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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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March 23, 2003
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FEBRUARY
2003
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MIL is disorganized, and
quite frankly, she doesn't have enough to do. She told DH
and me to come over because she had an errand for us. We went
over to her place, and she told us to go price some furniture for
SIL. She was looking for a bookcase. We went, and then
told her of the prices. She told us to pick up a certain one,
pay for it, and bring it to SIL, which we did. Another time,
she told us that she needed a document mailed at the post office.
We went over to her house and she told us to make a photocopy of
the document and bring it back to her. When we brought the
document and copy back to her, she placed the original in the envelope
and kept the copy. Then she told us to go mail it "return
receipt". Like we are so stupid that we couldn't have
made the copy and mailed the original while we were out. DH
and I are responsible for thousands of dollars a day in our jobs,
and we are capable of understanding the concept of retaining copies.
Her ditzy errands are driving me nuts. BTW, she has a car,
but won't drive, because she'll have no control over her kids.
It's always, "The store closes in forty-five minutes!"
"Today is the last day to mail this." "Go drop
off my dry cleaning - I need it by tomorrow!" "I
lit up my last cigarette - better hurry." So we drop
everything and run these errands, and we have to pay for them, to
boot! She actually held up a wedding (not ours!) when she
sent DH to buy an undergarment for her. I agreed to take her
to the doctor one day, and I worked through lunch so that I could
leave early. And, when I arrived, I found that two of her
other kids were there. I asked her if one of them was going
to take her and she said, "No, I want to ride in your AIR CONDITIONED
car!" *Sigh*. Of course, I got stuck paying for
the prescription, too. How do you find a happy medium - helping
your PILs, but not enabling a chronic moocher?
Signed - Are We Done
Yet?
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Worst gift: For Christmas,
my MIL got me a book on how to speak to someone whom you are angry
with, or at (or something like that). Needless to say, I returned
it and bought something uplifting to my soul.
Signed - DolphinThoughts
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My husband and I had our
first child last winter. At the time we were living away from
"home". I went home with our newborn daughter for
a baby shower. My MIL had the decency to show up an hour and
15 minutes late. As always, she had to make her grand entrance.
That was my final straw with her "lateness", so I said
something to her. She replied that if I didn't like her being
late, then I should not invite her at all. You would think
that she could have shown up on time for the sake of her new granddaughter.
There was no apology from her - she left. So for the rest
of my visit home, I was rattled. You know, they always pull
this cr@p when their son is not around. Anyway, from that
day on I have stood up for myself, and don't let her walk all over
me. It only took me 6 years.
Signed - It Only Took
Me 6 Years
RESPONSE: It Only Took Me 6 Years
I'm glad that you stand up to her if she's mean to you. Okay,
so you have a new baby. So what if your MIL is late.
It's not a big deal. It's not the end of the world.
I'm not trying to be mean or anything, but get over it.
RESPONSE: It Only Took Me 6 Years
Be grateful. Some DILs go their entire married lives letting
their MILs walk all over them. Think of all the pain and suffering
that you have avoided by putting MIL in her place! You go,
girl!
RESPONSE: It Only Took Me 6 Years
She said not to invite her at all, didn't she? So, don't!
If that seems unacceptable, you could tell her that the event starts
an hour (or more) earlier than it actually does. Keep standing
up for yourself!
RESPONSE: It Only Took Me 6 Years
Idea for you - when planning events, tell MIL that they start 2
hours (or more) before they actually do. If you want to include
her in your family get togethers but are tired of her being late
on purpose, try this. If she says anything about it, just
tell her that you changed the time at the last minute and forgot
to call her.
RESPONSE: It Only Took Me 6 Years
It wasn't perfect of her to show up late, but I think it was a lot
ruder of you to yell at her about it. It's not like she was
late showing up to drive you to the hospital to have a baby - it
was just a BABY SHOWER, which is a luxury, not a necessity.
I don't think that she committed any crime in being late for it,
although it was far from perfect. If you were my relative
and you were that harsh and critical, I would not only not show
up LATE to your events, I wouldn't show up at all.
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I can probably equal or
top you with both my MIL and my FIL. They are truly pathetic
people. My husband and I have been married for a year and
a half (we met in college, dated for those four years, and then
were engaged for three). Throughout our courtship, they insisted
that it was puppy love. During our engagement, they told my
husband that he was ruining his life (what they meant to say was
that he was ruining THEIR life). His mother even encouraged
him to "fool around" during the engagement! She
constantly criticized the size of the ring he bought me (she said
it was too small, hoping to get a rise out of me so that he could
see what a devil I was). Then my MIL and my FIL said that
they would pay for 1/2 of the wedding. My parents told them
that they didn't have to. They insisted. They never
paid. I guess that was a sabotage on their part, too.
Then the MIL bought a black dress to wear to the wedding.
Luckily, my husband had the balls to tell her that that was inappropriate
for the mother-of-the-groom. She never smiled once at the
wedding, which was kind of funny since everyone else was so happy
for us, and acknowledged what a beautiful and "moving"
wedding we had. Since we've been married, the MIL has called
pretty much every day to remind my husband of the mistake he made
and that he will be forever unhappy. We decided to start a
family. Instead of being happy for us, the MIL asked my husband
if he was sure he wanted "it", and the FIL said to him,
"I thought you were smarter than this." All of this
was to get him to move back home with them because they don't know
what to do with each other. My family loves my husband and
is very supportive of him, of us, and of our family-to-be.
His parents are selfish and stuck in a rut, and they want him to
fix it. A new marriage is stressful enough, as is bringing
a baby into the world. We don't need their grief. I
am happy that I found this site so I can vent if I need to, especially
about my MIL. Believe me, there is plenty more. The
big thing that gets me though is that his parents think I am a terrible,
selfish person who stole their baby. He doesn't correct them
because he doesn't want to hurt them. Not to mention the fact
that I am completely the opposite of what they think, and I have
done so much for them over the past 8 years! Thanks for the
space to vent.
Signed - Are All PILs
Pains In The @ss?
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
Tell them and DH to F-off and die right!
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
I hope your DH stops taking their toxic phone calls, if that is
all they have to talk about when they call him. He better
start not taking their calls NOW!!!! Good luck.
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
I hope you never let them get to you, and know that no matter how
unfair and childish they are, you ARE a decent person. I think
that your husband is lucky to have you. You sound lovely.
Your in-laws are pathetic.
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
Just because you are related to someone doesn't mean that you have
to let them treat you like trash. Stick up for yourselves,
or just step back from that relationship. Why volunteer for
stress?
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
Did you marry a man or a mouse? Your DH needs to open his
mouth and tell his mother to back off! It is his mother, after
all, who is causing you all of this grief. What is it about
certain men and their mothers? Why can't they set boundaries?
Why can't they speak up when these boundaries are crossed?
Go figure!
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
Your ILs are bad, but your DH is worse. I bet that if he would
stand up to his parents, they would shut up about you and baby-to-be.
The ILs act this way because you and DH do not stand up to them.
Quit being victims. They will only get worse once you have
your children. Do something about them now!!
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
I don't know about all PILs, but yours surely are, that's for sure.
I cannot believe that your DH doesn't stand up for you because "he
doesn't want to upset them". What about you being upset?
Doesn't that matter? Your DH is part of the problem.
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
My MIL, too, cried up a storm at our wedding. However, she
never shed one tear when SHE got to dance with her baby! My
ILs also blame me for stealing away their son. It took a long
time of threats and fighting for DH to see that THEY are needy,
greedy, and just desperate for their DS's attention! They
exaggerate illnesses, try to use money as control, use death as
a weapon, etc.! Now, after many blowouts, we only see them
about once every two months. DH and I are moving about 1.5
hrs from them. We don't have kids yet, but I have laid down
the line! The ILs obsess over their 31 year old baby, imagine
what they will do with a cute, cuddly, little baby? Put your
foot down and fight until the end - until your DH backs you up!
You are right! We don't need this. That's why limited
contact is the only answer!
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
PILs are only a pain in the @Ss if their adult children and spouses
allow them to get away with it! Your DH needs to care less
about whether or not his parents feel "hurt", and care
more about whether you and your marriage are accepted, respected,
and supported by the PILs. Your PILs have controlled and manipulated
your DH all of his life. Now that he's married, they just
want to extend that to you and your marriage. It seems perfectly
logical if you look at it from their perspective. As long
as DH isn't willing to tell PILs that their actions are unacceptable,
don't expect anything to change. DH needs to take a hard look
at his parents actions, their impact on his life, and their impact
on you and your marriage. Then, he needs to take whatever
steps are necessary to protect you and your marriage from their
toxic influence. Believe me, this is only going to get worse
once the baby comes, so do everything you can to encourage your
DH to put the needs of YOU and your family together first.
Good luck to you!
RESPONSE: Are All PILs Pains In The @Ss?
I'd be a little upset my husband is worried about hurting the people
who are causing the problem instead of me. He is supposed
to stand up for you, even against his parents. You are his
wife and the mother of his child. He needs to become a man,
and he isn't a man until he stands up for his family, not against
it. You need to tell him this. Ask him if it makes him
feel good to let his parents do this to you. Does he realize
that they think it's ok to do this to you because he doesn't tell
them to shut up. They are treating him like a little baby
because he's letting them. They can see that he's not ready
for marriage when he sits there and lets them walk all over you.
When he lets them do that, he is giving them the OK sign to say
and do whatever they want to hurt you. It's his responsibility
to talk to his parents, and DON'T you do it. He needs to be
a man and handle his own family. A man with real balls doesn't
let his wife fight battles with his parents. You would do
the same for him if it was yours. Tell him to grow a pair
and defend his family, because you are his family now and he's letting
his parents get away with hurting his family. If he's so worried
about what mommy and daddy think, maybe he should straighten them
out. He doesn't seem to care what they think about you.
What does this tell you??? Someone needs to get priorities
straight. If my parents decided to start berating my husband,
trust me, it better be for good reasons. Other than that they
would have a foot broken in their @Ss And, we love my parents.
We are the ones who go home to each other every day, and he will
be the one who is around to care for me long after my parents and
his are gone. Your DH made a promise to honor you, not his
parents. Don't think that you have to kiss their asses either,
just because they're his parents. No one deserves respect
unless they give it. Tell your husband to grow a pair and
be the man in his family. He is making a fool out of you when
he doesn't do anything to defend you.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives