Worst gift: Many years
ago, I gave my ex-boyfriend's mother a very nice plush robe, and
her favorite perfume gift set. I took a lot of time picking
out her gifts. Her church was selling small stuffed animals
(like the ones in those amusement park booths that have the little
crane that lifts the prize out). That's what I received from
her. And, she didn't even bother to wrap it.
Signed - Not Amused With
Amusement Toys
RESPONSE: Not Amused With Amusement Toys
What a lame-o. For the next gift-giving occasion, give HER
that cr@ppy stuffed animal, without wrapping paper.
Worst gift: I can top
all of those gifts. I got nothing for Christmas, nothing for
my birthday, and nothing for any occasion whatsoever. I have
been with her son for three years. She tells me to come over
so she can give me a gift, but she never has anything for me.
She is evil. She even asked me to bring my own sandwich to
a party that she was having.
Signed - Deli-hater
RESPONSE: Deli-hater
Next time she tells you to bring your own sandwich, bring a lovely
tray of tea sandwiches. All her guests will ooh and aah.
And, if she is stupid enough to say that she told you to bring YOUR
OWN, everyone will see what a witch she really is! It's a
win, win situation!
RESPONSE: Deli-hater
It sounds like my MIL while my DH and I were dating. You are
not alone.
I could talk to you
for hours, telling you so many stories about my MIL. She is
so manipulative and mean. After 17 years of marriage to a
great guy, she still surprises me with her mouth. A few years
ago, she sent me a beautiful potted plant. And then, that
same day, she called to tell us that her preacher's sermon was about
how "God can place love in my heart for anyone".
So, she decided to act on faith, trust God, and send me a flower
with a note saying, "I love you, Happy Mother's Day, To the
mother of 3 of my grandchildren". On my last birthday,
she returned many Christmas and birthday gifts that I had sent her.
She said that she was cleaning out junk, and since I purchased the
gifts, she thought I'd want them back. Another highlight to
our visit was when my husband pulled out a beautiful birthday cake
for me in front of my parents, children, and husband, only to find
that she and her 85 year old mother, who were staying in our house
for their visit, had cut off 1/4 of the cake and eaten it the night
before. When I asked who cut my cake, she said, "We did."
And then she said, "It wasn't that good anyway."
If you want more stories I have plenty.
Signed - MIL Takes The
Cake
RESPONSE: MIL Takes The Cake
What a toxic person she is. Miserable. Avoid her as
much as possible. I felt sick for you, after reading your
post.
Worst gift: My husband
and I shared our first Christmas together in 1997. We each
have a daughter from a previous marriage, and we were looking forward
to spending our first big holiday together as a family. We
all planned to meet at my husbands aunt's home (she is a great person!).
Her sister, my MIL, is a major psycho flake (that's a whole other
story). First of all, she showed up 3 hours late, having just
started her Christmas shopping 2 hours ago. She can't go anywhere
on time, since she must make an "entrance" to make sure
that all eyes are on her. She comes in dressed like a hooker
(she's 49, has had 5 boob jobs, and has her bellybutton pierced
- ok if you can pull it off, but she cant!), with gifts in various
store bags, not wrapped, with tags still on them. My stepdaughter
was 5 at the time, and received about 15 pretty nice gifts (a fur
cape with matching muffler, dress up jewelry, barbie dolls, etc.)!
When the time came to give my daughter her gift (she was 3), she
handed her a box of old, ugly, USED hair bows that were made for
an adult (hair was caught in the barrettes - MIL's hair, by the
way). That was it! Thank God my daughter wasn't old
enough to be concerned with what she received. But, pleassssseee!!!
No thanks! My poor husband was so embarrassed! Not to
be cr@ppy, but come on! How about at least a coloring book,
or a stuffed animal?? The best came when she gave me my gift!
It was a child's purse! No joke! It still had the 70%
off tag on it, as well as the price tag ($2.99 before the discount!).
I could not believe it! At least she could have given my daughter
the kid's purse, and me the old crummy hair bows! Luckily,
because of her schizo personal life, she didn't show up for Christmas
of 1998. And, in 1999, she sent her presents with her daughter,
and gave one to everyone BUT me. No loss. We moved out
of state in 2000. She sent presents to the girls, but nothing
for myself or her son. For the Christmas of 2001, she didn't
even send anything for the girls - she said her personal life was
too busy right now. Whatever! I can't tell you how happy
I am that we moved!!
Signed - MIL Thinks She's
A Spice Girl
RESPONSE: MIL Thinks She's A Spice Girl
I am so glad that you are away from MIL! It sounds like you
need the distance to shield your kids from her hurtful antics.
Have you tried explaining to them that grandmother is not always
sure of what she's doing (i.e., she's nuts)? Good luck!
I am just curious what
everyone thinks of this situation, and what advice you all may have.
I have a wonderful MIL by all counts. She lives out of state,
but comes to visit us between 4-6 times a year (over the past 8
years or so). She comes so often that she has finally accumulated
a small wardrobe to keep here so she doesn't have to pack so much
each time (which is fine with us). The problem is that, on
many of her visits (and sometimes FIL too), which usually last between
3-7 days, she stores up the laundry, throws it in our hamper before
she leaves, and then casually says to me, "You wouldn't mind
doing the little bit of laundry I/we had, would you?"
It's usually a full load of it's own. And, then, of course,
I have to fold it and put it away. I've always acted like
I don't mind doing it (which was my first mistake, I guess), but
it really does BUG me! She's otherwise a very considerate
houseguest. And, when I've visited her home with my family,
I've always done my own laundry while I'm there. An interesting
note, though: Once, when I was visiting her, I had put a load
of my toddler son's clothes in the dryer. They were mostly
tiny cotton things and required the lowest heat, which is where
I set the dryer. Shortly before they were done, I went to
check them. I discovered that MIL had changed the heat to
the HIGHEST setting! Needless to say, a lot of my son's clothes
had shrunk so much that he could no longer wear them. When
I asked MIL why she had reset the dryer, she said that the cool
setting takes too long to dry clothes, and costs more $$!!
This was ONE little load, for gosh sakes, and MIL and FIL aren't
poor by any means! Of course, when I offered to wash some
of her things with mine later on to make a full load, she insisted
that her precious sweatshirts (yes, SWEATSHIRTS!) be washed and
dried only on COLD because she didn't want them to shrink!!
How goofy is that?? I can't imagine leaving my laundry for
anyone to wash, dry, and fold - family or not! I think it's
very inconsiderate, especially since I have three children and a
husband that I'm already doing tons of laundry for every week.
I just don't know how to tell her that I'd rather not do her wash.
I really don't want to hurt her feelings, but I also don't want
her to continue assuming that I'm willing to do it. I've hinted
to her on various occasions that the washer/dryer are free if she
has any wash, but it seems that she prefers to wait until it's time
to leave to gather it up. What should I do? Any opinions
out there??
Signed - Wimpy Laundress
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
You know, I have to be honest. Your MIL sounds like she might
be a little annoying, but in the overall scheme of things, it sounds
like she means well. Does she take a loving interest in you
and your child? If she is nasty, then give her the business
about the laundry. But, if she generally is pretty nice, I
would forget the laundry and be glad you don't have my MIL!
Let us know what you decide.
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
I can't believe your MIL! Why the he!! should you do her laundry?!
Next time, don't do it. Tell her that you don't want to do
her washing anymore (it doesn't matter that you used to do it, you're
allowed to change your mind). And, if she doesn't take the
hint and do it herself before she leaves, tie it up in plastic bags,
and leave it in an outhouse or cellar for her next visit.
My mother did this to me once, and I posted her washing back to
her - unwashed!
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
I would just throw it in as you are washing your family's things,
and not give her the option. Just walk around collecting all
the laundry, and assume that since it stays at your house (and she
assumes you will take care of it), you can take care of it your
way. If my mother or MIL expected that of me, their stuff
would mix right with mine and the kids. I do not ask to use
their laundry unless my kids are running out of clothes. Then,
I ask if they have other things to throw in at their house (and
I do it).
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
Next time, just don't do the laundry. Leave it in a ball in
her closet. Just "forget" to do it.
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
You should gather up her dirty clothes and put them in a garbage
bag. Next time she visits, give it to her. Tee hee.
Or else, shrink all her cr@p in the dryer, then laugh when she goes
to try it on.
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
Dear Wimpy, Tell her that you have X many loads left to do, and
you'll be SURE to let her know when the machine is free for her
to use. Make SURE you tell her. Leave it entirely up
to her whether it gets done or not. She's a big girl, and
you have quite enough to do, as you said. If it doesn't get
done, hand her a garbage bag for the dirty things, so that they
don't soil the other contents of her suitcase. Make no apologies
for your lack of labor, just assist her in handling the situation
as it is. Your other option is to wash it and carefully ruin
it. Her laundry is not your responsibility.
