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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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February 18, 2003
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JANUARY
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FEBRUARY
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- nikluver, 1 of 4 needed /Posted:
18-FEB-03
Ok, so here is my next tale from MIL and her clan.
We had been talking to them - we obviously had worked most things
out. We had gone to visit them for a while in March of 2001,
and FIL was a tad abusive. He can be a really good guy when
he isn't that way, but he is a big man and is very scary when he
gets angry. He has been known to fly off the handle before.
I was terrified. DH told MIL, and MIL cornered me and told
me that I had to deal with it because he is DH's father, and that
I am being too sensitive. Sorry, I don't do domestic abuse,
and I don't like to see it at all. There is no way that I
will allow my DD to see it or be around it!
Signed - Because She
Lives With It, I Have To???
( I
want my own Frequent
Fry Her TM
Page )
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
RUN AWAY!!! Really, you and DH just need to get the heck away
from these nuts. Why deal with that kind of craziness???
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
Stick to your guns! Acting as if abusive behavior is the norm
or is acceptable simply allows it to go on and get passed down to
the next generation. This is a horrible example for your DD
to see. I have 2 daughters of my own. I keep reinforcing
to them that no one has the right to hurt them. Your DD has
to come first. I feel that you are justified in protecting
your DD from this situation.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
No one "HAS TO" put up with abuse! You MUST protect
your DD from witnessing this - children learn what they see!
Don't bother to try to explain to MIL. Clearly, whatever twisted
needs or personal weaknesses she had made her rationalize that this
is somehow acceptable. If she had admitted to herself how
bad it is, wouldn't she have left a long time ago? As to the
"good guy" side of FIL, so what? The bad is just
too bad to overlook - it's a matter of safety!
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
I know exactly what you mean. Except my situation is with
my own father and mother. I recently got married and moved
with DH to his first duty station (pretty far away from the coast
that we are from). My parents were the first family that was
able to afford to come visit. We were happy to have them,
as they are pretty exciting people and love my DH to death.
The problem is that my father tends to get really nasty and mouthy
quickly with my mother over stupid little cr@p. My mom, dad,
and I were in the kitchen when my DH was in the other room changing
his clothes. My mom suggested to my father that maybe he should
look at my car because it was making a funny noise. You would
have thought that she had spit in his face the way he reacted!!!
He proceeded to tell her to mind her own g-d business, and just
keep doing what she was doing, and to shut up while she was at it.
I, on the other hand, am not big on men telling women to shut up
and telling them to basically keep their place. I was so furious
at him, because my DH heard everything, and because he was talking
to my mother. I looked at her in disbelief (that she said
nothing), but, in a way, I couldn't blame her, because it would
have started more cr@p between them. My mother does defend
herself , she was just not going to start a screaming match.
I left the room feeling embarrassed, and went upstairs. My
mother followed me and asked me what was wrong. I told her
that I didn't like what my dad said and how nastily he said it to
her. She looked at me like, "how dare I comment on their
fighting", and proceeded to tell me to mind my own business.
I quickly told her never to tell me again how an argument in my
house is none of my business, when it bothers the ones living here.
It was embarrassing and tasteless on my father's part, and on top
of that, my mother tried to make me feel badly for being concerned.
I also explained to her that they were not at home, but they were
in DH and my house, and we didn't like being put in the middle of
my father's (I'm a male, hear me roar) tantrums!! I made it
very well known to my father, during the next couple of hours, how
disappointed I was in his behavior, and how he talked to my mother
like a piece of sh!t. My mother tried to make it OK by saying
that I had the problem for reacting in such a way. But, no
matter who it is, if they are disturbing the peace way and beyond,
you don't have to put up with it. Even if it was my DH's parents,
I don't feel that I owe them my attention when they're being nasty
to each other in such a way. If they want to put on a huge
production for the family and start to fight, they won't be doing
it in my house. Don't ever be afraid to tell someone (no matter
who it is) that you are uncomfortable with their behavior , and
that either they leave or you're leaving. You see, that's
the beauty of being all grown up and telling the parents to knock
it off. You know that you don't have to live with it.
You have every right to leave and say that you are uncomfortable.
