My MIL despises (detests,
etc.,) fat, and fat people. ALL 3 of her sons have overweight
wives. Her one grandson is considered obese. She is
constantly talking diet, etc. So, I will push a silly genetic
story, or discuss comfort eating, or talk about a sugar rush needed,
or flaunt my LOW cholesterol, or WHATEVER, just to irritate her
at times. She irks me.
Signed - She Irks Me
RESPONSE: She Irks Me
Is your MIL thin? Maybe she was fat once before and hates
being reminded of it. If she's also fat but hates fat people,
then she has to deal with her self-loathing. Ignore her, and
concentrate on your HEALTH, which is more important than how much
you weigh.
RESPONSE: She Irks Me
I am sorry to hear that your MIL is so prejudiced. That must
really hurt sometimes. My MIL is the opposite. She despises
what she calls "skinny" people, which usually means people
of normal weight.
RESPONSE: She Irks Me
Wow, our MILs must be related. My MIL just happens to be blessed
with "skinny" genes. She eats like a horse, and
keeps her weight low, with hardly any exercise. Both my SIL
and I are a little overweight, even both of our DH's are slightly
overweight. It drives my MIL nuts. She cares sooooo
much about how people look (she judges people by the way they look,
and how expensive their car/clothes and houses are). And,
she is very superficial. She is always making digs about it.
Although, now that both of her sons are overweight too, she doesn't
draw as much attention to it. What annoys me is that my MIL
thinks that she is healthy, even though a lot of her diet/health
beliefs are incorrect. So, I feel like slapping her in the
head when she tries to give me unsolicited advice. It is probably
her flaunting of misinformation which annoys me the most.
When I disagree with her information, she gets huffy and says that
I am wrong! Ummm, I am the one with degrees in medical science!!!
If my MIL is ever diagnosed with cancer, diabetes, or heart disease,
she will freak out, because she thinks she is so "healthy"
that nothing can happen to her.
I "paid back"
my MIL for ALL her nasty tidbits by discussing my psychiatric visits,
medication, leave from school (teacher), really poor mental and
physical state, stress, etc., at a family function where HER relatives
were present. She has NEVER looked more embarrassed.
I could feel her daggers in my back, so I turned and smiled.
These are all issues that she had tried so hard to keep from the
family. I am NOT ashamed to be stressed, and SHE causes a
large part of it. She has not ever discussed my behavior,
BUT it did SHUT HER UP. Try it. I felt LIBERATED.
Signed - It Did SHUT
HER UP
RESPONSE: It Did SHUT HER UP
Sorry, but this sounds kind of weird to me. I wonder how your
DH felt - probably every bit as embarrassed FOR you. I hope
things get better. I KNOW that teaching school can make you
sick. But, don't give your MIL power over your own well-being.
Worst gift: That would
be our engagement present. My family gave us a really expensive
silver pie knife, wine glasses, and a set of plates (of the more
expensive sort). And, what did my dear, dear MIL give us?
A SHEET!!! It was white and yellow. I do like the color,
but c'mon. Plus, it was meant for a narrow bed, and ours was
a king size! She downplayed the other gifts, and said that
hers was the best, because we would have use for it (as a picnic
blanket maybe??!!). I've since then divorced my DH, and almost
gotten rid of his mom as well. She, every now and then, calls
me when she's drunk and cries over losing me(!!). She used
to badmouth me about the way I took care of my pets and her baby
(a man who was over 20 years of age), and the way I didn't keep
our house clean enough. And, after she'd sobered up, she'd
wonder why I was hurt. If she knew I was working a double
shift, she'd come over and "clean" our house. That
meant that she changed the places of the furniture, and just about
everything, and threw away my things. And later, she'd complain
about how much work it had been! And, the way she held onto
her only son was amazing - after DH and I had been living together
for over 2 years, she said, "I'm starting to realize that he
doesn't live here anymore." The next time I get involved
with someone, the MIL better behave, or else.
Signed - I Divorced My
Husband and MIL
I entered a story a
week ago about the MIL sending my not yet born baby used clothes:
Used shirts and a used hooded towel. I sent her an email,
in response to another email she sent me. In the text of the
email, I thanked her for the gift when I wrote, "We received
the parcel of used clothes you bought for the baby. Thank
you very much." Well, she sent an angry, long email to
my husband complaining to him that I mentioned "used"
clothes in my message to obviously irk her. She said that
I do not like her, that my email messages to her are cold, that
we never thanked her sincerely for the clothes, and that we did
not thank his young nephew personally for the painting he drew (and
which his mom sent us - and for which I did thank him). I
was planning to write her a thank you card and thank her for the
used clothes she sent, as I always do whenever she does send us
something. I just do not understand. I never ask this
woman for anything, and anything she gives us or does for us is
followed by abuse. I do not want anything from this woman.
What should I do? I appreciate your response about how to
handle this situation. This is supposed to be an exciting
time in my life, expecting a baby in a month, and she is trying
to ruin it for me before the baby is even here. I am scared
of what might be in store for me with this weird woman.
Signed - Mean and Abusive
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
The way you say "used", sounds more like "diseased".
Are the clothes in terrible condition, or from a garage sale or
something? Is she trying to insult you? If you are not
really thankful, the e-mail will suffice. Forget the more
formal thank you note. However, if she sent nice hand-me-downs
from her family, at least feign gratitude. My family shared
lots of hand-me-downs that we were happy with, and I know my parents
were grateful and happy to pass the clothes/toys along. Good
luck, and congratulations to you and hubby.
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
Limit your exposure to her, and realize that if she's a psycho or
doesn't like you (for whatever nit-picky reason), there isn't anything
you can do about it. Breathe deeply, shake it off, and concentrate
on the good things that are happening - decorating the baby's room,
finishing projects you won't have time or energy for when the baby's
here, and your family and friends who love you.
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
Oh dear! I think I might have suggested that you thank her
for the gift in a plan to annoy her even more, and also be the better
person! Sorry! Maybe you shouldn't have mentioned the
word "used"! Well, at least your husband knows that
you are the better person as you thanked her, and that she still
has something to moan about! I think (if you want to listen
to me again!) the only thing you can do is to rise above it, because
you are in a no win situation. I would say that all her family
know what she is like, even though they might not admit it.
And, I don't think anything would please her, even if you were really
warm and sunny in your emails! I think a lot of DILs bend
over backwards to please their MILs (and friends sometimes too!)
because they long to be accepted and loved (I am one of them).
I have discovered that, although you are accepted in some cases,
you are never as close as the sons or daughters. This is something
we have to accept (something that my mum said to me after I had
moaned a thousand times to her about being an outcast in my DH's
family!). My mum is an exception to the rule, and she even
considers strangers to be family!! Just be happy that she
lives far away. Unfortunately, she is part of the package
that comes with your husband. And, if he is worth it, then
you are going to have to put up with her! Let her moan, and
just put it down to jealousy and old age! Enjoy your beautiful
baby (with your husband) when he/she arrives, and make sure he does
his share of nappy changing!! Good luck with everything, and
don't let her spoil your fun!!
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
Get to the mail before DH does, and dump anything she sends you.
Deny all knowledge of ever having received it. This will drive
her crazy!!! I do it with my own MIL, although not every time
she sends stuff (otherwise my DH would catch on!). Good luck.
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
Get your husband to send the thank you notes or emails. Tell
her you take care of those things for your side of the family, and
he does for his. This works for my situation, maybe it will
work for yours!
RESPONSE: Mean and Abusive
I don't know the full story about your MIL, so there may well be
more problems than I see. But from the one incident you provided
here, I can understand why she's upset. All of my children's
clothing is bought used, except for the few things my parents and
ILs buy for them. It's all in good shape. I have been
known to buy used clothing for friends' babies, and give it to them
as gifts. The fact that it was used reflected my budget, and
I would be upset if I received an email such as the one you sent.
If you were offended by the clothes, donate them to a pregnancy
center - and thank your MIL anyway. It's rude to discount
a gift because you don't feel it was appropriate.
My DW has the family
from he!!. To start, in her family, all of them (except for
her) are extremely religious. I am a religious person as well,
as is DW, but we are nowhere as fanatical as they are. When
I first met them, the first thing out of my MIL's mouth was, "Oh,
you must be X." Then, she and my FIL started to make
fun of my family, my hair (it was too short for them), my job (I'm
a zookeeper), and my religion (I'm Jewish). Our wedding was
a disaster. MIL tortured my dear mother and my dad.
FIL got drunk (as did BIL) and threw up in our punch bowl.
Now we are expecting our first babies (twins), and they are even
more annoying. MIL calls every day to suggest names - such
as FIL's name or BIL's name. Luckily, DW and I are moving
after the babies are born.
Signed - Ready to Buy
A Shotgun
RESPONSE: Ready to Buy A Shotgun
Just hold onto the fact that you're moving soon, and that will get
you through it. How nasty they are. My MIL got drunk
and threw up in a plastic cup at one of her son's weddings.
Luckily, someone took a bunch of pictures, and the whole family
got to see what a gross, embarrassing fool she is.
RESPONSE: Ready to Buy A Shotgun
ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?!?!? HE THREW UP IN THE PUNCH BOWL??????
You are making the right decision to move. Good luck!
RESPONSE: Ready to Buy A Shotgun
Please come over to the message board and vent when you need to.
I am so sorry to hear you have to put up with these crazies.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- ljwhitt 1
of 4 needed/Posted: 20-MAY-02
My MIL is such a control freak that she just can't
stand the fact that my DH moved away SEVEN years ago! Come-on
MIL, you have had plenty of time to get over it. She can't
wait to mention it every time we visit, though. "I still
don't understand why you moved and left everyone who loves you!"
Wa, WA, WA Dear MIL, you are such a Jezebel (controlling,
manipulating, seducing witch). That is exactly why your dear
son left the state, running for the border. After being married
for three years and dealing with Jezebel, I am just praising God
that this woman does live 1500 miles away. However, this may
not be far enough. She pouted the entire time at my wedding,
because either her poor dear son was marrying me, or she was not
"in charge" of the wedding. She is courteous enough
on the outside - with her phony conversation, toothy smile, and
overcompensating personality. The reality is that I find her
personality somewhat nauseating (very phony and insincere).
Poor MIL has to be the center of attention at all times. She
acts like it's her job to entertain you when she laughs hysterically
at any moment, or over-dramatizes everything - yuck. She also
tried to be "overly positive" about everything, and assures
you of everyone's intentions - like she is so righteous. The
worst trait about her personality is her infatuation with controlling
everyone and everything - which is probably why she has this seducing
type of personality (so she can swindle everyone into getting HER
way). She is disgusted because her son moved, and she can't
be on top of him every day and control his life. She is so
controlling that she won't let us have a conversation with FIL if
she is out of the room for fear that she "will miss something".
She is the type of person who has no concept of "personal space".
She came to visit, and was literally "on top" of me for
four days. I finally had to leave for a small "shopping
trip" on the last day, just to get a breather. She was
offended when I left, and wondered what my problem was. Brother.
We went to visit for a few days a couple of years ago. DH
had to get permission to go have dinner with his best friend.
After she pouted a bit and made a few manipulating comments, she
agreed. She made sure DH felt badly, but she agreed to let
us go (as if we needed her permission - note: DH was 36 years
old at the time). When we got back, she wanted to know what
we did the entire time, what we ate, what we talked about, etc.
I have never met a woman who is so smothering. This woman
is the type of person who will suck the life out of you, and leave
you emotionally exhausted. All the while, she is just trying
to "entertain" you so she can constantly judge your countenance.
Yuck!
RESPONSE: Emotionally Exhausted!
It sounds like our MILs are very similar. We have lived two
states away from my MIL the past 2.5 years, due to the fact that
there are no job openings in my DH's specialty. Well, my MIL
acts like we were trying to purposely hurt her feelings by moving
away from her! Truthfully, we hate the town we moved to.
However, both my DH and I enjoy the break from my MIL, and DH's
job here is great. There is a possibility that there will
be a job opening back in MIL's city. My DH and I are very
excited because we can't wait to move back. We love the city,
our friends are there, and it is closer to family. The only
downside is that it is close to my MIL. That is the only thing
I dread. However, I am hoping that maybe she will be less
clingy since we have been away for a few years. My MIL was
a nightmare at my wedding. She did not even TRY to hide how
upset she was that we were getting married, and even made a scene
during the reception. My MIL is also very phony and insincere.
If you only meet her briefly, she seems OK. But, the more
time you spend with her, you soon realize that something is just
not right. I do not trust her at all. In fact, she has
tried to play my SIL and I off as suckers several times (until we
traded notes and realized what she was up to). Since then,
neither one of us takes MIL seriously. She will manipulate,
lie, and exaggerate for her own personal agenda. I think her
original plan was to plot us against one another, and be the happy
middleman. What's funny is that my SIL and I vent to one another
about what a nut-job my MIL is, and my MIL, being paranoid, thinks
that we talk about her. Well, we do, but it's for our own
mental health! Oh, and my MIL is the queen of guilt!
She knows very well that when we visit her, we usually have a full
schedule to see our other friends and family, who are spread throughout
the state. We tell her, ahead of time, that we're going to
take her and FIL out on a particular day, and she'll agree.
However, later on, she will suddenly want to do something with us.
And when we tell her we already have plans, she gets very pouty
and upset. This makes my DH feel very guilty. Or else
she will sabotage dinner by not telling FIL about it. We end
up just taking her out, while FIL is busy with an appointment for
his business. She plays stupid every time she pulls this trick.
I have told her before that if she gave us some advance notice,
that would help. But, she does this last minute thing every
time, then acts all dejected when we can't do what she wants.
I don't have any advice for you, but your story really struck home.
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