Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Scorned DIL, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-APR-02
When my husband and I got married, I mentioned that
we were saving up for a honeymoon in Florida! MIL said, "Oh,
that's wonderful. X (my husband's son by an ex-girlfriend)
will love that!" Then, she proceeded to "invite"
this child on MY honeymoon!!! Needless to say, we never did
get to go!
RESPONSE: One of These Days - POW in the kisser!!!
I'm sorry, but I don't understand how this was MIL's fault.
I married a man with children, and we still went on a honeymoon
without them. Sure, it was just a few days, but we didn't
have to stay home or take them. Why were those your only options?
Come over to the boards if you would like to talk about this some
more.
RESPONSE: One of These Days - POW in the kisser!!!
Does your MIL have custody of the child? Doesn't this child
have a mother? Can't this child stay with his mother while
you go on your honeymoon? How is it that you let your MIL
stop you from going on your honeymoon?
My MIL is just as bad
at mothering as she is at MIL'ing. My husband has a drinking
problem. We all know that, but MIL (his mother) insists on
telling everyone what a drunk he is. She has even been heard
to say, "Id be a drunk too, if I was married to that."
I don't think she realizes that he was an alcoholic long before
I met him, and his problems go back further than she thinks (to
when he was a teenager still living in HER house!!!).
Signed - Glad She Is
Just My MIL, And Not My Mom!!!
RESPONSE: Glad She Is Just My MIL, And Not My Mom!!!
OH MY GOD. I have the exact problem with my MIL (well, almost).
She refuses to accept it that he IS a drunk, and has been since
he was a teenager. She does tell people, though (and has told
me), that it's my fault! She's a real crude and rude b!tch,
who thinks she is perfect, and never apologizes for any of her cruel
attacks on any of us!
RESPONSE: Glad She Is Just My MIL, And
Not My Mom!!!
Ignore her! She knows. She is afraid people will blame
HER, so she makes sure to blame you. What a JERK!
When we were pregnant
with our first child, we were having a hard time deciding on a name.
So, as a joke, I said to my MIL and SIL, "If it's a boy, we
will just name it X, JR., (after my husband ). And, if it's
a girl, we will name her S, JR., (after me). MIL got all upset,
and went into a tizzy, because my husband already has a son named
X, JR. I had to listen to a lecture for 3 hours on how it
is not smart to give children the same name. She said that
they will get confused, etc.
Signed - Grandma Who????????
RESPONSE: Grandma Who????????
Gee, hope she never meets the George Foreman family - all 6 of his
kids are named George Foreman, Jr.
RESPONSE: Grandma Who????????
Why listen for 3 hours? Just tell her it is a joke, and to
chill. Then, tell her to look at Lucy and Desi - they each
had a Junior. Amazing what these MILs think is their business!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Scorned DIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 25-APR-02 Worst gift: Babyshower
gift: When my husband and I were pregnant with our first child,
my friends and mother threw me a baby shower. My MIL did not
even come, but she did send a gift - a crib blanket (that I saw
at a discount department store for $5.00). All the guests
wanted to know where the "other grandmother " was, AND
my husband's sister (just to show that the apple does not fall far
from the tree), gave me a bag full of baby clothes that she got
at "tag sales and the Salvation Army" (her words).
RESPONSE: Better Off Without
Them!
Some people have no taste in gifts. Sorry you got 2 of them.
I would like to say thank
you for all the responses to my MIL's post. I would be the
gold-digging DIL, who is solely responsible for alienating my 32
year old DH from his family. I knew she had submitted "her
side of the story", and I am sure she intends to check the
responses, as she had written down the web site address (yet, forgot
to tear the sheet off the notepad). I knew which story was
hers the minute I read it, and had a good idea of the responses
she would receive. Really, all she gave you was the tip of
the iceberg, and, as usual, played the victim in the whole scenario.
I admit, DH and I did hit it off from the start, and he proposed
to me less than a month after our initial meeting. None of
her business. I am NOT a gold-digger, despite what she thinks
of me. It really eats at her because, in all honesty, she
has no clue what kind of salary I draw, because, again, it is none
of her business. As a 30 year old divorced mom of two, I have
a good career, and make a decent living. Not only that, but
since I was a single mom for many years before DH "rescued"
me (her words, not mine), I learned lots of shortcuts, and learned
how to manage my money wisely. I had a nice little nest egg
saved up before I ever met DH. I owned my own home (which
I sold when we decided to marry). DH and I discussed having
more children, either via adoption, or reversing my tubal ligation.
This is not a subject we discussed lightly. And HE, more so
than I, decided that the two we are already blessed with are more
than enough. They are great kids, and he is more of a dad
to them than their biological father ever has been. Some of
you hit the nail on the head when you said that she wanted DH all
to herself after he divorced his ex-wife (whom I do not know, and
do not know the nature of MIL's relationship with her). The
only info I have been privy to regarding MIL and the ex-wife is
surely directed at me (to make me believe she was a wonderful DIL).
However, DH divorced this woman because of "irreconcilable
differences", and his ex-wife's relationship with his mother
(as I understand it) had no bearing on the divorce. I will
say that MIL most likely did adore her former DIL because she could
boss her around. Ex-DIL did not want to work outside the home,
and doted on every word MIL said. Who wouldn't like a person
who hung on their every word and took every piece of advice to heart?
Meanwhile, in my 30 years of life, I have learned a lot of hard
lessons, and don't take MIL's advice on how to do every little thing.
Why would I, when she has made it clear from day one that I am unwelcome
in her family? I will never forget her first words to DH about
me (and they were said right in front of me), "What is HER
car doing in HERE (garage)?" The rest of the afternoon
kind of went downhill from there. DH and I were living together
at the time, so why wouldn't my things be in "his house"?
I was in the process of listing mine on the market, and we were
already planning to get married. That first afternoon, DH
and I had left to go get more ice. On the drive to the store,
he even said that his mother was being a rude b!tch, and if she
didn't knock it off, he would invite her to leave (as he would not
tolerate her treating me in such manner). Needless to say,
the stories could go on and on forever. I have tried very
hard to be nice to this woman, but I just cannot do it anymore.
How dare she snoop through my history. Who knows what other
files she looked through while DH and I were at work. I KNEW
it was a bad idea to let her stay. I hope she reads/visits
this web site, and sees this post. In fact, I have decided
to copy and paste it into an email to her with the web address,
along with the responses to her post, just in case. Plus,
that will let her know that I saw what she wrote. In addition,
I would just like to say to dear old MIL, "Hey, I give up,
I cannot win with you. Therefore, I do not care about you
anymore. Like it or not, DH married me. And, BELIEVE
it or not, I love HIM, not his bank account. There is nothing
you can do to break us up. And, the harder you try, the more
you alienate YOURSELF from him. You think your actions go
unnoticed. If you could only see what is happening through
the eyes of a child, especially when DD asks me if she 'has to'
call you Grandma, because she knows that you are not her real grandma.
Before, you at least tried to hide your hatred for me in front of
the children, but small as they are, they are not stupid.
I am sorry to say that these are the only grandkids you will ever
have, so you can either embrace that and accept that, or you will
live out the rest of your life lonely and miserable. The choice
is yours. DH has already warned you of the consequences.
Enough to you." Thanks again for all the other DILs who
are suffering.
Signed - Not A Golddigger
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
WOW! Bravo to you and what you said! I hope your MIL
sees this post and shuts her controlling, b!tchy mouth. If
I were you, I would kick her out of yours and DH's house, ASAP!
Let her live on the street, and I wouldn't even care what happened
to her. It sounds like your DH is supporting you, and not
that sorry excuse of a human being that is his mother. She
needs to be cut off, IMHO, and I would never let her see your DDs
again. Good for you! I am doing a victory dance for
you now. Good luck, and keep us posted!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
You're a saint. If you'd had the chance to think quickly at
the time when she tried to push herself uninvited into your house,
you could have sent her toddling off to a motel, instead.
What a jerk!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
YOU GO GIRL!!!! You sound like you have your head on totally
straight!! More power to you!! Your MIL sounds EVIL.
