Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- lvbug 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAY-02
Every holiday, I search long and hard for the perfect
gift for my MIL. I am forever buying her very expensive jewelry,
clothes, perfume, etc. - most of which she has already pointed out
that she likes. And, EVERY holiday, she tells my husband and
I, "Thanks for the gift. I'll put it up on the shelf
in the closet with all the other gifts that you give me which I
don't like." I don't know why I continually try to please
her, but I do. I'm talking Tiffany's jewelry, Baccarat, Channel,
Pendelton - not cheap stuff.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Simple solution: Stop pandering to your MIL. Buy small,
thoughtful presents, and don't spend a lot of money on them.
They'll all end up in the same place anyway.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
STOP trying to please this woman!!!!! She is purposely setting
you up - because nothing you do is EVER going to please her.
Buy her some cheap perfume, or something that is really strong smelling.
This way, you've gotten her a gift that she still won't like, and
you are not out a lot of money. OR, better yet, it is HIS
mother - let HIM shop for the old bat. Retaliation is good
as well. Turn the tables on her when she gives you your next
gift, and say, "Well, thanks (sigh), I guess I can put it with
the other cr@p you've given me that I don't like!!"
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Next time, say something. Tell her, "If you don't like
my gifts, go get them and give them all back to me."
Don't buy her any more gifts. If she does not want them, why
get them for her? Or, tell your DH to shop for her.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
I don't see why YOU should buy your MIL's gifts. I wouldn't.
Let your DH buy them. His mother - his responsibility!
Besides, he might know more about which gifts would please "her
majesty"!
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
I can't believe you spend so much money on someone who doesn't like
anything you buy her! Channel, Tiffany - are you mad?!!
I don't think you will ever buy her the gift of her dreams, because
it will be from you. Sorry to be harsh, but I think that is
the real reason! Also, you can't buy friendship with money
or gifts, so give up before you bankrupt yourself! Instead,
spend the money on your own family. At least they will appreciate
it. Or better still, treat yourself!!
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
This year, give her some cheap little tidbit you pick up at a bazaar
or craft fair. If she's going to complain and snipe about
expensive, pretty things, then get her something kitschy and cheap.
Why are you letting her make you nuts? Some people are just
rude, and there's no way you can change them. You don't HAVE
to buy her anything at all.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Well, stop trying if you are tired of it! Give her something
less expensive, or nothing at all if she is not appreciative.
Don't try to please someone who is not worth it.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Two words: GIVE UP. The he!! with her. Maybe give
a donation to a charity that *you* like, in her name. And,
give her a card telling her so. But, I don't think you need
to even do that. I'd tell her straight out, "You never
like, or even pretend to like, anything we give you. So we've
decided that it's futile. Have a nice Christmas anyway."
The b!tch.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Excuse me, but you are not an idiot, are you? Stop buying
her stuff if she doesn't appreciate it. Would you ever say
to someone whom you CARED about (even REMOTELY), that you were going
to put their gift in the closet with the rest of the stuff that
you didn't like? Is that EVEN something YOU would THINK of
saying? If not, then accept that your MIL is an unappreciative
witch. You want to PLEASE a WITCH? You can't.
It isn't your problem. You aren't ever going to win that witch
over. And that is OK, because YOU are OK!!!!! Next time,
give her a nice box of moth balls in a box from a nice department
store, with a card attached that reads, "A little something
for your closet". Like I asked before, you are not an
idiot, are you??? The definition of an idiot is: A person
who keeps going back to the same source to repeatedly get kicked
in the face. You deserve to be appreciated. Save your
money, and your time, for someone who cares.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
Simply stop buying gifts for her. She obviously doesn't appreciate
them, so why waste your money on them? If you feel you have
to give her something, visit your local dollar store! Your
MIL is a mean woman, and not worth the aggravation.
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
My MIL was like that too. Any time I gave her anything, she
would say, "I don't need presents, take it back. Don't
buy me presents." Yet, when you walked into her house
on a holiday, the first thing she would say was, "What did
you bring me?" One Easter, I brought her a plant, and
when she said, "What did you bring me?" I showed
her. Her reply was, "A plant? I HATE plants!"
