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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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May
26, 2002
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Worst gift: Well, speaking
of cheap gifts, my MIL gave me a travel size pack of bath wash.
Top that.
Signed - LOVE THOSE GIFTS
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Here is another story
about my SIL, who made fun of my weight gain (after I had my thyroid
removed because of cancer) by giving me a $9.99, extra large, see-through
blouse for Xmas (that even the sales girl said was ugly when I went
to return it). While watching our wedding video, you can clearly
see her trying to choke me, and smirking as she placed the ceremonial
cord on my head. I guess she forgot about the video camera.
She is such a sad, bitter person that she can't be happy for someone
else. My DH thinks she was jealous because our wedding was
nicer than hers. He thinks I should get her self-help books
next Xmas. Does anyone have suggestions?
Signed - Too Numb to
Care
RESPONSE: Too Numb to Care
I think you shouldn't get her anything. It's your husband's
sister, and she is rude to you. Why not delegate gift buying
for her to your husband? Let him go get the self-help books.
If you feel obligated to get something for her yourself, go buy
her a giant see-through item of clothing. If she makes any
remarks, just say innocently, "But, I thought that's what you
liked. I was judging your taste by what you bought me."
RESPONSE: Too Numb to Care
Is this your DH's sister? If so, then I think your DH should
be the one getting her the self-help book, not you!
RESPONSE: Too Numb to Care
I think you should get yourself a restraining order against her
for Christmas. And, get your DH a reality check! She's
a vicious, violent person, and you don't need to be around her.
And, your husband should be sticking up for YOU, not her.
RESPONSE: Too Numb to Care
Don't get her self-help books - that would be stooping to her level.
Beg your DH to do the shopping for his own family - or at least
for her. It sounds like he's supportive of you. If he
is, I hope he'll do that one thing for you. You don't need
the grief of a present-exchange with this woman.
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Why is it that every
MIL who screws up her children, feels as though she is the expert
on child rearing? I have a 2 month old son, and MIL disagrees
with everything I do. Keep in mind that she has four children
- my DH who is constantly guilt ridden by her, one divorced daughter
with two kids - whose husband cheated on her with every woman on
Earth, one daughter who never married her child's father and never
graduated high school, and one daughter who picks losers for boyfriends.
MIL divorced her alcoholic husband, turned her only son (DH) into
her surrogate husband, and does not date. DH only recently
stood up to her and told her off - a major accomplishment.
And did I mention that she hates me? Really and truly - she
made it clear that DH's ex is one of her best friends, and is a
much better person than I am. Anyway, now that my son is here,
she feels that it necessary to impart all kinds of wisdom about
child rearing. She feels that I should let him cry, and not
pick him up right away because I'll spoil him. Also, I should
have put him in a crib in another room as soon as I brought him
home, even though I breastfeed every two hours. She places
him on her chest when she picks him up, on the shirt that she daily
douses with very strong perfume. When I tell her that my son
gets rashes from perfume, she ignores me, and my son's face breaks
out soon after. She doesn't put up with his crying, and hands
him back to me or DH as soon as he starts. WHY? Well,
according to her, that is not something that a grandparent should
have to put up with. When we asked her what she would do if
my son started to cry while she was baby-sitting, she replied,"Oh,
I would have to come and find you and give him back!"
All of this does not make me feel confident with her care taking
abilities. So, I have told DH that until she agrees to take
care of my son the way I want her to, she won't be alone with him.
DH tried to tell her this, and her response was,"I have spent
my whole life being told what to say and do, and I won't put up
with it now." I will be going back to work soon on the
evening shift, and I will be giving my son to my mom to cover the
time gaps until DH gets home. This was arranged long ago,
and my mom quit her job mostly to baby-sit for me. The problem?
MIL now feels left out, and claims that we are keeping my son from
her. Of course, we take him to visit her at least once a week,
even though she never calls and asks to see him. I ask you,
is there any peace?
Signed - Exasperated
Beyond Belief
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
I know only too well what you are going through. Only mine
is the opposite, and she is trying to tell me how to raise my 7
week old daughter. She doesn't tell me, she tells FDH.
I Guess I should have learned my lesson with my baby shower.
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
Some people are just stupid and selfish, and she's not healthy for
your son. Thanks heavens your DH realizes that she's a nut-ball.
