Cartoon copyrighted by Mark Parisi, printed with permission.
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Signed - MIL Cartoon
Worst gift: One Christmas,
my ex-MIL sent me a free sample that she had received in the mail.
It was nicely wrapped up. What was it? A MAXI PAD!
Gee, thanks, I'll think of you when I use it! As well, she
sent our daughter one gift for her birthday and Christmas (her birthday
is 2 days before Christmas), and she expected her to be totally
thrilled by the baby clothes and toys that she would send every
year. Didn't she realize that babies actually grow up?
Signed - Sheesh!
Worst gift: I found
this board yesterday, and I'm so happy to see that I'm not alone.
I was beginning to feel like everything was my fault, until I found
you all. Anyway, as for worst gifts - my MIL is a very self
centered, snooty person, who never puts any thought into the gifts
she buys me. My BIL's girlfriend is the one she caters to.
Two Christmas' ago, I received a pair of pajamas with popcorn boxes
all over them. My MIL must have noticed the look on my face,
and proceeded to tell everyone, "I got those for you because
your DH and DD love to watch movies together." Well,
hello!! That's my DH and DD, not me! What did she get
my BIL's GF? She got a nice watch, and a leather briefcase.
This year topped it. I got a throw for my couch. My
DH got a book and some socks, and my BIL and his GF got tickets
to the Daytona 500!! Give me a break! We always went
overboard with my MIL's gifts, but no more. I've had it!!
Signed - Can't Take It
Anymore!
RESPONSE: Can't Take It Anymore!
I guess it's pretty obvious to you who your MIL's favorite child
is, and it's NOT your DH. I hope he can see that for himself
now, too. How can a mother treat her own child like this?
Beats me, but your DH certainly has my sympathy.
Worst gift: My MIL acts
like she doesn't care about us. She didn't come to our wedding
(it was a 5 hour drive, but we would have paid for the hotel, and
she knew that). We have never gotten a "congrats"
on our wedding, or for our 2 children. She even would not
come and help us out when DH asked her to (when he had to have back
surgery). OK, that being said, MIL always gives us massive
amounts of money for Christmas, and she gives it to my husband when
I'm out of the room, and no one says anything about it. When
we are together, she gives us a few things. Last Christmas,
in front of me, she gave him some socks and some stocking hangers
for the mantle of our new house. But, when we get in the car,
DH always tells me that she slipped him a wad of cash. I guess
I just find it strange. They aren't well off. Their
house isn't worth over $30,000, and they don't own a car worth more
than $1,000, but she slips DH $600 cash, and gives him a $300 gift
card to a toy store for our son. Plus, she sent our son a
birthday card (his birthday is December 26th) with $150 in it.
HE TURNED 2 - WHAT DOES HE NEED $150 FOR!!!!? The whole thing
makes me so uncomfortable. DH makes at least 3 times as much
as his parents. One more thing - I just had another baby,
and no one said congrats to us, but we did get handed $200.
Signed - Wanting Love
and Respect, Not Money
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
It is hard to figure. Maybe MIL is trying to make up for the
ignoring? Maybe she is trying to buy you folks off?
I would ask her, if you feel like it. Otherwise, bank the
money for your child's college education.
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
Some of us are upset because we do not get anything. Some
are upset because we get too much. I am really confused as
to what is the right thing to do. They are going to look bad
anyway. I think that since she has so little money, and is
still doing that much, it is a good thing. I can also understand
why you are feeling uncomfortable at the same time. I would
too. But, by saying anything, you will hurt their feelings.
Maybe they do not want you to feel that they are giving less because
they have less than you do.
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
I can think of worse things than being slipped a wad of cash.
A two year old may not know what to do with $150, but his mother
would know it's good to start a college fund with. It sounds
to me like your MIL is just a woman who doesn't put importance on
gifts, and perhaps thinks giving money instead will ensure that
you DO get things you need and want. Don't presume by their
home that they aren't "well off". By living below
their means, they are able to give you those wads of cash.
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
This might be the way that she is expressing her love and respect.
She is willing to sacrifice (you said she has less than you), and
provide you with what she can. $150 for a baby can go into
a college fund, as can all of the cash that she hands your husband.
I would thank her if I were you. Monetary gifts are not unusual.
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
It sounds like your MIL at least is trying to show good will towards
you, in the only way she seems to know how. Maybe she's not
perfect, but if my in-laws did that (and weren't mean to me in any
other way), I'd think they were trying to be nice.
RESPONSE: Wanting Love and Respect, Not Money
Maybe they just saved up their money, and they would rather give
you cash than spend it on something that they think you may want.
It is rather strange that they have a cr@ppy car and live the way
they do, but always have the big bucks for the occasions.
My parents have never made as much money as I do. The two
of them together have never made as much money as me. They
always have had a decent place to live, and my mother loves shopping
at yard sales, etc., looking for treasures. On the other hand,
my DH's parents make good money, and are both college educated.
DH flat out refused to ask his parents for $1,500 for closing on
our new house (we got all of it back at closing, so we could give
it right back to them). But, it was no problem for my parents.
My parents have money in their socks. They have saved everything,
since they never made great amounts of money. And, they are
slowly giving it to me and my sister, in small amounts. They
said, "Never mind about giving us back the $1,500."
But, I don't think his parents have $1,500 laying around to loan
out, let alone to give flat out to us. I guess the more you
make, the more you spend. My mom is so frugal. And,
I am thinking that maybe your MIL is the same way. My mom
will usually get me something like a nightgown and bath soap for
Xmas, and my DH gets nuts and golf balls, or something, and each
of our kids gets a toy. Then, she will send a card with money
in it. The gift is just a thing to say, "I wanted to
send something, but get what you really want with this."
I hope this helps you. I usually blow off the gift and get
right to the money. But, it is my mom, so I can do that.
I know I hear about the NUTS for my DH before they even get here.
I feel that it is the thought that counts, and you can get something
that you want with the cash. NO BIG DEAL, right?
Worst gift: What is
it with MILs who are so thoughtless when giving gifts to their grandchildren????
My MIL gave my daughter a cute dress when she was 9 months old.
She NEVER told me that the dress was a hand-me-down, and I didn't
think anything about the dress not having a tag on it (sometimes
the tags fall off, right?). I thanked her for thinking of
my daughter (I was pleasantly surprised at her thoughtfulness, because
my MIL had been against my husband and I marrying, because we are
different races, and said she didn't want "slanty-eyed grandkids"),
and I even sent her a thank-you note for the dress. Well,
imagine my SHOCK when, two months later, I was going through the
family photo album and I saw an old picture of my husband's niece
wearing that EXACT same dress - that picture was about 8 years old,
and the niece was about the same age as my daughter was then - so
the dress was about the same size!!!!!!!!! There is NO WAY
that my MIL had just happened to buy the exact same dress in the
same size, 8 years later!!!!! I would not have minded my daughter
wearing a hand-me-down dress at all. It was a cute dress,
and it was in great condition - but why did my MIL knowingly pass
the dress off as new?? That is the part that got me MAD!!!
I know my husband's sister gave a box of her daughter's old baby
clothes to my husband's other sister (who had a daughter the same
age as mine), and then that dress got tossed aside, because my stupid
SIL is so into her color scheme that she wouldn't allow her fair-haired
daughter to wear it, so they decided to pass that one dress off
to my daughter. Yes, they thought of my daughter (the one
time they have!!!), but, then, my stupid MIL tried to pass the dress
off as new to me!!! I have saved that dress to this day (my
daughter is now 10), just as a reminder of how awful my MIL is!!
Of course, this is only ONE of many stupid, thoughtless things she
has done!
Signed - I Kid You Not
- My MIL Thinks She Is Jackie O.
RESPONSE From Poster: I Kid You Not - My MIL Thinks
She Is Jackie O.
I am the original poster of this story. I just wanted to add
that my DH eventually confronted my MIL about how she tried to pass
the dress off as new. She had NOTHING to say. She didn't
deny it at all, but she didn't apologize either! I think she
was TOTALLY embarrassed that she had been caught!! She had
not known that my husband's oldest sister had sent us a picture
of his niece wearing that dress - so I am sure she must have flipped
out when she realized we had caught her in a big lie. Again,
I have NOTHING against hand-me-downs (in fact, I wish my husband's
oldest sister would think of us enough to have given us hand-me-downs
over the years), but it just made me mad how my MIL tried to pass
the dress off as new and never said word one to me - and, I had
even gone so far as to write her a thank-you card for the dress!!
RESPONSE: I Kid You Not - My MIL Thinks She Is Jackie
O.
After reading your post, I really can't believe that you saved the
dress. So your MIL gave you a dress that used to be your niece's.
She passed it off as new. And you're more upset about this
than the fact that she told you she "didn't want slanty-eyed
grandkids"? I guess I think the dress is a nice gift,
and your MIL is just a witch.
My DH's family does not
respect him. They rarely call him, EXCEPT when they want discount
plane tickets, or they want him to come running to some FAAAAMMMMILLLYYY
event (where he is expected to play adoring audience to all the
grossly over-exaggerated and often flat made up stories about the
"GREAT ONE" his brother). All his sisters giggle
and simper like school girls, and his mother fairly squirms in her
chair, and her face turns all rosy with bubbling delight over the
tales of the "GREAT ONE." It is sickening to watch.
They can barely talk for their giggles and squirms. Just last
night on the phone (UGH! I picked up!), MIL was gushing about how
GOOD LOOKING the GREAT ONE is. The "GREAT ONE" is
rarely in attendance at these affairs, and if he is, he just stands
there accepting the acclaim with good grace and delicate blushes
lighting up his slight smiles of benign tolerance for his adoring
fans. The "girls" (SIL, MIL, and nieces) all giggle,
squirm and blush at what a "bad boy" the "GREAT ONE"
was, and (giggle, giggle, squirm, squirm) still is. Once,
I stepped up to him and said, "I bet you were never as bad
as they say, were you." I know, from DH, that most of
these stories are made up. The SILs all blanched, one glared
at me, and the "GREAT ONE" got an almost angry look on
his face. I got a big kick out of that one, and DH still laughs
about it. Of course, DH could never do anything right in his
mother's (or his sister's) eyes. His mother will never SHUT
UP about how "skinny" she thinks he is. Okay, he
is not 400 lbs. like she is, okay? So he is a lean man.
I LIKE him that way! I told her that, once, and she said,
"REALLY! I can't believe it." Then, she got
angry, and asked me if I would still love him if he were overweight.
I said that I would love him no matter what. But, as a matter
of fact, I DID happen to like the way he is built NOW. She
got mad and cried, "What about me? Look at my size.
How is that supposed to make me feel?" Geez! How
did it get to be about HER? The first time I realized that
my MIL would be a MAJOR problem was on a beautiful, spring, Sunday
morning in my DH's apartment, while we were dating. We were
having a nice time, and then the phone rang. It was his mother,
informing him that she was soon coming down to meet me. He
got off the phone and was all weird, and he was no longer interested
in being amorous L. When
she got into town, (a whole difficult month later), we went to the
airport to pick her up. DH was acting so weird that I didn't
know what to think. He was anxious over the slightest of things,
and snapping at me too. She got off the plane, and I realized
who she was. I got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach,
and this voice called, "Run! Run!" She was
all smiles, and gave him an elaborate hug. She said that she
missed him so much and, "Oh, do you EVER eat? You are
SSSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO skinny! (Chortle) (giggle)" Then,
he didn't get her bag in the trunk fast enough to suit her.
"Come on, are you just going to let the bag sit on the curb?"
Then, DH didn't get her door open fast enough. "Could
you open the door for your MOTHER?" Then, she thought
that he drove too fast. Then, she didn't like the way his
apartment building looked. Then, she asked why he "let"
the manager give him "such a depressing unit". He
quickly escaped to his night classes, leaving me alone with HER.
She refused my attempts to have conversation with her, answering
me only in one syllable answers. And, finally, she said, "I
am TRYING to hear the TV." Finally, I got sick of this,
and went into the bedroom and slept. I was tired, and the
shock of her had drained my brain. DH came back from classes,
and woke me up to take me home. Mama needed to get to bed,
and was SSSSSSOOOOOOOOOO tired, but she didn't want to wake me.
Hint, hint - mama was mad that I was in her bed. He took me
out to my car, but he didn't want me to leave, I could tell.
He kept bringing up new topics to talk about. I noticed that
he was standing at least two inches shorter. I felt mad at
him for letting her do that to him, and for not speaking up when
she said the things she did. I left. My own mom asked
me how things went. I said that it was terrible. "You
don't like her, do you?" "No," I replied, and
told her that there was no way I was going back there until that
woman left. DH called the next day, and my mom told him that
I was not available. But, he worked on her, and then she worked
on me, and she said, "He NEEDS you!" I agreed to
go back and face the woman who had ignored me the night before.
DH came with his brother, "O GREAT ONE", who had just
flown down that day. "O GREAT ONE" looked me up
and down and frowned when I opened the door (and, he saw me for
the first time). I guess he was disappointed in something
about me, and I got the creeps. I didn't want to go, but there
was DH, smiling and pulling me out the door. Oh BOY!
Big fun with BIL and MIL, who obviously both didn't like me.
It was a testament to the love I bear this man that I did not run
away then! We talked with his mother and brother for a while,
but DH wanted to take a walk soon after we got to his apartment,
and so we did - a LONG walk.
Signed - How Could A
Man Be So Different From His Faaaamily
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