She DID like plants, and she had several! Another time I bought
her a coffee carafe for Mother's Day, because every time she came
over to our house, she admired the one I had, and said she wanted
one just like it. When I gave it to her, she said, "I
already have one of these." She got all huffy, and shoved
it aside. For some reason, she just couldn't accept a gift
graciously! One year, she invited us all over for her birthday.
I went to a craft fair the day before, and found a beautiful set
of earrings and matching broach that I KNEW was just her style.
So, I bought it for her. And, when we gave it to her at her
party, she started complaining about not wanting gifts, and that
I should take it back! I was so mad. I finally put her
in her place. I told her that it was a one of a kind design,
that I took the time and made the effort to pick out something I
thought she might like, and she should accept it graciously!
She turned to my DH and said, "She said GRACIOUSLY to me!"
My DH told her she should listen to me. For the rest of the
party, she wore the gift and showed everyone what her DIL picked
out specially for her! I felt triumphant! Her birthday
was in October, and by Christmas she was demanding to see what we
brought her, and then telling us to take it back again! That
was it for me. I stopped buying her ANYTHING, and when she
asked what we brought her, I told her we were respecting her wishes
and not buying her any more presents. She pouted, but I was
sick of her silly, childish games, and I never bought her another
gift. She was a pain in the @ss about cards too. If
we sent her a card and I signed it from DH and myself, she was put
out that her son didn't think to send her the card. So, my
DH signed the cards, and then she felt that her DIL didn't care
about her (you know, the DIL who bought her all those gifts!!!).
We just ignored her stupid rantings, and I told DH I wasn't buying
cards anymore either. It was up to him, it was his LOONY mother!
You are better off not wasting your time or money on people like
your MIL. Give her a gift certificate. Or better yet,
stop giving her anything. When she complains, tell her you
are just thinking of her - you don't want to add to her pile of
"junk."
RESPONSE: Sick of Trying
I applaud you for trying to be so nice to your MIL, when she has
been so ungrateful and unappreciative of you. I hate to say
it, but now I am thinking that you have a problem for letting yourself
be made a fool of still when you KNOW how she is. It would
be different if your MIL didn't say anything to you about how she
didn't like the gifts. Then, I could see how you would want
to try harder to find her something that she liked. But, listen
up - according to you, your MIL told you, TO YOUR FACE, that she
doesn't like your gifts!! So, why bother trying so hard and
beating yourself over the head constantly, and getting all stressed
out???? It is pointless, and you are wasting your time, energy,
and money on someone who doesn't deserve it!! Maybe next time,
just try a gift certificate, and let her pick out her own gift!!
I am sorry to sound so harsh, but I went through the same thing
with both my MIL AND my own mother. One Xmas, I bought my
mom a suit that cost over $700 for Xmas. She tried it on,
and didn't seem excited about it, although she kept it (she knows
the brand that I bought her is a pricey brand). I was a little
bummed, because I had searched all over to try and find her a really
nice gift, and she didn't seem to appreciate my efforts, or the
cost of the gift. A couple of years ago, I found a cute, nice
space heater at a clearance store for $10.99. I knew my mom
would like it in her bathroom (for when she showered). And,
I even bought one for myself. I sent it to my mom, and she
called me right after she received it. You would have thought
she had won the lottery by how excited she was to receive this heater
- she kept gushing over how much she loved it!! So, now I
am more into giving practical things to my mom, and I refuse to
get all worked up over buying both my MIL and my mother gifts.
Even when I have given my MIL expensive things, she just doesn't
seem to appreciate them. Also (and I know this sounds mean),
I know that if I give her ANYTHING expensive or designer, she will
just it give to one of her daughters. Granted, a gift is hers
to do with what she wants after I have given it to her, but both
my SILs are awful - so I figure, why should I spend money on an
item for my MIL, and then end up having my SILs benefit too?
It just isn't worth the stress to me anymore to get all upset over
gifts for my MIL and mother. Do I ENJOY buying them gifts?
No, I honestly don't. They both have lots of money, and aren't
very generous to our family. And, they are not nice people,
but such is life. I give them birthday and Xmas gifts out
of obligation (sad, but true). I do try to get them things
they will like, but I do not go overboard. I think you need
to step back and take a look at your situation. DO NOT make
yourself crazy over a situation (or a person), which isn't worth
it. GOOD LUCK!
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Bless Her Heart, 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAY-02
I have been married for 2 years to a wonderful man,
who was birthed by a moron. This year for my birthday, she
called me and told me that she had made me a birthday present, but
she didn't send it because she SOLD IT to somebody. I don't
care about the gift. A call would have been fine. But
I can't believe that she had the gall to call me and tell me she
sold my birthday present!
RESPONSE: BlessHerHeart
Your MIL totally confirmed that she is indeed a "moron"
by what she did!!
RESPONSE: BlessHerHeart
HA-ha-ha! I am still laughing. Tell your moron-in-law
that selling your birthday gift was the most thoughtful thing she
could have done for you, and enough of a gift. She won't understand,
but you will. It sounds like she has brain damage.
Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- JuliaFL 1 of 4 needed/Posted: 30-MAY-02
My MIL is the nosiest person I have EVER met.
It is unbelievable. It's very hard for me to understand, because
my family is not this way at all. Therefore, I am NOT used
to this. The thing that is so annoying is that my husband
will never say anything to my MIL. He will SOMETIMES admit
her faults, but doesn't want her to get mad at him, or he doesn't
want to hurt her feelings, so he just keeps his mouth shut.
Aaaargh!!!!! What is it about sons, that they can't tell their
mothers about the things that irritate them, But daughters
don't seem to have the same problem standing up to their mothers.
Let me give you an example of how my MIL behaves. EVERYTHING
has to be HER way, or it doesn't happen. When my BIL and his
family come to visit, everywhere they go is scripted by my MIL.
If my other SIL wants to visit with my BIL and his family, my MIL
has a fit. She essentially wants them all to herself!!!
Is that the most selfish, vindictive thing you have ever heard?
For example, 2 Christmases ago, my BIL and his family came to visit.
They, of course, stayed with my MIL and FIL (if they hadn't, she
would've had a coronary). But, the worst thing about the whole
holiday is that she would not let my BIL and his family out of her
sight!!! She did not have any regard for what they WANTED
to do, what their kids wanted to do, etc. She made us all
go to horrible, cheesy buffet places, rundown strip malls that she
liked, and she forced them to get up early several days during their
vacation to go to garage sales with her and my FIL. I think
the thing that I find the MOST annoying about this whole situation
is that NO ONE in the family will stand up to my MIL. I have
told them ALL (except her and FIL) how I feel when she always has
to have everything her way. They all agree, yet none of them
will step up to the plate and speak up to her. Hello.
What is that????!!!!! My husband admitted once that the reason
he won't say anything to her is that my MIL and FIL will get mad,
gang up on him, and freeze him out. I feel like I'm the Lone
Ranger out here, trying to lasso in the MIL all by myself.
And no one wants to give me a hand. HELLLLPPPPPP!!!!
RESPONSE: JuliaFL
Julia, I think we share a MIL. Your story sounds just like
my MIL. She is the bride of Satan. She always has to
have things her way. If a family member visits from out of
town, and we want to have him/her over for dinner, she has to be
there too (or she has a huge fit). She always wants people
to do things for her. But, ask her to lend you a hand, and
NO WAY! She is so lazy, and so nosey too. She always
has to know what is going on, and she is in everyone's business.
She drives me crazy! Our house is bigger than hers, so she
will plan a huge family dinner, invite all the guests, and then
tell me it's at my house. So that way, if I object, I will
look like the bad person. She is definitely a Monster-In-Law!
RESPONSE: JuliaFL
Why don't YOU say something to them/her/him. You are just
as much a part of this family as anybody. And, trust me, when
and if the situation gets out of hand for BIL/SIL, it will be their
responsibility to handle the situation. The family might be
agreeing with you to keep YOU happy.
RESPONSE: JuliaFL
Ask your DH, "Is the freezing out like a baaaad thing?"
It doesn't sound like it!
RESPONSE: JuliaFL
"EVERYTHING has to be HER way, or it doesn't happen."
You are definitely not alone! My MIL is like that. And,
I know, just by reading this site, that many others are like that
too. We all have to face the fact that they will never change.
However, that doesn't mean that we should always let them win.
For example, you say that she makes her guests get up early on their
vacation to go to garage sales? Why are they/you getting up?
Ignore her, and stay in bed. What is she going to do?
Physically remove you?
RESPONSE: JuliaFL
Hi Ho Silver!!!! Do it! Damn! I hate men who are
little boys wanting to please MAMA. And to he!! with the wife.
It would be a LONG time before HE got any!!!! I would tell
him to sleep with MAMA, since he thinks he is married to HER!!!
I am beginning to hate
my MIL. I should have parted from my husband the first day
I met her. I can still remember the first day. From
the moment she met me, she was complaining about her relatives.
I heard about her sister, and how bad she was, her in-laws and how
bad they were, and how perfect she was. Up till today, I've
regretted that I did not leave my husband on that very day, as I
had a bad feeling that if she was this way then, how would my husband
be. My husband is basically a good man, but he has many problems
(such as drinking, smoking, and a few other things). However,
he has gotten off of most of his addictions. However, throughout
our marriage, my MIL has not been a support to me. When my
husband drank, she never supported me. But, said that he had
no problem. At every occasion, she tries to hurt me.
For example, when it comes to taking pictures, she leaves me out
and takes pictures of her son and grandchildren. When she
calls home, she only wants to speak to my husband. At our
wedding, she had such a long face, and ruined my happiness.
She is very possessive of her son, and it has come to a point that
I really want to get out of the marriage, just to have her out of
my life. Please help!!!!!!!!!!!
Signed - Beginning To
Hate My MIL
RESPONSE: Beginning To Hate My MIL
No photos of the kids without YOU!!! If your baby-man wants
to continue to pose for MAMA, then he can do it without the kids!!!
How DARE he allow this mistreatment of his wife!!! Jerk!!!
Tell off the B!TCH!!!! Stand up to her, and tell her what
a miserable hag she is.
RESPONSE: Beginning To Hate My MIL
You need to find a good marriage counselor. Good luck.
There are a lot of problems, besides your MIL, that you guys need
to address.
RESPONSE: Beginning To Hate My MIL
Remember, it is your husband whom you are married to, not his mother.
You will be leaving him. So, if there really is nothing left
to stay for, then leave and move on with your life. All relationships
come in a package, and MILs are part of that package - good or bad.
If you truly love a person, then you will think that it is worth
putting up with the package. If not, then you won't.
My fiancé and
I have been together for two years. He is nearly 26, and left
home about a year ago. He gets on great with my family.
However, I would like to know if you think that his mother's attitude
towards me is acceptable. Both sets of parents live in the
same town. However, we tend to stay at mine a lot more, as
my parents are much more relaxed about us sleeping in the same bed
together (he didn't ask his mother if it was ok for me to stay over
until I asked him - after we got engaged). His mother is quite
old fashioned, has never really worked, and brought up her two sons.
I thought she would be pleased to have another girl join the family.
However, she does not really show any interest in me at all.
My fiancé has spent countless meals with my family.
However, she has only invited me there to eat once. After
an argument between him and his mother (because he brought some
washing home, and then stayed at mine for the weekend), I suggested
that the next time, he should spend Saturday night there.
We went over there. She hadn't seen me for a while, and barely
acknowledged me. Then, he asked if I could stay for dinner
(it was just going to be the 2 of them, as his dad was out).
She didn't even look at me, but said to him, "Hmmm, Well I
think there is enough." Is that rude, or am I being petty?
I know for a fact that my mother wouldn't dream of saying that,
particularly not to my fiancé
Signed - Rude or Petty?