It's your business to do what makes you feel better. I felt
better making it known that it was not going to happen again as
long as they were in my house (with my DH in the other room).
So, don't you be afraid to leave with your DD the next time he pulls
his cr@p. I wouldn't. I'd whip her out of that house
in two seconds. And, remember that you are the mother of that
child, and you say what goes. You are also not a child anymore,
and you don't have to listen to anyone tell you what to put up with
and what not to. You didn't make it this far in life on your
MIL's tactics, so keep following your own.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
I assume that you aren't going back. If DH wants to, he should
stay there
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
No, you sure don't have to live with it. If your MIL has convinced
herself that it's okay for her husband to be abusive, well, that's
her problem (sad as it may be). But, there's no way that you
should allow your child to be around that, and no reason why you
should put up with it, either. If DH insists on visiting FIL,
he can go alone. Or, just possibly, if you want to be really,
really nice, you could go along. But, insist on having control
of the car keys. When FIL starts to get ugly, simply say,
"I will not put up with this, nor expose my child to it,"
and walk. If DH doesn't care to come with you, let him take
a cab home.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
Why in heavens name should you stay and be abused?? Is your
DH crazy?? I wouldn't subject my family to someone like this,
related or not. The man will scare the sh!t out of your DD,
and she doesn't need that - she needs YOU to protect her from that.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
No, you do not have to "live" with it, nor even put up
with it for a short time. Run, run like the wind! And,
remember that people can only "make" you feel guilty if
you permit it in your mind. Just brush them off and remind
them of all the statistics about domestic abuse, and that you are
not going to participate in it or enable it (your MIL is a classic
enabler).
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
Oh, don't you love it when someone tells someone else that they're
being "too sensitive"? You could say, "I'm
sure that I am too sensitive sometimes. But I will not be
able to subject my daughter to that kind of abuse." Or
something like that, said in a kind, calm way.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
Well, go with the flow, I guess.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
I would tell MIL that just because SHE is stupid enough to "put
up with it", you are NOT. And, if she don't like it,
she can stick it where the sun don't shine!
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
No, no, no. Thousands of women and children are DEAD because
people let their abusers get away with it, and said, "Oh, that's
just how he is." Stand up to these bullies, and say that
anyone who abuses someone smaller and weaker than themselves is
a big coward. Don't back down. Why should you be muzzled
for speaking the truth? But, cut your MIL some slack.
If she has been living with this bully for years, she has probably
lived through some pretty nasty scenes. And, she is probably
too afraid to get help, or feels that it is just the way things
should be. Abusers have a great talent for convincing their
victims that it is all the victim's own fault. And, please,
for all of your sakes, don't let your daughter be around your FIL
if he continues to behave like this. If he starts being abusive
to anyone in your presence, just pick up your daughter and walk
out. If your DH won't follow you, sit and wait for him in
the car, or whatever. Tell them that you won't stand for behavior
like that, full stop. I suspect that no-one has ever really
stood up to him before, so tough. I am glad that you are being
the mother bear to protect your daughter.
RESPONSE: Because She Lives With It, I Have To???
It sounds like you have your head screwed on straight on this issue.
There is no valid reason why you should put up with this type of
behavior, and even less for you to subject your child to it.
If you are indeed being "too sensitive" as MIL says, ask
her someday if FIL acts this way around friends, coworkers and casual
acquaintances who are under no obligation to put up with his tantrums.
|
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I was wondering if any
of you other DILs have ever had a problem like this one, or am I
totally unique? My husband is the only son that they have,
and the only child who even bothers with them at all. Here's
my problem: My ILs totally adore me and my children, but yet,
when it comes to their own son, they treat him like dirt.
IF he needs something, they yell and scream at him about it and
then refuse to help us out at all. But, if I ask for money
or a ride, they usually never refuse me. I get better gifts
(also more expensive usually too) than they give their own son!!!!
They make him out to be a woman abuser, and god knows what else.
And, yet, if that were true, then my relatives would be saying worse
things. My relatives love him to death and can never say enough
good things about him. Yet, neither one of us can stand his
parents at all, and we avoid them whenever possible. I am
the one who wrote "stupid hacking coughing mother-in-law".
