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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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May
3, 2002
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I held a birthday party
for my son. He was turning two years old. When my MIL
arrived, she didn't even speak to the little birthday boy.
Then, my BIL, his girlfriend, and his child showed up. The
very second they walked through the door, she was all over their
child (leaving our son sitting on the floor, just waiting for her
to pay attention to him). He is only two years old, and doesn't
understand why she didn't pay attention to him. Luckily, my
mom was there, and she crawled right down onto the floor to play
with him. Then, my BIL and his family left, and my MIL wanted
my son to play with her. But, by then he was mad at her, and
wouldn't even speak to her. I think that when she left yesterday,
she finally got a little taste of her own medicine. She is
constantly putting my husband down, and I don't like it.
Signed - She Finally
Got A Little Taste Of Her Own Medicine
RESPONSE: She Finally Got A Little Taste Of Her Own
Medicine
My condolences on having such an obnoxious, hurtful MIL. I'm
glad he has another grandmother who loves him so much - to make
up for it. Be sure to give him extra kisses. J
RESPONSE: She Finally Got A Little Taste Of Her Own
Medicine
Your MIL is just plain cruel! I'm glad your mother was there
for him. Someone should call her on her behavior ASAP.
Trust me, if she keeps up this type of behavior, your son will eventually
cut her off completely. Who needs this toxic woman, who obviously
likes to play favorites?
RESPONSE: She Finally Got A Little Taste Of Her Own
Medicine
When your son is all grown up, he probably won't make the time to
see grandma, and she will wonder why. Sometimes we grow up
feeling close to one grandparent, aunt, or uncle, but distant from
others, and we may not even know why we feel that way. But,
it is because of things like the behavior your MIL exhibited at
your son's birthday party. My grandmother (may she RIP) so
blatantly favored my aunt's/uncle's kids over my parents kids.
But it caught up with her in her old age. When she was lonely
and needing company, my siblings and I didn't have any desire to
visit her, acknowledge her at mother's day, Christmas, or any other
time. We didn't hate her, but we felt numb about her - just
like she seemed to feel about us when were kids. What goes
around comes around!
RESPONSE: She Finally Got A Little Taste Of Her Own
Medicine
I put up with this kind of behavior from MIL for years. Tell
her up front, and without any fear, that when she ignored your baby
from the beginning, it was noticeable to all. And if she ever
does it again, there will be consequences. The consequences
should be what you and your husband conclude. I should have
shut my evil MIL up years ago. My MIL's daughters undermine
me to keep their mom to themselves. They all have built-in
baby sitters, and we pay our way at our local daycare. These
girls do no wrong in MIL eyes, and we do very little right.
I'll admit that there are a lot of differences in our culture.
Many of our ideas about things are different, but if she could just
accept me for who I am and give me some credit, I would be much
happier. Oh, the icing on the cake here is that on the rare
occasions when DH takes up for me to MIL, and SIL says, "He
never used to be like that." Yeah! I'll take all
of the credit for that. He has not been treated fairly, and
we are not second class citizens who are going to sit back and take
it. They need a peck post, and have used us for one way too
long. Don't ever put up with this undermining behavior!
Tell her like it is.
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This woman really has
no life. She doesn't read, watch movies, keep up with world
events, have a hobby, listen to music, nothing. So, she simply
insinuates herself into the lives of her children (3 sons), one
of whom is my husband. I've often asked her why she gets herself
into such a froth over the details of her sons' lives, when all
three are ADULTS - making their own decisions, and accepting the
consequences. What I was trying to say was "butt out".
Her response was something to the effect of, "They are still
my babies, and there's nothing more important to me than what they
do." RETCH, HACK, SPIT. So, we were all at the
beach visiting this past weekend, and my BIL arrived with his newest,
unemployed girlfriend. I, jokingly, asked if they would be
sharing a bed under her roof, since they aren't married. She
smugly answered that he is a grown man, and what he does is no concern
of hers. Well, I had to gently challenge her on that, and
remind her that he was her "baby", and she had once said
that there was nothing more important than what he did. Even
though I must admit that I love to confront her with her idiocy,
I really was just playing. Well, my husband just called me
on the phone. She, evidently, was whining to him today, and
asked why I "jumped all over her" the other night.
I told him to ask her why she told me last year that my miscarriages
were all my fault. That would shut her fat mouth. Oh
God, just the sight of that woman makes me ill. How did my
pretty wonderful husband spring from those genes?????
Signed - Can't Stand
Her!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: Can't Stand Her!!!!!!!!
Your MIL sounds like mine about "her babies". Really,
why don't these women GET A LIFE? I think that if one doesn't
have a good marriage, friends, interests, hobbies, - in totality,
a LIFE, then one can start to have an identity crisis. Then
everything is focused on just one aspect of life, probably the ONLY
source from which one finds pleasure. What a burden to put
on grown children - to, in essence, tell them that they are the
ONLY source of mom's happiness, and that she is depending on them
to deliver! Good luck with your situation.
RESPONSE: Can't Stand Her!!!!!!!!
Yes, I am so glad that you are telling her like it is. My
MIL had never accepted me or my children. She plays favorites
with her daughter over my husband, and with her daughter's children
over our children. It will never change. After my parents
died, we sold their land and house to move in to a better area and
school district. We asked to buy land in the area my MIL lived.
She owned 15 acres. We were told he!! no! A few years
ago, she sold the land to her daughter. My husband was heartbroken.
He cried on the phone while talking to them, and told them that
what they did was not right. I made the mistake of thinking
that my SIL would understand because she has a nice MIL. She
said, "Why should MIL sell you land? You would just sell
it." I am a very responsible person, and I thought, well,
maybe that is somewhat of a good reason. Years passed, and
her stepson became engage to the love of his life, who happens to
be very outspoken. When SIL could not control the girl, she
did not like her (this sounded so familiar). SIL told stepson's
girlfriend that she was not welcome in her home. So, stepson
moved in with my MIL, who lives across the street. Because
of the rift, SIL is selling her land that her MIL gave them.
It's OK for them to sell, but not us. I want to tell her so
badly. Tired of it.
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I brought my baby for
a 4 day visit with my parents, who live out of state (just baby
and me). MIL called to make sure that we returned home safely.
I just happened to answer the phone, so I talked with her for a
couple of minutes. And, then I asked her if she would like
to talk to DH. He talked to her, and then, after the call
ended, he said, "My mom is having 'withdrawal symptoms' because
she misses baby, so I invited her over tomorrow night."
MIL baby-sits for us 2 days a week, then we usually stop over at
her house at one point during the weekend. So, that is a MINIMUM
of 3 days a week that she sees our child, and she's having "withdrawal
symptoms" because she only saw our baby 1 evening last week
before we left to see my parents? Good Grief!!!! My
parents hadn't seen baby since Christmas! Our baby is not
the only grandchild for MIL. SIL has 2 children - ages 3 years
and 4 months, but they live out of state also. MIL is constantly
complaining that she is missing seeing them grow up. She spent
6 months with SIL when SIL's oldest child was born. She thought
about moving to where SIL lives during that time, but her parents,
her brother, and his family live only 2 doors down from her.
DH and I (unfortunately) live only 15 minutes from her. So,
she decided that she had to be near her family, and she returned
- with her complaints. Now, MIL complains that she's not getting
the chance to know SIL's youngest child, because she could only
spend 6 weeks with SIL's family when the baby was born. Thank
goodness she is leaving this weekend to visit SIL for a week!
There is really no relationship between MIL and me. This is
mainly because she has wanted grandchildren since H and I were married,
and she has become too dependent on H since his father died.
I, basically, try to be civil and polite to her, but things reached
a point before our child was born, and we had an argument that has
since changed many things. But, that is another story for
another posting. I just had to get this one off my chest.
Thanks for reading!
Signed - Wished That
MIL Had Moved!!
RESPONSE: Wished That MIL Had Moved!!
You have my complete sympathy. I was just thinking about how
nice it would be if my MIL moved away, but maybe not. That
way when she comes to visit, she'd need to stay overnight at our
house for several nights. At least you'll never have to have
her as an overnight guest.
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I have been married
now for 4 years. My MIL has been a problem from the get go.
I guess it started when we told her I was pregnant, and we were
going to get married. Now, I know this can be difficult news,
but she is so dramatic that she went into the bathroom and started
puking her guts out, and cursing about how my DH has ruined his
life. Then, she told my SIL, who ran to the church and prayed.
Finally came the wedding, and everything had to be her way or no
way. I had to be married in her church, or she wouldn't come.
The tuxedos that I had picked out with my DH were not to her liking,
and she called and changed the ties! The ties? Anyway,
by the time the week of the wedding came, my SIL called me about
an incident concerning the favors at the wedding. They had
to be passed out, because my MIL's sister made them. I refused
to have such a show, and my SIL called me two days before the wedding
telling me to shut my mouth, and just go along with what her mother
wanted. And, that I was a whore with no class. Upset
at this, I told my DH, who said something to his mother and sister,
but only made it worse for me. Then, when my daughter was
born, we had been living with my MIL to save money. She would
come down into our apartment area without being invited, bringing
her friends along as well. She would refer to the baby as
her baby, and constantly criticize everything I did. Finally,
after this next incident I had had enough, and told my DH I was
leaving, with or without him. The story is that we were looking
to buy a home. We looked with her a few times, because she
was a realtor and could help us. Right! Control us was
more like it. She only would show us places that were 5-10
minutes away from her. Nothing else was good enough.
One day, we had looked at a house that was close to her. I
told my DH that it was too expensive. Well, I left for a few
hours, and while I was gone, my MIL convinced my DH that we should
bid on the house now. She would help out with whatever we
couldn't afford. She then wrote up an official offer with
my DH, and forged my signature. When I found out, I went nuts.
I packed my stuff and moved out of her house. My MIL is constantly
interfering, even when you yell at her. I've tried everything
to get along with her for my DH's sake, but I can't take it anymore.
Any advice out there? Thanks for listening!!
Signed - Fed UP DIL With
ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
Your story really pissed me off. I would lay down the law
to MIL NOW, before things get worse and she ruins your marriage.
I would demand that your DH go with you to counseling. If
he doesn't want to, send him packing back to mommy's. Surely
he sees how much his mooommmy upsets you, and disrespects you.
How could he do things behind your back and think you would be okay
with it (i.e., his mom forging your signature, which IS AGAINST
THE LAW! - I would have reported her!). You need counseling
ASAP, and your DH needs to go too. MIL should be cut off for
a while, and then shown that it is either YOUR way or she is cut
out for good. Put your foot down now, with boundaries and
rules. If she breaks them, she will not be able to see you
or your daughter. She also is not allowed at your home at
any time, or you will call the cops. Make her behave, or give
her the boot. Good luck, and keep us posted.
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
Legal action??? I would definitely threaten that if she forged my
signature! That is crazy!!! You did the right thing
to pack up and leave.
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
I feel for you. I have my own wretched MIL, but fortunately
she is now permanently out of our lives - it was her own fault.
My story is archived (January 1st). I'm the one with the Indian
husband, and I am not Indian. I've learned that DH's want
to have peace between their mom and their wife, but sometimes when
the MIL goes too far, we have to demand that our DH stand up for
themselves, and for us. Good for you for giving him an ultimatum,
and you should let your MIL know that her interference is going
to cause her to have no relationship with your baby.
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
Any advice? Yes. Tell your wussy-boy husband that he
either starts putting you first, or you're calling a divorce lawyer.
And, tell both him and MIL that if they ever, ever dare to forge
your signature again, you're calling the police and prosecuting
for forgery and fraud. Then, stick to your guns.
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
My sympathies on your psycho MIL. I work for a real estate
board in Canada, and if one of our realtors forged a buyer's signature
on anything, it would be an offense punishable by the loss of their
license. If she is a member of the local real estate board
or association, you should make a complaint about her unethical,
and possible illegal behavior. That will fix her!
RESPONSE: Fed UP DIL With ETHNIC Psycho MIL!!!
I can't imagine how difficult your situation is, but I am going
to give you some tough love - stop focusing on your MIL right now,
and focus on yourself. You and your husband should have left
long before the forged real estate papers. Live in a two room
apartment if you must, but stand on your own. It's the only
way to have self-respect, and escape her control. I am on
your side, and wish you well.
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I have a stiff-necked,
never smiling northern MIL who goes out of her way to hurt others,
especially her DILs, whom she sees as arch rivals. I was not
aware of her special hatred towards me until after our marriage.
My husband and I were in our early thirties when we married, a first
marriage for each of us. I had rarely seen his mother before
our engagement, and I didn't hear anything about her from DH.
I just assumed it was because she was a rather grim, unsmiling woman,
and that my husband wasn't particularly close to her. He admitted,
after our marriage, that he'd made the visits short and infrequent,
because she'd ruined every relationship he'd ever had, and that
she could be "very demanding". That statement disturbed
me, but I thought that maybe she was just a strong woman trying
to mold her son too much. That was naive on my part, and I
found out on that first Christmas. All the relatives were
"summoned" to her home, and Lord help anyone who didn't
buy into the Norman Rockwell scene that she posed once a year.
I came from a loving, close knit southern family, that really did
love to get together and have a great time at Christmas, so I walked
into her home totally blind. When it came time for the gift-giving,
she made the room become silent, ordering everyone to watch me open
my gift from her. I was touched, had tears in my eyes, thinking
how sweet that was. Wrong. I opened the box and glanced
down at the loudest colored, triple X sized, moo-moo housecoat I'd
ever seen. It was something little old ladies wear when they
no longer care what they look like. I am 5'2" tall, and
had been 105 lbs. when we married, but I had gained 10 lbs. that
first year of marriage because I was cooking regular southern-style
comfort meals for us, instead of just salads like when I was single.
I was embarrassed by my weight gain to 115, and was trying to exercise
to take it off. My hubby had innocently mentioned this to
mother dearest when she had demanded we come for Christmas.
So, there I sat with this triple X housecoat in an orange, red and
lime green floral print. I looked at my husband, and his expression
was one of tears, fear, and hurt. That pissed me off, because
I could get MY feelings hurt, but you best not try to hurt my sweet
husband! His mother snickered and said, "Hold it up,
dear, so everyone can see," and others in the room, unaware
of her cruel joke, encouraged me to hold it up. As it came
out of the box and I stood up and held it in front of me, it became
quite clear how cruel she was being, and there were gasps and even
some snickers from the relatives that wanted to win points with
her. Then, mother dearest said, "Well, now that I see
it next to you, I can tell it is way too small. You really
must watch your figure better dear. After all, you want to
look nice for my son, and you have really gained a lot this last
year. You are looking rather dowdy." Then, she
turned to DH and said, "I know it's common for country girls
to just let themselves go once they've caught their man, so to speak,
so you'll have to make your wife stop eating son, maybe put a chain
on the refrigerator." I was shocked, and deeply embarrassed.
My husband was at a total loss for words, and there were tears in
his eyes. I looked around this room full of people, who were
supposed to be loving relatives, and I saw various expressions in
the other faces - shock, pity, fear, glee, meanness, and shame.
What my MIL from he!! didn't reckon on, was that, even though I
was a quiet, country girl, I was from a big family, and I had been
taught to "be a kitten, until it's time to become a mountain
cat". This which means: Be gentle and nice most
the time, but when you need to be, drop the claws and fight back!
I laughed a big laugh, like it wasn't hurting me at all. Then
I walked up to her and said, "Is that the voice of experience
talking?" And, I looked her right in the eyes.
There was a look of surprise, like she hadn't counted on that!
Then I took her nice little gift over to her, and I said, in a soft,
southern drawl, "It was so thoughtful of you to buy this for
me, but I think it reflects your style and taste more than mine,
so I am giving it to you so you can enjoy it throughout the year."
Several mouths fell open, my hubby and his father let out big belly
laughs, and my MIL sat in her chair, now draped in her hideous new
housecoat! I believe that I heard a distant rebel yell coming
up from my Southern ancestors' graves that morning, along with some
deep belly laughs, because I had just shown my haughty MIL that
this little ol' country girl had steel in her backbone, and that
I would not be bullied, intimidated, or put down about my roots.
Nor would I let her hurt my husband anymore. It was the start
of a civil war that would have probably destroyed our marriage.
But, after five years of struggling to try and reach some kind of
happy medium, we realized we had to get away from her completely
in order to save our marriage. We live in the country now,
too far for her to visit regularly. We are happy, and live
an easygoing style that suits both my husband and me. He whistles
and sings, and there is a smile on his face and a kiss on his lips
every day, which reassures me that he is content and happy.
I live in a country-style farmhouse, grow most of my own food, and
love our life, right down to my little rebel flag flying next to
our American flag on our country-style sitting porch. I weigh
115 lbs., which the doctor and my hubby say is just right!
We are happy, and laugh and love like we are teenagers (we have
been married for 15 years now). I write regularly to my MIL,
who I still have never seen smile, and the letters are filled with
photos of real Norman Rockwell stuff, things we love and do, and
it is my way of letting her share in our joy - from a distance.
Sometimes, there is no happy blending of lifestyles or family for
a DIL and a MIL, especially if one or the other won't give an inch,
or wants to dominate the other. That was our sad situation.
So, after much tears, unhappiness and soul-searching, my husband
and I realized the solution was to go our own way, put some distance
between us and her, then let go of the hate. I was raised
to respect my elders, to love family, and to protect what and who
I love. And, to ALWAYS stand up for my own life, for it is
the only chance I will have to live the life God made uniquely mine.
I wish no harm to my MIL. I think her life is rather sad,
for the more she tries to hang on to others by dominating them,
the more she alienates them. We did not want a lifetime of
hatred and fighting, so we left in peace and love, wishing her a
good life, but gaining the freedom we needed to live our own lifetime
together. I wish it could have ended happier with her, because
I do value family and blood ties. Sometimes it takes courage
and love, but if you do it together, as husband and wife, you can
make a happy life together and sometimes that means leaving your
childhood home behind, in order to build your adult life with the
one you chose.
Signed - Country Girl
With a Lovin' Heart
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
Thanks for sharing your story. It was very inspirational to
me. You sound like a gal with a lot of class, and that comes
from a NORTHERNER! Lots of luck to you!
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
What A Loser MIL. I weigh 150 lbs., and I get more catcalls
than when I was at 120. It's all in the way you carry yourself.
I'm happy that you told her off. I think your story is one
of the best ones I've read, because you're a winner, not a victim!
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
May God bless your lovin' heart! If only more people were
as intelligent as you, the world would be a better place.
"MOVE" is such a simple word, and so often the best solution.
You can bet that most people who know your MIL see her for EXACTLY
what she is, and if they don't yet, they surely will soon.
She will use the same tactics against others, time and time again.
As for the country part, I will tell you something you'll love.
I grew up in the country and I married a city boy. My idiot
MIL made a rude remark about "country girls" one day,
and I told her that the thing I enjoy most about being a country
girl is reminding SOME city folk that I am better educated and more
accomplished than they are! She has NOT had anything else
to say about country girls! How ironic that I'm the one who
grew up in the middle of nowhere, yet SHE is the catty, redneck
gal from the city! Anyway, it sounds like you have a good
life and lots of happiness. Good luck, and every good wishes
to you.
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
Wow, that is an amazing story. I was shocked at how rude your
MIL was to you. It sounds like you handled it amazingly well,
though. You're an example to all of us.
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
You've made this southern girl proud. By standing up to witch-in-law,
you stood up for your own family, and did your sweet hubby a favor.
You show even more grace by continuing to include the old bat in
your lives, even if it is by mail. In marriage, a wife has
to come first in her husband's life. I wish you two the best!
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
I just wanted to let you know that I'm proud of you and your DH.
You sound like a very strong and wise woman. I'm also trying
to let go of the hatred. Sometimes it can be a very difficult
thing to do, but you have given me the courage to keep trying.
Thanks.
RESPONSE: Country Girl With a Lovin' Heart
This story is so wonderful. I hope you and your husband have
many happy years together. You are an inspiration.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives