Worst gift: One Christmas,
when we first moved into our house, my MIL came over for Xmas dinner
(invited herself, of course). So, later that afternoon, when
she arrived, she handed me a present (after going out with her son
for 8 years, and being married to him for 3, she must have felt
obligated to do this, as I have never received a present before).
This is what she said, "Here you go. I don't like this.
I think it smells like toilet spray, but I think you will like it!"
I opened the package, and it was a cheap bottle of perfume.
I was so angry. And, as usual, my DH was not around to witness
this. I was nearly going to tell her to go and get you know
what, but for my DH's sake, I didn't say anything. I will
never like her, and I just wish that my DH would stand up for me
and tell her where to get off. It didn't bother me that the
perfume was el-cheapo. It was just what she said that hurt
the most.
Signed - I Want To Throw
Mama-In-Law From The Train
RESPONSE: I Want To Throw Mama-In-Law From The Train
Go ahead, you know you want to! USE the damn thing as a toilet
spray! Display it on top of the toilet water tank, maybe along
with one of those cutesey baskets of pot pourri, and instruct all
your household members to use it vividly when they have smelled
up the bathroom. Make sure MIL gets a "whiff" of
how you use it, too (maybe you just want to use it when she's on
visit). Praise the perfume highly, and thank her profoundly,
pretending to have misunderstood her by thinking it was actually
meant to be "room fragrance"- ralph lauren, calvin klein
and laura ashley all sell their own brand "room fragrances",
in bottles that look like perfume bottles. Mention this so
you have an excuse.
RESPONSE: I Want To Throw Mama-In-Law From The Train
I think that maybe throwing her from the train was toooooo light!
She needs more than that ... I also think that you should pipe up
once in awhile and say, "I'm so glad that you think it smells
this way ... thank god we actually have something in common, because
SO DO I!!!!!!!" Sorry ... Some MIL's should just be put
in their place. Just because they gave birth to them, doesn't
mean that they can be rude and take advantage of our loves.
Much luck. "A crazy MIL for myself"
RESPONSE: I Want To Throw Mama-In-Law From The Train
I agree, how horrible! You sound very honorable in saying
that you don't care about the gift, it's the comments and feelings
she conveyed to you. I know how that feels, I have the same
problem. Call her on it! And, do it in front of your
husband.
I wonder whether anyone
can help me. My MIL has finally realized that when she tells
me or my DH to do something, we won't automatically do it.
She had used this controlling technique on my DH all of his life.
And, although it made him miserable, he thought he HAD to do what
his mother told him - for the rest of his or her life! Often,
these requests were petty and insignificant, and were really just
a way of keeping him "under the thumb". However,
since we stopped pandering to her, she now requests that we do things
for other people, usually family members. For example:
Even though MIL has a printer, she emailed me and told me to print
out some photographs for an aunt who doesn't have a computer.
Of course, MIL wanted the glory of doing this. I was told
to mail the photographs to her so she could give them to the aunt.
I didn't. I mailed them directly to the aunt. She then
wanted me to sell something on eBay for another relative, even though
MIL is perfectly capable of putting it on herself. I love
these relatives very much, and I am happy to do this. But,
as more of these demands come in, I've realized that MIL is making
us do things for other people because we say no to her - it is her
way of still controlling our behavior, as she knows that we won't
say no to these people. Arggg! How do we cope with this?
We don't want to appear rude to our relatives, so how can we say
refuse? I'm sick of being volunteered all the time!
Thanks in advance for any suggestions.
Signed - The Unwilling
Volunteer
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
Just say no!! If it really needs to be done, she will do it.
Or, tell her to ask the relative to call you personally.
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
Sending the pictures directly to the aunt was good! When your
MIL asks you to do stuff for others in the future, explain to the
relative that your MIL didn't consult you before volunteering you,
that you're very sorry, but you just can't do whatever since you
have this, that, and the other thing also going on, and you don't
want to make the person wait that long. Then, assure them
that your MIL will take care of it for them instead. Then,
call MIL back and tell her you've told the relative she's going
to handle it. Or, don't, and let her find out the hard way
when the relative calls her asking about the favor.
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
I think your sending the photos directly to the aunt was a good
start. Do all of you get together -- MIL, you, and the relatives
for whom she's demanding favors? Perhaps you could say something
in conversation about, "Since MIL couldn't find the time to
ebay your widget for you, I was happy to do it for you."
