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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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May
2, 2002
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Why do they bury mothers-in-law
18 feet down, when everyone else is buried 6 feet down?
Because, deep down, they really are very nice people.
Signed - Deep Down
RESPONSE: Deep Down
LOL! It wouldn't be deep enough for my MIL though! Move
her down more - maybe her heart of ice would melt.
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Worst gift: My MIL gave
me a packet of cotton undies with cutesy cartoon characters on them.
I guess that she thought this would turn DH off. I haven't
worn them, and he is still turned on after 7 years!
Signed - No Undies at
All
RESPONSE: No Undies at All
That's so loony, I don't know WHAT to say. I just keep shaking
my head.
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My boyfriend's mom is
a horrible person. My boyfriend's sister's boyfriend died,
and her mom wouldn't even let her go to his funeral. She hates
me now, because I went to her school to see if there was any way
possible for her to go to the funeral. Now, I am never allowed
to go over to her house again. Now, she is telling my boyfriend
that I am cheating on him, and I am only with him so I can get the
$26,000 that he has in the bank (and, which he gets when he turns
25). Can you please tell me what I should do to be able to
get her trust back?
Signed - How To Get Her
Trust Back?
RESPONSE: How To Get Her Trust Back?
If she's out to get you, you'll NEVER win her trust. Grin,
bear it, and avoid her like the plague. If you don't actually
do any of the things she accuses you of, then there are plenty of
witnesses to your innocence, and none to her lies.
RESPONSE: How To Get Her Trust Back?
Do you really want this woman's trust back? I don't understand
how you can lose someone's trust when attempting to attend the funeral
of your BF's sister. Truly, this woman is somewhat psycho,
and it's not possible to have the trust of a crazy MIL or future
MIL. I know, for I have the most psycho MIL in the history
of the world. Do you intend to marry your BF? If so,
then marry him, and move at least 1000 miles from the MIL.
I promise that it will be the best thing you can do for your future
marriage. I know, for we have moved 1000 miles away from the
MIL, and our marriage and relationship has evolved to become sweet,
precious, and, most of all, stable beyond my previous hopes.
Take my advice, move 1000 miles from the MIL. I promise that
you won't regret it, and it will be the best thing you can ever
do for your relationship and future marriage. I know it will
be hard to leave your family, but there's email, long distance,
and, of course, - trips home. And, when my DH and I go home
for a visit, it's a visit only with my family (they're all sane
- no history of mental illness in my family), and our close friends.
IF YOU LOVE HIM, MARRY HIM, AND THEN MOVE 1000 MILES FROM THE MIL!!!
RESPONSE: How To Get Her Trust Back?
I'm not sure I understand. Your BF's mother told her minor
daughter that she could not go, and you tried to get her from school
anyway? If that is what you meant, you were in the wrong.
But, if you meant that you simply went to ask the girl if she could
go, I am not sure why BF's mother is angry - unless you already
knew? Maybe BF's sister lied to mother about what you said?
Perhaps it is time for you, BF, and his mother to sit down and iron
out some problems. It may not work, but at least, then, you
and your BF can say you tried. As you can see from the message
boards, there is no way to "make" a MIL accept, be nice
to, or trust a DIL. But, we can offer you lots of sympathy.
RESPONSE: How To Get Her Trust Back?
How does your BF feel about his mom? If he thinks all is all
right, or if he knows it is bad but won't do anything about it,
then leave. Run, and run as fast as you can. If you
stay, you are no longer the victim of this woman. You are
entering the relationship with your eyes wide open, and you must
deal with it. I urge you to have an honest conversation with
your BF, and find out what he plans to do about his mom. If
the answer is, "nothing," then leave.
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I cannot figure out my
SIL (wife to DH's brother). Every time we agree to go somewhere,
she has a problem with what I wear. I have chronic pelvic
pain, so I like to wear loose fitting dresses. I realize that
a lot of women do not favor dresses, but surely a woman has free
will to wear one if she chooses! NOT according to SIL.
