Worst gift: One year
at Christmas time, my monster-in-law asked me what my husband needed
for Christmas. I told her that he was in desperate need of
new clothing. On Christmas day, my husband opened his gift
from his mother. When he unwrapped the gift, he held up a
black t-shirt with white letters inscribed reading "Beware
of all enterprises that require new clothing".
Signed - Beware
Worst gift: My MIL once
gave me a sexy nightgown (from a well known lingerie store) for
my birthday, so that her son could have some fun. Yuck, I
immediately exchanged that. Who wants to think about their
MIL while in the bedroom!!!!?
Signed - Sheesh!
RESPONSE: Sheesh!
What a sick woman.
I am writing because
I don't know where else to turn, or what else to do. Maybe
writing will make me feel better or something. Here goes:
I have been married for almost 7 years. My husband and I have
a good marriage, for the most part. My MIL is making it very
hard for me to stay married. She has downgraded me since day
one. I have tried to get along with her, and it's just not
working anymore. She has threatened to have me killed.
She has threatened to take my kids from me. I just recently
received a message from her on my husband's cell phone. She
was at a local restaurant, and forgot to push END on the phone -
so I heard everything she was saying about me. I always knew
that she talked about me, but actually hearing what it was really
makes things worse. I have tried to get along. I have
tried to not get along, and it seems nothing works. There
is so much more to say, but I know I shouldn't make this too long.
So, if anyone can give me any suggestions, please, please help.
I don't know what to do. Thank you.
Signed - Don't Know What
To Do
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
You really need to get out of this situation. She is threatening
to murder you - that is a serious problem. What happens if
she makes good on her threat? What would your kids do?
She might end up helping to raise them. You need to go to
the police on this. Get away from her as soon as possible.
What does your husband have to say about all this?
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
Did your DH hear this cr@p that she said? Does he think it
is ok for her to act like an @ss? Tell him that she is dangerous,
and you are cutting her OFF, NOW!!!! Do not let her have your
kids for a visit, as you might have to get the police to let you
have them back. She threatened to have you killed? I
would have had her arrested for making a terrorist threat.
Get this psycho b!tch OUT of your life, NOW!!
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
I would say that if the woman actually has threatened the safety
of you and/or your children, then she needs help. You need
the support of your husband on this one in order to get this woman
out of your life - period. You don't have to tolerate that
extreme type of abuse. If your husband cannot agree with you
on this one, then you need to make a decision. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
If she threatens you again, call the police. Stupid, horrible
people like that deserve everything they get. If she claims
she was joking, say, "I didn't think so, the way you treat
me." Make sure your husband backs you up. Meanwhile,
cut her out of your life (not out of your husband's life, just yours).
Tell her that you've had enough, and that you don't ever want contact
with her again. She'll get what's coming to her one day.
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
My MIL also has been exceptionally cruel to me for about 7 years,
along with some of her children and her DIL's. I say that
you should do what we did - kick them to the curb!!! Remove
yourself and her DS from their petty little scenarios, and let them
be mean to each other, instead of you! Believe me, you will
start feeling happier in no time! Tell your DH that it's the
only way for you to have a normal life together! We have been
remarkably happy (and MIL and SILs free for 5 whole months!!!!!).
LOVING IT!!!!
RESPONSE: Don't Know What To Do
There isn't much room for improvement in a relationship, once one
person has threatened to have the other one KILLED. Get away
from this insane to the brain woman! If DH has any objections,
take another hard look at him, and get away from him as well.
My MIL is cold, cold,
cold. She rarely smiles, and never laughs. It's rough
for me, because I am very affectionate and talkative. Worse,
most of my ILs are just like her. She's been married to my
FIL for 43 years, yet my DH and I have never seen them hold hands
or kiss (not even when DH was growing up, and not even on their
40th anniversary!). Going over to their house is emotionally
draining. Because I am in a profession that is seriously threatened
by technology, I am often out of work. She always asks, "You
working?" Whether I am or not, she just stares.