I would really love some input on this.
Signed - Killing Me With
Kindness
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
Maybe they are trying to turn your husband against you. Or,
maybe they are just cr@ppy parents. My BF's mom doesn't like
her second son because she "always wanted a daughter".
And, yet, she treats me like sh!t and still calls me "the daughter
I never had". Go figure.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
I have a similar situation. They don't call him an abuser
or anything, but the gifts my ILs give him are not as nice as the
ones I get. And, they constantly rag on him and make fun of
his tastes, his job, his beliefs, etc., etc. But, with me,
they are peachy. What kills me is that my DH has a brother
who just can't seem to be a productive member of society, yet he
gets showered with praise as well. That makes me wonder how
they truly feel about my DH. I find it sad, because DH is
such a smart, wonderful person, and so we don't have too much interaction
with them. They live about 30 minutes away from us, and we
haven't seen them since Christmas (it is now March). They
may treat me very nicely, but until they treat him with respect
and love, I won't make an effort to see them more often.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
If you can't stand your ILs and they are rude and disrespectful
to your DH, why are you using them for money and gifts and rides??
They have emotionally and verbally abused your DH for years, and
are using you and kids as another way to get at DH. Why are
you participating in this sick, abusive relationship? For
gifts? For money?? WAKE UP!! You are hurting your
DH and your kids! If you are so emotionally needy that their
attention is somehow flattering, GET SOME THERAPY!
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
I have a same situation. It seems to really bother my MIL
when I say anything positive about her son. She loves to belittle
him and can't understand why I don't want to. She is also
usually nice to me, although I think it is a very fake kindness.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
It wouldn't get you anywhere to try to point out to them that it's
terrible for them to treat you nicely when they treat their son
like dirt. It will only put you on the dirt list, too.
Stay away. They've got some serious issues that are hurtful
to your poor DH, and all you can do is show him where YOUR loyalty
lies. He may want to see a counselor. His parents sound
abusive, and that type of thing is almost certain to leave scars.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
If they treat their son like that, you need to talk to them about
it. If they don't respond well or keep it up, you need to
write them out of your lives. Your husband doesn't need their
abuse or constant negative feedback. Maybe his parents only
wanted daughters? It happens.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
I can see why your husband's siblings want nothing to do with his
parents. He needs some counseling to help him break away.
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
I would do a combined gift with them. Don't let them treat
either of you poorly. It is not fair to punish him like a
child and withhold it by showing him that he doesn't DESERVE to
get anything but cr@p. I would just tell them that instead
of gifts, lets go out to eat and celebrate, as we are ADULTS and
want to just enjoy their company??? Good luck!
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
That is unique! It was interesting to read, and so different
from my experience!
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
WHY are you asking for money or a ride anywhere? Are you 4
years old?
RESPONSE: Killing Me With Kindness
For whatever sick reasons they may have, the ILs are playing the
old "divide and conquer" game with you and DH. Don't
fall for it! The "gifts" they are giving you are
poisoned. I'd be interested to know what transpires the day
(and it will come) when THEY need HIM.
|
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A little bit of background
before the story. DF and I are both from the northeast.
He is in the Navy, stationed in another northeast state. We
were planning a wedding for the spring of 2002. I was going
to be moving to Dh's state in October, when his sub got back from
deployment. We decided to have the shower in September for
a few reasons: 1) The things that you receive at a shower
are usually to help set up a new home. We didn't want to move
into our place and buy all this stuff, then get duplicates or whatever
at the shower. 2) It made more sense to be able to take
anything we got at the shower with us when we moved than to have
to drive 9 hours back for the shower and take everything back to
our new home. As it was, it took two minivans to move all
the stuff from the shower location to my dad's. I had been
asking FMIL for names and addresses (for the wedding guest list
and for the shower) for about 3 months. Finally, I told her
that if I didn't have them by X, they wouldn't be invited.
She showed up AT MY JOB at 9pm that night to give me the list.