This will put the onus on MIL, as the one who's being stingy with
her time and effort. Just a thought.
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
I think you are right about what MIL is doing. I think I would
try to take her out of the equation in some way. I liked what
you did about mailing the pictures directly to the relative instead
of to MIL. Perhaps you should also call the relatives?
Perhaps call and ask, "Did you need such and such? I
just wanted to make sure." You can use details as the
reason for asking them to call you directly in the future - after
all, the more people something goes through, the more chance it
is going to be wrong. Perhaps you could even tell MIL no,
but then call the relative and volunteer? MIL would realize
you won't do it for her, but you will for the relative.
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
How is asking for your help controlling you? If she asks if
you would help Aunt So/So then say, "Sure, I'll call her today
and coordinate it with her." That way, your MIL is out
of the situation. If she doesn't like this idea, then tell
her to have Aunt So/So call you. If she still doesn't like
this, then tell her you are sorry, you cannot help. You are
only being controlled if you let it happen. Stop complaining,
and be proactive.
RESPONSE: The Unwilling Volunteer
When she makes these requests on someone else's behalf, call that
person and ask if your help is really needed. You don't even
have to say that MIL asked you to do it -- you can say "a little
birdie" told you that such and such had come up, and could
you be of assistance in any way? I've also found that "block
sender" clears up your e-mail inbox, and caller ID is a godsend.
My MIL is as sweet a
woman as I've ever known. Part of her sweetness was her good
heart, but a big part of it was the fact that she was also quite
addle brained. Some would call it air headed. Personally,
I think that's harsh, but I only say this so you'll understand who
she was. After my FIL died, MIL remarried. Now, step-FIL
seemed like a pretty good guy, but he was just about as addle brained
as MIL was. My BIL and I used to take care of MIL's trailer.
We would do all the maintenance on it, and make sure she was okay.
After MIL and SFIL got married, they bought a brand new trailer,
and had it put on the very top of the hill in the mobile home park
MIL was living in. SFIL, being as mindless as he was, had
no practical ability when it came to tools. He didn't even
know which end of a screwdriver to use, so BIL and I continued to
be their maintenance men. This was was fine with us, because
we both loved MIL to death. After living in their new trailer
for about two months, MIL asked Jeff and I to come up and install
some ceiling fans and phone lines in various rooms. We got
up there early on a Saturday morning. BIL crawled under the
trailer to run phone lines, and I started installing ceiling fans.
This was a typical trailer. You enter the front door.
To your right was a small bedroom. You enter into the living
room. To your left was the kitchen/dining room combination,
down the hall was a bathroom, and in the rear was the master bedroom.
As I was walking from the front of the trailer to the master bedroom,
MIL was making a sandwich in the kitchen. She placed her plate
on the dining room table, and then reached up and screwed in a couple
of the light bulbs on the chandelier to see. I asked her why
she was screwing in the bulbs, and she said, "Well, we've been
here two months, and we can't figure out where the light switch
is to the dining room." If you know anything about trailers,
you know that the dining room and kitchen lights are normally on
the same circuit - if you turn on the lights for one, you turn on
the lights for both. Apparently, the very first time they
had walked into their trailer, the lights were on. They wanted
to turn off the dining room lights and leave the kitchen lights
on. So, for two months, they'd been unscrewing the dining
rooms lights after dinner, turning off the kitchen lights at the
switch when they went to bed, turning the kitchen lights back on
to fix breakfast, and screwing in the dining room lights to eat.
I showed MIL that the light switch turned off both sets of lights,
and went about my business of installing the ceiling fan in the
master bedroom, chalking it up to my MIL's addle mindedness.
As I was later installing a ceiling fan in the living room, SFIL
sat there watching me. Remember, he was about as competent
as a mule when it came to tools. I asked him why he wasn't
watching TV while we were working, and he said, "Ever since
we've moved up here, the TV only works at night." Now,
right about here you can probably see where I'm going, but I'm going
to finish, just because the story is so good. I looked over
at the TV. Their TV and VCR were in a small stand, right beside
the front door. There were no lights on the VCR, meaning it
had no power. I looked behind the TV/VCR to see where it was
plugged in. There were two outlets behind the stand.
Both the TV and VCR were plugged into a single extension chord,
and, sure enough, this extension chord was plugged into the top
left hand outlet - the outlet that's controlled by the light switch
on the wall to turn a lamp on and off as you enter the trailer.
Apparently, for the two months they'd been living there, nighttime
would come, and they'd turn on BOTH switches (to turn on the outside
lights), and, therefore, turn on the TV and VCR. As they'd
turn off the outside lights to go to bed, so would they turn off
the TV and VCR. And, they never realized it. I unplugged
the extension chord from the outlet they had it in, and plugged
it back into another outlet. And, sure enough, the VCR started
blinking "12:00". SFIL was amazed. He asked
me what I'd done. I didn't have the heart to tell him, so
I just told him, "I rewired it." Needless to say,
between the chandelier and the TV situation, I just HAD to tell
my BIL. I crawled up under the trailer and told him what has
just happened. And we both just lay there and had the best
laugh either of us had had in years. I crawled out, went back
inside, and continued installing the last ceiling fan. Apparently,
MIL had heard us both laughing out loud under the trailer, because
she said to me, "That must have been some good joke you told
your BIL."
Signed - Some Would Call
It Air Headed
RESPONSE: Some Would Call It Air Headed
You sound like a wonderful IN-LAW. Thank you for the chuckle.
I admire your patience, and all the care you and BIL take of your
IN-LAWS. They are very lucky.
RESPONSE: Some Would Call It Air Headed
Your MIL and SFIL sound absolutely adorable. I would love
to have some guileless people in my life!
RESPONSE: Some Would Call It Air Headed
That's so funny! Your story reminded me of my stepfather.
He once called a handyman to work on his refrigerator, because it
was making this awful buzzing sound, and he couldn't find what it
was. He had removed all the groceries from it, and it still
buzzed. The handyman looked inside, then looked on the top,
and took a wrench that had been laying on top of the fridge down
and showed it to my SF ... that's what caused the buzz!
I am the "evil"
MIL, but what I notice over and over again about this site is that
you DILs (including my own) always play the victim. There
are 2 sides to every story, you know. My DIL must live on
this site. In fact, I found it because she left it in the
history on their computer. I am staying here while my house
is being renovated. I can only imagine what she does when
I am not around. The first time I met her, she had practically
moved in with my son. He had only been divorced from his first
wife for 5 months before he met DIL. When we stopped by for
a visit, her car was parked in his garage, and she already had toiletries
and personal items in the bedroom and bathrooms. I tried to
warn my son not to marry this woman, who came with a ready-made
family consisting of 2 children. I have accepted them as my
own grandkids. They really are wonderful children. However,
DIL had her tubes tied long ago, so there is no hope for my son
to have children of his own. Just before Christmas, DIL had
the gall to confront me. And, when she flat out asked me about
some things I had said and done, I was honest with her, and told
her that I felt they got married entirely too soon (8 months after
their initial meeting), and that I wished my son could have children
of his own. There was a lot more to our face-off than that,
but she made no bones about the fact that she dislikes me and other
members of the family who my son had formerly been very close to.
She claims we have treated her horribly, but fails to see why we
would consider her to be a gold-digger, when she moved in on him
so fast. So far, she has nearly successfully alienated him
from all of us. I practically had to show up with my bags
packed to stay here for a few days while my house is being finished.
Now, she informs me that next month she will not be including us
(his family) in my son's birthday plans. This will be the
first birthday in 32 years that I have not been involved in.
Last year, she blew up and left the party, because I had brought
his favorite cake. She said it was not my place. Well,
I AM his mother, and I think I know what kind of cake he likes.
She, on the other hand, bought an expensive cake from a bakery (even
though I had told her before how much he loved this particular cake
from a local grocery store). She just wants to control everything,
and if things don't go her way, then we (his family) have to endure
the retaliation, because she will keep him away from us for months
at a time. All I am saying is that there are 2 sides to every
story. So, all you DILs who think you are so wronged by your
MIL's need to try to see where we MILs are coming from.
Signed - Good MIL With
Gold-Digging DIL
Editor's Note: We are sure it comes as no surprise
to our regular readers that the response to this posting was overwhelming.
In an effort to balance the desire to see all possible responses,
with the real technological need to keep page sizes small enough
to load in a reasonable time frame, we have done the following.