Ignore her - don't cave to her demands. She messed up her
chance.
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
Your MIL sounds horrible, and a lot like my FIL. He was a
horrible father to his children, but he feels the need now to interfere
with his children and his grandchildren. He acts like such
a know it all, but he is very insensitive and pathetic. He
never asks to see our DS either, but he tries to make up for it
by overdoing it with expensive gifts to show up other family members.
Since your MIL doesn't want to abide by your wishes concerning child
rearing, I would limit her contact with your child. If she
complains, too bad. YOU are the mother, and it's YOUR child;
not hers. She had four chances to get it right! Who
wants to constantly be undermined by a know-it-all in-law, who screwed
up with their own kids?
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
Wow, there sure isn't any peace. I'm sorry that your MIL is
such a pill. It's too bad that you don't live farther away
from her. I send my sympathy.
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
Your MIL sees your child more than my mother sees mine - and I don't
have a problem with how my mom is with my son. Your MIL doesn't
care that she gives him rashes, supports letting a child cry it
out, and other mean stuff. And, it seems as if she ALWAYS
puts HERSELF before her grandbaby. So no, she shouldn't be
watching him. And, don't feel guilty about it. You gave
her a choice, and she said that no one will tell her what to do
anymore. So, as I see it, she chose NOT to baby-sit.
I would cut her visits down to once every two weeks, and then see
if the complaining stops. Tell her that you can cut it down
to no visits if she doesn't like what she gets.
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
My MIL thinks she is the world's best child raising expert too.
As a matter of fact, she thinks she raised her 2 children perfectly,
and everybody else in the entire world raised theirs badly.
I guess she forgot that when her daughter was a teenager, she slept
with every guy imaginable so that she could get pregnant.
She did this because, as she said, she wanted someone to love her
unconditionally. It sounds like mama did a great job raising
her kids, huh?
RESPONSE: Exasperated Beyond Belief
Your story struck a chord with me. I know exactly what you
are going through. My MIL is exactly the same way. Her
eldest child (my SIL) went into foster care when she was 14.
I'm not really sure of the details, so I can't elaborate.
Her second child, my DH, left home at 17 or 18, and didn't speak
to either of his parents for nearly a year. I wouldn't classify
her as a "model parent" (or even a "good parent"
for that matter). We have a little boy who has just turned
20 months old. MIL is a very heavy smoker, and lights up without
a thought as to where our son is. She is constantly nagging
us to baby-sit. And, she suggests places that my DH and I
could go so, she can look after our son. We were at their
place for a BBQ last weekend, and she said to my son, "Yum,
yum, bubble gum. Stick it up a pig's bum!" I think
this was supposed to be amusing. But amused, I was not.
She got the hint from the look on my face, and proceeded to tell
my son that his mummy won't let him visit his nanny (MIL) because
she's too uncouth. I'm not a prude, but I don't want my toddler
saying, "Stick it up your bum," thanks very much.
When our son was smaller, MIL would visit and play with him.
But, she constantly put her fingers in his mouth, trying to get
him to make sounds. This used to really upset me, because
she had probably just had a cigarette, and had not washed her hands.
I don't know why I didn't say anything. I know that when we
have another child, I will be telling her exactly what I think.
She is also very upset that my mother baby-sits, and she doesn't.
This is my mother's first grandchild. She used to be a kindergarten
teacher, and she was also a registered nurse who looked after babies.
Who would you have baby-sit? Remember, this is your child,
and you know best. No one else - just you. If she does
something you don't like, remove the child. I don't care any
more if my MIL is upset by my actions or by what I say. She
doesn't care if she upsets me. I think your MIL is revolting
- exactly what I think of mine. All the best with your son.
He will make your life more wonderful than you could imagine.
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On our wedding day,
we were 20 minutes late starting our ceremony due to the fact that
my wife and her son were out looking for my MIL. She had gotten
mad when her daughter objected to her styling her hair for her.
She had a tantrum, and she fled down the back roads in her bare
feet. Fortunately, or unfortunately, they found her just before
giving up. That was the beginning of our in-law relationship.
It hasn't gotten any better. Her daughter gets more frustrated
with her than I do, mainly because I ignore her now. I end
up with finger scratches on my back. I would love to rip into
my MIL, however, I made a promise to my wife that I wouldn't
So I just go for long walks and do chores. I have lost my
cool a couple of times, mildly, but for good reasons (especially
after she told me that my deceased mom would be ashamed of me).
Before my mom died (she had cancer), MIL's words were, "Everybody
dies." Nice compassion. My wife's response is,
"She's my mom. One day she'll change." She
is just plain cruel, mean, and selfish. Talking of her grandkids,
who are young, she says, "Wait till they are teenagers - then
they'll be into drugs, etc." If you say, "Not if
we can help it," she comes in with a forceful, "Oh, yes
they will!" Fortunately, she lives in another city that
is 40 miles away across the water. But, my wife likes to keep
in phone contact with her. MIL likes to play games.
She unplugged her phone for 9 days so I had to call the police to
find out if anything was wrong. Half an hour later, we got
an angry phone call berating us for making a fool out of her in
front of her friends (I like that story). She finds fault
with everything we do - my wife sends her nice clothes, care packages,
and tries to accommodate her by making sure she's ok. She
responds by scowling, complaining about just about everything, and
taking all that she can get. I got jacks for a Christmas present,
along with some stale chocolates. They were awful. I
served them back to her for a treat when she took over our TV -
she scowled at me. She tries to get in arguments - then calls
them "discussions" when you tell her you don't want to
argue. I leave, then I get into trouble for not being hospitable.
Well, I used to. My wife now thinks it's the right thing to
do. She walks with me and claws my back. MIL has tried
to tear our marriage apart. She told us we that we need to
feel what it's like to have nothing, like she did in the depression,
even though now she gets subsidized housing, spent a decade on welfare,
and generally has a pretty good life. She told us she was
never going to come over to our house again. And when she
did, I told her she was not a MIL of her word. She complained
that it was cold (it wasn't). Then, she wanted to go watch
a game with us. When I told her it was going to be cold, she
scowled some more. These are a few of the stories of a very
lucky person. A person who is miserable, and wants to see
everyone around her be miserable too. It's unfortunate, but
I don't want anything to do with her.
Signed - Be Miserable
Somewhere Else
RESPONSE: Be Miserable Somewhere Else
"She unplugged her phone for 9 days, so I had to call the police
to find out if anything was wrong." Why did you call
the police? If a smell started coming from her house, the
neighbors would call.
RESPONSE: Be Miserable Somewhere Else
I feel so sad for your wife, because I have a controlling mother
too. Tell her from someone who knows, that it doesn't have
to be that way. If someone, be it your mother, friend, or
employer, is being disrespectful to you, you DO have the right to
say, "Enough," and stand up for yourself. And, oh
yeah, that line about, "All teenagers being into drugs"?
Not if they don't have low self-esteem! Keeping your kids
away from that awful MIL sounds like the best thing you could do
for them. Your wife claws your back? This sort of abuse
is NOT normal behavior, and neither is putting up with it!
Both of you should get into counseling, ASAP.
RESPONSE: Be Miserable Somewhere Else
Boy, that MIL lives to be contrary, doesn't she? She's the
sort of person you could bait so easily. I am sorry that you
are going through this. I don't doubt men have bad MILs -
they can't ALL be nasty to just DILs. I am curious as to why
your DW thinks mommy dearest is gonna change. It doesn't sound
like she has changed so far.
RESPONSE: Be Miserable Somewhere Else
Please get your wife into some counseling, because she is in denial.
The more she tries to help her mother, the worse her mother gets.
It's called enabling. While I understand that it's hard to
cut people off, your wife should do just that with her mother, while
getting counseling with you. No one can change unless THEY
want to change. However, your wife can change how she reacts
to her mother. If it gets worse, or your wife refuses counseling,
you have to decide if you want to go without her, or maybe separate
for a while.
RESPONSE: Be Miserable Somewhere Else
I agree with you, that you wouldn't want anything to do with her.
I think you should avoid her as much as possible. What is
the problem with your DW? Why doesn't she see what this MIL
is doing? If that witch was my own mother, I would surely
stand up to her. Your DW, I'm sad to say, is the main problem
here. She needs to put this disheartening witch in her place,
and not let you come off as the "bad guy". I know,
because I was in your shoes. I was the "bad guy",
because FH couldn't stand up to DP. I put ultimatums out there.
And now, FH is finally showing some signs of being on my side.
PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN, and tell your DW that she is the one allowing
this woman's behavior.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives