Worst gift: My MIL gave
me a toothbrush, toilet tissue, and a broom. She said she
gave me the toothbrush because it doesn't make any sense for my
teeth to have that much butter on them. She gave the toilet
tissue because she says that my daughter doesn't wipe too well,
and this should help, since it is softer. My daughter is only
2. And, she gave the broom because my house stays dirty, so
I should sweep more often. Ha, ha, ha, ha. My house
is always clean. Her house is the one that stays dirty.
I mean, can you believe this? Oh, yeah, for our wedding gift,
she got my husband a suit, and she got me some loud, lime green
socks with matching hair bows.
Signed - MRS. DIRTY-HOUSE
RESPONSE: MRS. DIRTY-HOUSE
Did you get married when you were 5? Geez, socks with matching
hair bows!
RESPONSE: MRS. DIRTY-HOUSE
She sounds like a real witch. But I will give her this, she
is far more creative than my MIL.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kygirl 1 of 4 /Posted: 8-MAY-02
My DH has 3 children from a previous marriage.
MIL insists that the eldest child doesn't belong to my DH.
The child is now 13. I think he is the "spitting image"
of DH. Of course, MIL does not. She has even gone so
far as to call an attorney to inquire about paternity tests!
My DH has stated to her, many times, that even IF the child wasn't
his, he would not want to know. The child is 13, and he wouldn't
want to do that to the boy or himself. He loves him, as do
I. One reason for MIL's reaction to this is because DH pays
up the wazoo for child support, as he should. Yes, we are
financially strapped, but he fathered the children, and it's our
responsibility to provide. We want to do this. MIL has
called the child support office and lawyers, saying that her boy
pays too much child support. I have shown her, on paper, that
it is based upon income. I printed the state's child support
guidelines, and showed her that we are right in line with what we
are supposed to pay. Of course, she ignores this, and everything
else I say. She still insists that the child isn't his, and
that DH pays too much. DH says to just ignore her. That's
what he has done for 33 years.
RESPONSE: Kygirl
It sounds like she has no life, and is clinging to the one thing
she does have: Her son. She's trying to hold onto him
and reel him in with food, etc. I think that, in her mind,
you've "taken" him away from her by marrying him.
RESPONSE: Kygirl
So, ignore her. Why try to reason, when she is clearly not
able or willing?
RESPONSE: Kygirl
You sound like a good step-mom. Your DH's son is lucky to
have you as an advocate.
RESPONSE: Kygirl
What a psycho of a MIL, and a horrible grandmother. Tell her
flat out that this is NONE of her business, and she should shut
her mouth, before YOU call the looney bin (for them to come take
her away). I hate it when MILs think it is okay to be in their
DIL's business. Tell her to stay away.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kygirl 2 of 4 /Posted: 8-MAY-02
When we go to visit our families (who live
near one another), why is it that my MIL doesn't want my husband,
daughter, and I to see my family? Even when we tell her that
we will be leaving at a certain time, she still does things to try
to delay us. Fore example, she will cook something to eat
right before we leave, and then she gets offended if we say we are
leaving, even though she has all this food cooked. It's always
something with her. I think it would be fine if it were me
leaving. It's just that she doesn't want DH to leave.
When she calls us, she always asks my DH what I have fixed for dinner.
Then, the next time we go visit, she has prepared the same thing,
only in "her" way. She says that "Bubby"
loves her cooking the best. I just let it go.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Psycho FMIL 4 of 4 /Posted: 8-MAY-02
After that whole mess in January when I found
out (well, more like HAD REAFFIRMED) that my FMIL is a manipulative,
delusional, and narcissistic nut, I found out that she wrote a letter
to FDH immediately after the bridesmaid-for-a-date incident, saying
that she was sorry for her behavior. Well, I'm happy to report
that FDH called her back and told her that she was apologizing to
the wrong person. He's never really directly stood up for
me/us like this before. You see, he's VERY non-confrontational,
which, normally, I LOVE about his personality, but I was starting
to lose confidence in him, and all is well now! Even more
good news - I recently had the pleasure of meeting members of his
FATHER's side of the family: His father is deceased, and had
only one sister. I was able to meet her, her daughter, daughter's
husband, and their children. The good news is that I get along
with his aunt and cousins very well. And, while they have
no particular ill-feelings toward his mother, she IS the woman who
divorced their brother/uncle, so she's not really a father's-side-of-the-family
favorite (especially after hearing all about the hell she's put
us through lately). I only wish that his father was alive.