We reviewed all responses and categorized them. Below is at
least one representative from each category. At the end of
each representative response is the number of additional responses
that were received in the same category. To all the wonderful
respondents whose replies were not selected, please do not take
it to mean another reply was "better". This was
not judged in that manner. We simply did our best to choose
the responses that best covered all aspects of a particular category
in order to be certain all viewpoints were fully represented.
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
Please, listen to what I have to say; you are right. There
are always two sides to every story, and I, having never been a
mother-in-law, can never know how you feel. However, I can
tell you how you appear to others (or at least me). Look at
how you signed your posting: I think it would be impossible to be
a "good" mother-in-law to a daughter-in-law I truly believed
was a "gold digger." I also want you to really consider
the possibility that when you call your daughter-in-law that name,
you are at least implying that some part of you doesn't think much
of your son --- do you really believe that your DIL is only interested
in your son's money? I think, if you love your son and think
well of him, it would be difficult to believe that he would choose
a mate who didn't love him. Whether you realize it or not,
when you criticize a man's wife --- any man's wife --- you are criticizing
him. You must also realize that your son is an adult; he married
a woman who cannot have children anymore; she did not deceive him
about this, and this matter is completely between the two of them.
This woman would not have been your choice for him --- but his choice
of spouse was never your decision to make. You raised your
son to be an adult --- you must now respect him as an adult.
Respect doesn't mean agreement; you don't have to agree with anything
he does --- but, you must respect the fact that he is in charge
of his life, not you. Finally, (and this is something I've
encountered in my own relationship with my MIL) I don't know if
you have daughters or not. My own MIL just has sons.
I've found, from dealing with her, that MILs forget that women understand
women; unkind words or actions on your part, that may have flown
right over your son's head, would be gale force indicators of your
dislike (which is quite palpable in your posting) of her to your
DIL. She knows you dislike her, and didn't want her husband
to marry her --- do you honestly believe that she should feel comfortable
around you? Please consider what I've said. I'm sure
your DIL has done and said things to upset you but, oddly enough,
I really don't see it in your posting. Life is so short ---
why not try to be nice and look for the good in your DIL? Unposted responses in same category:
9
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
I do agree with you on one point. I think a lot of the DILs
on this site do put themselves into the victim position, and some
of them make it worse by having children with men that are not ready
to leave their parent's nest and start their own family. Sometimes,
I'm more angry with the DIL than the ILs. This is where the
agreement ends. I cannot believe that you consider yourself
a good mother or MIL. Your son is an adult, and is married
(twice now). How he chooses to live his life is up to him,
not you. You need to learn your place in his life. His
priorities are now: God, Wife, Her Children, the rest of the family
(including you). How can you sit there and be amazed that
your DIL doesn't like you, and doesn't want you to interfere with
her family? You tried to break them up. Call me crazy,
but I think the grudge she is holding is justified. As far
as not seeing your son for months on in, well, that may not be all
her doing. Your son might see you for the lonely, sad, manipulative
woman that you are, and is choosing to stay away. He may also
know that his place is with his wife, not with you. If you
want grandchildren sooooo badly, then I suggest you find a way to
build a relationship with your DS and DIL. Having his own
bio kids may not be all that important to your DS. Being a
dad, setting a good example, molding a mind, raising a productive
member of society, may be what your DS is looking for in life.
It sounds like he knows what it means to be a dad. Do you
know what it means to be a gradmom? I doubt it. As far
as the B-day cake is concerned: STOP. I'm willing to believe
that the only person that truly cared that your DS got a certain
cake was you. If your DIL plans a birthday party, and asks
that you do not contribute - don't contribute. It really is
not all that difficult. Just show up at functions, and be
gracious. Something that you have not learned yet. By
the way, when you went to stay with your kids, did you ask if it
was ok, or did you just show up? I think Emily Post may have
issue with you. Also, did you ask to use the computer, or
did you just decide to log in? Your post also makes me wonder
as to why DS's first marriage broke up. Could you have something
to do with that? You don't want your son to grow up and be
a happy man. You want your son to get older, and support you
and your bad habit of being a mom. It is time to learn a new
skill, and to leave your DS and his family alone. Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
It sounds like your DIL has valid complaints. If you raised
your son right, he is capable of making his own decisions, and he
has to make his own mistakes. You say your son should have
waited longer to marry this gold-digging woman ... what gives you
the right to deem the woman a gold digger when it sounds like you
barely know her, and dislike her intensely? And, don't you
have enough respect for your own son to think that maybe he'd have
noticed that she was a gold-digger on his own, if it's true?
