Worst gift: A number
of years ago, my SIL gave my daughters, then 12 and 11, some very
interesting gifts for Christmas. She gave the eldest a used
ashtray and a memory game (bought at a garage sale for 25 cents
- the masking tape price was still on it). And, to the youngest,
she gave a worn, stained, ladies red polyester vest and 3 pens.
Thankfully, my children took it very well. And, every year
the joke was to save those presents and open them together - knowing
they would be REALLY bad and worth the laugh!
Signed - The Bad Ash
Tray Present for Christmas
RESPONSE: The Bad Ash Tray Present for Christmas
I'd consider making a gift certificate on your computer for SIL
- for a free Cat Scan of her head! LOL!
RESPONSE: The Bad Ash Tray Present for Christmas
Your MIL gave a pre-teenager an ashtray?!?!?! Why didn't she
include the cigarettes to start her off nice and young? Dear
God! My DH and SIL told me that when they were in high school,
MIL stuffed their stockings at Christmas with condoms. MIL
told them to keep them on hand at all times because, "You never
know when you're going to have sex." Both our MILs are
idiots!
I have simply had enough
of my MIL's greedy, inconsiderate, stingy behavior. My DH
agrees that things are not good, and agrees to stay away.
I would like to know if we should tell them how we feel before we
divorce them? I know that it will not do any good - they are
beyond doing anything wrong (at least in their eyes). They
just don't seem to have (or fail to practice) the basic rules of
fairness. "Do Unto Others As You Would Have Them Do Unto
You." It seems that she has no concept of the fact that
we may be choosing her nursing home. MIL is not all bad, but
she has never given me a compliment of any kind, and I am nothing
to be ashamed of. She also plays favorites to her daughters'
children. Should we have to go around those that are like
poison to us, even if they are family?
Signed - Had Enough
RESPONSE: Had Enough
You have my sympathy - I DON'T think you should have to be around
those people any more than you can help. I'd say that you
should be subtle about it. Don't engineer some big confrontation
- keep the doors open, but also keep your distance. And, see
them as little as you possibly can.
RESPONSE: Had Enough
I gave my MIL one last chance. I had never really talked things
out with her, but I called her last summer and calmly talked.
I kept it to 3 areas of contention for me. I told her that
as long as she agreed to the 3 rules/boundaries, I would encourage
my DH to see her (which he wasn't doing at that time). If
not, she would lose him, her grandchild, and me - we would just
walk away. She cried a little, thanked me for telling her,
thanked me for another chance, told me she would do it, etc.
I didn't get excited - I didn't believe it. She later called
DH and told him what I said, and actually got it right. She
cried some more, and told him how sorry she was, and how grateful
she was for another chance, etc., etc. DH got off the phone
and just went on with what he was doing. He didn't believe
her either. Within 3 months, if I remember right, we heard
that she broke one of the rules - no more gossip about us.
I just waited for Christmas to see if she would try (I told her
there would be no more forgetting our DS at holidays - at least
send us a card and say, "Hello" to him in it). I
thought that maybe the gossip was so ingrained that she hadn't realized
she'd done it, and then I would have to decide what to do if she
sent my son a card. She didn't send a card. Apparently
she knew she blew it, or she didn't care. She also missed
his birthday - for the 5th time. I never called her and said,
"This is it." What would be the point? I told
her that I would walk away, and I did. If I tell her I am
walking away, she will view it as contact, and make more promises.
My feeling is if that they have already been talked to and refuse
to change, just walk away. No need for a big announcement.
Let's see if they notice first, eh? Then, tell them if they
ask.
I have been married
for 10 years, and I have had problems with my MIL and SIL (my husband's
older sister). My MIL has lived with us the last 5 years -
she does not pay rent or help pay any bills. She will buy
groceries once in awhile. But, this is not what concerns me
most - my biggest problem is how inconsiderate she is of my feelings.
For example, she has basically taken over the kitchen and my home,
and she will not work with me on suggestions on how I like things
put away in our home. She will completely mess up the whole
cupboard if she needs to get to one pot, and will just leave the
mess. She never picks up after herself when she cooks or eats.
She also has no respect for our furniture, walls, etc., as everything
she works around is either dinked or the walls have stains.
She's even managed to chip our laminate counter top. I have
tried to work with her several times to put away stuff neatly (so
that it is easier for us to cook, etc.). However, she deliberately
chooses to keep making a mess, and will completely do the opposite
of what I ask to spite me. Well, anyway, my husband thinks
I should sit down with her and discuss things. However, I
am terrified, as she is always b!tchy to me whenever I've talked
to her. But, I cannot put up with this anymore, and I don't
get much support from my husband. Does anyone have any suggestions?