At the shower, she let her daughter (FSIL) bring a friend so that
she'd have someone to talk to (she's 15). What? She
can't talk to her family? She can't make an effort to get
to know my family? A friend had gotten me a basket of a bunch
of different things, wrapped in purple cellophane (like they have
around Easter baskets). FMIL told me to "save it, to
*wear* for DF"! How tacky! I didn't know how to
react. When it came time to open her gift, I was afraid.
She leaned over and handed me a paper napkin from the restaurant
where the shower was held. She had *made* the card for me.
The present was a large storage tote filled with all kinds of stuff.
Most of it was used and nasty, like a metal colander that had definitely
seen better days, and what I think were her toasting glasses (she
and FFIL are divorced). There was a canned ham of indeterminable
age, and other gross stuff. It looked like she had her neighbors
clean out their kitchens and give me anything that they didn't want
anymore. I was sooo embarrassed by this. I would have
appreciated just a thoughtful card so much more than the cr@p she
gave us. I threw out most of it before DF ever saw it.
What he did see made him angry. Since then, we've had to postpone
our wedding. FBIL said that FMIL and her side of the family
want their presents back, since we didn't get married when we said
we would. It's not like we're not getting married ever.
DF is so mad at her now that he said he doesn't want to invite her
to the wedding. It hurts me to think this, and I will certainly
not hold him to it, but it also make me indescribably happy.
Now I won't have to worry about FMIL and FSMIL being in the same
room at the wedding. I was beginning to think that I was going
to have to hire bouncers for the reception! I love FSMIL -
she's an absolutely wonderful woman, and perfect for the family.
I honestly have a hard time imagining FMIL married to FFIL.
Anyhoo. That's my story, for now. Hopefully, I won't
have any more contact with her.
Signed - Flea-Market
MIL
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
Sheesh, what a mess. Why don't you just elope? Remember,
marriage is about the cake, not the icing.
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
Viva Las Vegas!!!
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
No offense, but your shower probably looked like a gift grab to
most of the invitees, since your wedding was so far in the future.
As for people wanting their gifts back, that's a bit ridiculous
(it's not like you canceled the wedding). But, you should
probably set a new date soon. Just my 2 cents.
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
I understand the part about taking back the flea market presents
after the date was changed being really b!tchy. The only thing
that I think you are being b!tchy about is just about everything
else, especially the 15 year old. HELLO, you said the age
15 like she was 25 or something. She is young, and probably
not that social with a lot of the adult crowd yet. So get
over it if she is 15 and needed to bring a little friend along to
make her comfortable. I can't believe you were knocking a
15 year old for bringing her friend for a little security.
I would have done the same thing at that age. Grow up!!!!!!!!
From one military wife to another.
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
Did you throw your own bridal shower? If you did, how incredibly
tacky. That is like fishing for gifts. And, have you
set a new date for the wedding? If so, then the ILs should
not be too upset. If not, I would be upset, too. No
one (no matter how awful they are) is obligated to get you a gift.
But, FMIL was being tacky with all the used junk.
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
SUPER TACKY! How tacky to ask for gifts back. I attended
a wedding where the marriage lasted 3 months, and I would never
have DREAMED of asking for the gifts back. I never even got
a thank you card. Your MIL giving you used items EEEWWW -
then she wanted them back?? NICE! Not to mention the
fact that she referred to your sex life with DF?? YUCK!
If DF doesn't want tacky family at the wedding, let him have his
wish. This will save you both the chance of them wrecking
the wedding day for you forever. Congrats!
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
Your MIL is awful, but you did commit an etiquette faux pas for
having your shower so early. And, yes, the relatives are actually
correct when they say that if you did not get married, you should
send the gifts back. You say that the wedding was postponed,
but you are still going to get married. There are all sorts
of scenarios in which the two of you never do get married.
So, gather up all those used and nasty "gifts" from the
MIL box, and send them back!
RESPONSE: Flea-Market MIL
If you have a DEFINITE wedding date within the next couple of months,
keep the stuff. If not, I think it is bad manners to keep
it and you should give it back, especially if you are shacking up.