What makes you think he's too stupid to figure something that obvious
out? You may think your son should be able to have kids of
his own, but what if he doesn't want children/more children, and
is perfectly happy with the ready made family he has? I'm
sure he knew she couldn't have more kids before he married her.
Sounds like you're the one who wants "biological" grandchildren.
So, your son likes cheap grocery store cakes better than expensive
bakery ones? That's nice, and economical. But, why didn't
you at least have enough respect for all the effort your DIL went
to in planning the party to ASK before buying and bringing a cake
of your own? Sounds like you just wanted to prove that you
were better than her. (Had it been me, I would have sweetly
accepted the cake you brought, thanked you profusely for being so
thoughtful, and then made sure it was well hidden until the party
was over, or "accidentally" dropped and destroyed.
You can, at least, be thankful that your DIL isn't that manipulative.
It sounds like she truly got her feelings hurt.) Whine, Whine,
Whine. Your whole post sounds like you took this young woman
in dislike from the very beginning, because she moved in on "your"
boy so fast, and you've been alienating your son with your own behavior
ever since. (Your dislike of your DIL is immediately obvious,
to a complete stranger, in the first sentences of your post.
Of course, I'm sure she dislikes you just as much.) Think
of it this way ... if you weren't giving your DIL ammunition, she
wouldn't be able to alienate your son from you. (Besides,
you generally cannot alienate a man from people he is unwilling
to be alienated from. If your relationship is so wonderful,
then why is he avoiding you instead of dumping her?) He's
a grown man, he loves her, they're newly married ... and you make
your DIL miserable. How would you have wanted your husband
to react to your MIL if she did the exact same thing? (I know
I'd want mine to tell his mom to take a flying leap/butt out ...
and he would, too.) In the interest of maintaining a relationship
with your son, I'd suggest you stop trying to sabotage this DIL.
If she really is awful, he'll figure it out on his own. Either
way, you're making yourself look bad, and she's smelling of roses.
Oh ... and this is my first visit to this site, so I haven't even
heard HER side of the story. Unposted responses in same category:
9
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
You are going to get some not-so-nice responses to this post, and
my best guess is going to be that you will be the victim, and none
of it was your fault. Let me point out exactly what I see
when I read your story. Yes, there are two sides to every
story, but the way you are coming across in your post indicates
that your DIL's side is the most accurate. You say you found
this site because you came across the history in the computer.
Well, what business is it of yours what internet sites your DIL
or your DS frequent, for that matter? Their computer history
should be off limits to you. You say that the first time you
met her, she had practically moved in with your son. So, she
had toiletries there and had her car parked in the garage?
What of it? YOUR SON obviously wanted her there, and being
that he was a grown man, it was absolutely none of your business.
And, you warned your son not to marry her? HELLO? ANYONE
THERE? That's certainly not a way to get into her good graces.
Maybe your son loves his stepchildren, maybe he doesn't want children
of his own. Maybe what you want really doesn't matter.
Ever think of that? And, if your DS wanted to marry DIL even
after she had her tubes tied, that's HIS business. So, your
DIL confronted you? It sounds like she was perfectly right
in doing so ... like I said countless times above, her life with
your DS is none of your business, and if she was telling you to
butt out, maybe you should listen. I try to give everyone
the benefit of the doubt, but, in all honesty, I don't think I'd
like you much either if you tried to keep my DH from marrying me,
and kept telling him how unsuitable a wife I was. And, she
alienated him from you? WRONG! You did it to yourself.
If your DS feels like he can't be around you because all you do
is put down his wife, what is he supposed to do? As for the
birthday party, maybe you would be included if you weren't so intrusive
last year. Your DIL tried to have a nice party for her DH,
and you insisted on bringing your own cake, because that's what
your DS likes. Maybe he does, maybe he doesn't, but I find
it hard to believe you can't see how that was stepping on DIL's
toes. True, maybe she shouldn't have blown up, but with the
track record you yourself mention, I can't say that I blame her.
And, the title to your post "MIL with Gold-Digging DIL"
says it all. You do not like your DIL, you never will, and
she is right to stay far far away from you. Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
You've got to be kidding me. You are a real nightmare.
