't mean rudeness.
I mean, a person has the right to invite people whom she feels inspired
to invite to be in her wedding party. She doesn't need to
invite people out of obligation. You said that you invited
her to be in your wedding as "a nice gesture". But,
how nice a gesture is it to think that because of your "nice
gesture", she should be obligated to you? You wrote in
before about this - it sounds like our responses made no impression
on you at all. I guess you will go on thinking she "should"
have made you a bridesmaid. I disagree! Where's the
fun of these occasions if you can't follow your heart, and if you
just do things out of obligation? She has every right to have
her wedding as she'd planned - although I'm sure she felt honored
by your including her in your wedding. It simply does not
imply return obligation! Let it go! And best wishes
to you.
RESPONSE: Not Answering The Phone On Holidays
Good for you for not buying into your MIL's ways and tactics!
You showed her that you are your own person, and that her threats
and b!tching will not stop you from doing what you want to do.
Good for you. Keep it up, and don't let your guard down!
RESPONSE: Not Answering The Phone On Holidays
Your MIL sounds like a horrible person all right, but don't fuel
the fire. You should have gone to the reception because you're
part of the family (yeah, that's hard to believe, but technically
it's true). Your presence is required because you're her SIL.
I'm only saying this because, in dealing with my MIL, I prefer to
take the high road and not leave her any little chink to get through
and attack me.
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