My story is that my
mother-in-law is 90 years old (rider from he!!). She destroyed
her 2 sons' marriages (getting divorced), and her grandchildren's'
lives. I have never experienced such a controlling woman.
I wished that she would get out of my life. Yes, the devil
doesn't want her.
Signed - Suffering
RESPONSE: Suffering
It sounds like MIL really gives meaning to the saying, "Only
the good die young." Good luck. I hope you manage
to outlive her, with a few good years to spare.
In some ways, I think
I have a unique situation. My MIL lives about 60 miles away.
I am married to her only daughter, who has only one child (2 years
old). I am not the father of this child, but I raise this
child as my own. They seldom visit us, as we go there every
weekend to see them. The point is that there is 11 years difference
in our age, and my MIL tells DW, on a routine basis, that our marriage
will not work. And, she tells her to move back home with them.
We are very happy together, and I think that she is doing this to
get the grandchild back in their home.
Signed - Need Advice
RESPONSE: Need Advice
I would stop going there every weekend. Try not to give your
ILs the opportunity to brainwash your wife. I know you can't
stop it completely, but by visiting every weekend, it's giving them
the perfect face to face confrontation with her. Explain to
your wife that you do not like the fact that her parents tell her
that the marriage will never last (especially when their objection
is about something so minor as an age difference). My DH is
10 1/2 years older than I am, and we couldn't be happier!
I am a newlywed, so
I had no idea how MILs could be. I just know that when I was
dating her son, she tried to make it damn near impossible for us
to be happy with one another. I am at home recuperating from
a miscarriage. I had to carry my dead child inside of me until
I went into labor and passed my fetus. Knowing this, not only
did my mother have to call my MIL to let her know my status, but
when my MIL called the next day, she told my husband that I was
being short with her on the phone. "Short", despite
the fact that I was heavily medicated and extremely depressed about
the loss of my child. Now, my husband thinks that I need to
call his mother to let her know how I'm doing, because she feels
like she was treated badly and refuses to call me. I don't
know where these people are from, but where I'm from, the patients
don't make those types of calls. I cannot get him to see the
absurdity in this, and now he's mad at me. But, his mother
is coming off like the tortured soul here.
Signed - Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
I am so sorry for your loss.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Could she possibly act like a bigger, spoiled rotten brat of a two
year old!!!! GOD!!!! She acts like my own MIL!
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
First word, to you: Counseling. Second word: NOW!
This is terrible, and no reasonable human being would have treated
you this way. I know this is a terrible thing to say, but
you might want to consider, in light of this behavior, whether you
want to stay in this marriage. You have my deepest sympathy.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
My DH is the same way! My MIL can yell, scream, and curse
out anybody she pleases. But, the second someone does it back
to her, she cries, sobs, and demands an apology. And, my DH
will agree with her! The one time, after she chewed me out
for God only knows what, she stuck her tongue out at me like a child.
I looked at her and told her to grow up. She, of course, cried
and demanded an apology. My DH agreed with her. I asked
him how come she didn't have to apologize to me for chewing me out?
He said, "That's the way mom is!" ARGH!
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
I am so very sorry for your loss, and my deepest sympathies are
with you. My heart opened out to you when I read your posting.
It sounds like your MIL is very self-centered, and your DH is scared
of her. I can't believe how selfish she is being, putting
her feelings first, and expecting you to worry about her at a time
like this! Thank God you have your own mother to lean on!
I think you have every right to be short with whoever you want to,
when something like this has happened. And, those who have
anything about them will understand why you are not your normal
self. I would say to your DH that you have just been through
quite an ordeal, and feel that you need his support to help you
get through this. Tell him that you didn't mean to upset his
mother (who is incredibly selfish, but don't say that!), and although
you do care about her, you really have more important things on
your mind than worrying about offending his mother. Put yourself
first for once! Good luck!
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Oh, wow. First, I am very sorry about your miscarriage.
And, I am also sorry that your MIL is using this very sad situation
to get attention for herself, and play the "oh, woe is me,
I have such a mean DIL" game. You are right - you are
the patient here, and you have also suffered a tremendous loss.
I cannot believe that your DH is mad at YOU right now, because his
mommy's feelings are hurt. He needs a swift kick in his momma's
boy @ss! Tell him that under the circumstances you were in,
your behavior (or PERCEIVED behavior is more like it) should not
be questioned by anyone. And, that he should be supporting
you, and telling his mother to get over herself and think about
someone else besides herself for a change. You owe the woman
nothing! Even if you snapped her head off (which doesn't even
seem to be the case!), she could at least cut you some slack.
You just lost your baby! What a selfish, insensitive clod
your MIL is! Tell your DH that you refuse to kiss her @Ss
just because he can't stand up to his mommy and defend his wife.
He should be ashamed of himself!
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
You have my sympathy. I have been "short" with my
MIL on the phone without a good reason like you had! Why don't
you write her a note and tell her, "DH says you feel I was
short with you on the phone. I didn't mean to be, but I was
heavily medicated and heartbroken by the loss of our baby.
I hope you can understand." I DON'T think you owe her
an apology, but it could kind of be like an apology without lying
and saying you're sorry - because YOU didn't do anything wrong.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Sorry to hear about your loss. I don't know you, but I can
understand that you must have suffered terribly, and still are.
And, the misery is compounded by your DH's lack of support.
I fail to see how your MIL can be such a total witch. My thoughts
were, to be honest, if you can't come first to your DH when you've
had a miscarriage, then really, when are you going to find him standing
by your side supporting you. Even one of the most tragic incidents
in your life doesn't feature you as the most important part of the
equation, and the last thing you need is to be groveling to a self
centered old hag (sorry, I am rather angry and bitter because it
reminds me of my own situation). People might say that you
should consider counseling, but you are already contending with
other issues relating to your loss. And, if your DH is such
a clot head, as he seems to be demonstrating, I really can't see
the point in pandering to him and his hag-bag mother by having to
explain to him why you are upset. Put yourself and what you
want first, because it seems that your DH and MIL put themselves
first all the time.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
My heart goes out to you. Not only have you had this heartbreaking
experience, and not only does your MIL have no sympathy, and feel
that *she's* the one who deserves consideration right now (rather
than you), but your husband seems to have no sympathy for you, and
all the sympathy for Mommy Dearest. I realize that you don't
feel up to it now, but when you're stronger, I'd read him the riot
act. If he can't stand behind you in your most painful moments,
what sort of husband is he? My deepest condolences on your
tragic loss.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Do NOT give in and call this woman. You are going through
a lot, and it is not your place, at this point, to be making that
witch feel better. She is just looking for attention, and
you CANNOT give in to that. IF you listen to him and call
her, you are setting yourself up for a long road ahead. She
will know that DS will defend her, and go against you. Stand
your ground now. You are NOT wrong, and your DH is being ridiculous.
What a shame! You are the one who needs support, and you don't
seem to be getting it. I am sorry for you. But you need
to stand up for your rights, and don't give this MIL what she wants!
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Your DH needs a hit upside the head with some common sense.
Please consider talking to your Dr. about this. Then, on the
next visit, take DH along, and let him hear what a jack@Ss he's
being. Till then, I would tell him that this is ridiculous
and childish, and you are not going to spend your time worrying
about his mother's feelings concerning an imagined slight, when
you just buried a baby. And, if he can't understand that,
he can go over there and stay with mommy dearest, and spend lots
of time trying to figure it out. This makes me SO angry!!!
I have lost several children through miscarriage, and my DH would
NEVER act like yours is acting. Your MIL needs to grow up,
and DH needs to quit thinking that you are responsible for how his
mother feels.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
Tell him to go suck an egg (and his ugly mother too)! Insensitive
load of beasts. Take care of yourself.
RESPONSE: Mad At The Mother-Outlaw
I am so sorry for your loss. How selfish and rude of your
MIL to make any judgments about you at a time like this! From
the sounds of it, she had already given you a pretty good indication
of what kind of person she is before you got married. Don't
expect anything more of her. If your husband is taking sides
with her, especially during this difficult time, I would have a
SERIOUS talk with him about where his loyalties lie. It is
NOT your place to call your MIL, just because she says her feelings
were hurt (if it wasn't that, she would've found something else
to b!tch about anyway). SHE is the one who needs to make amends
with you now. The sooner your husband realizes that he's being
manipulated by his mother, the better for you both. Take the
time you need to rest and recover from this sad event. And,
don't let that horrible woman add any more pain or stress to the
situation. I'm sorry to have to say this, but if you can't
get your husband to come around now, it won't get any easier down
the road. I know, I've been there. I ended up divorced,
after 5 years of marriage, because my MIL couldn't stay out of our
business, and my husband couldn't stand up for himself or me.
I finally lost all respect for him, and had to leave the marriage.
Don't let this happen to you. You might even consider couple's
counseling to help you find some answers on how to deal with this
woman. Best of luck to you.
I never married the
father of my son, but I have always referred to his mother as my
MIL. My son's father died before he was 2 years old.
When we had our son (MIL's 1st grandbaby), he was the most important
thing in her life. She is very controlling, but so am I.
I wouldn't let her take control of my son. She tried really
hard. After a lot of arguments and screaming matches, we came
to a silent agreement. She would come and get my son often.
When her son died, she was a great help with baby-sitting, etc.
Then, her youngest son had a baby (she ignored her oldest son when
the youngest son was born). Now she has nothing to do with
my son. She lives across town (we live in a small town - population
4,500). She makes every effort to see her other grandchildren.
I have yelled, screamed, and tried talking to them about this, but
to no avail. The other day, the youngest son and I got into
it, and he basically said that it was because he doesn't like me.
I feel that is no excuse. They liked me a few months ago,
but now they don't. When someone says something about her,
or DS's cousins talk about going over there, the look on my son's
face breaks my heart. What should I say to them or to my son.
Signed - What Should
I Say To Them Or To My Son
RESPONSE: What Should I Say To Them Or To My Son
This is too big for one quick answer, IMHO. Please come over
to the boards and talk it out. Good luck.
RESPONSE: What Should I Say To Them Or To My Son
Be glad you are rid of her. I would just write her off.
RESPONSE: What Should I Say To Them Or To My Son
To he!! with that psycho family! You don't want your son around
them! I know it's breaking his heart now, but when he's older
and you explain it to him, he should understand. Start getting
other people into his life. Do you have a mother? An
aunt? A cousin? Or even friends? Maybe being surrounded
by people who actually care for him, will make him forget his psycho
grandma and uncles.
My husband has one sister
and no brothers. My MIL and SIL have the oddest relationship
I've seen between two adults. My SIL basically chooses to
let my MIL raise her children. I mean, not only does my MIL
have the kids 12+ hours per day, but on the rare occasions that
my SIL DOES have her children, my MIL must be at her side.
My SIL has not, or cannot, take the kids anywhere alone. I'm
talking about a park, a store, a doctor's appointment, etc.
For three years, she had only one child. She was never alone
with him. If my SIL's husband goes out (like to run an errand,
go to a sporting event, work extra hours), my MIL must be with my
SIL. I've been married l3 years, and in all those years, I
have only seen my SIL without my MIL three times (and we see each
other quite often)!!!! The kicker in all this is that my SIL
likes to sit and criticize other people's parenting techniques (not
mine - at least not to my face). I can hardly contain myself
when she speaks because she should be the last person who would
have anything to say about "parenting techniques".
My MIL, with all her experience, is, of course, full of advice!
My MIL tried to takeover with me and my children when I first had
kids. It took years, but I made it clear that these were our/MY
children, and she is their grandmother. She is a wonderful
grandmother to them, but I think that's because my husband and I
set limits with her. I think that my SIL truly enjoys having
my MIL do everything. And my MIL truly enjoys being able to
parent again, and never having to lose the "mothering"
that she can do with her daughter. I thank God that my mother
gave me wings to fly, and doesn't smother me!!!!
Signed - Smother's DIL
We're going directly
to heaven for dealing the MILs we have. I have been writing
in for months now, and I read the postings about once a week.
This web site is better than any book or professional counseling.
However, what bugs me, almost as much as my MIL, are the people
who feel the need to educate everyone by writing in about the wonderful
relationship they have with their MIL - always under the premise
that they are writing to "educate others that all MILs are
not bad". Good for them., but HELLO!!!!!!!!! I
am not stupid. I have a Master's degree, and I fully realize
not all relationships are sour. No one here (especially not
me) needs an "education" from someone with a good relationship
with their MIL, who is writing in ONLY TO BRAG about it. Can
your intent be any more transparent? So people, save your
wonderful MIL story for someone who cares. Can you quietly
appreciate your MIL? Heck, spend your time writing her a love
poem or something. Allow me this opportunity to EDUCATE YOU
by encouraging you to count your blessings, and let the rest of
us vent.
Signed - So YOU Have
A GREAT MIL
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Hee hee hee! A love poem! Thanks for the laugh, and
for saying something I have wanted to say for a long time!
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
I agree totally! I don't understand why these people are posting
here, especially people who complain about petty things. Some
of us have REAL IL problems, and we don't have time to sort through
their bogus "problems"!
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
I, for one, enjoy reading the stories from the women or men who
have good, healthy relationships with their in-laws. I think
they often do have something to offer, even if it is just a nice
story. Who do you think you are to tell anyone else what they
can or can't post here?!? You and a few other bullies here
apparently think that you have that right. How arrogant!
When you own your own web site, you can dictate what gets posted.
Until then, you can choose not to read any stories you don't like,
and continue to wallow happily in your negativity.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Perhaps some people write to give hope (you know, that this is also
possible?). At least it gives me hope sometimes to know that
it's not all darkness around. Bitterness, in excess, can start
feeding on itself. So, I feel that it is nice that people
write in to break the monotony. I would love to read some
more of those stories in which things get sorted out, even if partially,
so I can get some clues about my own situation. I don't, after
all, want to live a life like this - hating, frustrated, and sad.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Well educated or not, your opinion is very nasty, and quite rude.
I happen to have a wonderful MIL, and was not bragging when I wrote
in some time back. I just wanted to let people know that there
are good ones out there, and I never offered anyone advice on how
to do anything. I feel for those of you who have bad MILs.
But, you apparently need counseling, since you have a bad attitude.
This site didn't specify that the MIL had to be good or bad in order
to be written about. SO, Mrs. Educated, grow up and stop being
a B!TCH. Or, are you just jealous?? I come to this site
to learn how to be a good MIL when the time comes, and not to make
mistakes like the ones told about. Get a life. GROW
UP. Having a so called education doesn't make you smart.
You just showed, by your story, how dumb you really are.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
If you look at the name of this web site, it says "mother-in-law
stories", not "horrible mother-in-law stories".
Get a grip.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
I couldn't agree with you more! It has always been my impression
that this web site originated primarily so that there would be a
place for those who needed to vent AGAINST their MILs!
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Bravo! Well said, and I completely agree. These "Oh,
I just wanted to say my MIL is so fabulous" postings make me
think one of two things: Either the poster is blaming the
victim, and is under the impression that those of us with lousy
MILs are 100% to blame. Or, the poster enjoys gloating.
I don't walk past homeless people and brag about how I own a nice
house. And, I'd prefer that those of you who have wonderful
MIL-DIL relationships go off and write your MIL a sappy love note.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT
MIL
Actually, I quite enjoy hearing about these wonderful MILs, as they
are so rare! It makes a nice change from all the depressing
stories that we all share about our own MILs! Those who are
fortunate to have a great MIL, can't possibly understand where we
are all coming from, as they haven't experienced the "Bad MIL
Experience"' themselves. So, can you blame them for being
so cheery!!
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
I hear ya! Hey, I'm glad for every man and woman out there
who has a fabulous set of ILs. I wish I were you! But,
what I can't stand about some of these entries is that they automatically
think that our MILs are angels, and we're the devils! I would
love for these people to spend just one day with our MILs!
I bet they'd all change their attitudes!
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Wow, you are angry! I have the pleasure of having two MILs,
because DH's parents were divorced. One is as close to Satan's
sister as a person can come, but the other is an angel. I
am grateful that I have two, just for that reason. If I only
had Satan's sister, I may be as angry as you are. I don't
think anyone is trying to educate you. We all have a story
to tell - good or bad. Don't read the good stories if you
don't like them. I personally enjoy hearing something positive
now and then, mixed in with the sad, pathetic, and funny stories.
Just because you are educated, that does not give you the right
to judge.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
I think it's quite refreshing to read something positive here on
occasion, but some people just can't be happy about others' happiness.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
Speak for yourself, and no others. You are bitter, but do
not take it out on us. I am one of those who has a wonderful
MIL. I do not BRAG. Many here know me. They are
HAPPY that I am here, and they are happy to listen to my advice,
whether they AGREE TO IT OR NOT!!! No one here is bragging.
What we are saying is that MILs do NOT have to be nasty, and that
WE agree with the DILs here. I have told a few stories of
my "good" MIL, and have found no one here (until now),
who has told me to go away. Be ashamed of yourself.
Misery does NOT love company.
RESPONSE: So YOU Have A GREAT MIL
My thoughts exactly. I think those responders who say that
they have such great MILs are, in truth, miserable MILs trying to
make themselves look like a tame species after all. Truly,
if one's MIL is so nice, why would one want to boast about that
to those of us tormented by our MILs. That would be like greeting
a widow at a funeral and saying, "MY husband is so alive and
healthy, and I just wanted to tell you that not all husbands are
dead!"
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at
once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses
posted per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from
page to page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
