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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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February 6, 2003
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JANUARY
2003
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FEBRUARY
2003
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Worst gift: A few months
ago, my ILs gave DH and I a bread maker (in the original box with
packaging), saying that they only used it once or twice, and they
thought we would get a lot more use out of it. Last weekend
we got it out to make some homemade bread, and when I lifted the
lid, it smelled awful!!! It turns out that my ILs did not
clean the bread maker out after they used it last, so there was
moldy, crusty bread at the bottom! It smelled horrible, and
it took several cleanings to get the smell at least halfway out.
Of course, they neglected to include the operation manual for the
thing, even though they had all of the original packaging (plastic
and foam) in the box!!!
Signed - DIL No More
RESPONSE: DIL No More
That is absolutely revolting. I would have just chucked the
dang thing out with the trash. Yuck!!
RESPONSE: DIL No More
SO WHAT? At least they gave you something!!! They probably
thought that you had the common sense to clean it yourself when
they told you it was used, but you could have it. It was a
simple mistake, and not worth complaining about. I can't see
how that makes you "DIL no more", PLEASE!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: DIL No More
I have to wonder if maybe MIL forgot that the bread-maker had not
been cleaned out since the last use. You, yourself, said that
the smell came after the box had been opened. It's tacky,
but harmless, I think. As to the missing operating manual,
find the manufacturer online, contact them, and ask for a replacement
manual. They might possibly charge a small fee or postage,
but you will wind up with a perfectly good, valuable, small appliance
that is virtually for free.
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Yes, this is real.
It is hard to believe, but it is true. She has done other,
more disturbing things, but they need to be resolved in court.
My stepdaughter's ex-mother-in-law is an upstanding member of her
religious community. She has numerous children who are married
and just starting out in life. One of her son's wives wanted
to make some money to help out with the Christmas shopping, so she
started a small baked goods business. She sells cookies and
brownies to local hotels and motels. Once the MIL heard that
her DIL was making good money, she immediately started baking cookies
and brownies that she, in turn, went out and sold to the same hotels
and motels that her DIL was selling to. However, at the same
time, she also undersold her own DIL.
Signed - Glad I'm Not
Related
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
Ouch!!
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
What a B!TCH!!!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
MIL sounds like a real peach. Too bad her pit is rotten.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
How sad that some women feel this weird competitiveness towards
their own kin, even if by marriage. That is so sad that she
couldn't be supportive instead of jealous. Where's the love?!
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
Pitiful that so many MILs are so insecure, so petty, and so immature
that the only way they can feel more important in their sons' lives,
their grandchildren's lives, and their own lives is to manufacture
a nasty competition with their DILs.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
Nothing wrong in using her DIL's ideas to make some money herself.
However, what a nasty bit of work she is to UNDERSELL her OWN DIL's
work. I'm glad that I'm not related to her, either!
I feel for the poor DIL who is!
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Related
MIL might be an upstanding member of her religious community, but
by any other standards of society, she sucks. How petty can
you get? Her religious community must not be too fussy about
who they allow in as long as the individual brings in (no pun intended)
the dough.
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Why do MILs have to be
so controlling? My DF and I have been dating for two and a
half years, and we have not spent any holidays together, because
his mother expects him to always go to their house. Now that
we are engaged, I didn't think that she would still expect us to
spend holidays apart. My DF and I decided that for Christmas
we would spend part of the day with his family and part of the day
with mine. DF called his mom to tell her our plans, and she
was furious. She said that holidays were times to spend with
family. DF reminded her that I was going to be family soon.
She said that this was her LAST Christmas with her family (because
my being there would ruin every Christmas for the rest of her life,
apparently) and that he and I would be able to spend lots of holidays
together in the future. DF told her that this was the way
we were going to do it because we really wanted to spend Christmas
together. Her last resort was to ask if I could leave for
part of the time that we were at his parents' house so that they
could have time as a family. I was so angry at first, but
then I realized that I can give her a taste of her own medicine.
When DF and I are married and have kids, I will tell her that we
can't spend holidays with her. She said, herself, that holidays
are a time for "ONLY immediate family".
Signed - No Holidays
with MIL
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Good plan. I don't blame you. What a horrid woman.