Of course, you think that you've done nothing wrong. Just
a tip - I promise it will make you a happier woman - GET YOUR OWN
LIFE!!!! When a man (or a woman, for that matter) gets married,
their spouse becomes their primary family. Mom & Dad -
your time as a major influence is over. I am so stunned and
stupefied by your story, that I hardly know what else to say.
You snooped on their computer and found that your DIL had been to
this site? SHAME ON YOU! You think that when your DIL
hosts a b-day party for your son, you should bring a cake, even
after she's told you not to? ARE YOU INSANE? IT IS NOT
ALL ABOUT YOU!!!! I don't even know you, or your DIL, but
I have such empathy for her, and such pure rage for you. ARGH!
Yes, there are two sides to every situation, but all you've shown
is that you only care about yours. Unposted responses in same category:
4
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
What does your son think? You are his mother, and you love
him, but children change, and parents sometimes don't see the change,
and they continue to view their children as they once were.
Your son chose to allow this woman to move in and get married quickly.
Why warn him about her before you get to know her? Maybe he
told her, in the beginning, that his family did not think that seeing
them as a couple was a good idea. If I were in her shoes,
I would feel unwanted by you. Your son was aware of the fact
that she had her tubes tied. Maybe he doesn't feel it is important
to have another child just to give you a blood grandchild.
What if your DIL didn't have kids, and couldn't have any?
They would have to adopt. Would you hold that against her?
It takes 2 to get married, and she can't be blamed for it alone.
If you give your DIL the impression that how she plans your son's
b-day is not good enough, of course she will be offended and not
want to involve you. Whether you like it or not, she is his
wife. He chose her. As a MIL, you should respect that.
As a mother, think of your son's feelings, and give the girl a break.
You had no right to snoop through her computer! I'm sorry,
but you sound like a MIL from h---. I agree there are 2 sides
to every story, and she probably does plenty to alienate you and
your family, but it sounds like you started the whole thing.
Talk to her, and try to start over. It is never to late. Unposted responses in same category:
9
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
You are why we have this support group web site. Read what
you have, yourself, said you have done or said. Then, ask
yourself how you would have felt if your MIL had done that to you. Unposted responses in same category:
3
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
You are going to be blasted in the responses - as well you should
be. Shame on your for snooping on your DIL's computer.
That is a totally outrageous invasion of her (and your son's) privacy.
That said ... a little advice. Let go of the past, and your
insecurities over this DIL. However you felt about her, and
her marriage to your son, is irrelevant. Bottom line: she
is MARRIED to him. Deal with it, or you're going to be the
one who suffers in the end. I have to say, I am constantly
amazed by the lack of credit you and other MILs give their sons.
My husband is a grown man of 33, yet if he does something his Mommy
doesn't like, then it's ALL my fault? I manipulated him into
being mean to his Mommy? Honey, I have nothing to do with
how my husband treats his mother. He's a grown man, and able
to speak his mind, as I assume yours is ... you might want to remember
that the next time you feel she is, "keeping him away from
you." He's making his wishes known loud and clear, without
trying to hurt your feelings. My advice to you is to back
off the criticism, and you may be pleasantly surprised. Your
son is a grown man, and if he wants his wife to bake him a cake
for his birthday, and not his mother, you need to respect these
simple choices. That anger you're feeling towards her taking
your place --- after all, you're his MOTHER right? That's
EXACTLY how she feels ... after all, she's his WIFE, remember?
Why not try to be a bigger person and extend the olive branch? Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
"She claims we have treated her horribly, but fails to see
why we would consider her to be a gold-digger, when she moved in
on him so fast." Does your son have and IQ of a 2 year
old?? Maybe he has, or else he would have seen that he is
marrying a gold digger. If he does not have an IQ of 2 year
old, then maybe you are wrong. You decide for yourself.
Secondly, if you go back and read your entry, you will realize that
you have so much hatred for her, just because you are not getting
what YOU want. Well, let me tell you, they did not marry to
please you. Your son knew that he would not be able to have
any children since before they got married. Still, he did
marry her. So, why are you holding DIL responsible??
And, do not tell me that he will not be able to have children, because
I feel he already has 2 of hers. He has accepted them as his
own. It is you (again, the selfish you) who will not be able
to have YOUR own grandchildren. So, you see, although you
are constantly trying to show everyone the other side of the mirror,
it turns out that whatever your DIL posts about you is absolutely
true. You are SELFISH. Thinking about yourself.
