I always thought that
I got on my well with my boyfriend's mother, until a few weeks ago,
when I heard that she has been telling everyone that I am not good
enough for him!!
Signed - Not Good Enough
For Him!!
I have been coming to
your site for about a week now. And, I must say that I must
be the LUCKIEST woman alive. I have the most wonderful MIL
a woman could ask for. We were married very young (15 and
17), and I was welcomed with open arms by my MIL. She has
always taken my side of things, and has treated me like a daughter.
Her own DDs, of which she has 2, are mean when they speak to her,
and always ask her for help. Then, they get hateful with her,
especially when she won't help them. MIL has helped these
girls time and time again (money-wise and everything), and they
are 38 and 42. MIL raised 4 kids on her own, and did a wonderful
job. DH and I had problems after our 20th anniversary, and
I moved out for a while. MIL told DH that IF he would just
back off and give me space, I'd probably come back, which I did,
as he changed some things. I even was seeing someone else
while I had moved out, and filed for divorce. MIL still said
she loved me no matter what. My MIL knows I will never let
her go to a nursing home, IF and when the time comes. I just
wanted to share my story, and let you know that there is another
side to MILs, and that there are some good ones. But, there
apparently aren't too many good ones, from what I have read.
Good luck to all those ladies with awful IL's.
Signed - Loves My MIL
RESPONSE: Loves My MIL
I think it is wonderful that you have a MIL you can love.
However, I am uncomfortable when people say, "I will never
let my parent go to a nursing home." Sometimes people
get disabling conditions that are better cared for in a professional
setting. When my father had a stroke, he lived with my sister,
and he became like a child in her house. He didn't try to
improve or get more independence. Finally, the doctor told
my sister that she would have to face facts - she'd show him more
love by placing him in assisted living, than by keeping him living
in her house. She felt a lot of guilt over this. However,
once there, my dad began to socialize and regained the ability to
dress, bathe, and feed himself. Now, he even does his own
laundry, makes his bed every day, and rides the bus to shop on occasion.
All this was unthinkable a few years ago when he lived in her house
in a depressed haze. People don't always put their loved ones
in nursing homes because they don't love or care about the person,
sometimes it is the best situation. The thing is - it has
to be the right kind of nursing home, one that really is a better
situation.
RESPONSE: Loves My MIL
All I can say is - COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS!! Unfortunately, I
think your story is very rare, otherwise this web site would not
exist. My DH could cheat on me with numerous prostitutes,
be a drug addict, a chronic gambler, an alcoholic, a lazy bum, AND
try to kill me - and my STUPID MIL would still side with him no
matter what. I HATE her so much. She is so stupid, and
she has no clue!! She thinks she is PERFECT. Fortunately,
my DH totally supports me and hates his mom. She drove him
away by treating me badly. If she would have been smart, she
would have been nice to me from day one. Little did she know
how much influence I would have over her darling son!! My
MIL has already been alive too long!! You are VERY lucky.
I am already telling my kids to be careful who they choose for a
spouse - and to make sure that the in-laws are nice!
RESPONSE: Loves My MIL
CONGRATULATIONS! I mean that in a most sincere way.
It is so nice to hear about good MILs. It reminds all of us,
who aren't as fortunate, that not everyone suffers at the hands
of their MIL. I hope I will become the type of MIL that a
DIL can say nice things about (like you have said about yours) someday.
Worst gift: My MIL has
not been on good terms with DH and me for over a year. We
were trying to smooth things over right before Christmas.
She sent us a box of presents - some were for us, some were for
the kids. One of my daughter's presents was a Nutcracker video.
It was nice, except that it was the same video she gave DD last
year, and we had to send it back, because it didn't work.
So, she had gotten a new one, wrapped it back up, and sent it again!
The present for DH and I took the cake, though. It was a framed
8x10 of her face. Needless to say, it was sent back, and we
no longer have contact with her.
Signed - Better Off Without
A MIL
RESPONSE: Better Off Without A MIL
About 5 years ago, my ugly MIL gave us an 8x10 framed photo of herself
for Xmas. My husband unwrapped it, and we both burst out laughing
when we saw it. She is SO FULL of herself. I put the
photo out on a hall table and PURPOSELY turned it face down!
She has never treated me well from the day I met her (she didn't
want her son to even date me because I am Chinese and he is Caucasian),
and has done countless stupid, hurtful, and thoughtless things to
BOTH of us. We have three wonderful kids, but she favors her
daughters' kids (BIG-TIME) over our kids, and she is so stupid,
because she doesn't realize how obvious she is. I would like
to burn her picture up!! It is now stuck in a closet somewhere,
and I am sure when she visited last time that she wondered where
it was. She thinks the world revolves around her. I
would actually like to put her picture up and put a big black "X"
over it - it would make more of a statement that way!
RESPONSE: Better Off Without A MIL
My MIL gave DH and I a framed picture of her as a gift once.
It was an extreme close-up of her frizzy, home permed hair, her
wrinkles from excessive drinking and smoking face, and her crooked,
yellow teeth. Needless to say, it didn't make it on our mantle.
It made it to the garbage.
My husband and I have
been married for 2 1/2 years. I thought the "clingy"
way his parents behaved would lessen the longer we were married.
But, I fear that it has only gotten worse. My MIL still expects
my husband to come to her house at Christmas time to help her decorate
and trim the tree. She whines when we decline any invitation
they offer. They don't seem to understand that we are adults
with lives separate from theirs - not just extensions of them.
They have, on two separate occasions, shown up at a restaurant where
they knew we would be having dinner. One of those occasions
was my birthday. They showed up at the restaurant where my
husband, my sister, and my parents were celebrating my birthday
(we had told them the day before that we would be dining there for
my birthday). They "ran into" my husband on his
way to the restroom, and managed to detain him for about 15 minutes.
During this time, they wanted to discuss how neglected they felt,
and how we never invite them over to our house, or spend much time
with them. I thought they were way out of line. Am I
overreacting? Or are my in-laws out of line?
Signed - Tired Of The
Struggle
RESPONSE: Tired Of The Struggle
I think they ARE way out of line. Didn't they learn when they
were children that whining for attention only pushes people away?
They need to grow up! My MIL has done this same sort of thing,
although she did it mostly when my father was dying of cancer.
She was whining because she wasn't getting enough attention, and
her feelings weren't being paid enough attention. If she thought
she wasn't getting attention THEN, she is getting a lot LESS now.
I really had hard feelings because of her behavior. This sounds
cold, but that is VERY frustrating. And, what worked for us
was just not to reward that whiny, attention-getting behavior.
The more she whined for attention, the less she got it. Eventually,
she stopped it and backed off. She would also "show up"
at events, sometimes to my horror - people shouldn't assume like
that! It's a lesson to me not to ever do that myself.
RESPONSE: Tired Of The Struggle
They are definitely out of line. If they were reasonable and
had a legitimate concern, they would have chosen a more appropriate
time to air their concerns.
RESPONSE: Tired Of The Struggle
Totally out of line. If they really wanted to have that discussion,
they should have chosen a more appropriate time and place.
It may be time for a long talk and an ultimatum, perhaps with an
uninvolved third party present (to keep things from blowing up).
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