Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kashamar 1
of 4 needed/Posted: 19-MAY-02
My MIL has three biological kids, and two stepchildren.
My BIL just passed away from cancer after a year long battle.
It ended with him being in a lot of pain. MIL called to tell
son (my DH) that he was not welcome at the funeral because he was
"a bottom feeding, scum sucking, piece of sh!t".
WHY, you ask? For the past 35 years, she has NEVER been able
to love her children equally. She has played them against
one another daily, and she believes that BIL got cancer from DH.
This woman is a teacher, which terrifies me!
Signed - Kashamar
RESPONSE: Kashamar
Oh no! Your poor DH, he must be very hurt. Even if he
knows his mom is a nutcase, this is a painful time for him as well.
Is MIL always kooky, or has she gone off the deep end with her son's
death? Please be strong for your DH, and love him!
RESPONSE: Kashamar
My God, what an evil person! I'm so sorry for your family's
loss, and I hope your DH can find peace with his brother's passing.
I hope you and DH stay far away from this evil woman and her evil
ways. Blesses for you all.
RESPONSE: Kashamar
MILs who are teachers are the worst. Mine is an assistant
principal. She has big control issues. I am sorry to
hear about your BIL. Lots of luck.
My MIL never gives me
praise for anything that I do. She does not acknowledge me
when I am sick or have an accident. The other day I was downtown
in our state capital, carrying my five year old daughter along cobble
stone streets. I fell and hurt my daughter and myself.
Thankfully, I had a friend with me who helped my daughter for a
few minutes. I hit my head on the stones and had to lie there
for a few moments. When I relayed the story to my MIL and
SIL, they just looked at me and never said, "Are you all right,
or were you hurt?" There have been many incidents like
this for 22 years. When my first child was born, she told
my mother that they shouldn't give me pain medication because it
would slow my labor down. What a woman. When I had my
second child, she almost let me have her at home. She kept
telling me to wait. I did not remember it at the time, but
I told her that it was my house and that I was going to the hospital.
On the other hand, she gives her daughters lots of love and adoration.
And, of course, she treats her daughters' children well. There
has not been an end to this for 22 years.
Signed - LOST
RESPONSE: LOST
Let DH have the relationship with MIL and SIL. Skip the phone
calls and visits to your home. Go with DH to their home as
little as possible. You're just "along for the ride".
I have posted before
about my interfering, psycho MIL. But, I don't think I have
ever mentioned how DISGUSTING her table manners are! Or rather,
how totally ABSENT they are. Last Sunday she phoned and said
she wanted to take us out for dinner. So, there we were in
a restaurant. She had gotten all dressed up in a suit with
a nice silk blouse. So, what did she order? RIBS!
She was sitting across from me, talking, and I couldn't even look
at her because she was chewing with her mouth open and making disgusting
slopping noises. My seven-year-old even said, "Nanny,
you eat like a dog." I chastised him for being rude,
but inside I was laughing. She had her elbows up on the table
the whole time she was eating, which may not be that big of a deal,
but that was something I was always taught was bad manners.
And of course, she was dripping sauce from the ribs all over her
silk blouse, without even noticing. Everyone was staring at
her when we were walking out - she had sauce all over her face and
hands, and globs of it all over her blouse! Yecch! Well,
thanks for listening.
Signed - Disgusted DIL
RESPONSE: Disgusted DIL
I know the feeling. Mine never shuts up, even when she is
eating, and spits food at everyone else. She makes gross smacking
noises also. I told my husband that he'd better say something
because I can't eat a meal with her spitting all over my food.
He said something to her the last time she did it. My kids
can't stand it either!
My MIL seems to be as
perfect a mother as anyone could possibly have. She is outgoing,
caring, lovable, and so forth and so on. Of course, she is
very nice over the phone, and in front of others. But, many
times do I see myself wondering if she is nothing but a FAKE.
Why? Well, every so often I receive packages in the mail with
brand new clothes, because she decides to buy these items for my
husband and I. It is a very nice thought, and and in good
taste. However, when I'm alone with her and thank her for
the gifts, she hints to me about HOW much money SHE SPENT, and how
SHE has to pay off her CREDIT CARD. All I can do is to say
something like, "Oh, yeah? Well it was a nice gesture.
Thanks." But inside I feel that she is just throwing
it on my face, as if she did me a favor. That really makes
me uncomfortable, and should I tell my HUSBAND? I think not,
because he seems like a mommy and daddy's little BOY (it makes me
ill). You can tell that we've been married only 8 months.
BUT, I'm not walking naked on the streets MIL, so if you can't afford
to buy a gift, DON'T DO IT. Dang, I wish I could just snap.
I get easily sensitive when people do things like that. My
husband is a hair stylist. He came home and surprised me with
copper hair. I didn't like it. So, when his parents
came to visit, MIL said that she thought it was nice, and of course,
"Well, it is the line of work you are in." Of course,
I stood my ground and made it known that I did not approve of the
change. I may be a bit threatened? Or maybe feel that
she steps in around the edges. Or, I may be just SILLY.