And, you are at war with your DIL, just because you do not approve
of her. Oh, you are so much like my MIL, who wanted me to
go to the doctor to get tested for infertility, because we did not
have children right away (we decided not to have any for few years).
It was me she wanted, not DH, because her so-precious-DH could never
have problems, because he was her son, and I am the one who is bad.
I think all you MILs should rot in he!!. And, I wish to God
that I should join you if I turn out to be a MIL like you. Unposted responses in same category:
8
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
Dear MIL, I am going to be nice here and try to explain things to
you. Appreciate it, because almost everyone else is going
to hang you out to dry. First off, what right do you have
to go into your DIL's computer? Don't you think that it takes
a lot of gall to go rummaging through someone else's personal belongs,
whether it be her drawers or her computer files? Does your
DIL work? I must assume so, because otherwise you would not
have time to go through her files. Why is she a gold digger?
Because your DH loves her, and wanted her to be with him after the
trauma of his divorce? You and your family were openly cruel
to her (you admit this yourself, under the justification that she
is a gold digger). It appears to me that her only real "crime"
is loving your son. Let me get this straight. You wonder
why your son has distanced himself from you and others, when the
only thing that you have done has been to irreparably hurt the dearest
thing in his life, his wife. How could you like her, if you
never got the chance to know her? You have condemned this
poor woman, simply because she was married before, and came into
her new marriage with two children? Don't you think that it
is between her and her husband if they want other children or not.
Your son is no longer a little boy. As you stated, he will
be 32. Of course your DIL was pissed at his birthday party.
SHE is his wife, not you. Yes, you are his mother, and very
important in his life. However, he has his OWN life now, together
with his wife and stepchildren. How would you feel if you
planned a party at your home and your DIL brought things over, saying
that she knew better than you? Yes, she has the right to be
angry with you. Besides, how are you certain that what you
bought is STILL your son's favorite cake? He is an adult,
things change. Don't you think that the woman who knows him
intimately, yes INTIMATELY, might just, perhaps, know things about
him that his mother does not? In fact, it would be very unnatural
for a mother to know her son intimately. Yes, you have behaved
atrociously. Your son has his own life, you no longer have
a say in it. He has chosen his wife and his life. How
DARE YOU decide what goes on in his home? As you have not
mentioned your ex-DIL, I wonder how your relationship with her was.
You did not say that you wished for him to get back with her.
What you really said (in between the lines, unless I am mistaken),
is now that you got rid of his wife, you wanted him to come back
to you, not to find a new woman in his life. I am afraid that
you have two choices. Either go and apologize to your DIL
and try to start over, or lose your son. The ball is in your
court ma'am. Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
Whoa woman, you are sorely out of line. How dare you get on
your son's and DIL's computer and SNOOP!?!?! That is violating
their privacy, and you deserve what you got from your DIL.
She is his WIFE, and it is NONE of your business when they got married.
Eight months of dating is perfectly fine before getting married.
I know people who were together less than two months before marrying.
It is none of your business if they plan on having children or not.
It is NONE of your business if your DIL has her tubes tied.
When you make that your business, you are asking about their sex
life, and that is RUDE, TACKY, AND TASTELESS. Mothers-in-law
like you are the ones we DILs have to endure and put up with.
How dare you invite yourself to your son's and DIL's house.
They are not obligated to take care of you, and should have turned
your rude @ss away when you showed up with your bags. I know
I would if my FMIL did that without asking or being invited.
As far as the party, again, that is none of your business.
If she doesn't want to invite you to her husband's party, that is
her choice, and quite frankly, from what you wrote, I can't blame
her. You said that she got mad that you brought the cake.
Did she ask you to? I doubt it. Why not worry about
YOUR life, and stay out of your son's and DIL's. They don't
appreciate it, believe me. My FMIL wrote TWO mass emails (to
everyone in her address box) about me and how she didn't like me.
She questioned whether I loved her son. She was demanded by
her son to apologize to me, or she would not be invited to our June
wedding. Well, guess what? She wrote me a sorry @Ss
apology letter, claiming that she resented me because I want to
decorate my and FDH's house after we are married. She is mad
that I am going to take down HER decorations and put up my own in
MY house. Is that fair? Would you like it if your MIL
did and said that to you? How do you think I feel? THAT
IS THE TWO SIDES OF THE STORY!! Maybe you need to grow up
and cut the apron strings from your son. He is an ADULT, and
needs to be treated as one. The Bible states that the husband
is to put his wife first. Are you saying that the Bible (i.e.