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
Say that you're terribly sorry, but you really won't be able to
fit it in. Or, hide, and tell your husband to make her take
it with her. Moan during her visit about the tidal wave of
laundry you're drowning under. Be nice, and just say, "I'm
really sorry, but I have to get these done, and I really won't be
able to do it. There's a launderette I could take you to if
it's urgent, but I just can't fit it in." Mean woman
that she is!
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
The next time, don't do her laundry, and leave it dirty for her
next visit. If she wants clean clothes for her visit, she'll
have to wash them herself. Unless she's completely dense,
she'll get the message to do her own laundry. If she's completely
dense, continue to not do her laundry, that way you won't feel resentful
for having to do it.
RESPONSE: Wimpy Laundress
Here is my advice, and please don't take too much offense to it:
GET OVER IT! Have you read some of the other stories about
MILs? You have it easy. If that was all my MIL did,
I would be on cloud nine!
Please help! I
need advice. We have a wedding date set, 5 months from now,
and I am not speaking to my ILs. I will start from the beginning.
When I met FH, he lived home at 29 (still!). I didn't think
too much of it then, because I still lived home, and my parents
didn't treat me like a child or get in my business. At first,
I got along really well with FILs, but then FMIL started to make
comments that made me feel that she was very jealous. I will
tell you a quick list of them. She would repeatedly tell me
how "white/pale" I am. Why this was an issue?
I am white, and so is she. I found it very ignorant that she
feels the need to rank me out. One time I wasn't wearing makeup,
as I had just woken up. They used to let me stay there (FH
lived far from me then). She told me, "You look pale
and sick. Are you OK?" I said, "Oh, I'm OK,
I just don't have any makeup on." She responded, "Well,
I don't look like that when I don't have makeup on!"
Like a jerk, I didn't respond (out of respect). Of course,
FH didn't stick up for me and tell her she was rude, either.
Finally, I convinced FH to tell her that she was insulting me and
hurting my feelings, and she said, "She is just being petty!",
and refused to apologize. Another time, she put a picture
of FH and a scantily clad waitress in a frame in his room.
The picture was about 10 years old, but yet, I am petty? Another
time she said, "I am easygoing, NOT like you!" She
also told me, in not so many words, that calling your ILs "mom
and dad" is disrespectful to your OWN parents! It sounds
to me that she doesn't want DS calling ANYONE else mommy!
The clincher was when they gave an engagement gift, my name wasn't
on the card! Also, another time, she insulted a necklace he
gave me, telling me, "You need a magnifying glass to see it!"
FH never went back at her, and I started seeing him like a wimp
who lets mommy say anything without any consequence! I have
been fighting about all of this with FH. And, for a long time,
he defended them. I stopped going there, due to this, and
much more. Along with this, FILs are overly involved, have
no friends, haven't worked in over 30 years, and latch onto their
son. FFIL is nosy, controlling, sneaky, and gives guilt trips.
I stopped going there MORE so because they wanted to know every
move we made. One time, they locked the door when we went
out, so when we came back, they HAD to open it. And, then
they could ask us where we went! I couldn't take it anymore!
I have no respect for these people, and how they use guilt as control.
Well, they aren't going to control me. But, here is the biggest
problem: FH's brother was killed unexpectedly. He was
the only sibling of FH. I knew that they would use this as
control. Surely enough, FFIL asked FH if FMIL could move in
with US IF he passed away! Mind you, the woman is a brick
wall! I have had more medical problems in my 29 years than
she has had in 60 years. FFIL plays on a "heart problem",
which he DOESN'T really have. He just had minor cleaning done,
and he called home screaming that he was dying! These people
use anything for attention, but now they have something real to
use. Don't we all face the possibility of losing our spouse
and living alone one day? Every woman I know does it!
Well, FH told FFIL, "NO WAY. She could NEVER live with
us!" SO, then they start blaming me, telling DH that
he has changed, and it's because of me. They cannot handle
the fact that he has a priority other than them, and they are trying
to use the death of their other son to control. I knew they
would. I don't know if I am wrong, but I don't let their sons
death guide my actions. I can't! We had problems before
his death, and now they are worse! FH finally had to move
out of their home (and in with me) because they were trying to grab
too much control, and it was destroying our otherwise strong relationship.
The ILs are our only real problem. I have told FH that I will
never live close to them, and I don't want much to do with them,
because they are the type that if you give an inch, they take a
foot! Unfortunately, I can't even give an inch now, because
FFIL has even tried to guilt me with his son's death, telling us,
"You know, HE is the only son now!" Who says that?
I say to FH, "If they cared about you, they wouldn't be guilting
you. If my sibling died, my parents would say, "Don't
worry about me! Live your life!" And that, alone,
would make me love, respect, and take care of them all the more.
FH tried talking to them another time, after he had moved out, and
they refused to see what they did wrong. They gave me some
bogus apology that was followed by, "But I forgot to put your
name! But you are too sensitive. You took it the wrong
way! I don't know. We never had any problems in this
house before you!" They are blaming me, and refuse to
see their ways. So, at this point, if they can't have an adult
conversation, I just cannot be around them. I can't be phony.
I know they lost their son, and I am sure I seem cold, but I have
no choice. They will grasp onto any method of keeping their
son under their leash with guilt. He has shown much improvement,
but we still argue, and he sometimes still doesn't see their stunts.
I say, "It's hard now, but what if one of them dies?
Then they really will try to control our lives, and it will destroy
us! At least they have each other now." I just
can't be their shoulder to lean on. FFIL cries about anything,
not your typical strong man. I just can't baby-sit for them
and entertain them. They chose their lives, and cut all others
out. I refuse to pay for their choices, and neither should
FH. They are the type of people who, if we have kids, will
be calling ten times a day. I don't have that kind of relationship
with my parents, and I certainly don't want that with FILs!
I am afraid, confused, and under a lot of pressure. The wedding
is coming, and I am overwhelmed. I even think of backing out.
I know I am going to have a showdown with them, but I am avoiding
it, because I know it will be worth nothing. They will never
see their ways, or change. Should I make attempts to see them
before the wedding, have it out with them, or just see them when
needed for the wedding? Please help!
Signed - Under Pressure
- Going To Explode!
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Girlfriend, please leave this man and his crazy family. I
am sorry for your headaches, but if you want to leave them, you
will have to handle this situation yourself.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
You might not want to hear this, but I would not marry him.
If my ILs had done the things to me that they've done BEFORE the
wedding, then I would not have married my husband. His family
will be too much of a problem in your life. You can find someone
who has decent family members. People say you're not marrying
his family, you're marrying him, but I think that's a crock!
My ILs have caused so many problems in my marriage. It will
not get better after the wedding, I promise. I've had the
rude comments about my skin, too. "Oh my God, your face
is so white. I can't even look at you." And, then,
the person proceeded to shield her face, as if the sun was reflecting
off of it. Save yourself years of pain, and leave him.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Do NOT, I repeat do NOT marry this man until you get very clear
on who he's going to back up in this situation - you, or them.
You'll have to work out together what his relationship with his
folks will be, but you'll find by reading this web site that *many*
DILs just get fed up and refuse to see their in-laws. If hubby
wants to see them, they go alone. The other thing you'll learn
is that if you marry a wussy mama's boy, you'll lose all respect
for him sooner or later. It is better to find out now whether
or not he can grow up and "cleave only unto you".
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
You are right, your FILs will never change. They are a huge
problem, but your FDH is also the problem. He needs to decide
if he can make you his number one priority in life, and set healthy
boundaries with his parents. It is the only way your marriage
will survive those people. I think some premarital counseling
is in order. Could you talk to the minister or priest who
is marrying you, or see a couples therapist? I think you need
to do this BEFORE the wedding. I don't blame you for being
concerned. Your ILs are toxic, selfish people who will suck
the life right out of you and your FDH if they are allowed to continue
their behavior. Anyone who would use the death of their own
child to manipulate their remaining child is evil. Good luck
to you!
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
You are in the same situation I was in 4 years ago. My DH's
parents were the same way, and still are. If you love your
fiancé, you will marry him, under one condition. If
he doesn't stand up for you now, stand up for yourself, and make
it a small war. DH will eventually get tired of the competing,
and that's when you let him know that you are the bigger person.
All of a sudden, start making up good things about the ILs.
More than likely, they will continue trying to win him over, and
DH will notice it more. He will realize that you are trying
to have a relationship with them, and he'll respect you more.
Never pick a fight with DH about his parents, though, just confront
them. You are going to have to make a stand, and let the ILs
know that you are not going to be run over. If being a female
dog is the only way, so be it. Intimidate them. It may
seem childish, but it's reality, and the only way. I never
let a potential argument go unspoken. It works for me with
the ILs, and DH finally realized how cr@ppy his parents really are,
and adores me. We see the ILs all the time, but the good thing
is that DH doesn't feel that I am pulling him away from them.
And, they show me much more respect. About the child part
- you are right, they will call all the time, and get extremely
jealous of any time the child spends with your parents. Just
remember to make it clear to the ILs that it's your pregnancy, birth,
and baby - not theirs. So, to put it all in a nutshell, NEVER
let them win. And, NEVER make DH feel he has to choose between
you and his family.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Dear Under Pressure, Please, please, please do this for all the
others here who have MILs and FMILs who are evil and manipulative.
GET OUT NOW. If your FH isn't standing up for you and to them
now, he never will. He will become less likely to try when
you marry him because then he "has" you. I know
you must love him deeply, or you wouldn't have tolerated it thus
far. But, speaking from experience, you can find love again,
and not with so much negativity. FMIL and FFIL will continue
to be a thorn in your side, and it will only get worse. It
may hurt to leave and start over now, but a little heartache now
is better than a lot of heartache later. If DH doesn't wake
up and see his parents for what/who they are completely, and how
truly disrespectful they are to you, then he will always see things
through rose-colored glasses. He will always overlook what
his parents do (or for the most part). I know because I am
married to a man from the same mold as your DH. Now I have
a child, and I really feel stuck. Don't sacrifice your happiness
for this. Misery loves company, and the ILs are looking for
some, I am sure. Good luck, honey.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
GET OUT OF THIS. I would make FDH decide, before the wedding,
how he is going to handle this. I have a husband. He
is the only child. The mom and dad are divorced, and she totally
expects to be included and informed about everything we do.
She makes her rude, hurtful comments to me when my DH is out of
the room. And when I mention this to him, he can not believe
his mom acted this way. He says stuff to me like, "I
was not there, so I can not judge." ETC. It goes on like
that. She has been totally rude to me about some of the choices
I have made as a mother. And I know I may be just a little
overprotective, but all the choices I make are to ease my mind or
my heart, and to know my kids are safe. I do not do this to
hurt her. And that is the way they (both DH and MIL) feel
about me. They think, well, this is what MIL wants, so there
is no way I will go for it. It is not that. Would any
of you leave your child with someone whom you or your DH did not
know? I got treated like total cr@p for the entire visit by
both of them, and I can not forgive either of them for this.
And let me tell you, every time anything else comes up, I put my
foot down. No more inches for me either, I stick to my decision
regardless of my DH and MIL, and then I remind them that I am the
mom. This is MY FAMILY. And if they don't like it, they
can leave. I don't get much resistance after that, they pretty
much avoid me. This is not the life I would have chosen.
So, if he is not standing up for you now, please get out.
Some guy will love and take care of you. Not that I would
not want a guy to love and take care of his mom, but if he chooses
you, then he should respect your decision and trust you. So,
he chooses your side. He should already know his mom's ways,
and know when to blow her off. He should confront her on some
subjects, like treating you badly. I don't want anybody else
out there to have to deal with a MIL like mine. And, her son
and she would both say that I am the pain in the butt. Pretty
sad, ey???? He is on his last leg anyway.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
I can understand where you are coming from, and you should not allow
your in-laws to ruin this special time. Write a letter telling
them how you both feel, and the way things are going to be.
At the end of it, tell them that they can either be a part of your
lives, or not. The choice is theirs. Good Luck!
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Whew!!!!! I am so sorry for your situation. Interestingly,
I think your story illuminates the heartbreaking ambivalence that
many of us experience in our in-law situations: We want to
do the right thing (I know you want to be sympathetic to them in
the loss of their son), but they often make it seemingly impossible
by their jealous behavior. I think that you are right on target
when you say that good, caring parents would never ask their soon-to-be-married
son if he will "take care of" (i.e., live with) a surviving
parent in the event of the father's death. I think good parents
would place their children's well-being above their own in that
situation. And, ironically, as you point out, if they would
do that consistently, they would be much more likely to find themselves
welcome in their adult children's homes. Why can't they see
that?
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Wow! You've got a bad situation on your hands. But,
at least you're perceptive and intelligent enough to see the potential
future problems with these people. Could you and FH move far,
far away? Do you sense that FH will be weakened by his parents
over time, and cave in to their wishes? Do you have to "make"
him stand up to them whenever he does? In other words, is
it like pulling teeth, or does he do it swiftly and without reluctance?
Please, give a lot of thought to this, and ask yourself if you're
engaged to a real MAN who CAN handle his parents, OR, are you engaged
to a mommy and daddy's BOY who WON'T handle his parents? Best
of luck to you.
RESPONSE: Under Pressure - Going To Explode!
Unless FH convinces you that you come first, carefully reconsider
marrying this guy. If he allows you to be disrespected by
his family, chances are that he won't be strong in future situations.
Lay down the law now and stick to it. Just remember to take
the high road, and be considerate of his family's tragedy.
How unfortunate.
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at
once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses
posted per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from
page to page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