She will take one look at me and say, "OH, you dressed up again!"
Now, I am usually in some cutesy plaid jumper dress with flat shoes,
so I can't see how that is all that dressed up. One time,
DH and I had been at our house construction site, and I was in really
baggy sweats, but we were going out to eat with the GREAT ONE and
his wife. I brought a dress to change into. Well, SIL
saw me in the sweats and she gushed, "You look GREAT!"
I said, "I gotta change into my dress." She said,
"NNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO! Don't do that!" She
whined, and continued to whine outside the bathroom door, begging
me to reconsider and wear the sweats out to the restaurant.
What is the big deal about what I wear?
Signed - What a Weirdo
Family!
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
She is a weirdo, and insecure. Don't pay attention to her,
and wear what you like.
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
Have you explained the chronic pain thing to her? Ask her
why she wants you to be uncomfortable, or why it matters to her
so much what you're wearing.
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
Your SIL is obviously jealous of you, and feels threatened by your
appearance. I don't know what you can really do about this,
except to feel sorry for her, and hope that her self-esteem improves.
Keep wearing whatever you want, and don't pay any attention to what
she says!
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
SIL is clearly intimidated by your wearing dresses. Maybe
SHE FEELS underdressed or manly around you. She loved the
sweats because you probably didn't look better than her for once.
That's my theory!
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
It's obvious. She is insecure about how she looks, so she
doesn't want you looking too good when you are standing next to
her. Keep wearing what you want, too bad for her. You
look good, and she doesn't think she does - so she wants you to
dress down to suit her. What a sad little girl!
RESPONSE: What a Weirdo Family!
Was she wearing sweats to dinner? Does she normally dress
like a slob? I don't know what her problem is with you wearing
a dress. I know what you mean - I have 3 denim dresses, and
I would not consider myself "dressed up" in any of them.
Maybe her DH gets on her to wear dresses because you do? Maybe
he gets on her that you never just wear sweats or sloppy clothes
out with your DH? Otherwise, I think I would just ask her.
Next time she carries on about your dress, I would just say, "I've
been wondering what this thing is with you when I wear a dress?"
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My in-laws drive me batty!
They will say that they are coming out here. And, when I ask
them what day, and about what time, they have a hard time giving
me a time. But, then they commit to a time. I ask them
to dinner, and they agree. Then they ALWAYS come late.
Once, the SIL called me laughing and giggling so hard, I could barely
understand her. She was already three hours late, and I asked
if she was okay. She said, "Yes, you won't believe this
one! We took the wrong exit, and now we are at the GREAT ONE's
(BIL's) house." Okay, so I had dinner still warming
in the oven. "How much longer until you get here?"
Giggles. "Well, we have been here about three hours,
already, so I don't know, maybe another hour." "FINE."
I can't say more. DH thinks I should be the bigger person.
Our niece said that she would come by on her way home, after a holiday
visit with in-laws. She said she would be at our house at
4 PM. All day long she called - making it later and later
- because she couldn't pull herself away from the TV. She
knows we are nightshift people, so she came at 4 am. Okay,
we are night-shifters, so that is not as terrible as it sounds,
BUT she had originally said she was coming at 4PM. MIL said
she would come over for lunch at our house at 11 am, when she was
in town. Then, later, she acted like she never agreed to this,
and stood us up for lunch with the GREAT ONE (BIL). SIL and
MIL said that they were both coming down for a visit. We agreed
to have dinner at my house. It was the first time that they
would see our new house. I call the GREAT One's wife and said
that if she would like that, she, the GREAT ONE, and their kids
could come over for dinner too. She said, "Tell you what,
why don't all of you come down HERE." I said, "Well
no, we want to throw a dinner party in our new house."
She wailed, "But what if I want to have it HERE?"