God's Word) is wrong? Your son is probably being a husband
first and a son second, and it drives you crazy. My advice
to you is to back off, give them a life of their own, and worry
about your OWN life. Don't play "Oh poor me!" victim,
you are NOT a good MIL from the sounds of it. You are just
the usual controlling, manipulative, hateful, rude, tasteless MIL
that we DILs on this site have to put up with because WE LOVE OUR
DHs SO MUCH! If you loved your son, you would leave their
house and quit this charade. How in the world is your DIL
being a gold digger? You just don't like it that your son
is supporting her, and not your sorry butt. You know what?
Most men are the breadwinners of the household and will bring home
a good paycheck. Are you saying that I am a gold digger because
my FDH bought me a house to bring his bride home to? I work
as a full time teacher, and we both will share the expenses of living,
but he paid for OUR house, does that mean I don't have a right to
live there? That is how my FMIL thinks. She doesn't
think I deserve this house because she has never lived in anything
this nice. She is just like you, jealous and selfish.
You have no merit for calling your DIL a gold digger and saying
the things you said about her. She has every right to come
on this board like the rest of us to get therapy, support, and help
from the rest of us DILs. Now, I know that not all DILs are
wonderful, my SIL is one of them ... but we tell each other, on
here, when we think the other is out of line or overreacting.
We also can see what the DIL is going through, because we have been
there and done that with our own MILs. Boy, you came to the
wrong place for sympathy. Try daughter-in-law.com if you want
to b!tch with the other pathetic MILs. Unposted responses in same category:
15
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
It boggles my mind how the worst people think they're "good."
What kind of good person would go snooping through the history of
somebody else's computer? That tells all about this MIL (who
probably won't check back here to read our responses) right there.
What a jerk! Unposted responses in same category:
7
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
After reading your story, I cannot believe how completely blind
you are to your own disgraceful behavior. I feel sorry for
both your DIL and her husband to have such a blatantly controlling
MIL. By the way, do you not realize that your DIL, (if this
site is in the history of her computer) will see this story and
know it is you? Or, was that the plan? Then, your plan
was to sit back and smile at how everyone on this site agreed with
you? I reckon you have just confirmed to her and everyone
else that you are in the wrong. Will you change as you expected
her to? Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
First of all, what were you doing on their computer history?
That, in itself, seems to be intrusive! I know that my MIL
would NEVER do that! I agree that there are 2 sides to every
story, but you do have to respect your son's decision to marry this
woman, and also his decision to take her as his wife, even though
it meant that he would never have children of his own. As
a DIL, I take pride in carrying on family traditions of my husband's
family, as well as starting my own. I do think that bringing
in a cake to a party that you were a guest at was overstepping your
boundaries. Did you ever stop to think that maybe she just
wanted to have a nice birthday, and chose a fancy cake not to spite
you, but just because she thought he might like this cake too?
Something to think about. DIL who likes to keep things in
perspective Unposted responses in same category:
11
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
Ma'am, I don't mean any disrespect, but what business do you have
looking at the history on your son and dil's computer? That
is really none of your business what they are looking at.
As for the cake, well, it really isn't your place anymore, it should
the the wife's choice what she wants to get. People's tastes
change, so maybe he likes this cake more then the grocery store
one. If you don't like her so much, you should have stayed
in a hotel while your house is getting renovated. Unposted responses in same category:
4
RESPONSE: Good MIL With Gold-Digging DIL
You are NOT, NOT, NOT a good MIL. First of all, you're snooping
around in your DIL's computer history, and you're not too smart,
either. Your DIL is now going to know that you've been doing
that, because if she does frequent this site, it won't take long
for her to figure out who you are. You're a lousy detective.
And, your side of the story sounds like you are a bad MIL.
Even your rose colored perception looks bad, so I can only imagine
how terrible you really are. You need to get over the fact
that your son is a grown man and can make his own decisions, and
that your judgment is flawed. Marrying after 8 months is not
a mistake for some people; marrying someone who can't have children
is not a mistake. I think you are mean, rude, inconsiderate, and
way out of line. Unposted responses in same category:
4
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