But still, it SUCKS to have someone like that for a MIL.
Signed - SOMEWHERE IN
NY
RESPONSE: SOMEWHERE IN NY
Yes, you are NOT crazy - she is! She is being passive-aggressive,
just like my MIL. I agree, it would be better if they just
came out in the open to attack the way they do. You can decide
today that you will no longer let her snipe attacks hurt you.
RESPONSE: SOMEWHERE IN NY
Well, I sympathize with you. My DH, even though he's now in
his mid-thirties, is still my ILs' baby boy. My MIL gushes
over him like he was the honored guest in their house (not me when
I'm there - which is only at holidays), and compliments him (gushingly)
about EVERYTHING. If he draws an ugly picture, deliberately
ugly, she says, "OHHHHHH, that's so CUUUUUUUTE!"
It would be the same way if I told them that I didn't like something
he wore, etc. She falls all over herself to tell him how "pretty"
his new, ugly, cheap shoes are, etc. I keep my mouth shut
about not liking them, though, and now my DH has thrown them away.
I'm sure she'd gush on about his hair, if he dyed it. Your
MIL sounds a lot like mine. That's weird about her spending
money she doesn't have, and then telling you about it. Please
keep handling it the way you do, with tact and politeness.
You sound great, and she takes patience. I wonder if she didn't
really mean to tell you how much the things cost, but it was bothering
her and she just blurted it out? But it's dysfunctional of
her to spend money she doesn't have like that. I wonder if
you could say something worried and honest like, "Oh, well
then you shouldn't have!" She really is being tactless
by telling you. That's weird, but all I can say is that a
weird MIL phenomenon that you'll see on this site a lot is:
When they get you alone, they'll say things they'd never say in
front of their son. What my husband and I have finally done,
and this took years of marriage, is to never leave me alone with
them. He's always there, and he's the one doing the talking.
If she calls, I let the machine take the call, even if I'm home.
And my DH is the one who calls her back. She is really gushing
and friendly in person, but when she gets me alone, she has these
real objectionable things saved up to tell me in private.
It is a long story, and this web site has heard all of it over the
years! I don't know if any of that helps - probably not, but
you aren't alone. And you probably have a lot of other DILs'
sympathy, in addition to mine!
Over the years (I have
been married thirteen years), I have learned to not ruin Christmas
by spending time with the MIL. My husband and I have found
excuses to be absent. The reason being this: About five
years ago I went shopping for my family and my husband's family.
When I returned, I put the gifts in separate boxes in a hall closet.
I had bought nice gifts for my sister and father, and a special
gift for my mother. It was a huge basket from a bath shop,
with products that the salesperson and I had handpicked from the
shelves. It was my husband's job to wrap the gifts and box
them so that I could send it to my parent's house in another state.
My husband promised to wrap them within the week. Thursday
came, and I called my husband from work to remind him (I work nights)
that the gifts needed to be wrapped and boxed in order to be mailed
the next day. My husband said that he was going over to my
MIL's, and that he would wrap the gifts there. Fine.
I went over to my MIL's house to pick up my husband the next morning.
The box was ready to be mailed, and was sitting in her living room.
I gave my husband a huge hug for the effort. Christmas Eve
came, and I was looking for my daughter. When I walked into
her bedroom, sitting on her dresser was my mother's Christmas present.
I burst into tears and asked my husband what on earth was my mother's
present was doing in her room. His face became red, and he
confessed that he had let my MIL wrap the presents. Both my
husband and I confronted her with the evidence. She laughed
and said that she had forgotten to wrap and pack the present.
"I forgot to wrap many things," she giggled. I gathered
my child and my coat, and I walked out the door. My husband
ran after me, apologizing. MIL followed, apologizing to him!
She also has done other nasty things, including tying my daughter
to a potty chair because she had an accident. My MIL has displayed
such bizarre behavior that my husband has refused to visit if she's
there. Thank god my FIL in a nice, sane human being, or I
would leave the state.
Signed - Indy
RESPONSE: Indy
You are crazy if you spend one more minute with this kook.
And, please, keep your daughter away!
RESPONSE: Indy
I am just wondering why you did not have her up on abuse charges
after she tied your child to a potty?!
RESPONSE: Indy
Would it have been so difficult for you to wrap and mail the presents
yourself?
RESPONSE: Indy
She tied your daughter down on the potty because she had an accident?
I would've put super glue on her toilet seat right before I left.
But then, of course, I would NEVER have let her see the children
again.
RESPONSE: Indy
Oh Geepers! Another "giggler" and "forgetter"!
You have my sympathy because I have a MIL just like this!
RESPONSE: Indy
What a witch you have for a MIL! She TIED your DD to a potty
chair?!?! If my MIL did that, she would NEVER be allowed to
see my children alone ever again!!! It is a good thing that
you have limited your contact with this monster. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Indy
Well, all I know is that I had a MIL-free Easter last year, and
it was a great day! I hope you have lovely Christmases without
your MIL - that sounds lovely to me! JEALOUS!
Ah, I don't know where
to begin. I am 21 years old. I am married, and I have
two beautiful children. I am having problems with my MIL.
I have so many things to say about her, and in between I am having
a hard time deciding what I should do, because she's affecting our
marriage. She's a weirdo. She is a feminist, and she
thinks she's a queen or something. She made her husband do
everything for her, and she thinks that's normal. She doesn't
clean her house or cook, and she thinks she knows it all.
Her husband does all the cooking, the dishes, and all that.
She pays me to clean her house every week, and I don't mind that,
but I am getting tired of cleaning her house. It's making
me sick, due to the 3 cats, 5 ferrets and one dog in the house!
There's hair everywhere in the house, and the litter is yucky.
Now when I was pregnant, she just took over our job. We had
a crib ready, and all that. She bought herself a crib at her
house, along with other things. We don't visit her much, and
she also bought a bedroom suite for my daughter (for the future).
We wondered why. She said that it was so that someday DD can
spend the night (with friends) at her house. I was like, "NO!"
She kept on offering me an abortion because she thought that we
weren't able to take care of our children because we are deaf.
We have equipment to help us to be alert when the baby cries (and
everything). She also tried to encourage us to give baby up
for adoption so that she could adopt her. I was hurt, and
I tried my best to ignore her. I love my children and my husband,
and we are doing great together. She's just always butting
into our lives, and telling us what she thinks we should do with
our children. She intend to decorate a room at her house (and
use it for show), and to pretend that our children are always at
her house, but we are not always there. Is she sick, or what?
We can't even have a normal life! She even made copies of
our pictures to send out to the family, and she uses her signature.
We were planning on sending out the pictures ourselves, but she
kept on butting in. She even tore up my daughter's 9 month
portraits because she got upset when I finally stood up to her and
told her that we wanted to send the pictures out to family ourselves.
We are afraid to invite her to my daughter's 1st birthday party
in June because she was bragging badly, like she was better than
everyone else at my baby shower, and everybody was unpleasant.
She likes to put on a show to everyone, and she'll do her very best
to impress everyone, but that's not necessary, you know. My
family doesn't do that. We were discussing what name DD should
call grandma, because we are deaf and we can't hear. So, we
figured out a way to better understand communication with our children.
We called my mother "Nana", and my mother's mom "grandma
(first name)", and we told my MIL that she will be called "grandma
(first name)". She wanted to be called something else,
and we disagreed. We wanted to be able to identify everyone
in family, because we only can read lips and use sign language.
Pronouncing the names she suggested and the word mama look similar
when you read lips, so we decided that it was best to call every
grandma by their first or last name. I need your help as to
what we should do? We want to avoid her as much as possible
because she's so weird, and she made my husband weird. But,
after 3 years of marriage, he's starting to be a normal guy, finally!
She's a back-stabber. She tried to break up my relationship
with my mom, and I don't know why she tried. There are so
many things I could say about her, but it's driving me nuts just
thinking about it. It's upsetting us, and we wanted to have
normal life. She's always in our face - it's like we have
no privacy, nothing. You know? So please help!
Thank you. I can't even organize my story because my mind
is so confused, and I am looking for a help to escape this problem.
Signed - Please Help
Me Escape This Problem
RESPONSE: Please Help Me Escape This Problem
You poor thing! You are on the right track - stand up for
yourself! Sending out pictures, as if she is the mother, was
totally out of line, and you should have confronted her just as
you did. NEVER let your DD sleep over there without you, and
I would refuse to stay there myself. It sounds as if MIL has
anger management issues. So maybe the next time she oversteps
her bounds, you could sit down with her (better yet - have DH do
it with you) when neither of you are upset. Explain that if
she continues to bully her way into your FAMILY's life, you will
be forced to minimize, or even end contact with her. And by
all means, stop cleaning her house! You need some distance
here!
RESPONSE: Please Help Me Escape
This Problem
Stop thinking about her. If she's even
driving her own son crazy, then just don't see her. Your child
doesn't have to develop a relationship with someone whom you find
toxic. Your child - your rules. If anyone else's "you-ought-tos"
seem wrong to you, don't do whatever it is. Being deaf doesn't
make you stupid or incapable - you should know that better than
anyone else. My uncle, who is deaf, is one of the best, most
caring fathers I know. And that's what counts. Don't
let your inexperience as a parent make you doubt your capability
- everyone is a "first-time parent" the first time.
You learn what works for you as you go. Cut that nasty woman
out of the loop, and don't let her make decisions for your family.
RESPONSE: Please Help Me Escape This Problem
She sounds like a royal pain. She's
wrong to be so dominating just because you're both deaf. We
know two deaf families (both parents are deaf) who raised some wonderful
kids. She sounds like a royal pain, and I think your avoidance
of her is a healthy instinct. I avoid my MIL, and am much
better off seeing her rarely (we get along better, too).
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