If that is the case, you shouldn't be keeping wedding gifts, since
you are not married.
|
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So, MIL had wanted to
induce me, and we said that the doctor wouldn't do it so that was
over with. I was due in mid January, so of course on New Years,
the one night of my entire pregnancy that I stayed up late, I went
into labor. I went to bed about 1 am, and I woke at 3:15 AM
in an advanced state of labor (I think that was what they had called
it). I called the hospital after freaking out that something
was wrong. They said to call back in an hour. Well,
five minutes later, I stood up and my water broke. So DH called
his parents so that they would be prepared to come on down because
they wanted to be there for the labor (its a 2 day drive, like it
was really gonna happen). They told him to tell me to hold
it in. Yay. So, 2 hours later I had the baby.
Things were pretty good afterwards, for the next day or so.
The hospital keeps everyone for 3 days there, so the night before
I was to be discharged, DH had to rush home and clean for a few
hours, because apparently his parents would have freaked if the
house was a mess. So that made me nervous. I mean, we
had to run off into he night, and I had nested, so of course the
house was pretty clean (aside from some bags of wrapping paper that
we left in the corner by the garbage can). Then, he came back
and we sat around waiting (not like there was much else to do in
hospital anyway, LOL). They finally showed up and gave him
a call. He went to meet them and brings them up. By
this time, it was about 8 PM, and I was exhausted (all those fun
wakeups the hospital gives you). So, then they decided to
hang around past visiting hours. They all went and asked if
they could stay. In my head I was thinking, "HELLO -
JUST GAVE BIRTH, WANNA SLEEP!" But, I figured that I
can just smile and nod and let it go. I figured that they
had been on the road for a long time and whatnot, so they wouldn't
want to stay too late. Well, they woke the baby and got her
all worked up by taking tons of pictures (FIL's camera is VERY BRIGHT).
She was all worked up and freaked out, and THEN they chose to go.
Argh, and they needed DH to go with them. By this time it
was 10 PM, and they all left. I was pooped beyond all belief,
and stuck with an hysterical baby. Of course, the hospital
was understaffed at this point, and couldn't take the baby either.
So, lucky me had to calm her down. What a bad night!
So, the next morning they said that they wanted to come to the hospital
so that they could watch us take the baby home and help us do so.
We waited. Discharge was about 9 or 10, depending on when
you got everything signed and checked out. Well, the in-laws
didn't show up until 11. BIL was bouncing on my bed.
I was just wanting to strangle someone. Then, they got everything
prepared, got me in my wheelchair, and we went to leave. Well,
FIL decided that he HAS to film every last second. OK.
I can totally understand that he wanted this, because it was the
first grandkid and he was sooo excited, but the lady wheeling me
was like, "Sir, can you please turn that off. I don't
want my pictures taken." So, what should have been quick
and easy, getting wheeled down to the car, turned into a half hour
picture and film fest. At this point, I was like, "Get
me home, please!" So, after all that, they got to our
house and inspected it for a while, whispering to each other.
Then, they said that they were gonna leave us alone for a while,
as they were gonna sightsee some. So, they left, and later
they came back and we all went to the mall. I was up to it
for a while, but then I couldn't do it anymore. And, they
let out little groans of disappointment. Oh well, you can't
please every one. The next day DH had to go in to work.
He is in the military and had to sign off on papers to get days
off, etc. So, he went in to work. They had said that
they would be at house by noon or so. They didn't show up
until after 2 (notice a pattern?). Well, I'd had to breastfeed,
but didn't want to get settled in with DD and then have them come
right then. She was starved. I had been holding her
off because they were due at any time. So, finally I gave
up, wrote a note, and left it on door. I left the door wide
open. At some point, while I was feeding, the note must have
blown away, cause they didn't see it. Well, they showed up,
and BIL had to go potty. So she took him to the bathroom,
and apparently heard me talking. She thought that I was talking
on the phone, even though I hollered to her that I was feeding baby
and to come on in. I said that I would be out soon.
Well, they waited outside, and later they complained to DH that
they thought it was terrible that I was on the phone, and made them
sit outside and wait while I chatted. OK, great. Big
miscommunication, but it hurt my feelings way bad. So, I got
out of the bedroom and they stayed for about fifteen minutes, taking
pictures, etc. Then, they said that they were changing hotels.
