Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kygirl 3 of 4 /Posted: 9-MAY-02
Well, I thought my one posting said about
everything, but I have recently had some flashbacks of things that
I had blocked out. One is of my MIL, who is having an affair,
of sorts, with her neighbor (he is also my FIL's friend).
How do I know? Well, I know she talks to him on the phone.
I have heard her say, "I love you," to him. She
and I walked up the road one evening at her house, and he met her
outside. She took him a plate of dinner, and then kissed him
and told me not to tell. Well, I told my husband most everything,
except about the kiss. He comes to her and my FIL's house
almost daily. They play cards several times a week - the three
of them. When he goes to the bathroom, he leaves her money
and other things hidden in their secret hiding place in the bathroom.
My FIL is a good man. Neither my MIL nor FIL are very educated
people. She is manipulative, and he is trusting. Sometimes,
he acts as if he suspects something, but nothing ever comes of it.
What should I do? Should I do anything? Why is she putting
me in the middle by telling me things, and doing things in front
of me? Then, she treats me like cr@p, knowing that I know
all of this about her. Hmmm. Help!
RESPONSE: Why Is She Putting Me In The Middle?
I would film her, somehow, and BUST the B!tch!!! But, first,
I would have a little talk with her. I would tell her, "You
know something? I KNOW all about you and X, so, unless you
want me to bust your sorry @ss, then you need to shape up."
RESPONSE: Why Is She Putting Me In The Middle?
You lucky girl! You have the goods on your MIL! Have
you ever heard of blackmail? Just kidding. But, if I
were you, I would put this little secret in my pocket and just keep
it there. This will feel so good in your pocket! You
may need to use it some day (leverage, you know)! Consider
it your secret weapon, which you HOPE you never HAVE to use.
But, if your MIL starts treating you progressively worse, and it
just gets to the point of a living he!!, then you can remind her
that you have been a very nice little secret-keeper, and you can
suggest that she pucker up and kiss your @Ss every day to keep it
that way! Also, you need to get some concrete, irrefutable
evidence - like photos of them kissing or something. Have
fun with this!
I am 14 weeks pregnant
with my first child. It also happens to be my MIL's first
grandchild. At 12 weeks, I had an ultrasound, because I have
a potential problem that the doctors are monitoring monthly.
I posted the ultrasounds on the internet, and sent them out to all
my family and friends. Everyone has been gushing over them,
saying things like, "Wow, that's the best profile of an ultrasound
I've ever seen," or, "How incredible, we are so excited
for you." This is what my MIL had to say, "I just
saw the ultrasound. That was interesting." And
her tone of voice was even worse. She sounded like she had
just gotten done looking at a picture of monkey poop!! ARG!!
Signed - Just One More
Reason I Can't Stand Her
RESPONSE: Just One More Reason I Can't Stand Her
Maybe your MIL just couldn't relate the ultrasound to a real child,
hence her reaction? As long as you're happy, it doesn't matter
what she thinks, anyway. But, I find ultrasounds incredibly
boring. If it isn't your baby, it's just a swirly blob.
I'd hate to be sent a picture of one and have to gush over it!
So not everyone is the same. As long you're happy, just forget
it.
RESPONSE: Just One More Reason I Can't Stand Her
I know you want your MIL to be excited about the baby. I have
been there and done that. I am hoping that your situation
doesn't turn out like mine. Once my kids were born, the relationship
with my MIL went from bad to worse. Don't expect anything
from her. I am telling you this for the protection of your
own heart. You want her to be happy, but maybe she is too
jealous to be happy. And, then again, maybe she will "come
around". The only advice I can give to you is not to
expect her to be happy for you. I can guarantee that, once
you give birth to your baby, you are in for a "wild ride"
with your relationship with your MIL. Lots of luck to you.
RESPONSE: Just One More Reason I Can't Stand Her
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I'm sorry your MIL had
such a deadpan reaction. I can relate. When I announced
my pregnancy last year (1st child on my side), my own grandmother
had a cold, deadpan response. All she said was, "I know."
I got upset, and asked her how she could know I was pregnant when
I had just taken the pregnancy test earlier that day. Her
response was, "Well, I had a dream you were pregnant."
She said that just as cold, and in a monotone voice. Her reaction
was worse when she saw my ultrasound photo. While I was showing
it to her, she looked away and mumbled, "Technology can do
so much these days," and went about her business. Since
your MIL seems so "thrilled", I wouldn't share anything
else about your pregnancy with her. I would also make sure
she's the last to know when you give birth (we didn't tell my grandmother
at all - I let my dad tell her the day after). Maybe your
MIL and my grandmother are buddies!
RESPONSE: Just One More Reason I Can't Stand Her
That's probably the reason that she isn't showing any excitement.
YOU'RE getting all the attention now, and she probably resents that.
Be on the lookout for her to want to be the world's greatest grandma
when the baby comes, not necessarily for baby's sake, but to get
attention for herself. You mentioned that everyone else was
excited about the ultrasound emails, but your MIL wasn't.
Last year, DH and I took a fantastic overseas trip to several countries.
Throughout the trip, we sent a few emails to about 20 people - friends
and family. EVERYONE EXCEPT MIL replied with enthusiasm, good
wishes, etc. When we returned, all MIL had to say was, "Just
think, it's gonna be sooooooooo long before you take a trip like
that again!" One would think that, even if a MIL resented
a DIL's good things in life, she would be happy for her son.
WRONG. I hope things get better for you, but your MIL's problem
is probably that she is jealous of you.
RESPONSE: Just One More Reason I Can't Stand Her
First, congratulations on your baby, and I hope all goes well.
A couple of my friends, with deep concerns over their babies, potential
BIG issues, etc., came through just fine, and I'm sure you will,
too. But, after saying that - I have to say that looking at
other people's ultrasounds, even my best friend's, is kind of blah.
I understand that your MIL hurt your feelings, but she was probably
just expressing what everyone else was thinking: Another indecipherable
ultrasound, wow. As in, little "w" and "period".
Sorry, but they really aren't interesting to anyone other than the
mommy and daddy to be, and maybe sometimes to the doctor.
"Excited for you" is an honest comment. "Best
ultrasound I've ever seen" is creative, that's for sure.
Don't be angry at your MIL over this one. I'm sure she'll
do other things that will deserve your anger, but this one doesn't,
because EVERYONE thinks that way. Your bodily functions associated
with pregnancy, especially a difficult one, are PRIVATE (and, in
truth, not that interesting to others).
Every year I get one
blank VCR tape from my MIL, along with a whole host of other useless
gifts. She calls them her "Mrs. Claus gifts".
I almost always get one bottle of beer, or ice cream fudge topping.
Now, these aren't fancy kinds like you can only get at a specialty
store. They are just items you get at any local grocery store.
And, I always get these dumb little trinkets to sit around my house.
One year, I got a glass whale, and another I got a tin in the shape
of a popular trademark!! She is clueless.
Signed - Married To A
Saint For Putting Up With Her For All These Years
RESPONSE: Married To A Saint For Putting Up With Her
For All These Years
Omigosh, she sounds like a freak! Ha! I feel for you.
RESPONSE: Married To A Saint For Putting Up With Her
For All These Years
She is either really backwards and unimaginative, or really mean.
I have been married
for almost 8 years to a wonderful man. I come from "the
Big City", and he comes from a small town. His family
will probably never forgive him for going off to college and marrying
a "city slicker". Things were somewhat amicable
with the ILs the first couple of years, even though I knew that
they talked about me behind my back, because my 6-year-old niece
would repeat things that they had said about me. To make a
long story short, this is what has happened to me: I've been
told that I am not a part of the family. I just married in
to it. I moved to another town to double my salary, and was
told that I was just moving to be single with my single friends
(not that I had any single friends at the time). The paternity
of my first child was questioned. We were told that my husband
likes my parents because they give us money (which they don't),
and that we don't come around because we think we are better than
them (no, we just don't want to spend our holidays around a bunch
of rude people!). My appearance has been made fun of numerous
times ("my God, your face is so pale - I cannot even look at
you," and the ILs proceeded to shield their eyes from the supposed
glare off of my face). I've walked in on 4 of my female ILs
speaking badly about me, and they didn't think there was anything
wrong with it. And, the list goes on. They just think
that we are supposed to "move on" and forget about everything
that they've done. Forgiveness, well I am working on that.
If I forgive, that certainly doesn't mean I have to have a relationship
with these people. They think that we are ridiculous for not
wanting to be around them. They haven't done anything to make
us WANT to be around them. HELP!
Signed - Too Much Self-Respect
To Put Up With MIL Cr@p!
RESPONSE: Too Much Self-respect To Put Up With MIL
Cr@p!
I'm very sorry they made you feel badly. I have gone through
the same, and it's extremely hurtful. My advice is to ignore
their pettiness. Your relationship with your husband is most
important. You are probably doing the best thing by staying
away.
RESPONSE: Too Much Self-respect To Put Up With MIL
Cr@p!
The solution is simple: Don't go around them. I would
especially consider keeping my child away from these people if there
is a chance of him/her overhearing a harmful comment regarding the
father. Let hubby deal with them. If he is a good husband,
he will not hear a word against you. That still doesn't mean
you have to put up with them.
RESPONSE: Too Much Self-respect To Put Up With MIL
Cr@p!
Funny, my FILs have made fun of my skin color numerous times too.
FMIL asked me one time, "Are you sick? You look so pale."
So I respond, "NO, I'm not sick. I am just not wearing
makeup." FMIL replied, "Well, I DON'T LOOK LIKE
THAT WHEN I DON'T HAVE MAKEUP ON!" Like an idiot, I didn't
respond, because I didn't want to seem petty, or overreact.
And, I have hated myself since then. I finally MADE FH tell
them that they hurt my feelings. When he told them, with much
hesitance, FMIL called me petty, and FH didn't go back at her -
big, tough, mommy, of course. SO, I choose to not see them
at all in over 6 months, and our wedding is 5 months away.
I have learned that these people will never change, so it's now
or never that I put my foot down. Anyway, when they were told
it did hurt, I didn't hear any apologies. He!!, if I step
on someone's foot and break their toe, even if it was an accident,
I would still apologize. So, this incident, plus many more
sneaky incidents, have pushed me to the point that I really don't
want anything to do with them (if that is the way they are).
Oh, by the way, I once had cancer, and they even know this.
So, I find this really insulting that they would try to push me
to go in the sun. What ignorance. I choose not to bother
with ignorant people. So should you!
My MIL hated me the
day she realized her son, and only child, was in love. Her
husband passed away unexpectedly, 27 years ago, so my husband was,
indeed, the center of her universe. In the beginning, I tried
not to place judgment on the fact that this man was 35, and had
never lived on his own. Instead of venturing off into the
world as an adult, he remained content at home. When he left
the house each morning, MIL would proceed to make his bed, do his
laundry, dry cleaning, and prepare a nice, home-cooked meal for
dinner, of course!! One time, I bought my future husband a
gorgeous coat, and she returned it. She was puzzled over the
amount of money I spent on this gift, and told me that, instead
of the coat, she bought him a different coat and two shirts for
the cost of what I paid for the coat (my own mother tried to warn
me back then). Two years later, when we became engaged - welcome
to my MIL nightmare. He proposed in St. Maarten, on a beautiful,
romantic vacation. We called future MIL from the airport to
tell her the NEWS. "Hi Mom!," I said, as excited
as a bride-to be can get!! "I'm NOT your mother.
YOU HAVE a MOTHER!!", were her words of congratulations.
Soon thereafter, she fussed over just about every detail of wedding
planning, and then had the audacity to leave our wedding at 8:45
PM, two hours after the reception began. Enter pregnancy,
a grandchild for MIL is on the way. My mother planned the
most beautiful baby shower that you could possibly imagine.
MIL looked right at me and said, "Don't send me an invitation!!"
This was huge, and beyond rudeness to me. Her family coerced
her into coming, and when I tell you she had a scowl on her face
the entire time, it is NO exaggeration. I do not have enough
time to type every single nightmare that this woman has put me through.
She is a nasty beast. I'll finish by saying that when I was
nine-and-one-half-months pregnant, and my husband was about to celebrate
a birthday, she called to tell me that she was not interested in
the get-together I had planned for him. Instead, she wanted
to take him to dinner, alone, just the two of them. She did
not invite me along. I was devastated when my husband left
to go, while I sat wondering how ironic it would be if I went into
labor that evening. "Change the baby's name!!!",
she begged when the baby was born. She did not visit us, although
she lives five miles from us. But, one day, she did call and
say, "I don't know if you like it, but HE likes Chicken A la
King." She dropped her meals off, and waved to the 4-week
old baby. Later - Happy Holidays!!! She left a $3.99
price tag on a bottle of linen spray she had given to me for Christmas.
Meanwhile, she bought beautiful, thoughtful gifts for my husband
and my daughter. God bless anyone who has a nasty MIL!
It's just awful to have to live with!
Signed - Awful To Have
To Live With
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
Here! Here!
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
That's terrible, and so sad. I'm sorry to hear it. Don't
ever call someone "Mom" who isn't your mother. See
what can happen?
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
God, I feel so sorry for you. I know exactly what you have
to go through, because I am pretty much in the same situation!
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
Your MIL is, indeed, nuts. But, until your husband cuts the
apron strings, your situation will never change. Since you
should have seen this coming, by way of hubby backing down and refusing
to stand up for you early on (sorry), focus on yourself and your
kids regarding her. Hubby isn't stepping up to the plate like
he should (!!), so you will have to find a way to make peace for
yourself. Stay away from her.
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
Yep, its quite obvious your MIL is a very jealous, sick woman.
God forbid her son should get married and have a life of his own
or something (a life that does not center around HER, anyway).
It almost sounds like my mother. I think she thought I was
going to live with her for the rest of my life. She was actually
shocked when I got engaged. Then, a year and a half later,
I got married and moved out, while she felt sorry for herself -
like it was all about HER. Anyway, I only hope your DH sees
it too. Sometimes they tend to deny things about their mothers,
like they're perfect. I understand completely, because my
MIL is a complete "control freak". My husband didn't
even realize it until I confronted him about it. Hello!
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
Funny, my FMIL has said, in not so many words, that if you have
a mother, it's disrespectful to call someone else "mom".
It is just her way of making sure DS won't call anyone else "mom".
And, it was meant for me, as well. I hear ya! So, now,
MOTHER'S Day is Sunday, and I will not even acknowledge her in any
way - no cards, calls, or visits. Oh, by the way, this, plus
much more, is the reason I haven't seen them in 6 months (and our
wedding is 5 months away). But, I don't care. I have
to stand up for myself and set the tone for the future with these
idiots. Where I come from, it is the respectful thing to do.
But, I guess that being the jealous, sneaky, controlling loser that
she is, she had to make sure DS followed her wishes. Well,
she got what she wanted, and a lot more! Now, they are lucky
if I even acknowledge their existence! HA, HA. I am
no one's idiot.
RESPONSE: Awful To Have To Live With
Wow! Your MIL is a real stinker. She sounds like she
is jealous that you and baby are drawing your DH's attention away
from her! If she is going to be so negative, despite your
willingness to go out of your way to try to help her feel involved
with your lives, then I would just stop trying. She has made
it clear that she is not interested. And, the only thing it
is doing is causing you undue grief and frustration. It is
sad that she shows such little interest in her only grandchild.
However, it could be a blessing, too. You won't be one of
those women who have a horrible MIL who is over, constantly wanting
to hog the baby, and giving you unwanted advice and criticism.
What does your DH think of his mother's behavior? He needs
to sit down and have a talk with her. If she wants to spend
time with him, that means spending time with the rest of his FAMILY
- meaning you and the baby! I have to give you credit for
trying to make nice with your MIL. I don't think I would have
lasted as long as you have. Best of luck. I hope things
work out, and she wipes that scowl off of her face.
I have a problem with
my in-laws, and I don't know how to handle it. I know I'm
the one with a problem, not them. My in-laws are truly wonderful
people who anyone would love. But, the sad thing is they don't
love me. I made the mistake of falling in love with their
first born son, and they have never forgiven me for getting married
to him. I can not give too many details out of fear of being
found out. I have caused enough grief between my DH and his
parents, and would hate for him or them to see this. We both
came from upper-middle class families, and the same kind of backgrounds.
We have high morals, and have high goals for ourselves and our children.
We own our own home, and we are not in debt in any way. I
stay at home with our children, while my DH has a high paying job.
Our world revolves around our children and each other. We
love each other so much, and love to bring smiles to each other.
Even with all of this, I'm not good enough for his family.
I have been told many times to leave their DS, and go crawl in the
trash that I came from. Not in those words, but you get the
idea. It hurts DH to have his family treat me this way, but
they do it anyway. And, of course, they are smart enough not
to do any of these wrongs in front of him. So, at times, I
think I overreact to everything. Here are some of the things
they have done to me in the past: Before we had children,
they would call, out of the blue, to ask that I not have children
with DH, because I would not be a good mother, nor would I love
my children. When we did have children, they always questioned
if they where DH's or not (they all look just like him). When
they visit, they give gifts to everyone but me. And, if they
do remember me, it is something for someone else (like a toy for
the cat, or expired candy). They praise everyone, but they
say, "Are you still here?" They even treat my BIL's
weekly girlfriend like gold, but they tell her (in front of me)
that they would love to have a DIL someday. My DH and I have
been married for over 10 years. Also, this is DH's house,
and not mine. If I want to continue to live here, then I better
be like June Cleaver (their words, not DH's). And, my name
is on the house papers, so it is my house too. They even have
tried to break us apart with lies on how I abuse our children (which
the children tell their dad are lies), and how I cheat on him (with
5 children, where do I find the time?). Once, they even tried
to give me food poisoning so that I couldn't go to a wedding.
But, it backfired when DH ate the food instead of me. So,
DH got very ill, and it was my fault (since the food was meant for
me). Now, don't get me wrong, I do love these people because
they raised a wonderful son who is very good to me and our children.
DH helps out every day with all household chores and the kids.
But, this upsets my in-laws, since this is my job, not his.
DH tells them that it is his house and kids too, and that he wants
to do these things, because it is his family that he is taking care
of. But, in my in-law's eyes, I have failed my DH, since I
MAKE him do this. I don't make him, he just does what needs
to be done. And, with 5 kids, I need help at times.
Now, here is my problem: Last summer, his folks came out to
visit us and see their grandchildren. I joke that when they
come out to see us, they come to visit with DH, spoil their grandkids,
and torment me. Well, that last time was so true. DH
was at work, and my in-laws where cleaning my house (since I "wouldn't
do it"). My house was cleaned before they came, and it
was spotless. But, it wasn't good enough for their son, or
so they said. I tried to ask them not to do this, and to let
me re-clean it for them. MY FIL jumped in my face, nose to
nose, and screamed at me that I was a F&%$*@& waste, and
that I should just get the F*&% out of here! I was so
frightened that I left with all my kids. I was scared that
he would hit, since he was so much in a rage. He said a whole
lot more, but you get the idea. Well, when DH got home, he
asked where I was, and where his kids where. Well, FIL said
that I attacked him, and drove off in a rage. My DH knew that
this wasn't like me at all, so he found me at a friend's house,
hysterical with fear. I told him that I would bring him the
kids so that they could visit with their grandparents (since DH
was there), but I would stay away until they left. My in-laws
hate me, but they would never hurt their grandchildren in any way.
I met my DH at safe place, away from my home, and gave him the kids.
DH begged me to come home with him and work things out, but I was
too scared to do that. So, he left and I went back to stay
at my friend's home. Hours later, DH called me and told me,
in no uncertain terms, to get my backside home now! I went
home, against my better judgment, and found my in-laws gone.
DH had told them that if they could not treat me in a respectful
way, they would have to leave. Since FIL drove me out of my
house in fear, then they would no longer be welcome in his home.
He drove them to a hotel, and told them to get on a plane and leave.
My in-laws have not spoken to me since. Well, we are going
to visit them this summer, since we had a new baby, and DH doesn't
want them to come here (ever). How do I act after all of this?
How do I get over myself and walk into their home like nothing happened?
Do I trust them not to do this again? I'm so scared that they
will cross the line and drive DH away from me. I want my DH
and children to have their family in their lives, even though I'm
not welcome in that family. My older kids resent their grandparents
for they way they have treated me, and they want to protect me while
we are there. This is the first time they ever saw violence
in the home, and they don't want it to happen again. My DH
says that this is their last chance to act like family, or he is
through with them. I'm his wife, and they need to understand
that (or he won't be their son anymore). Please, give me advice
on how to handle this. I'm just so ashamed of myself for running
out in fear over this. How do I act? I'm so worried
about this that I have nightmares, where I wake up crying.
I get so sick when I think about it. I'm such a horrible person
to be this way, and I do want to heal this. What a mess this
all is. If DH knew how badly I felt, he would cancel everything,
and that would just make me feel worse. I have caused so much
discord among his family already. I just wish my in-laws could
see how much I love and adore their son. I would never hurt
him. Please don't flame me, as I know that I'm one with the
problem, not them.
Responses were overwhelming. Previously, we have handled such
large responses by categorizing them and presenting a representative
sample from each category (along with a count of the total number
of similar responses in that category). In this case, there
was so much uniformity in so many responses, it was difficult to
place all but a few into separate categories. Therefore, we
decided to present all responses. However, technological concerns,
specifically the time it takes to load a single web page, make it
necessary to place these responses on a separate page.
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at
once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses
posted per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from
page to page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