At least your FDH was on your side. That is a good sign for
the future.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
I would tell her about your plan for your future holidays now, just
to tick her off. She sounds like another winner. Good
luck.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Good one! Why don't you ask her to leave during a space of
time during your wedding because you'd only like your family there!
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
I'm so sorry. My MIL used to do the same for thing to me.
My DH now spends most of his holidays with me and my family, as
my family has always treated him well. Her loss.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Congrats on finding a man who can stand up to his family, but may
I make a suggestion? Get all of your issues resolved with
FMIL now (or, rather, all her issues with you) before you get married,
or else I guarantee that this woman will try to come between your
DF and you. Good luck.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Do you want to spend your life counting the days until your children
are born and can be used as an excuse to get back at your MIL?
Put yourself above this. Share your holidays in ways that
you and your FDH can agree on, and stick to your guns with a tranquil
smile. If you really try this, you may be surprised at how
easy it can be. If MIL sends herself into a tizzy, it is HER
problem, HER choice, and it doesn't have to be YOUR problem.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
My mother told me, when I was engaged to my DH, that he wasn't welcome
to spend Christmas with us because he "wasn't a member of our
family". Every Christmas has been miserable since.
Inform your FMIL, or have your fiancé do it, that you are
a member of her son's family and that she can deal with it or kiss
your @ss.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
LOL. That's what I would do. Do you know how many times
I have repeated my MIL's very words back to her and watched her
squirm? Example: My MIL hates her MIL, and vice versa.
One day, MIL was complaining about me, saying that if my father
told me not to marry someone, I would listen because parents are
always right. So I said, "Oh, so grandma must be right
about you, because she didn't want FIL to marry you."
MIL said, "Uh, no. She just does not like me."
I said, "Noooo. You said that parents are always right,
and if she does not like you, it is because of you. You must
not be good enough for her son." MIL backpedaled after
that. Do it!
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
MILs are only controlling if you let what they do control you.
You and DH just have to decide how you want your life to be, and
then make a stand. If she gets furious, too bad for her.
She's an adult, she'll just have to deal with it. We have
decided that holidays will be at our home, period. Anyone
who wants to come here is welcome, but we aren't going to run all
over to suit the MIL who wants to play queen bee in her hive.
My wretched ILs need to "run the show" is so great that
they will not visit our home and children. They spend their
holidays at home, by themselves. Believe me, we don't miss
them. I applaud you and DH for dealing with this situation
so early in your relationship. If you take control now, you'll
have lots of happy years together, with or without the ILs!
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
GOOD!!!!!!!! By the way, you don't have to wait till you have
children because you and DH are the immediate family, without her
or children. I spend my holiday time alone with just DH, and
we have no kids. She obviously doesn't enjoy your company
at all. She has the ability to spend time with you and to
enjoy it, but she is too selfish and oblivious to the fact that
you are his family now (his immediate family). Don't let her
make everything about her!!! If he's at her house, you have
the right to be there as his wife (the most important family member
to him, next to any future children). You don't need to have
children to give her the business. Just tell her that when
she asks you to leave, DH is coming too, because you want to spend
time with immediate family. She'll get the point.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Why wait until you have kids? If I were you, I would start
that immediately after your wedding. Make sure that DH is
supportive with this. And, when MIL complains, be sure to
let her know that she was the one who insisted, all those years,
that holidays were for family only, and that is simply what you
are doing.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
Good for your DH for standing up to her! I also think that
it is good that you were able to take what she said about "only
immediate family" and turn it around. She will be sorry
that she said this! Only, true to MIL form, she won't remember
saying that! Or, she will deny it and try to use it that you
are a mean DIL who is trying to keep her son away from her.
I hope your FH will always remember to set her straight. It's
a good thing that you and your FH stopped the separate holidays
though, because she would've expected it to continue for years.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
I hate your MIL! She is a piece of work. But, to be
fair, maybe she'll learn that she's wrong. It took me a while
to understand that my SIL was my brother's primary family (and closest
friend), as opposed to us. But, I thoroughly understand it
now. I hope I was never so rude to her, though.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
I've said it before on this site, and I'll say it again: MIL
has divided what could have been a united, extended family into
two camps, where no such division need have existed. Her "us"
vs. "them" mentality is nothing less than an ultimatum.
Call her on it and choose your camp - but make it clear that she
was the one who made such a decision necessary, and that it wasn't
carved in stone that your choice would be the one that pleases her.
She sounds like the Grinch - her heart is three sizes too small.
Fortunately, it sounds like DF isn't taking her BS, and that's a
major point in your favor. FMIL is acting more like a jealous
mistress than a mother worthy of that name. Asking you to
leave before the end of the holiday is beyond rude. I believe
that many problems in the world (whether on a familial or a global
level) are precisely the result of people like her who feel it's
perfectly acceptable to treat "outsiders" like garbage.
Thankfully, hers is a dying generation, and there's no reason to
regret its passing.
RESPONSE: No Holidays with MIL
You catch on quick. ROTFLOL. And you better stick to
your guns once you are married too. Make your own holidays
and traditions for your family!! Start your planning months
in advance, so there will be no changing them. Make it clear
that it is your holiday too, and you plan to celebrate it the way
you please.
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My MIL is the most selfish
person I have ever met in my life. If she stopped thinking
of herself for one micro second, the sky would fall, I'm sure.
My husband and I have been married for 12 years. We have 3
children. These are her only 3 grandchildren and they will
be her only 3 grandchildren, since my husband is an only child.
Never has this woman ever sent them a birthday gift that didn't
arrive 3 weeks after the fact. And, 99% of these gifts were
a video tape. I have asked her not to send videos anymore,
as I have run out of room to put them, but she still sends them.
She is single, a nurse, and makes a very good living. We,
on the other hand, are a young, struggling family. My husband
and I both work full time jobs just to support our family and pay
the medical bills that were incurred while my son was in and out
of the hospital for 6 months. Has my MIL ever offered to help
with anything? NO. Does she ever ask if the kids need
anything? NO. I don't know about anyone else, but my
mother is always asking what the kids need - school clothes, shoes,
whatever. She is so selfish that one year she decided to celebrate
my husband's birthday without us. She was visiting our home
and staying with us, as she lives out of town. I went to pick
up the kids from baseball practice, and when we got home, she and
her friends were already opening presents and eating the cake that
I made because she had made plans to go out with these friends,
and she didn't want to wait for us to get home. Last year,
she bought my son an interlocking block set, for his birthday, that
he already had. My son decided that he would give it away
to Toys for Tots. Later, she said that she would like it back
so that she could give it to her nephew. She went on to say
that her sister and her husband were having a rough year, and it
would help them out. She proceeded to tell me how much money
they make and what all their expenses were. Let me tell you,
they were much better off than we were. And, they didn't have
a sick child, to top it off. She doesn't live in this state,
and that is just fine with me. But, you would think that she
would call once in a while to see how everyone was doing.
Never. Out of sight, out of mind. She is a slob.
When she visits, she leaves pop cans, cigarette butts, and wrappers
all over the house, and she never makes her bed. When I was
at the hospital with my son one time, she stayed at our house for
a few days. When we were finally able to come home, we couldn't
wait. She had been sleeping in his bed - she left it unmade,
with dirty sheets on it. That's just what I wanted to do after
being in the hospital for 3 weeks - change sheets just so my son
(who was not yet well) could sleep in his bed. I could go
on forever with stories about this woman.
Signed - Glad I'm Not
Alone
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Stop letting her stay at your house.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
I would thank my lucky stars that she lives in another state?
Can you imagine what your life would be like if she lived near you?
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
C'mon. Is your husband invisible? A mute? No balls?
Doesn't he have hurt feelings here too? Or did you marry a
mouse?
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
She doesn't want to help, period. So don't ask. If I
were you, I'd have nothing to do with this woman anymore.
When she's old and needs a place to stay, take her to the nearest
nursing home, and dump her there.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
And you put up with this woman because? I can see that by
her neglect of your family, she doesn't care about any of you, and
that's fine. It is mean and cruel, but it is certainly her
decision to make. But tearing into your DH's birthday cake
to share with her friends while you were out getting your kids?
That is despicable. I hope you and DH have nothing to do with
her.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Maybe you should tell her this: She might need an eye opener
for a change, because she doesn't sound aware of what she is doing.
I would have been really pissed about the birthday cake and the
bed sheets. Why did your DH let her cut the cake (that you
baked) without his immediate family? I'd be just a little
pissed at him too.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Yeah, she's gross, disgusting, and selfish. However, I'm curious
as to why you think that she should give you money for your son's
condition. That's not her problem. Sorry, but that's
how life works. You pay your own way. Think of it this
way; what if she did give you money and then demand that you owe
her for life or something? At least she's out of your hair
most of the time, being out of state. As for the gifts, they
don't belong to her anymore, so too bad for her. Donate those
videos also.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
When you said that MIL is a nurse, I felt a shiver go down my spine.
In what century did she learn the basics of hygiene? As for
scarfing down your cake the minute you turned your back, that sounds
like something a 6 year old would do (I was really sorry that you
didn't tell us that she was sick as a dog afterwards). MIL
is acting like a naughty, petulant child, so that's the way you
must consider her from now on. And, make sure to let her know
that she will be treated like an adult when she starts to act like
one.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Yepp, you have a bad MIL. It seems to me that she never needed
kids, as she is the center of her world. I think it is time
for someone to stay in a hotel when she comes for a visit.
It would be me or her staying in one. When she mentions that
she is coming, drop a nice little note or email to her and tell
her that if she will give you her dates, you will be glad to send
her the info on the hotels in the area, maps, and interesting things
to do. Ask her to understand that you just aren't up to a
house guest at this time. That's what I did to help my MIL
out when I heard that she was planning a trip (and she does make
her bed)!!
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
It sounds like you have a couple of valid reasons to be upset with
her. However, it seems that you should just accept the fact
that she will not be the MIL that you want or need. You need
to let go of the anger of her not offering to pay your bills or
help with things for the kids. It would be wonderful if she
would help, but she has no obligation to do so, and you should just
accept that. Carrying resentment around about it is just going
to eat you up, and you shouldn't let that happen. It's not
worth it. Not all grandmothers are warm and loving, nor do
they all want to do things for their grandkids.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Did you ever ask her to help you with money or clothing for the
kids? Just because your mom does this, don't assume that everyone
would just offer. Maybe she doesn't know that you want her
to help you out financially. But, just remember that when
you ask people for financial help, you are opening yourself and
your household to their scrutiny. She may want to know a lot
of personal information about your bills and finances, and since
it sounds like you don't like her, you would probably resent her
terribly for being involved in your business. She doesn't
sound all that bad, just a little clueless and non-maternal.
Maybe she just doesn't want to be the kind of MIL and grandmother
that you expect her to be. She probably buys videos for the
kids because she doesn't know them well enough to make better choices.
Maybe you could give her specific suggestions for presents, or even
just ask her if she wants you to shop for them. My father
just tells us what he wants to spend, and I do the buying.
It makes things much easier for us all. My father means well,
but is also pretty clueless about little kids and all that.
Really, compared to many of the MILs here, she sounds OK.
It doesn't sound like she is interfering in your life or trying
to control you, which is very hard to deal with. Your issues
can probably be worked around with some open communications and
understanding.
RESPONSE: Glad I'm Not Alone
Sadly, you are right. You are NOT alone. When our DD
was born, MIL came and stayed with us - to help, ha! What
a mistake! Knowing she is a compulsive rule-breaker anyway,
we actually gave her permission to smoke in our tiny apartment,
as long as she did it in the kitchen and out the window, far away
from the baby. But, THAT wasn't good enough! Every time
she thought that we weren't paying attention, she tried to walk
around the other rooms with a cigarette! She went to visit
her other baby granddaughter, who was several months old and had
a terrible cold, then she wanted to come back and hold our 3-day
old with unwashed, tabacco-y, germy, hands! When we objected,
she DEMANDED that we show her where Dr. Spock says that you have
to wash your hands before holding a new baby, or where colds can
be transmitted this easily. She told us that she would NOT
respect our wishes unless Dr. Spock said so! We had to call
the pediatrician and have her convince my MIL that it was better
for her NOT to expose our infant to germs and allergens. She
left filth around for me to clean, even though I was having a very
rough time physically, postpartum. I was so sore that I couldn't
sit at all for the first couple of days, and then not without a
plastic donut for two more weeks. But, there I was, cooking
and washing dinner dishes while she made long distance calls from
our home (with DH just having been laid off). DH finally wrote
her a check for $500 and told her to get on a plane and get OUT.
Would you believe that I got on my knees and made them make up?
Have I ever paid for THAT well-intended gesture! Yes, you
are NOT alone!
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Working Women Don't Have Wives