I feel like our wedding will be so lopsided. At least now
I know that there will be some people in his family who are sane
enough to attend (his brother is wonderful as well, I should mention!).
We are now house-hunting, and I am getting a small amount of pleasure
from the fact that when she writes or calls him at work (as she
is NOT allowed to call or write to our home), she says things like,
"I can't wait to see PICTURES of your new home!"
HA! That witch will never step foot in a home I reside in,
and SHE KNOWS IT! As the Beatles sing: I got to admit
it's getting better (better). A little better all the time
(it can't get no worse). Yes I admit it's getting better (better).
RESPONSE: It's Getting Better
Good for you! Don't let her into your house. I'm glad
that you are being firm and standing up for yourself.
Well, it all started
when we moved into my MIL's house. They had said that they
were getting too old to do the maintenance around the house and
the yard!!!! So, they wanted to sell the house, but they wanted
to sell it to a family member so that they could still use the yard
to store all their junk. AND, BELIEVE ME, THEY HAVE A LOT
OF JUNK, BECAUSE MY MIL IS A PACK RAT, AND NEVER THROWS ANYTHING
AWAY!!!!!! So, my common-law husband and I (of four years)
decided that we would move in (with the idea of being able to buy
the place from her!!!!!). Just after we moved in, we were
told by the parents that if we wanted to, we could change all the
accounts into our name. But, we decided that it was too much
hassle, and we would leave everything in the parents' name.
After all, the parents understood that we would be taking over the
accounts as our own!!!! Well, we've lived in the house now
for 2 years. Last month, the gas company came into some extra
money, and wanted their customers to benefit from the extra money.
So, they sent checks out to all their customers. Well, seeing
as the accounts are still in my MIL's name, the check was sent out
with her name on it. So, when she found out the check had
arrived, she came over to our place and took the check. I
was dumbfounded to think that we had been using the services and
paying for those services on that account, and, yet, she felt that
she was the customer (not us!!!), just because the account was still
in her name!!!!!! My common-law boyfriend's opinion was to
just let her have it, because she's a senior citizen, she lives
on a pension, and she needs the money more than we do!!!!!
But, it really bothers me that she feels that anything with her
name on it is hers!!!!!! And, now, when I say to my partner
that I want the accounts all put in our names so this won't happen
again, he is afraid to talk to his mom about it, because he thinks
she will get all upset if we do that!!!!!! And, he's right,
she probably will!!!!! And, just lately, we found out that
the only reason that she wanted us in the house to begin with, was
so that she can control us - she has never had any intention of
selling us the place, and has lead us on for two years!!!!!!
So, I'm living in her house, and following her rules (and, believe
me, she's like a dictator with her rules!!!!) with no hope of buying
the place. All the accounts are in her name, and I have to
put up with her constantly threatening to kick me out (not her son,
just me!!!!) if I do or say anything that she doesn't like!!!!!
And, my partner doesn't want to upset his mom, so he never says
anything to her about anything!!!! He just wants to keep the
peace!!!!! So, although I love my partner completely, I don't
know how much longer I can put up with his mother's interference!!!????
Signed - FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
I think you're better off hightailing it out of there, with OR without
your lame coward of a husband. You'll never have peace with
her watching you like that. The example of the gas bill just
shows me how inconsiderate and manipulative she is. Get out
ASAP! Good luck.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Buy your own house, with your name on it, and her junk will be gone.
I would not put up with that. I would never even stay at my
MIL's house on a needy basis.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
If it were me, I'd look for a new house. If your MIL is a
senior citizen and needs the money so badly, she should sell the
house. Then she wouldn't have to rely on rebate checks from
a gas company for bills that she hasn't paid in 2 years!
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
I hate to tell you this, but I think you are a fool. MIL is
making a jerk out of you, because DH doesn't even defend you.
This just shows that she rules him, and you come second. If
I were you, love or not, I would leave. Put your foot down.
It's now or never. If you are not ok with being under her
mercy, and him not being able to stand up to his mother, then you
must save yourself! I say, sure, I love my FH, but I love
MYSELF more. So, I COME FIRST - NO MATTER WHAT. And,
in thinking that way, it's the only way I see results with the IL
situation I have. Save yourself!
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Honey, I feel for you!!! Obviously, you see now that this
man is not marriage material. If he will not stand up to his
mother for you, how do you expect him to stand up for you when it
comes to something else? It is good that you saw how he was
before you tied the knot!!! Tell the FMIL to kiss your grits,
and tell your partner to come around again when he gets a pair.
Hugs.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Move out. If the parents cannot afford to keep the house,
they can sell it and rent storage space for all their junk.
It is crazy to let her control you. Your DH has to stand up
for your rights and not be afraid to upset his mommy. MILs
like that know how to play their sons, and they do it on purpose.
If he lets her, she will. Once he stands up to her, her tune
will change. It took about two years for my MIL to smarten
up, but all is much better now that she knows she can't push us
around.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
How big of a doormat do you want to be? Be a big girl and
go get your own place. Then, invite your shack-up honey to
come live with you. He will get tired of trying to live in
two places, especially with the treatment he's getting from his
folks, and will dump the place soon enough. If you really
want to keep the guy, move out, and tell him you need to get it
legal, because even whores get paid, and you are wasting your time
with him if he can't make a commitment after all the love and care
you've given him. You are legally out on a limb, and if he
really loved you, he would not do that to you.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Sorry, but you should have seen this one coming. Get out while
the gettin's good! It sounds like your man needs to do some
serious cutting of the apron strings.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Technically, if something is in someone's name, it is theirs.
Are you and your partner over 18? Simply move out of the house
- it isn't that difficult to live on your own. I never understand
why couples would voluntarily live with any of their parents!
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
I think it's hilarious that something that was "too much hassle"
2 years ago, has suddenly become very important to you. And,
quite frankly, you should have had the accounts switched to your
names when you became responsible for paying the bills. If
I were in MIL's shoes, I would have made sure I got my name off
of them right away! Why? Because, if you had ever missed
a payment, it would have been her they came after (up to sending
the account to collections, and perhaps even suing) simply because
her name was on the account. As it is, since her name is on
the account, she is the one legally entitled to the refund.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
Take her to small claims court for the money. Have you thought
of Judge Judy? Whatever you do, she will get peeved.
Stop pampering her and your boyfriend, and start standing up for
yourself. It only gets worse.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
With her name on the accounts, your credit is being threatened.
Also, you aren't building up a credit history, but your MIL is building
up quite a nice one. Everything that has your name on it makes
its way to your credit report, not just loans and credit cards.
Change this. It would also be beneficial to her. If
you and your partner failed to pay, it would reflect badly on her
credit, etc., (however, you'd be without electricity and whatever).
And, as a pensioner, I'm sure she can't pay the fees associated
with such a downfall. On another note, you need to get out
from under her thumb. If something doesn't change, you need
to do something. You are, apparently, using threats, but not
carrying through - so they are ineffective. Make a decision
that would be best for you, and carry through with it, whether it's
finding an apartment, or whatever. Since the house belongs
to her, she has every right to evict you. But, she has to
give you something like a month's notice. Your position is
precarious. If she has that much control over her son, where
he doesn't want to even talk to her about things, I can't see this
being a stable situation. As his partner, whether common law
or married by the church, you should come first in his life if this
is truly a commitment. You are his primary family. It
just doesn't seem like he thinks of you that way, however.
RESPONSE: FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!
I think you know the solution here: MOVE!! If your "husband"
does not want to move, let him stay there with his mommy.
You will never win. Move and get out now!
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