They didn't like the one they were in. So I said, "Well,
DH will be back at such and such time. You are welcome to
stay if you want. Or, if you don't want to, please come back
at that time so you can see DD." They said that they
were coming back about 4 that afternoon. So I said, "OK,
see ya later!" Well, DH came home from work, and asked
where they were. I said that they are changing hotels.
Time passed, time passed. They called at 7 and asked if we
wanted them to pick up some dinner. Sure, OK They showed
up after nine PM and were angry with me because I apparently didn't
let them see enough of DD. I told DH, "Don't you dare
bring her out there." I had just gotten her to sleep.
She had difficulties breast feeding and so she was feeding all day,
every day. My nipples were cracked and I was exhausted.
I said, "Please, please, just let her sleep!" SO,
he went out and said that she and I were sleeping, and he didn't
want to wake the baby. So, then MIL tore into me to DH about
how I was on the phone and blah, blah, blah. I did lots of
stuff to piss her off, I guess. They left much later, and
planned to come back next day. They all made plans to come
over the next morning, and MIL stayed with me and the baby while
DH took BILs and FIL to stores and stuff to shop and show them around.
Well, I was pretty uncomfortable with MIL at that point, and didn't
want to spend all morning sitting around waiting for them again
(it turned out that their hotel was an hour drive from us!).
So, I told DH that I was just sick of it and I wanted to just spend
the day with him or alone with baby, no in-laws or anyone.
SO ,they came, and he told them that we wanted a day alone, that
I felt really uncomfortable, and that I was having some bad hormone
fluctuations. They got mad and left while he came back to
talk to me, leaving him bawling because his parents left him.
They called later (very angry) and said that they were leaving a
few days early - the next day. Apparently they were unwanted.
The next day they stopped by, apparently MIL was so mad that she
wouldn't even come in. FIL came in and gave us some hugs,
said bye, and kissed the baby. Apparently, during the whole
drive home, MIL trashed me and FIL defended me by saying that I
had just had a new baby and it was a difficult thing for anyone.
That woman still holds a grudge against me. Oh well, we now
live very far away, thank god!
Signed - If They Had
Shown Up On Time, Maybe It Wouldn't Have Been So Bad!
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Your MIL sounds like a meddling, self-absorbed fool. At least
FIL seems to have realized that something ELSE was going on during
the visit (like, say, the first few days home with your newborn).
But, MIL seems blissfully unaware that anybody had a right to do
anything except entertain her, even the baby! I can't believe
that you went to the MALL with them (and presumably the baby) the
day after you got home!! You should have kicked them right
out. Thank goodness they live far away, but when they do visit,
you are just going to have to put your foot down and get DH to back
you up. They are adults, they don't need baby-sitting or your
constant attention. You are NOT their cruise director, and
don't let them influence you otherwise. Good luck with new
baby!
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
YOU did nothing wrong. YOUR ILs ARE INCONSIDERATE. If
your ILs were normal and considerate human beings, they would have
visited when it was convenient for you, turning up when they said
they would, and helping around the house so you could concentrate
more on the baby. And, if they wanted to be treated like royalty,
then they should have waited for at least a few weeks for you, baby
and your DH to spend time together, learn to cope, and get into
a comfortable routine. What totally selfish people they are.
This was NOT your fault at all.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Please stop being a doormat for these people! You and your
family deserve more - your in-laws' behavior is outrageous.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
You poor thing! Your FIL was right - you did just have a baby,
and your MIL needs to shove it!! God help your poor daughter
if she doesn't cooperate with her grandmother's plans! Will
she leave in a huff then, too? Sheesh. Some people need
a clue.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
There is no way on earth that I would be able to put up with in-laws
for at least a week after having a baby!!!! They weren't into
giving you time to breathe, were they? I was getting annoyed
for you when they kept giving you different times to expect them
back, and coming back in the morning, and so on. I would have
lost it at the hospital with all the pictures. You would have
thought that they were the ones having the baby. Didn't your
husband want alone time with you and DD, or what? You also
said that he cried because they were leaving. It sounds like
you've got two babies on your hands. No way I would have gone
nuts with my MIL, or anyone for that matter, if they thought that
they were entitled to that much of our time after we had just had
a baby. How selfish!!!!!!!
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
My MIL did the same thing with the flash and the camera to my first
baby. I was prepared to put my foot down the next day when
she came and stayed for an unwelcome period of time, and I was exhausted.
But, I guess that she'd gotten all she needed the day before (ensuring
that I did not get the sleep that I needed). With the next
child, you will probably find that with the novelty factor not being
there, it will make it a lot easier. My MIL didn't even come
to see the second one until she was three weeks old. If she
is holding a grudge, maybe your husband needs to let her know your
perspective? If she won't listen, write her a note (DH, not
you). At least your husband stood by you - that's great.
It was probably good that the in-laws learned their place early.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
It would have been much easier if you and DH had asked them to visit
at your home (but they stayed in a hotel) two weeks after baby was
born.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Your MIL makes me mad!! Sorry, but the birth of your child
wasn't just about her and her sightseeing. My ILs stayed forever
at the hospital when I had my DS, too. They wouldn't leave,
and I didn't want to breastfeed in front of them. MIL kept
unwrapping his blankets. And, by the time that they finally
left, he had to go in the warmer because his temperature had dropped.
Idiots! I hope things are going well with you and the baby,
and that your ILs stay away!
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Your posts are so disturbing. Please stand up to these people.
I don't know whether to feel sorry for you or slap some sense into
you. Also, when your new baby is crying, it is up to the new
parents to deal with it. That is not the time to look around
for hospital staff to do it for you.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
First off, congratulations on your baby! Your ILs are the
rudest people. My God, you had just given BIRTH. They
want to be entertained? Why on earth would you be schlepping
a newborn baby to the mall? Do you have any clue as to all
the SICK people who go there, even if they are contagious?
You should have been home cuddling, not shopping at a mall!
HELLO. Your DH knew that they were PITA, which is why he ran
home to CLEAN. First off, they were guests in your HOME.
And, if they had rude comments, I would have told them to not let
the door hit their butts on the way OUT. What in the sam HE!!
was DH thinking to let you be tortured by his family and to be the
PATSY because THEY were UPSET. Tell him to grow a PAIR and
stand with you, or go back to live with MUMMSY. How dare he
let them talk about you that way IN YOUR HOME. I don't care
if you were on the phone or just cooing to the baby. Your
MIL reamed DH, and he stood there letting her and CRIED. GROW
UP DUDE! To arrive late and overstay your welcome is just
bad MANNERS, and you had better set some boundaries with this fine
pair of @ssholes, quickly. I wouldn't have stood for any of
that. Do not invite these two back until both of you work
out a deal were they mind their P'S and Q'S and apologize for the
horrid way that they treated you.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Yes, it WOULD have been bad! Who wants a house full of in-laws
when you're having a baby? Your mistake was allowing them
to come and visit then at all. It sounds like one solid round
of he!!.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Well, I am so sorry that you had such a nightmare at what should
have been the most wonderful, awesome time of your lives.
Social inductions are a loathsome idea, so it is great that you
stood up to your MIL on that one. However, I have to say that
I understand how difficult these people can be, but you were wrong
to put their welfare before that of your new baby. You say
that you didn't want to feed her before they came, so she was starving
while you waited for them? Poor little thing. At four
days old all she understands is eating and sleeping. Making
her wait was not right. Your DH is in the Army, and yet he
cries because his parents sulked at him? That is scary.
I hope that you don't let these ghastly people push you around so
much with your next child. Sorry to speak plainly, but when
you bring a newborn home, the welfare of adults becomes totally
secondary. They should have been rushing around after YOU,
cooking and cleaning for you. And, what is with this dragging
you round the shopping mall the day after you brought the baby home?
Are they mental or something? Good thing you live far away
from them now. Those people would have been out of my life
from that day onward.
RESPONSE: If They Had Shown Up ... Wouldn't Have Been
So Bad!
Your husband was "bawling because his parents left him"?
I won't insult your intelligence by pointing out the absurdity of
this. As for MIL, she is a selfish cow who cannot stand not
being in the limelight. When, and if, you have another child,
make it clear that they will be informed one week after the birth,
not before. Kodak moments can get taken too far!
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Working Women Don't Have Wives