I am writing this story
because I have a very sick son. I don't know where to even
start about my MIL. My husband, at the age of 18, found out
that he was adopted, and my MIL told him that she never wanted to
discuss it again. The main problem was that, when she handed
him his birth certificate, it had a different name. She illegally
adopted him. From that time on, they never really had a relationship.
We got married, had two kids, and she was a big help then.
My son got sick, and we need medical records. Well, to make
a long story short, she illegally adopted my DH and knows where
his birth mother is. She will not tell us any information
that may help my son not to go through all these tests at 5 years
old. If I never see her again, it is too soon. Her answer
to me was that he was born in "(name of city)", isn't
that enough genetic background? What do you do from here?
Signed - She Illegally
Adopted Him
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
What an absolute witch! She should put her feelings aside
and help her grandson! Have you thought about hiring a private
detective to try to find your DH's birth mother, and/or getting
a subpoena to get your MIL in court where you can MAKE her tell?
Good luck!
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
Tell her that, unless she gives you the info PRONTO, you will take
to her to court. I do not know the limitations on illegal
adoption, but the threat of getting arrested might help.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
Bring her to court. And talk to a lawyer right away.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
Well, it looks like the house didn't kill the Wicked Witch's sister
after all. She is alive and kicking. Video tape all
the tests your son will have to endure, and mail it to all her family
members, friends, etc. Let people know about her. GOD
Bless your son.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
Have you consulted a lawyer? Many attorneys do initial consultations
for free. Maybe the police can help. If she doesn't
give you the information you need, then you need never see her again.
She's of no blood relation to any of you. Any grandmother
who would put her grandchild through unnecessary medical testing,
when she has that kind of information at her fingertips, deserves
all she gets.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
If you can't convince her to give you the name, would she at least
agree to pass your questions on to his birth mother? This
situation is heartbreakingly sad, but there is a possibility that
the birth mother insisted on anonymity as a condition of allowing
your MIL to adopt him. It sounds like there is something about
the situation that she is afraid to let your DH know. Although
it will be difficult, try to be patient with her, and explain again
how important it is to have her cooperation. Tell her that
you can see it is obviously very painful for her to have to discuss
this, but assure her that, whatever her secret is, you will not
think any less of her for it. She is probably very afraid,
so try to keep that in mind the next time you discuss this with
her. My heart goes out to you and your family.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
If you can't get her to listen to your DS's Dr., or if a letter
from him won't help, perhaps it is time to visit an attorney.
The first visit should be free. Tell the attorney everything,
and see if anything can be done. Perhaps she could even be
charged with a crime - or just threatened with it. Then, tell
her that you won't proceed if she provides the info your child needs.
If she gives the info, I would still cut her off from EVER seeing
your son again.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
You should tell her that if she would rather see her grandson be
in pain than to sacrifice sharing her son, she is not human.
And, if your son has to be in pain, she will no longer be a part
of his life. She must not love your son, or her son anyway,
because anyone who has a heart and loves someone besides themselves,
wouldn't do this. Signature: MOTHER OF FIVE.
RESPONSE: She Illegally Adopted Him
Bless your heart, honey. I say, take her to court and have
the courts force her to release this information. Since it
was illegal then, there is probably no record to be found.
Is there anyone else, from the time that the adoption occurred,
who would have knowledge of the birth mother? I would think
about getting a lawyer and taking her to court. I hope you
get what you need. You and your family, especially your son,
will be in my prayers.
I actually wrote and
SENT a letter to my MIL one year ago, March, and she NEVER acknowledged
it!!! We have been married for almost 16 years, and my MIL
has never accepted me. First of all, she doesn't consider
us really married, because I am Lutheran and they are Roman Catholic.
And, needless to say, our two children really aren't baptized, either!
Can you believe that? We relocated to within 6 miles of their
home over 8 years ago, and I can count the # of times they have
visited our children on one hand!!! The big kicker was when
they forgot our daughter's birthday last year . That was the
last straw. They have 7 other grandchildren, and they DOTE
over them to the point of making me nauseous!!! Our daughter
said (with tears in her eyes), "Why didn't they remember my
birthday????" That's when I wrote the letter. Basically,
I said that the kids have asked, "Why don't grandma and grandpa
love us like they love the rest of them?" NO RESPONSE!!!
Needless to say, I have not seen or talked to them in over a year.
I WILL not allow my children to be hurt like that. My husband
still is in contact with them, and states, "They will never
change." But, you know what???? That's not my problem.
I think my in-laws should be in the BAD IN-LAW HALL OF FAME, don't
you???
Signed - Signed Off DIL
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
Yes, and shame on your DH for not standing up for his children.
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
My MIL is the same way. I also refuse to let my children be
hurt. Our neighbor is a widow with no kids, and she is such
a great surrogate grandma - my kids don't miss MIL. See if
you can do that. Why is your DH still in touch with people
who would hurt his innocent children that way? It seems obvious
that all MIL wants is her "sonny boy", and your DH is
rewarding her.
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
THEY ARE NOT YOUR FAMILY. Toxic people like that don't deserve
to have the honor of being your daughter's grandparents. She
knows you love her, and I know there will be lots of people in her
life that will love her. And when it comes down to it, that
is her TRUE family.
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
I hear you! We experienced the last straw recently!
My MIL never calls on my kids' birthdays, but has the nerve to lecture
DH when he doesn't call on his niece or nephew's birthdays.
We are about to cut her out of our lives. When we move this
summer, she will not get our physical address, or anything but a
cell number. I don't understand why people consciously choose
to be hateful to their children and grandchildren.
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
I hear ya! My MIL used to live down the street (literally,
a 1 minute walk to her house from mine). I never felt comfortable
in her home and she never "invited" me to her home, so
I did not feel right just going over there. And, she never
said to call her anything like "mom" or by her first name,
so I always called her "Mrs. X". Anyway, she saw
my first son when he was 2 days old. We stopped at her house
on the way home from the hospital so that she could see her new
grandson. Three and one half years later, we had another son.
She did not see him until he was 18 months old. The only reason
she saw him then was because we ran into her at the grocery store.
She barely acknowledged my older son. She even had to ask
if she had his name right, and when she walked away, my older son
said, "Who was that?" I don't think my kids are
missing out on anything by not knowing this woman. My mother
is "Nana" enough for both of them. BTW, she has
not seen either of them since (that was 9 years ago). She
never asks for pictures, and has NEVER sent a card or gift to either
of them. I don't think she even knows when their birthdays
are! I don't know how she does it! These are her blood,
after all. I don't think I could not acknowledge my own kin!
RESPONSE: Signed Off DIL
I hate to say this, but give it up with your MIL and FIL.
Don't even think about them anymore. Would you really want
people, who are so rude, in your children's lives anyway????!!
I know it hurts your kids, because they know the grandparents aren't
there for them. But, one day, when they are older, they will
see the grandparents as they are, and still be able to love them.
Love and respect your in-laws, despite their failings and bad choices!!!
Your children will admire you (especially when they are older),
and you will feel like you did the right thing. I'm not saying
that you should be a doormat to your in-laws. Don't do that
at all. Simply, do not say bad things in front of your kids
about the grandparents (in time, they will discover the real truth).
And, be respectful to them when you do HAVE to see them, and do
be generous at Christmas and so forth. I feel sorry for your
in-laws, because they will be the ones to reap the hurt they have
sown. One more thing, don't ever let your children be alone
with these people. Don't ever let your in-laws get away with
saying hurtful things in front of these children, either.
Cut ties when that starts happening. Best Wishes, Signed:
A Granddaughter Who Has A Really Cruel, Foolish Grandmother (I Still
Love Her, But She Will Not Get The Best Of Me).
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Scorned DIL, 3 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-APR-02
MIL used to call my house several times a day.
If I answered the phone, she would hang up! If husband answered
to phone, she would talk to him. I don't know why she did
this, because this was before I told her to stay the h-e-double-toothpicks
out of our lives. I know it was her, because we got caller
ID, and her name was on it every time there was a hang up.
Of course, she denied it! A few years ago, I blocked her number
from our phone. Life is good when MIL can't call!
RESPONSE: Life Is Good When MIL Can't Call!
I once had to do the same thing, but for her daughter (my SIL) also!
They always denied the caller ID, even after I showed it to the
police. I took the blocker off after they moved far away.
I have something new now that makes every person who calls identify
themselves, or they can't even get through to us! Caught them
a few times on it already!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Scorned DIL, 4 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-APR-02
Worst gift: What gifts? In the 16 years
I have known my husband, and the 13 years we have been married,
this woman has never, ever given us anything - not for our wedding,
not for the birth of our two children, not even a birthday or anniversary
card. Nothing, NADA to either of us or our children!
She sends cards to some of her other children and their spouses
though.
RESPONSE: What Gifts?
Same here. I look at it like this: Now I don't feel
obligated to buy for her. One less hassle in my life.
RESPONSE: What Gifts?
So what, she's a CHEAP @ss. And, just think of all the money
you have saved (or will save) by not sending her anything.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Scorned DIL/Posted: 30-APR-02
When we had our second child, he was 6 weeks premature.
He had to go to a different hospital from the one where I delivered
him, in order for him to be in a NICU. We found out a few
days later that he had a terminal genetic disease. That was
9 years ago. To this day, MIL has not seen her second grandson!
She never calls to see how he is, or even if he is still alive.
RESPONSE: She Never Calls To See How He Is
A woman like that doesn't deserve to see your son. Those who
love your son are his FAMILY. That woman is nothing.
Her loss.
RESPONSE: She Never Calls To See How He Is
That's disgusting! I believe there is a special place, after
we die, for MILs like her. I hope your DS doesn't even think
about her.
RESPONSE: She Never Calls To See How He Is
OMG! I think your story truly tops them all! There aren't
even words to describe that woman. I truly hope that there
is a cure discovered for your son. Good luck to you.
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