Unfortunately, according to our tradition (Indian), we have to take
care of his parents - so we cannot ask them to leave. Help.
Signed - We Cannot Ask
Them To Leave
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
Well, they may not have to leave, but in this case, I would leave
if I were you. There is no reason that you should be miserable
for years, especially if your DH won't help you. It is YOUR
home. Have her move in with another one of her children.
But, she should respect the fact that it is YOUR home.
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
I understand that tradition is important, but I'm sure there's also
a tradition along the lines of people respecting others belongings.
The bottom line is that it's your house, and yes, you can ask her
to leave. Sit down and tell her how you feel. Ask your
husband to be there for support, and to take on the role of mediator,
if needed. If you tell her your concerns and ask her to work
on changing things, and she still refuses, then obviously she's
not willing to meet you in the middle. It will only drive
you and your husband apart if you let this continue.
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
First of all, I understand this is your tradition (to take care
of parents), but this is inconsiderate behavior and rude!
She must be put in her place now and told to behave like a proper
adult, or she will be asked to leave. Put your foot down now.
You should not be uncomfortable or terrified in your own home.
Tell her that she has boundaries now and rules to follow if she
wants to continue living there. IMHO, your first mistake was
allowing her to move in anyway. Good luck.
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
Don't let your husband leave it all up to you - make him sit down
WITH you to talk to HIS mother. She may be able to ignore
you, but if her precious baby tells her what you've been asking
her all along, she might actually have to listen. Can you
build her a "mother-in-law's apartment" on your property,
or as an addition to your house? Or, is that completely too
expensive and out of the question? Perhaps if she had her
own space to arrange (and stain) to her own specifications, she'd
be less likely to destroy yours.
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
Excuse me for my ignorance about Indian traditions, but could you
let her choose whether she wants to live in your home (with your
rules) or find somewhere else to go? I understand that you
must take care you her - but do you have to do it if she refuses
to abide by your rules? It is your house you know - not hers.
So, I'm presuming that you can make the rules. I feel so badly
for anyone who has to live with their in-laws when the in-laws are
disrespectful.
RESPONSE: We Cannot Ask Them To Leave
You cannot ask her to leave, but you yourself can tell your husband
that YOU are leaving if he doesn't set her straight. Boy is
she abusing her situation - very unfair for you! Good luck.
One of my daughters
was going out with this boy for about a year - not a good year.
Then he broke up with her. Then, about a year after that,
the same boy went out with my other daughter. And now, 2 years
later, she is having a baby. And then I am told that she is
marrying this boy. This is it - the worst yet. The boy's
mother and I have been through some battles. For one, she
had me sell a dog for her. She said that she would give me
$50 if I could sell the dog. So I did. And I did not
see the $50 right away. For about 3 months, she lied to me
and said that she never sold the dog to my customer. But,
that customer was a friend, and told me differently - and then I
got my money. Why did she lie? Who knows. Then,
I later had a friend who wanted a dog that was good with kids, for
a low price. So, I went to the boyfriend's mother and told
her. She said that she had a dog in mind, and that I could
just give it to this person. But then, after I had seen this
dog (she was poorly taken care of, and so out of control because
she lived in a kennel), I realized that she wasn't a people dog
- she could hurt the little girl. So, I was thinking that
I needed to find a home for this dog (this wasn't a good life for
the dog). Well, me and my big mouth. I said that this
dog would be too much for a 4 year old. I said that maybe,
since you are giving her away, I could find a home for her.
Well, that wasn't going to happen. She wanted $50, but then
she thought about it quickly, and said, "NO. I want the
pick of litter." And, I thought out loud that I didn't
want to deal with puppies, I just wanted to get the dog a home.
This dog ended up being 5 years old. Well, I took the deal,
and she wanted to find the dog to breed her. And I said, "Fine,
who did I know with this breed anyway?" Well, this pug
went into heat 1 week after I had her. And then the FMIL said
that she couldn't find anyone. Well, I ran into a woman not
far from my home. She had a cute little black pug, and we
talked. She agreed that she would allow the mating, but she
wanted the pick of the litter. This is the normal process.
So, I called the ex-owner, and she didn't seem to like the idea,
but she couldn't seem to find anyone. Well, the ex owner agreed
to it finally. And she let her dog mate the pug. Well,
before the pups where born, the ex owner's mom called the woman
I met and told them that I am going to welsh on the deal (just to
be a pain or something). The woman called me, and I said that
I have references to back me up. I am loyal to my word.
Well, I fixed that problem - now on to the next problem. The
puppies were born, and the woman had her pick. FMIL had her
pick, and I had two black little cute pugs. Well, FMIL's pug
got an infection in its tooth, and needed medical help. She
wouldn't do anything. She said that the dog was still in my
hands, and I was supposed to take care of her. Well, I did,
but I felt that it was her job to take care of the problem, since
it was her dog. So now she doesn't want her pug, now she wants
the black pug. So, to get rid of her and the whole problem,
I gave her both black pugs. So, that should have made things
right. But no, now she is talking about me behind my back,
and she has her kids saying things about me and my kids in the schools.
This is a small community - we really didn't need this. So,
I am not a happy camper here, and this is what my daughter is joining
our lives into. She says, "Mom, it's not you, it's me."
And I said, "I don't want to deal with these people anymore."
I have had it, and I have tried to get along with these people.
They get to me every time. I want the nightmare to go away.
Is that too much to ask for? Signature:
Signed - Too Much To
Ask For?
RESPONSE: Too Much To Ask For?
If you knew the woman was a weirdo after your first encounter, why
did you continue to deal with her? My family and DH's family
have very little to do with each other. You shouldn't have
to deal with these people much. Your daughter is the one I
worry about. Please keep her best interests as your priority.
Don't make things worse with her MIL.
RESPONSE: Too Much To Ask For?
I'm having trouble understanding your story. Maybe you should
stop being involved in backyard breeding schemes, and actually help
the millions of homeless animals who are being euthanized in shelters
every year.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kezziah 4 of 4 needed /Posted: 21-MAY-02
I just do not understand my MIL. While DH and
I were dating, she was so good to me. We would call each other,
go out to eat, go shopping, etc. We were like friends.
While DH was in boot camp, she had to get some medical tests done,
and asked me to go to the hospital with her for support. So,
I took off from work to go with her. After DH got out of boot
camp, we decided to get married. And, he went to school.
After school, he got his orders to go to another state. He
told me that he wanted to get married before he left. When
he told MIL that we were getting married, the first thing she asked
was, "Is she pregnant?" I was, but we did not find
out until a week after we got married. So, she threw a big
fit, and tried to talk DH out of marrying me. She did not
want him to marry me at all! We ended up setting a new date,
and he did NOT want to tell her that we reset it. Even after
we got married, he DID NOT want to tell her that we were married.
He did, however, tell her that I was pregnant when we found out
(a week after the wedding). Fast forward to the day he left
for his new duty station. He was supposed to tell his mom,
before he left, that we had gotten married. We were leaving
the airport after he boarded the plane, and she asked me if we were
just planning a little wedding where he got stationed. She
had no idea! Other family members had it figured out.
Three days after DH and I were married, MIL's mom got married.
DH had his wedding ring on at that wedding. Everyone else
in the family knew, from seeing the ring, that we had gotten married.
But MIL would just tell them, "Oh, no that isn't a wedding
ring. It's just a friendship ring." The ring was
a wedding band, and he was wearing it on his left ring finger.
Shouldn't that have given her a clue? So, I had to tell her
that we had gotten married and when. After that day, she has
treated me like I have the Black Plague, even though it was her
son's idea not to tell her about the new wedding date, or that we
had gotten married. I was still living in the same town as
MIL for a while after DH left. When I had my first ultrasound
done, she had no interest in seeing the "pictures" of
her own grandson. When my son was born, no one could get a
hold of her. DH kept trying to call her the whole time I was
in labor. He left messages on her machine. She wasn't
at work, and she wasn't answering her cell phone. Since it
was taking DH's time away from me while I was in labor, he called
my mother and asked her to keep trying to get a hold of MIL.
I was in the hospital for 2 days, and my mom couldn't get a hold
of MIL until the day I was getting out. My son is almost 2
years old now, and MIL doesn't show any interest in him. I
know it is hard, since we live a 12 hour plane ride away, but she
could at least call every now and then to ask how my son and DH
are doing. When I call her to tell her something about my
son or DH, she's too busy to talk. I don't see how the woman
is too busy to hear about her son or grandson - she doesn't clean
the house and she doesn't work. All she does is sit in front
of her television or computer all day long. The last time
she called my house, DH wasn't home. I started to tell her
something that my son had done. She interrupted me and said,
"Oh, well, if DS isn't home, I have to go." I know
there are people in MIL's family who told DH (while I was pregnant)
that he should get a paternity test to make sure the baby was his,
so maybe she is one of those people who does not believe that my
son is his child. DH and I both know that there is no way
DS is someone else's child. If that is what MIL's problem
with my son is, then maybe she needs to get new glasses. The
only difference between my son and DH is a difference of height
(of course a 2 year old shouldn't be the same height as a 24 year
old). DH and DS look exactly alike (same eyes, same nose,
same face, same curly hair). If you shrunk DH, you would have
my son. Almost the whole family is like this though.
They don't write or call to see how DH and DS are doing. They
don't remember their birthdays. I have, in the last 2-1/2
years, learned that I am not the only one "married" into
the family who gets treated like I am an outsider. It turns
out that my MIL learned all she knows from her own mother!
They don't want anything else to do with this family!
RESPONSE: Done With In-laws
Your DH needs to grow up and cut the cord!
RESPONSE: Done With In-laws
Stop calling MIL. Be thankful that you can live your life
without her butting in.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Kezziah /Posted: 21-MAY-02
My wonderful MIL cannot remember birthdays.
My husband never gets a phone call or card on his birthday, and
he is an only child. Last year, our son had his first birthday,
so MIL decided to steal the spotlight and schedule her wedding for
the same day! She got mad because before and after the ceremony,
everyone was paying attention to my son (not only was it his first
birthday, but it had been almost a year since these people had seen
my son because we live in another state). She then "remembered"
my son's birthday, at about 9 PM that night, and sent her new DH
to the store to buy him a present. My son had been asleep
for over an hour at my mother's house by that time. The wedding
reception was the day after the wedding. MIL (and the rest
of the in-laws) were so mad because I left the reception "early"
to take my son to my mom's to put him to bed. I don't think
that 10 PM is early when I have a one year old child who needs to
go to sleep. MIL was also upset that I didn't want to spend
the entire week of her wedding at her house. I didn't want
to spend the entire time there, because she keeps her kitty litter
box downstairs, and NEVER cleans it out - and my son wants to play
in it. I would have cleaned it for her, but it was so bad
(it hadn't been cleaned in about 2 weeks). It needed to be
changed, and there was no new litter anywhere in the house.
My birthday just recently passed. I don't expect her to remember
it, but I am the only one in my house who even knows when HER b-day
is (DH doesn't). Every year since DH and I have been married,
she sends an e-mail to DH, 2-3 weeks AFTER my birthday, asking when
it is. In the email, she will say, "I know her birthday
is at the beginning (of the month), but what day is it?"
If she knows what month my birthday is in, and that it is at the
beginning of the month, then why does she ask more towards the end
of that month! I don't expect a gift from her, but a simple
"Happy Birthday" would be nice. I understand that
I'm just "married" into the family (in her opinion), but
it really upsets me that she can't remember my DH or my son's birthdays.
DH is an only child, and my son is her only grandchild!
RESPONSE: She "Forgets"
My grandma is the same about birthdays, mostly because of her age.
I made her a fridge magnet with all the family members' birthdays
written on it so that she doesn't forget. This way, she doesn't
miss any, and that makes her happy. You can buy magnetic computer
paper and print your own. Good luck!
RESPONSE: She "Forgets"
Your MIL is a nut! She sounds so narcissistic and immature.
What a drama queen to have to take her grandson's birthday and turn
it into her day. How weird for people to have their special
days on other people's special day! It sounds like it is always
all about her - 24/7! How gross to let the cat litter stink
up the house like that. She sounds like my SIL, who lets the
cat pee in the sink, and has no soap or towels in the bathroom.
I guess everyone should just spit on their hands and wipe up on
their jeans! How thoughtful it was of you to accompany your
"Queen Mother" to the doctor, and how spiteful of her
to turn it all around on you once you married her little baby boy.
RESPONSE: She "Forgets"
Buy a calendar for your MIL and mark all your important dates with
bold colors. That way, she can not say she forgot. Better
yet, make calendar for her using pictures of your family.
That way she can see how wonderful everything is for you.
Mark EVERYONE'S dates, even hers, so she will have no excuse.
If everyone in her family is in the calendar, she may not throw
it away. Give this to her for Xmas, and tell her that this
should help her memory at her advanced age.
RESPONSE: She "Forgets"
Please consider this one thing. It may be hard for you to
be able to conceive of this, but people are so different about birthdays.
Some people make a huge fuss, some don't. I try to remember
other peoples' birthdays, but personally, I don't really care if
they remember mine (and I don't like a fuss). Please don't
use the birthday issue as the gauge of what a person is like, or
where their heart is. People have different customs regarding
birthdays (just like presents - some people give none, some give
small presents, some go bananas and give HUGE presents - everybody's
different). Maybe your MIL is a pain in other ways, but it
seems like the least we can do is to be tolerant of each other's
different, but equally legitimate, ways of being. If the other
person isn't downright hostile, mean, and hurtful, just let it go!
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Worst Gift Stories
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