It used to be that when she asked that, if I was actually working,
I'd tell her a little about the job. If I wasn't, I'd talk
about where I was interviewing or submitting my resume. She
never showed me any support in either situation. There was
no, "Hang in there," or, "A new job - good!"
or, "Have you applied to XYZ Company?" She'd just
stare. The same is true of Grandmother-In-Law.
So, now I just answer, "Yes," or, "No," to the,
"You working?" question. She has no sense of humor.
On Thanksgiving, FIL was slicing the turkey. MIL said, "What
a huge, nice breast!" I looked at my own chest and said,
"Why thank you!!" She just pressed her lips together,
and didn't look at me. How dare I make a joke! No smile,
nothing. I feel so lonely. I wish they lived in another
state. I wish I lived in another state. The worst part
is that DH is extremely mellow, and I chose him for that reason.
So, I almost wonder if I brought this on myself, since I should
have figured that his family wouldn't exactly be comedians.
Signed - Size 13 Smile
In A Size 10 Family
RESPONSE: Size 13 Smile In A Size 10 Family
Don't join them for holidays anymore. And, as for whether
you are working or not, believe me, you don't WANT them in your
business at all. Dish it back! When they ask, say, "It's
none of your business," or, "This is none of your concern,"
and keep a straight face. Don't joke or try to be friendly
anymore. Give it back to them.
RESPONSE: Size 13 Smile In A Size 10 Family
I have a friend who has parents like your ILs. They are like
brother and sister, not husband and wife. They have separate
bedrooms, and they never hold hands, kiss or hug. And, they
barely speak to each other, for that matter. My friend says
it's been that way ever since she can remember. It's a wonder
she was even born!
RESPONSE: Size 13 Smile In A Size 10 Family
Sorry to hear that you feel hurt by their behavior. They sound
obsessed with work. Tell them that it ain't none of their
beeswax if you are working or not. My MIL is the opposite.
She giggles all the time, even at the most inappropriate times,
especially when delivering an insult, or bad mouthing someone else.
I get so tired of that giggle, giggle, giggle! I want to say,
"SHUT UP woman, before they drag you off to the looney bin!"
Of course, I never do.
RESPONSE: Size 13 Smile In A Size 10 Family
You have nothing to feel badly about. You are being yourself.
They have as much responsibility to try to get along with you as
you do with them. From what I can tell, you are not doing
anything wrong. If they choose to be cold and rude, then that's
their problem. Don't let them make you feel badly.
HELP! My in-laws
live in another state. My hubby and I live about ten minutes
from his sister. Every year, the in-laws make the pilgrimage
to visit. That seems normal, right? Okay, well first
they need to go on vacation, and they always have to book a flight
from our state. So, they drive all the way here, stay with
their daughter for several days, go away, and then come back and
stay here for a long, long time. I should add that they never
check with anyone whether this is a convenient time for their children.
They simply announce that they are coming. Furthermore, afterwards,
they rent a place nearby for another month, and then come back to
stay another two weeks. By the time they leave, they have
been around for about four months. Then, they invite themselves
for Thanksgiving. And, they try for Christmas. And,
they guilt us into visiting them in January. This year I'd
HAD IT! I have a family too, and I tried to get my family
here to visit. Well, after I made arrangements, I was told,
by phone, by his sister, that the in-laws were coming up that same
month - no questions. My husband pleaded innocent, saying
that he can't do anything. He said that he and his sister
have incessantly asked the old folks to PLEASE check with them first.
I wouldn't mind so much if the mother weren't so nasty to me.
And, she makes sure her son isn't around when she says nasty things.
She claims she doesn't cook anymore (so, guess who has to serve
Her Highness). Also, she picks up my cell phone and answers
it when I am not there! And, she keeps telling my husband
to retire (so I can support him), and buys lottery tickets so that
her children can be wealthy. But, she tells me, "But,
you have to keep working." OK, OK, I am going too far.
PLEASE HELP ME! WHAT SHOULD I DO??? Should I rearrange
my own family's trip to keep the peace? I don't want to make
her feel unwelcome. However, this is her son, and I do love
him (and she raised a wonderful man).
Signed - DESPERATE DIL
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
You need to make them reservations at a local hotel, and stick to
it. YOU have a right to have YOUR family visit too.
Stand up to these buzzards!
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
Your DH needs to grow a set of BALLS, and his sister needs a backbone.
And, so do you. This is YOUR home too, and you do NOT have
to let these @ssholes in the door. Tell your DH that either
he stands up to these jerks, or YOU will. And, if I were you,
I would LEAVE your home and see your family while they are leaching
off you. As for serving the queen bee b!tch, I would tell
her, "You know where the kitchen is. I HAVE TO WORK!!!!!
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
Why would you let unwanted guests stay in your home? If your
husband claims that he "can't do anything", then I'd pack
up and move someplace else for the length of their stay (cost be
damned). I would not allow myself to be pushed around like
that and treated like a doormat.
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
Put your foot down. YOUR family is coming! Your husband
can spend time with his parents, but you can spend time with yours.
Tell your PILs, "Sorry," and that you've already promised
your family that they can come. Lie, and say that they've
booked their tickets, so you can't change it. If you can face
it, tell them you need more time alone, and with your family.
They are taking advantage. But, stand up for yourself - it
is YOUR house as well!
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
I really feel sorry for you and your situation. I can relate.
I have a MIL who lives in another state, and makes all arrangements
as to when and how long she is going to visit, and then TELLS us!
That is, until this year. I have been married to her only
son for 19 years now. I tried to always be nice and agreeable,
but I just couldn't take it any longer. My DH and I have tried
to throw hints at my MIL, and we even talk to her about shortening
her visits. However, it all fell on deaf ears. So, this
past January, when she began to talk about her vacation plans, and
how she was going to come and stay with us for a month this summer,
I wrote her a long letter explaining that my DH (her son) and I
discussed her visiting us, and although she was more than welcome
to come visit us, we thought it would be best if she could limit
her visits to two weeks at one time. I took all the blame,
telling her this would be best for me, as my job and my life were
sometimes very stressful. For my mental well being, I need
relaxation occasionally, which, to me, means quiet time at home
alone. Now, you have to understand my MIL; she is the type
of person who will open up your bedroom door and wake you up on
your day off to ask you what to do with the clothes she has folded!
If I go outside, she follows me; if I go to the kitchen, she goes,
too; if I go to the store, she suddenly needs to go along!
Anyway, my MIL has been very "cool" towards me since I
wrote to her, and recently announced to my DH that she is NOT coming
to visit us this year - no explanation was given. I believe
it is more her loss than ours, and so does my DH. Unfortunately,
she continues to try to "punish" my DH by trying to control
him and throw guilt trips at him via the telephone, at every chance
she gets. At least now she leaves me alone, except for the
occasional few times that she has caught me on the phone when my
DH wasn't home. However, now that my MIL knows that she needs
to visit us on our terms (and not hers), I feel like a ton of bricks
has been lifted from my shoulders! I don't have to hold my
frustrations about her inside any longer. My suggestion to
you is to discuss the situation with your DH, decide what you both
feel is an acceptable amount of time for your in-laws to visit,
and then make your wishes known to them. No one, not even
your relatives, have a right to dictate when and for how long they
will visit you. They are guests in your home, and should act
as such! I was raised that guests were INVITED! Signed:
Lightened My Load
RESPONSE: DESPERATE DIL
Why should you inconvenience your family to make peace with your
in-laws? Look at it objectively. Who made plans with
you in advance? Who was considerate enough to give you ample
notice? These are the people whose feelings you have to think
about and worry about.
First off,
I am so happy to have found this site!! My sympathies go out
to each of you with the horrid MILs! I, too, have one, and
I would like to share my story. I've always been intimidated
by my snooty MIL, but I really didn't have bad problems until the
birth of my DD. To give a little background info, my MIL is
a VERY self-centered person, who has to have her way or she gets
mad (and/or cries to make us feel guilty). She puts on an
act in front of her friends and extended family, like she is the
perfect woman with the perfect family. The funny thing is,
she does have a great immediate family, and all the trouble comes
from her (but she doesn't see this). She doesn't respect me,
doesn't even talk to me other than to call the house and ask to
speak with my DH. But, in front of relatives and friends you'd
think I was her greatest friend. She's so phony that it drives
me up a wall!! When she calls the house and asks for my DH,
it is always to see if my DD can come up to her house. It's
gotten worse now that she's retired and she wants my DD every week.
Also, my MIL and FIL go to the beach 3 times a year, and have been
bugging me and my DH to let our DD go with them. They are
gone for 8 days at a clip. There is no way I will let that
happen. So, now, my MIL is planting lies in my DD's head,
telling her that grandma and grandpa have no fun when she doesn't
go. My MIL also told my DD that if she went to the beach with
them, she would only be gone for 1 day! To top this all off,
the other day at preschool, before my DD went in, the teacher gave
me a flyer for their summer program. My DD got all worked
up and said that grandma said she can't go to school in the summer
because she is supposed to spend the summer with her. Who
does this women think she is??!! And, to finish my venting,
the other night my MIL called the house and asked to speak with
my DH, who wasn't home. Since she was now forced to talk with
me, she told me that my DH said my DD can come up to her house the
following day. When my DH arrived home, I found out that he
never spoke to her about letting my DD go. My DH is going
to have a big talk with her and set her straight (I'm thankful he's
willing to stand up to her!). This has been so stressful,
and makes our lives miserable! The best part about it all
is that I never did anything to upset my MIL. In fact, I've
always tried to please her. Well, no more. My DH and
I are fed up!! Whew! That felt good - writing it all
down. What do you all think of this situation? Would
you let your son or daughter (mine is 4 years old) go away to the
beach? I hate confrontations, but this time it's become unavoidable.
Thanks in advance for any input!
Signed - Upset and Angry
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
NO WAY! Do not give up your control of YOUR child! End
of story!
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
I certainly wouldn't send my children with my IL's if they treated
me that way. You won't be there to know what kind of nonsense
they are filling your DD's head with. Besides, worrying about
it for the 8 days they are gone would drive you crazy! Just
say no!
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
NO way, that is way to long for a 4 year old to be away from her
mommy and daddy. Tell your MIL that you will miss DD too much.
And, if she doesn't respect that, then tough.
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
Whatever you decide about the beach (and it could be great fun for
your daughter if your ILs are trustworthy), you should point out
that your MIL needs to speak with you before she talks to your daughter.
Suppose you had already arranged something else? Your daughter
would be worked up for nothing. Point out that what she did
there was not acceptable and should not be repeated.
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
I can totally sympathize with you. Eerily, your story sounds
familiar. MINIMIZE contact with the woman. It sounds
hard, but if you want peace, that is what you need to do.
My relationship went directly downhill after the birth of my children.
I keep my contact with MIL to a minimum, because I finally decided
that NO ONE was going to control my children's time. If you
give a spoiled, controlling, phony ADULT their way ONCE, or if you
give them an INCH, they will take a MILE (or expect to get their
way ALL OF THE TIME). I wish you the best of luck because
you want to please your MIL more than you want happiness for yourself.
When you put yourself and your child first, then you will be happy.
Your situation isn't going to get any better until you stop kissing
your MIL's butt, and stop worrying about confrontation. With
in-laws - some confrontation is inevitable - especially after the
birth of children.
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
You should be upset and angry. Your MIL has no right to tell
your four year old about any summer vacation without your consent.
She, obviously, does not respect your feelings, and, therefore,
will not care for your daughter the way that you would want.
I also have two children, and I have made it clear that, unless
I am recognized as their mother (the one who makes decisions regarding
their well being), the relatives will not get the opportunity to
baby sit. I do have regular baby-sitters who follow my instructions
to the letter. My mother and my MIL still want to disregard
my wishes, so they do not baby-sit.
RESPONSE: Upset and Angry
I wouldn't let her go to the beach for 8 days, unless my husband
or I was with her.
I've had the engagement
from he!!, it was not only induced by my fiancé, but also
by his mother. Moments after our engagement, he started announcing
his guest list, lead by his ex-high school girlfriend (ended 12
years ago). That was followed by his ex-wife, and then all
other past ex's and lovers. Six months into our engagement,
he finally told his mother that we were engaged. Two weeks
passed, and he yelled at me for not calling his mom. Then,
I read announcement protocols. By the 3rd week, she finally
called and said, "I guess a congratulations is in order.
I shouldn't be making this call, because it isn't official."
I chalked it up to him withholding the info from her. She
showed up at my home for my formal engagement party, demanding to
know why his and his ex-wife's wedding crystal was NOT ON DISPLAY
in my home. I pointed out those items have nothing to do with
me, and they won't be on display now or in any future residences.
I was insulted. She was so disrespectful and inconsiderate
to me in the home that I own. She promised my fiancé
that she would never put me and his ex's in the same room, so I
accepted an invite to go to the north for Thanksgiving. She
invited the ex to join us, and still can't fathom why I refused
to leave the hotel to go to her house upon finding out. The
damn schm*ck chose to leave me at the friggin hotel, alone, to accommodate
his ex and his mother! I went the next day. I apologized,
and said that I could have handled it differently, citing that I
had been up for 48 hours straight (having worked a full day before
I drove all night - then I had to work at my satellite office all
day, before driving the rest of the way to their house). Therefore,
I may not have reacted as I would have on a normal given day.
She never apologized! My own children didn't speak to me for
48 hours, because I didn't "suck it up and go".
I pointed out that, had I done so, she would continue to set me
up for the rest of our marriage. DH said I wasn't set up,
so I told him, "Ask your mom when she found out that your ex
changed her plans (and then invited her to be there while we were
there)." It turns out that she found out 24 hours before
we got started on the 12 hour drive north. My family and I
are still furious about Thanksgiving, and we decided to boycott
her rehearsal dinner for my scheduled May cruise ship wedding.
But, my fiancé couldn't tell his mom this, hoping I'd work
it out, or let it go. So, I called her to tell her I was canceling
her rehearsal dinner, and told her why. Much to my surprise,
she was perplexed why the ex wasn't invited to the wedding.
I canceled it at that point, telling her we'd be married on our
engagement anniversary, and she was not invited or welcome!!
She called two days before we got married, crying, saying to both
of us that she forgave us for things we'd said and done that hurt
her. And, she said that it was a new year, and she hoped we'd
forgive others as well. I don't consider that to be an apology
to me, or an admission of her wrong doings! To date, 5 months
later, my entire family are still not speaking to me for punishing
them for her actions by getting married without them. The
fertility Dr. confirmed my husband's suspicions of 11 years, that
he couldn't have fathered the child with his high school ex-girlfriend
(the one that he's been voluntarily paying support for without court
order, or the child carrying his name). He wants us to have
a child, but I still think he has way too much housekeeping to do,
and his mother doesn't support his decision to tell the kid.
I've raised my children all alone, without the help of ex's, their
parents, or my family. My oldest is off to college this fall,
with the youngest 2 years behind. I don't want to have a kid
so he can be "vindictive" towards ex's. This is
his own admission as to why I've had the past 18 months from he!!.
Nor do I want my child around his mother.
Signed - Wounded Spirit
RESPONSE: Wounded Spirit
When your DH left you at the hotel to go eat dinner with his mom
and his ex, didn't that say something to you? What about when
he started listing the guests that he wanted to invite, and they
were all exes? This guy sounds like a loser - divorce him!
RESPONSE: Wounded Spirit
It sounds like you have serious problems with your husband.
MIL is not the issue here, though she may contribute. Straighten
out your husband. Then work on the rest.
RESPONSE: Wounded Spirit
Oh boy, your MIL takes the cake. If it were me, I would stick
to my guns. And, if your sad excuse for a husband can't stick
up for you, then they can have each other. Who does your MIL
think she is to invite his ex around constantly. Why don't
you ask her outright what she sees in the ex that she doesn't see
in you? Then, you will know once and for all. You know
the saying, "Birds of a feather stick together".
Don't put up with their childish ways. Your husband is married
to you, not his ex or his mother.
RESPONSE: Wounded Spirit
Run, don't walk away from your spineless mate. Make it known
that the package deal with MIL is the reason. Then, find yourself
a man who has grown up, and treats his mother respectfully (but
does not kiss her @$$).
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at
once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses
posted per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from
page to page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