And, while I did not read her original posting without the responses,
I did read it later with all the responses (and I knew you would
get lots of support!). My MIL is evil, too. If some
of these MILs only knew that THEY themselves were the ones responsible
for alienating their families, then maybe things might change!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
I am so sorry that you have to start off a marriage with a MIL who
is so jealous that she takes everything out on you. She should
share this time (what is left) with her husband or a friend, doing
things she could not do before (when she had a child to take care
of). And, if she was any sort of GRANDMA (and I sure would
not leave my kids with her now), before she showed her @ss, she
should have offered to watch the kids so that you and your husband
could go out alone on a date every now and again. How come
these people are so inconsiderate? I am very happy to hear
that your husband stands up for you and sees this action.
I had to personally go and make sure that I was not the bad person
in my relationship. My DH sat right there while his mom told
a waiter, "That's my son!" And, I blew it off thinking,
"Lady, you are crazy. That waiter does not care if that
is your son." But, now I know she said that for my benefit.
And, she has made other rude comments in the same manner, that I
am expected to blow off because "that is his mommy".
Well, I'll tell you what, I will never blow it off, ever again.
And, if DH does not like it, he can move in with her. He'll
be back. I am not worried. You take care. It sounds
like you have a good man.
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
YOU GO GIRL!!! I hope your MIL chokes on her words.
If I was in your boat, and had found out that my MIL was snooping
in my computer history, she would have been asked to leave, and
never come back. Keep your chin up. You are a wonderful
example to all of the DILs who cannot do what you have done.
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
I applaud you! It is a good thing that you are a strong and
confident mother and wife, or this MIL would eat you alive.
You are my hero! I hope your MIL thinks twice about her behavior
now, instead of being so self-righteous.
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
I'm sorry for what you have to put up with. I just wanted
to say one thing - my DH and I fell in love within one week of meeting.
We were engaged within 2 months, and married 9 months after we met.
Yup, sometimes love happens fast J.
I feel sad for people like your MIL, who think that it's all about
money, and don't recognize love when they see it. By the way,
has your DH seen what she wrote here? I think I feel doubly
sorry for him to have such a mother. Good luck to you and
your family!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
I never thought I would ever say that someone had a worse MIL than
I, but I can now. My heart aches for you. Your MIL really
is more despicable than I could even fathom. You are exactly
right that she is only alienating her boy by treating you in such
a manner. She just needs to face the fact that her DS, your
DH, is yours. She needs to let go of the idea of him as a
child. He is a man. You are his wife, and that is that.
I guess she wanted to HAVE HER CAKE and eat it too, but it doesn't
always work out that way. Know that you aren't alone.
Many of us feel your pain. As for MIL, get a life. Your
son already has one.
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
Honey, you have my deepest sympathy. Your MIL is a b!tch on
wheels! The thing about her writing in that makes me laugh
is that she couldn't even fool a bunch of strangers on a web site!
She made it clear to everyone here (and I know I tried to be as
objective as possible reading her post) that she is the problem.
After the way she has treated you, and the nasty things she says,
she has some real cahones to think you should even be civil to her.
You're right - she will end up as a lonely old woman if she keeps
this up! Best of luck to you!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
The woman sounds like a toxic mess. There is only one solution
when dealing with people like that: Distance yourself from
them as far, and as much as possible. Life is too short to
waste on destructive people, whether they're family or not.
Being family doesn't automatically mean you HAVE to put up with
them. I would choose to have no further contact with this
woman if I were you. She will never be a good grandma to your
children, and will only try to poison their minds whenever she has
the opportunity. If your DH wishes to remain in contact with
her, that will be his choice. But, hopefully, he will understand
why you and your children can't continue to subject yourself to
her destructive abuse. Much luck to you.
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
You go girl!! Everyone could see through your MIL immediately.
I am new to this site, and I could hardly believe how cruel this
woman is. I believe in forgiveness for healing in relationships,
but with your MIL, this would take a TOTAL soul makeover.
You are not capable of that, not even GOD could, because she would
have to admit guilt and evil!!!! No, your poor MIL will continue
through life as the victim of a vicious DIL. MIL is not worth
the stress this could put on your marriage. Enjoy your DH
and children. MIL deserves everything the future holds for
her. MIL is worse than evil, MIL is something out of a horror
flick. And, don't underestimate her, frightening indeed!
RESPONSE: Not A Golddigger
None of us ever thought of you as a gold digger. That is so
archaic. Probably only dried up old prunes who never worked
would only think of that. I never needed a man to support
me when I was young, and I don't need one now - and most women feel
that way. You sure don't have to defend yourself. I
was proud to have stood up for you - even signed my name so your
MIL could go to the boards and "talk it out" with me if
she wanted (unfortunately, I was listed as "one of the respondents").
The only reason I wanted her to see my letter was because I am a
MIL too, and I didn't want her to think only DILs are appalled at
how she behaved as a guest in someone else's home. Emily Post
would have a field day with some of the things your MIL has done
and said! As one MIL to another, I am especially outraged
at what she did. This is the kind of MIL'ing that gives MILs
a bad name! I don't care if you and she get along together
as well as two peas in a pod - it is tacky, rude, and disgusting
for someone to snoop through someone else's personal things.
Right there, she lost most of us. Bad MIL!! (slapping her
hand). Bad Guest!! (slapping other hand). I have been
alone in two of my sons' homes, for days at a time (baby-sitting),
when they and their wives were out, and I have NEVER snooped.
How utterly TACKY!! I wonder, DIL, if your MIL is one of those
guests who snoop in medicine cabinets, who people write in to Ann
Landers to complain about. So, for your MIL, here is my posting
name: "Motherinlaws Nightmare". C'mon over
and face some other MILs with what you did, Gold-digger-claiming
MIL! I'll bet you won't - because you won't see what you did
as wrong. And that is why your poor DIL needs to talk to other
DILs and MILs like me!! Why not set your attitude aside and
come over in the spirit of learning. And, maybe you can someday
have a relationship with your son and DIL (if they ever forgive
you for invading their privacy to find us). Time to put your
claims to love your son on the line, MIL. Come over with an
open mind and a loving heart, and see if you can learn how to behave
nicely. If you really love your son and want him in your life,
now's your chance to prove it - along with humbly apologizing to
DIL and her DH for snooping, among other things. Just "maybe",
they will forgive you. Otherwise, you could die a very lonely
woman.
Years ago, we used to
get a lot of calls where the caller would hang up whenever I answered.
So, we got caller ID, but did not tell anyone. The day it
was active, my MIL called. I saw it on the caller ID, but
she just hung up when I answered. She did this several more
times that day, and the next day, and the day after she did the
same thing. Finally, I told my husband he needed to call his
mother. She had been calling, but not leaving a message.
He called her, and it seems that she was mad at me for something
I supposedly said to her grandson (my husband's son by an ex-girlfriend).
This grandson of hers can do NO WRONG, NEVER lies, NEVER talks back,
etc., etc., (he has her wrapped around her finger - if his father
and I tell him "no", he asks grandma, and she always says
"yes"). But, somehow I "upset" him, and
she was now so PO'd at me, she could not even talk to me.
This grandson is her "only heir" (her words, I guess she
can't see the word ILLEGITIMATE on the birth certificate), even
though my husband and I have two sons who are legitimate!!!
She says that the other child is her only grandchild in order to
carry on the family name, in front of our two boys. They hate
her, and call her an old hag! She also buys things, and gives
money to the other child in front of my children, but never gives
our kids anything. That was years ago. Since then, I have
told her to go to he!!, never set foot on my property again, and
I blocked her phone number so she can't call my house anymore either.
She also took custody of the other child because I was such a bad
influence, although the child has been in and out of trouble with
the law since she took him!!!
Signed - Good Riddance
to MIL from HE!!
RESPONSE: Good Riddance to MIL from HE!!
I do agree that your MIL is out of line, but I think you're wrong
to gloat about a child's "illegitimacy". It's unfortunate
that your husband couldn't have been more responsible and avoided
creating a child out of wedlock. It's not the child's fault.
I, also, wouldn't be proud that my children called anyone a "hag".
If you are angry at the MIL, I would have it out with her.
But I wouldn't argue with an innocent child.
RESPONSE: Good Riddance to MIL from HE!!
I just love it when DILs write in totally convinced of the righteousness
of their positions, and in reality, they are dead wrong. I'm
not saying that your MIL is right, but you have got to stop treating
your husband's first child as a second class citizen, and stigmatizing
him as illegitimate (which is NOT noted on birth certificates).
Maybe your MIL favors him because she sees the way you treat him.
If you want your children treated fairly, try modeling the behavior
that you want to see in your MIL.
RESPONSE: Good Riddance to MIL from HE!!
Your MIL sounds like a real piece of work, but you're not helping
the situation any with your attitude towards your husband's first
child. Congratulations! You won the major derby, and
the previous girlfriend didn't. But, is that the child's fault?
Your attitude towards that poor kid needs to change. By the
way, I'm a DIL who believes that not all DILs are right.
My MIL's hubby (my hubby's
step-dad) died a year ago in March. Within weeks, she had
the single newspapers out and was looking for a man, as "there
isn't much time to find one at her age" Everyone grieves
in their own way, so, although I thought it was weird, I didn't
say anything. She did all the normal things - joined church
single's groups, etc. Actually, she joined every church single's
group in a 2 hour radius. She e-mailed me literally 5 times
a day with every detail. And, then, she met HIM. She
was lonely, and I know that's powerful, but she would email me and
tell me that she couldn't ask him questions as he had a temper,
that he drank too much, and that he wouldn't go to church with her.
He insisted they go separately, and that he would only wear $300
shoes and $10,000 watches. All of these red flags seemed very
obvious to me, but she was lonely. I let her know that it
didn't seem right, and then she just felt bad for telling me.
She said she only told me the bad things, and that she poisoned
my mind on him. I told her that the bad was so bad that it
would outweigh any good. She asked us to come for Christmas
to meet him. I growled like Marge Simpson to my husband, but
off we went. When we got there, he was drunk in the Lazy-Boy.
I went up and put my hand out and said, "Hello, I'm XXX."
He looked at my hand and didn't even get up. We were off to
a great start. So, as we were sitting down to dinner, he decided
to try to impress us. He pulled out a bottle (what a surprise)
of wine, and started raving about how it's the best, and asked if
we had heard of it. Now, I sound snobby, but this is a $5
grocery store bottle of wine. I wasn't impressed, but was
beginning to see his quest for status. While we were eating,
I asked how he liked living in this town, and he said that the people
were too low a class for him. They weren't "pretentious"
enough for him. My husband and I were amused, as he obviously
didn't know what the word meant, but we agreed that this fool was
definitely pretentious enough for us. Two minutes after dinner,
he passed out drunk. When we woke the next morning (Christmas
Eve), he was gone. He was supposed to come back on Christmas
Eve, but he stood my MIL up. When she realized this was happening,
she came into the living room and said, "Come on. We're
going to church." So, we grabbed our coats and went.
We sat there for 10 minutes, at which point she said she didn't
realize how cheesy it would be, and wanted to leave. We did
everything she wanted. We knew she must have been hurt that
this schm*ck stood her up, and we tried to make her feel better.
She said that she wanted us up at 8 am on Christmas, and so I was.
I couldn't find her, and went to check my email. Right on
the screen was an email she was composing to someone. She
was complaining about me, saying she wanted to go to church to be
closer to her dead husband. But I didn't want to stay, so
she left. She then said she wanted us up at 8 am, and we weren't
(it was 8 am as I was reading this). She babbled about how
disappointed she was in me. Huh? I woke my husband up
and asked him to go read it. He did, and was very hurt.
Of course her schm*ck boyfriend stood her up on Xmas day, too.
Anyway, my hubby tried to approach it with her, and also to talk
about her boyfriend. She said he was in the emergency room
with an IV in his arm Xmas Eve, and that was why he wasn't there.
Funny, at 4 pm, he answered her call on his cell about his Xmas
present. I was very hurt that she lied about me, and when
I told her that, I got in trouble for calling her a liar.
Duh, she lied. What else do you call it? We left on
Xmas day, and my husband was so upset - in tears and sick and throwing
up all the way home. I got a speeding ticket for going 95,
as I couldn't get out of there quickly enough. Anyway, it's
been strained ever since. Now she wants us to get together
with her boyfriend, like nothing happened. My hubby said we
won't do it without an apology from him for his behavior and drunkenness.
MIL never let dear boyfriend know that we were upset, so she won't
let hubby ask him for an apology. She says it would make things
bad for her if we did that. So, hubby told her that we're
not meeting them. This whole situation hurt me so much, as
I've been there for her through all of her craziness. I helped
her when her ex was dying, and tried to be a good DIL. And,
then, she lied about me to strangers. Her boyfriend is a drunken
mess who leaves cups all over the place. He told her he was
moving out of the house (now that his house was finished), as living
together is against his religion. Funny, it isn't against
his religion to go to bars. She's so lonely and desperate,
and is hurting my husband so much. I'm so hurt by her lying
about me. Bu, when I say that, I get in trouble for calling
her a liar. When we tried to speak about it, she said she
remembered my husband asking her how to make mashed potatoes once,
as I was hung-over. This was 8 years ago, and I said, "I'm
definitely not going to say I've never been drunk in my life, but
I never would have gotten drunk the first night I met you."
She keeps finding excuses for him and her, and the lies are hard
for her to keep track of now. I don't want my husband to be
torn. What do I do?
Signed - Don't Want My
Husband To Be Torn
RESPONSE: Don't Want My Husband To Be Torn
What a sick woman! You and your DH must feel sad about it.
That's PRICELESS, "The people around here aren't pretentious
enough for me." Too funny!
RESPONSE: Don't Want My Husband To Be
Torn
You and your DH might attend an Al-Anon meeting or two. They
will explain to you that MIL is an enabler, and you can't save her
any more than you can save an alcoholic. But, they might have
some answers, or at least let you and DH get some peace of mind.
I encourage you to do it.
RESPONSE: Don't Want My Husband To Be
Torn
Your husband can see how she is, obviously, and your MIL is old
enough to make her own mistakes. Is there a threat of physical
harm from the drunk BF? If yes, then talk to the police, and
find out if there's anything you can do (other than to just let
them know of your fears for your MIL). There's not a whole
lot you can do to straighten out other people's lives. These
are your MIL's choices to make, as stupid as they seem to you.
You can distance yourself from her behavior, but that's about all.
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Purple Butterfly, 2 of 4/Posted: 25-APR-02
You have no idea what I put up with - with my terrible
MIL. This is just one story out of many. A few months
before getting married, I went and registered at a department store
in my area with MIL. Well, she kept pushing about how I needed
to pick out a china pattern and put it on the registry (which I
did, and I thought it was very elegant - though kind of pricey).
I thought that, at best, I would get one place setting altogether,
which was fine, because I wanted to at least be able to show my
future children and grandchildren my china pattern. Well,
on the day of my second reception (the first was in another state
in which we got married), a family friend bought me one entire place
setting of china which I was thrilled about. There was much
confusion when I was leaving the place of the reception (which happened
to be MIL's house), and I forgot the china. MIL called not
too long after this, and talked to DH. She said that we didn't
really need that setting, and that we should take it back and get
the money out of it (strange, how she pushes for it, and then wants
us to take it back). DH said he wasn't sure, and that he would
talk to me about it. When DH brought this up to me, I said
that I didn't want to take it back, and that I wanted it for a keepsake.
What Bride doesn't? I also said that I would be over to MIL's
house to pick it up, along with the gift receipt for it. Well,
for some reason this just inflamed MIL (she doesn't like her son's
girlfriends or wives to have minds of their own). And, before
I could get there, she took it back HERSELF! This made me
very angry. And, actually, to this day, I have never seen
the money for it. It's not so much that I couldn't buy another
setting, because I plan on doing so - it's just the fact that number
1, it was a gift to DH and me, not MIL. And, two, she has
so little respect for her children and their spouses (not to mention
everyone else). This woman is unbelievable. I thank
you all in advance for listening, and, as always, thank you for
your awesome advice
RESPONSE: MIL Is A Bull In A China Shop!
And I thought MY ILs were pushy and rude to snatch up the tip we
left in a restaurant, and to cut in line when I'd given them free
tickets to an event where I was volunteering. But, rudely
taking it upon herself to return YOUR wedding gift, that you wanted,
really takes the cake. I hate your MIL FOR you!
RESPONSE: MIL Is A Bull In A China Shop!
I think you should demand that she give you the money for the china
set today. If I had given you that gift, and this had happened,
I would be angry at your MIL, and I would be angry at you for not
standing up for yourself. Maybe your husband should skip Mother's
Day from now on, and tell her to just consider the cash she stole
to be her gift.
RESPONSE: MIL Is A Bull In A China Shop!
You and your DH should go over to MIL's house and DEMAND that she
give you the money from the returned china. She has STOLEN
from you, and that is not acceptable. After she gives you
the money, make it clear that you are going straight to the store
to purchase the china. Also, make it clear that she better
keep her nose out of your business! What a nerve!
Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Purple Butterfly, 3 of 4/Posted: 25-APR-02
MIL was just here for a visit. She arrives
about once a year, since there is quite some distance between us
J. We never know exactly when
MIL will arrive. MIL gives us one date, but may arrive three
to five days ahead. MIL also never tells me when she will
be ending the endless visit. It is he!! not knowing when or
how long. I need a date to look forward to saying good-bye
to MIL. When MIL arrives, she waits until I go to work, and
then begins her control. I come home from work and MIL had
rearranged my pantry, has changed my forks, spoons etc. MIL
wants my salad forks pointing in a different position from my dinner
forks, same thing with the soup spoons and regular spoons.
Once MIL leaves, I put everything back to its normal spot.
MIL obviously knows this irks me, and, yet, each year MIL goes through
the same routine. I work nights, and I stay up late watching
TV just getting work out of my head before bedtime. MIL said
that I probably would like to sleep in on Saturday morning, since
it is my only chance during the week to sleep in. At 7:00
am, MIL was unloading MY dishwasher and clanging pots and pans.
When I got up from the noise, MIL smiles that evil smile and says,
"I thought you wanted to sleep in"! @#!*@~
RESPONSE: Sleepless In The South
If she really wants to visit and stay, I would lay down the rules.
Set a certain number of days that she may come. She will arrive
and leave on time. She will find something to do, other than
rearranging your things - or she is not welcome. Put it back
in her court.
RESPONSE: Sleepless In The South
Set the date that she is allowed to come, and for how long.
My own mother said, "Fish and guests stink after 4 days."
That is enough. Give her a window, and stick to it.
If she can't come then, then tell her, "I don't know, maybe
next year. We are so busy." I had to do this to
my MIL, or she would be at my house for 10 days every other month.
RESPONSE: Sleepless In The South
From one Southern girl to another, you've got to take control in
your own house! You can do it politely. The moment you
get home from work, and you see that she's rearranged something
in YOUR house, say very sweetly, "MIL, you are so sweet to
want to help me, but I prefer to have my knives in this drawer."
Then, move them back to where they belong, and change the subject.
You are in the right, she is in the wrong. It is that simple.
You don't have to overplay it - but what she is doing is fraught
with symbolism, and as long as she's allowed to get away with this
behavior, it won't change. Good Luck!
RESPONSE: Sleepless In The South
She is not observing COMMON COURTESY to ask you if she can come
at a certain time, and to tell you (or ASK you) when she'll leave.
Is your DH on your side about this? There's no law that says
you even have to let the old bat in your house. Do you think
you and your DH could write her a letter that spells out a time
it would suit you for her to come and visit (even though that's
really NEVER!), and strongly hint that no other time would suit
you. Then, if she shows up at another time, tell her politely
that you're sorry - you told her that time didn't suit. And,
then, check her into a motel. She is being VERY intrusive.
It's very presumptuous of her to rearrange your things. Nobody
would like that! How would she like it if you went to her
house and did that? Could you say something like that to her?
"Thank you for being so helpful, but how would you like it
if someone went to your house and rearranged your things?"
But, she sounds so intrusive and unreasonable, that might not work.
She, quite frankly, sounds AWFUL.
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