For the first three years that we lived in this state, we visited
GREAT ONE (BIL) and his wife at their home on both Thanksgiving
and Christmas. Before we even came over, I told her that my
dad was diabetic. Then, she got upset because he could not
have any of her "famed" pies and cakes. She and
her daughter got into a horrendous fight. Then, one year,
things changed. My father was sick around Thanksgiving and
Christmas time, and so was I ( I have CFIDS). SIL wanted us
to come down to her house for Thanksgiving and Christmas dinner.
I said, "No," as it would just be too much that year with
my dad sick (fainting spells and weakness, and unstable on his feet,
and me feeling so cr@ppy). I said it was just too much for
me that year. SIL got mad and said, "Is there something
wrong with coming over to MY house?" I invited them to
my house instead, but, of course, they never want to spend a holiday
at our house, because they say they want their faaaamily holiday
in their own house. Well, shouldn't I get to as well?
They came over on another day, but never quite got over the change
in circumstances.
Signed - I Don't Understand
These People At All
RESPONSE: I Don't Understand These People At All
Stop!!! Stop inviting your ILs over, stop going over to their
house, AND stop letting them control your life (up to, and including,
your emotions). Don't let these people get to you. Ignore
them, and get some friend that can take the place of your ILs in
your heart. If asked by your ILs as to why you've disassociated
yourself, be honest. But don't get emotional.
RESPONSE: I Don't Understand These People At All
Stop waiting dinner for them, and if they call and change the time
of their arrival, tell them you've got another appointment then.
Being a doormat, and allowing them to dictate your life, is not
getting you anywhere. Grow some backbone, and stop conforming
to their wishes all the time. Giving in, sometimes, is fine,
but when you do it ALL the time, they find no reason to concede
to your wishes. They think you're just gonna cave anyway.
RESPONSE: I Don't Understand These People At All
I don't know that I am reacting right, but I would stop inviting
any of them. If someone says they are coming over on such
and such a day, I would tell them, "No," because you are
busy. If they ask when you are busy, I would say, "All
day." That is how long they usually keep you waiting,
right? Say, "Sorry, invitations don't seem to work out
in this family." My MIL had a habit of calling, at the
last minute, to say she was coming. She lived hours away,
and had to stay in town (not with us, thankfully). But, was
she trying to tell me that she didn't know she was coming till an
hour before they left home? Then, they would make us wait
for at least an hour (usually two or more) beyond the time they
quoted. They might get it in their heads to visit another
friend on the way, as MIL put it. She said that they were
spontaneous people, and I should loosen up. So, one time I
said (when they asked to come for lunch) that, since they had not
arrived here 1 hour after the stated time, we should pile into the
car and leave. And, so we did. You should have heard
the sh!t hit the fan!! It sounded like a cat screetching!
I said, "You weren't here, we were being spontaneous!"
The next time she was an hour late (she learned for a while), she
caught us backing out the driveway. She said, "I thought
you learned that we always show up (which is what she yelled after
the time we left)!! My DH said, "I thought you learned
that we won't wait anymore." They were never more than
an hour late again. THEN, I got them with that one - I stopped
cooking. I bought cold cuts and deli salads. When MIL
asked why, I said that I didn't work in the kitchen to create a
nice meal, just to not be able to enjoy it. I don't like my
food reheated over and over, or "kept warm". So,
I bought that stuff, and when they weren't there within 1/2 hour
of when I said dinner would be ready, I would let my DH make himself
a sandwich and start eating. One thing I found out with my
INLAWS - they can dish it out, but they can't take it. They
started being on time. Though, I never did cook for them again!
Go for it. You're darned if you do, and darned if you don't.
So, you may as well do what you want.
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It seems that, in my
MIL's family, the DILs who have children are always considered to
be difficult. The first time I met my MIL's own SIL, I had
to listen to a harangue about all the haggling and competition between
them over the grandchildren. The MIL (my MIL's SIL) was gloating
about the times that her granddaughter had picked the MIL over the
girl's mother. Yesterday, my husband told me that my MIL's
sister's DIL was also considered "difficult". A
lot of it has to do with the grandchildren. We don't have
any children, but I think there is no quicker way to absolutely
grow to HATE my in-laws! We have a superficially cordial relationship
now, but, obviously, I vent here (and they may do some venting as
well). I try to be polite, but sometimes I've felt astonished
by their rudeness, and have felt backed into a corner by their intrusiveness
and demands. I think I would hate them with every fiber of
my being if we had children, and they glommed their empty lives
onto our kids. Like snapping turtles, they wouldn't let go
till it thundered! Maybe I'm exaggerating, but it doesn't
look good. Thanks for letting me vent (I think I have a touch
of PMS!). P.S. All my sympathy to that poor DIL whose
monstrous MIL got on her computer after pretty much forcing her
way into their house. That witch then proceeded to invade
the privacy of the DIL's computer history. And, she had the
nerve to think she was a good MIL! Well, I guess people like
that are blessed with a singular lack of self-doubt. I bet
that poor DIL's favorite movie is "Let's Throw Mama From the
Train," or something.
Signed - Hanging On To
Civility By Threads
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I can relate to a lot
of you in regards to MILs. My MIL is actually two people!
When MIL is around my SIL, she treats me like a stranger.
The complexity is that, when she is not with SIL, she and I are
very much alike. My MIL has three children (my DH is the middle
child). I believe that my MIL believed that my DH would be
hers forever (he lived in her home until he was 28). We've
been married for 4 years, and we have been together for 5 years.
I remember how happy she was when we got engaged, and decided to
wait 1 year before marriage. That was the last of MY happiness!!
First, planning our wedding was easy for my DH and I (go to JOP
and buy house). MIL wanted a huge wedding (we would pay for
it). Then, she wanted us to buy a house on her street (NO
THANX). She would buy the house, and we would pay her back
(DOUBLE NO THANX). Then, my SIL decided to try and have a
baby, but, sadly, she lost it. Then, she got pregnant again.
Our set marriage date at this time was in August, but since she
was due at the end of that month, SIL and MIL demanded (to my DH
only) that we change our marriage date to the convenience of SIL
and MIL (as it would be MIL's first "real" grandchild).
I have a son that my DH has since adopted and has raised since age
1. I had to be ugly with DH, and told him that our wedding
would be on the original date, whether anybody showed up from his
side or not! It was our wedding day, and I refused to have
them ruin my day! MIL showed up, SIL sent a gift! Two
years later, SIL was pregnant again, and now MIL and SIL were treating
my son like he is not family. SIL thought she was having a
boy, and therefore would give MIL her "real" grandson.
I said nothing, but told my DH that enough was enough, and that
I refused to put our son in a place that demeaned him! That
Xmas, SIL decided (for the first time) to yell and slap my child.
That was a bomb of all bombs. MIL and SIL got an earful from
DH and me. We didn't hear from them until 6 months later,
when MIL became nice MIL (about the time SIL had another girl),
and told DH that she misses her grandson! Pssshaw!!
Grandson does love MIL and FIL, so I struggle every holiday to put
a facade on for him. But, as a mother, I am honest with my
family, and my son knows I do not like MIL. My son says that
I am the best mom in the world, because I can laugh and make a good
time with MIL and SIL when I need too! And that, my friends,
is the reward of dealing with the evil, twisted, and distorted MILs
and SILs of the world.
Signed - Struggling With
A MIL
RESPONSE: Struggling With A MIL
Good for you, and good for your DH. It sounds like you got
a real man, and you are doing the right things. I hope that
your ILs keep doing right by your son. Be ready to remind
them how they should be treating your son, and be ready to pull
your son out of the situation if necessary. By the way, not
all children are perfect. If your MIL, SIL, or other adult
disciplines your child, get all of the facts before you react.
It is possible that your DS needed a quick lesson that you will
need to reinforce at a later time.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives