We have enjoyed 2 1/2
years of silence from my MIL, and for that, I am grateful.
But, my SIL calls to pump my husband for information on our lives,
just so she can go report it to "Mommy Dearest".
DH wants so badly for his family to care, he is willing to share
details about his life, just to have it used as fuel for SIL.
Instead of helping him (and me) to work out our issues with MIL/FIL,
SIL is working us for details to keep her on the "perfect child"
list. I am sick to death of the two-faced BS. The Wicked
Witch of the East (MIL) said she wants nothing to do with us - well,
then she should stop sending her flying monkey to get info!!
Signed - Ready To Pitch
A Bucket Of Water
RESPONSE: Ready To Pitch A Bucket Of Water
Been there. We just don't say anything anymore. When
they ask, we say everything is fine, nothing is new. Your
DH has to keep his mouth shut when talking to his sister.
MIL is probably looking for things to criticize, or waiting for
the marriage to fall apart.
RESPONSE: Ready To Pitch A Bucket
Of Water
I don't know what you can do if DH keeps giving your SIL information.
It is a pity that DH's family doesn't value him. It is too
bad that your husband feels the way he does. I wish I had
some advice. Why not come over to the Boards? It sounds
like this is going to be an ongoing problem, and you will get faster
feedback over there. We may not have the answers, but at least
we can commiserate.
When I got married to
my husband , I moved into my MIL's house. I have been here
for close to two years. My life, from that day forward, has
been very stressful. My face broke out in acne, and my stomach
always has a sick feeling when I am leaving work to come home.
We have no falling outs, but my problem is that I feel like a child
living in someone's home. I have to answer to her if anything
goes wrong. A typical story: One day, I took a bowl
over to a friend's home (salad for a party). The next day,
she asked about it. I went and got it, but, on the way home,
it fell from the seat of the car and broke. Afraid, I never
told her, but decided to try and find one like it. My husband
saw it, sensed my fright, and told her he broke it. I don't
feel like I am a part of this home. I have told my husband
how I feel. I really don't know what he will do, because he
believes she needs him to stay here.
Signed - Wish I Was On
My Own
RESPONSE: Wish I Was On My Own
My advice to you is to leave and find a place of your own.
Hopefully, your DH will follow. Tell him that you two are
married, and need a house and life of your own. His mommy
does not need him there. If she needs help in taking care
of herself, there are nurses and caregivers out there that she can
hire. It was a mistake for you to move into the same house
as your MIL. That is her house, so she will get her way.
Move out now, and get counseling. It will only get worse if
you and DH stay. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Wish I Was On My Own
IMHO, you need to move out. Tell your DH that there cannot
be two Queen Bees in the hive. You need your own hive, nest,
and home to be in charge of. My gosh, he sees how scared you
are! Does he want you to have to live with that? Till
you move out, if MIL really does need you to be there, she should
back off her high horse a little. You are doing her a favor.
Come over to the boards. We'll help you gain some of that
confidence back! J
One thing I've learned
with my MIL, is that you have to be ready to respond quickly with
any comeback you can, even if it slices her jugular vein.
I've done it, and it sits her down with a look of shock! If
her comment was about how you have to let your children go, you
could say, "When are YOU going to let go!!!!" That
shuts mine up really fast. I've had mine pegged since day
one, and I've been in that family for 18 years. My husband
used to sit quietly, but over the years he learned to open his mouth!
MIL told me that I have no respect for my elders, meaning I'm suppose
to take everything in that she says, and sit quietly. Not
me. My response to that was, "To get respect, you have
to give it first. And if you have no respect for me, then
I have none for you!" Am I right, or am I wrong?
She never opened her mouth to me again like that. Not only
do I have to deal with MIL, I have mother-in-law's mother, too.
I call her, "The Old Bat". When MIL tries to start
something, the old bat jumps in to back her up. So, it was
2 against one. I was told that whatever grandma says, I should
sit there and take it, "because she is old, and we don't know
how much longer we're going to have her." She is now
98 years old. I've been hearing that for the last 18 years.
So, now, when she opens her mouth, I hear, "You might give
her a heart attack," (because of how forceful I can become).
My answer to that is, "Better her than me!" That
winds my MIL to no end! So they both shut up.
Signed - They Both Shut
Up
RESPONSE: They Both Shut Up
Good going, Gal!! Come over to the boards and give lessons
to us meeker DILs. J
When my husband and I
got engaged, my FMIL wasn't too excited (to say the least).
We were both pretty young, and she was convinced that we would be
ruining my FH's life. Well, that was just the beginning.
Being a girl, I had already thought about a lot of things I wanted
for my wedding, and I had already decided not to have any attendants.
My fiancé was fine with that, but FMIL was not. She
threw a fit, screaming that we were being disrespectful to the whole
family, because DH had been the best man at his brother's wedding,
and we were not excluding FBIL from our marriage. Not to mention
the fact that this meant that FSIL wasn't going to be a bridesmaid
at my wedding. I have 4 sisters of my own who weren't going
to be bridesmaids because I didn't want any. Well, I am from
out of state, so we decided to get married in my home town, which,
of course, you can imagine didn't go over well. Once again,
excluding all of his family. The best, though, is that FSIL
threw a fit, and didn't even come to the wedding with the rest of
the immediate family, because she wasn't a bridesmaid. And,
FMIL supported this decision because, "We couldn't expect her
to go where she wouldn't know anyone. And, she (FSIL) knew
that no one would pay any attention to her if she wasn't a bridesmaid,
and that would make her feel lonely, and she doesn't like to feel
lonely." What a bunch of cr@p! FSIL was 16 at the
time, and acting like a 3-year-old! So, she didn't end up
coming to the wedding, but I can't say that I was too disappointed.
Although I know my hubby's feelings were really hurt by the whole
situation.
Signed - WAAAAAHHHH!!!!
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