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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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May
5, 2002
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My husband is one of
those who cannot stand up for himself (or me) to his mother.
She pulls his strings, and he acts accordingly. She is constantly
trying to cause problems in our marriage, and I no longer try to
defend myself to her. I just don't feel it is worth it.
She doesn't listen, and she will think what she wants to think.
Here is one particular event that I cannot seem to forget.
One night, my husband took our two sons over to his mother's house
(she lives on the same piece of property). He called me and
told me that I had better get over there. I thought something
was wrong with one of the kids. I got to her house and walked
into a big confrontation. She had orchestrated a big confrontation
with me on her turf, with my husband right beside her (and my kids).
She started to tell me all the things that are wrong with me - her
biggest problem with me was that I am a terrible housekeeper.
She told me that I must be clinically depressed, but she didn't
exactly know what that meant. She then told me that it was
my fault that her son (my husband) is an alcoholic! I lost
it. I told her that HER son was an alcoholic before I even
met him, and that I just was too young to realize it. I thought
he would grow up. Anyway, I was so amazed that this woman
was trying to use me as "the excuse" for his problem,
that I said nothing else. I took my kids and left. I
spent most of the night contemplating getting a restraining order
against her so that she could not see my kids anymore. I just
had this terrible feeling that she was trying to take my kids away
from me. Anyway, I am very careful now with my kids being
in her presence. Furthermore, when my house was such a terrible
mess, it was due to the fact that I was helping her take care of
her dying husband, their business (which I got no pay for), and
my newborn baby. Nice way to say thanks.
Signed - Nice Way To
Say Thanks
RESPONSE: Nice Way To Say Thanks
If MY DH EVER allowed that kind of thing, you can be sure HE would
get divorce papers within a week! I would get that restraining
order, and move the HE!! away! What a B!TCH!
RESPONSE: Nice Way To Say Thanks
First of all, you don't need to explain to us - or to that witch
- why your house may have been messy. It's nobody's business.
If MIL ever says anything again, I would say, "Then don't come
over!" She sounds like my own mother. If it hadn't
been the house, it would have been something else. You are
right - she is going to think whatever she wants to think, and there
is no point in explaining. Actually, IMO, explaining gives
the other person the idea that discussing your "shortcomings"
is fine. I would severely limit contact with her - for you
or your kids. You sure don't need them learning this behavior
from her. It sounds like SHE may be the one with clinical
depression. And, I would tell DH that the next time he calls
you over there to walk into that type of scene again, you will take
the kids, and go home. And, he can spend the night with mommy
dearest!
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The Funeral. When
my DH's father died of throat cancer, there was sure to be an uproar
over the funeral. The mother had not been able to stand the
sight of the father ever since the divorce, and especially ten years
after the divorce, when he remarried. At the time FIL remarried,
MIL acted like this new woman had stolen her man, a man she threw
away, I might add. She did everything in her power to make
sure her daughters understood that this woman was an outsider who
was to be shunned, and treated as an interloper. So, the daughters
made this woman's life a living he!!, which was a shame, because
she is a nice person (in fact, she is the only person in DH's family
who showed me any true graciousness and friendliness). All
this time, the step-MIL and the FIL had to check and see when MIL
was attending a family event, and make sure that they waited until
she left, so that there would be no scenes made. It was understood
that MIL felt very injured by the remarriage, and could not bear
the sight of the couple. Often, the MIL would come so late,
and linger so long, that there was no time for step-MIL and FIL
to attend a faaamily event, and so they remained more distant from
the grandchildren (SIL's children, not mine) who did not understand
why FIL could not make it to their events. Invariably, step-MIL
was blamed (to the children), who were told that step-MIL controlled
FIL. Once, during the father's two year struggle with cancer,
everyone miscalculated, and MIL was there when FIL and step-MIL
came to the SIL's house. MIL caught one glance of the emaciated
FIL and started crying. She had to run, speechless, to the
backdoor to flee. Later, she could not quit talking about
how traumatic this had been for her. She said it was so very
painful to see him so sick, yet she could not even say hello to
him and his wife. Once the FIL died, the SIL angrily insisted
that the MIL, who could never be in the same room with the FIL in
life, HAD to be allowed to come to the funeral. At the wake,
the MIL sat in another room than the one where the FIL was laid
out. She conducted her own "special" wake with her
daughters, sons, and grandchildren. She brought pictures,
and they all sat around laughing and carrying on, excluding other
guests (especially the widow). My DH could not understand
why I would not stay with him at this separate wake, and why I kept
trying to pull him back into the room where his father was laid
out. The step-MIL cried on my shoulder in the ladies room
over what she considered to be a rude act by the MIL (holding her
special court at the FIL's funeral, when all their married life
they had to acquiesce to this woman's whims, and now, even in death,
he had to take second stage to her). I understood why step-MIL
was so upset, even though DH never did. Step-MIL, later that
night, told DH that she never wanted to speak to his sisters again
because of the way they had acted during the father's illness (appallingly
rude to her), and the way they acted with their mother at the funeral.
My DH controlled himself rather well, but he was furious at step-MIL
for saying that. He was so angry that she dared to criticize
the MIL and SIL. I never understood how he could not see how
rude the SIL and MIL had acted during the whole thing. He
wanted to leave immediately, and not stay the night. I begged
him to reconsider, and not to make a hasty decision in the heat
of the moment. The next morning, step-MIL cried on DH's shoulder,
and begged him to forgive her angry words of the night before.
She apologized. That was the first time I ever saw one of
the in-laws apologize for anything. I had 40 dollars stolen
out of my purse at this family event.
Signed - Just A Witness
To It All
RESPONSE: Just A Witness To It All
I hope FIL left anything and everything he had to his second wife.
Your DH and his sisters deserve NOTHING for helping make his final
months a living HELL! Shame on the whole bunch!
RESPONSE: Just A Witness To It All
You know what? The SMIL was gracious to even allow the separate
wake. SHE was the widow, and your MIL is a nasty, self-righteous,
indignant cow! How dare she act like that in a funeral home?
WHY should SMIL apologize for anything, and why is your DH such
a jerk?
RESPONSE: Just A Witness To It All
Your poor step-MIL. I can understand, in a way, because when
my DH's grandfather died, DH's ex came and carried on like her best
friend had died. It was disgusting. But, your MIL was
even worse (I never thought that a person could be worse than my
DH's ex at that funeral). Shame on your DH to let family ties
blind him to rude and mean (yes MEAN) behavior from his mother and
sisters. You are quite a lady, from the sound of it, for standing
up for your step-MIL - the TRUE widow. And, your step-MIL
sounds like a lady.
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