RESPONSE: Rude or Petty?
Have you ever considered how tacky it is to bring laundry to your
mom's house, and then go sleep with the girlfriend? I do not
take up for MILs usually, but I can see where she feels disrespected.
Why didn't he bring his dirty drawers to YOUR house? I wouldn't
sweat her having no interest, and you don't have to eat with her.
I would trade disinterest for intrusiveness any day!
RESPONSE: Rude or Petty?
IMHO, although she is not being blatantly rude, she is, in fact,
being rude. She may be old-fashioned, but that is no excuse
for her to be that way to you. She has not accepted the fact
that your fiancé is going to marry you, and she is maintaining
her restraint by not saying anything at all. Why don't you
just ASK your fiancé if she has indicated that she doesn't
like you, etc. I think that once you break the ice and get
it all out in the open, you will at least know where you stand with
her - so there won't be any future surprises.
RESPONSE: Rude or Petty?
It's not particularly nice, but it could be a lot worse. She
may be waiting to see if you "stick", or she may just
be a cold person. If it bothers you, don't push yourself on
her.
RESPONSE: Rude or Petty?
While your MIL may not be jumping for joy that you have become a
part of her son's life, she has not been rude. You and your
fiancé, however, have been extremely rude. I am 36
years old, and would not dream of sleeping over at my parent's house,
or my boyfriend's parent's home, before marriage. You can
call me "old fashioned" if you like, but I think it was
inappropriate of both of you to ASK his mother if this was okay.
The same goes for asking her about dinner in your presence - he
put her on the spot. He should have had the good manners to
ask her before you came over. Or he could have at least taken
her to another room, so she could refuse if she chose to.
It is her home, and therefore, it is up to her and her husband to
extend invitations. It is not your or your fiancé's
place to demand them. Have you considered that these actions
do not reflect well on either of you? You seem to think that
your fiancé's mother owes you the same amount of dinners
your family has provided your fiancé She doesn't. Maybe
she doesn't like company for dinner, or maybe she doesn't like to
cook. So what? Why are you taking all this so PERSONALLY?
Why don't YOU take the initiative to establish a good relationship
with HER? If you know she is "old fashioned", then
don't sleep over at her house with your boyfriend. Instead
of demanding invitations to dinner, why don't you and your fiancé
offer to take her and his father OUT to dinner, so you can get to
know one another? It's typical (but kind of sad for the mothers
of sons) that most of the time, a couple spends more time with her
family, than with his. Maybe she feels left out. A little
more effort on your part could work wonders. She is your fiancé's
mother, and your elder, so you should show her respect. You
seem to feel that she should be rolling out the red carpet for you,
yet you are making (from what you said) no effort to get to know
her. If you truly want a good relationship with her, then
try to think about how she might be feeling (rather than placing
a lot of expectations about how you expect HER to treat YOU, beyond
common courtesy). Lastly, I cannot believe a 26 year old man
is dropping off laundry for his MOTHER to do! I'd have been
mad at him too!
Note: To better handle the volume of submissions - stories
received will be posted as early as our resources will allow.
Responses to new stories will be accumulated, and then posted, all at
once, to the original story page about one week later (one set of responses
posted per day). Stories and responses will no longer move from
page to page based on status.
Worst Gift Stories
DISCLAIMER: All advice on this website is for informational
and entertainment purposes only. All responses are from reader submissions
unless specifically noted otherwise (such as Dr. Terri Apter advice page).
We do not endorse any of the advice. We provide it to you as a service.
We can neither guarantee the soundness of the advice, nor make any claims
as to the outcome of following this advice. We provide it for your
entertainment only. Should you choose to follow any of the advice,
it is solely at your own risk. This is not intended to substitute
for obtaining advice from appropriate sources and/or professional counseling.
We recommend you consult an appropriate professional, counselor, and/or
a trusted advisor before taking any action based on this advice.
B A Squared, LLC and www.motherinlawstories.com make no representations or
guarantees regarding any information dispensed on this site.
Your privacy is important to us. Click here to view our
Privacy Policy.
