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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 4, 2003
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I have a very vicious MIL.
She demands total control, especially when it comes to how I
raise my children. My first pregnancy was twins.
My MIL insisted that we move in with them because I, of course,
would be totally unable to care for them on my own. My
weenie husband kept whining that his mom and dad were really
insisting that we move in with them, and he supposed that we
would just have to do it. I told him to go ahead and move
in with them if he wanted to, but I had no intention of moving.
I told him that I was perfectly capable to taking care of my
own children. After the children were born, my MIL informed
me that I was bathing them too often (every other day).
The bath was too full. I was using the wrong pediatrician.
I did not make their beds properly. Their food was the
wrong temperature. I wasn't dressing them properly, etc.
Whenever she would watch them, she would often try to tell me
that she had witnessed them doing something for the first time.
During one typical holiday at her house, the children were tired.
She insisted that they didn't need a nap and kept bringing out
new toys for them to play with. When the children wouldn't
stop crying, I finally thought "this is ridiculous",
and put them down for a nap. She went around telling other
family members that I didn't know what I was doing. When
I came out of the guest room 10 minutes later, she wanted to
know where the children were. When I told her that they
were asleep. She started chewing me out, because I should
have put them to bed in her room instead of the guest room.
What a kook. Anyway, I started pulling away from my MIL
because all of the commotion was driving me crazy. Every
time I pulled away, she came at me even harder. We live
a couple of blocks away from each other in the same small town.
Fortunately, I live next to a big city, because my MIL has gone
on a major smear campaign in our town, and I have pretty much
been driven out of it. My MIL has money, and she runs
with the "it" crowd in town. I never imagined
that educated, well-off women could be such sheep. They
decide, en mass, who they will and won't be nice to. There
always seemed to be one or more of these people in any organization
or activity we were involved in, and sooner or later things
would get uncomfortable. I never thought that people could
be so obnoxious, based upon vicious, untrue gossip. I
have had people be extremely rude and refuse to even answer
me when I spoke to them. A lot of this occurred at church,
no less. Anyway, when people want nothing to do with me,
they, of course, don't want their children interacting with
mine, so I have taken most of our activities out of town.
I only see my MIL now on birthdays and major holidays.
My weenie husband insists that we must attend these events so
as not to make his mom too mad. I have two stepsons who
are very sweet. They live close by also, but we don't
get to see them often. They spend a lot of time with my
in-laws. My MIL spends a lot of money on them. She
brutally trashes their mother also, but I guess their mother
goes along with it for the money. My in-laws take my stepsons
out to eat a lot. They also take them on 3 or 4 vacations
per year (including Christmas break and Spring break, when we
would like to travel with them), buy their clothes, pay for
musical instruments and lessons, college funds, computers, furniture,
summer camps, various lessons like horse back riding, skiing,
etc. My children get inexpensive Christmas and birthday
presents, and that's it, but that's OK. My children are
not for sale. We don't get invited to my stepsons school
events anymore. My MIL does not want me there. My
stepsons have been told by my MIL that she is just trying to
help me, and that I am being so unkind to her. They believe
my MIL, and have passed this information on to my children.
I asked my husband to explain to all of the children that their
grandmother demands her way, even when she doesn't know what
she is talking about or it is none of her business to begin
with. Then, when she doesn't get her way, she is very
nasty. My husband agreed with this assessment, but refuses
to say anything to the children. I guess he is afraid
that he might make his mother mad by interfering with her attacks
on me. My husband doesn't like being around his mother
either. However, he likes to blame me as the reason that
we don't come around. There is nothing sexier than a middle-aged
man who is afraid of his mommy and daddy. He won't move
out of the town that we are in because his parents won't let
him leave until the older boys are grown. Even then, they
will be angry, but I think he will go ahead and move to the
city, because he knows how much I hate it here. I agree
that the older boys need access to their father, I just hope
our marriage survives.
Signed - Tired and
Depressed
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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Frequent
Fry Her TM.
- Not Her Kid, 1 of 4 needed
/Posted: 4-JUN-03
I am "not her kid" because she insists
on making this clear whenever talking about her expectations of
her own kids. "Well, MY kids blah, blah, blah."
She is the most closed, critical, judgmental snob that I have
ever known. I should call her Mary Poppins, because she
thinks she is practically perfect in every way. The problem
is that Mary Poppins is way more loving than she is.
Signed - Not Her Kid
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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A guy brings his dog
into the vet and says, "Could you please cut my dog's tail
off?" The vet examines the tail and says, "There
is nothing wrong. Why would you want this done?"
The man replies, "My MIL is coming to visit, and I don't
want anything in the house to make her think that she is welcome!"
Signed - My Favorite
RESPONSE: My Favorite
Couldn't the vet operate on the MIL instead?
RESPONSE: My Favorite
I was interested and surprised to discover this post. My
MIL actually makes our dog a child substitute. We don't
have any children for her to be a jerk about, so whenever she
sees our dog, she says, with gushing indignation, "She LIKES
it when WE COME HERE." And (to the dog), "I don't
see you NEARLY often enough!" We took the dog to their
house on Christmas, and she and my FIL were bragging that the
dog would be happy to just stay there with them. Then, we
were wondering why the dog was standing by the door. Finally
(I can't help feeling a bit of satisfaction about this), it occurred
to my MIL that the dog wanted to go home (we'd tried taking her
outside to pee, but she seemed more interested, after the first
time, in going back to the car)! It kind of put my MIL in
her place.
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My wife called her
mom (my MIL) on the way home from a scrap booking group (she was
working on a project for my daughter's 1st birthday). She
told her that it was terrible that she would leave her daughter
to do this, and that she should feel terrible that baby was home
with daddy (me), and had a great time. I explained to my
wife that her mother is jealous of her relationship, since she
had two bad marriages and drove the second one to drink himself
death. So, I told her not to worry. I gave her the
following ideas to respond to her mom (my MIL):
#1. The baby is with a parent 24 / 7. We share the
duties 50/50.
#2. Baby needs time with daddy as well.
#3. Say, "ok", and end the conversation.
And don't call back every day.
#4. Tell her good-bye. Say, "I have to spend
time with baby. I have no time to talk to you."
Do you have any more suggestions?
Signed - What To Do
With a Jealous MIL????????
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
How about saying "I'd rather she's with her daddy than you,
mom."
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Tell your wife to laugh in her (alleged) mother's face, and say,
"Why would you say something so ridiculous?"
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Any one of those responses is fine by me. It seems that
you might have married what we call a "mama's GIRL."
See Mama's Boy for a fuller definition.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Why does your wife put up with such abuse? That is the root
of the problem. Perhaps she should seek counseling.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
At last! A MAN! So many husbands are unwilling to
stand up to their mothers. This one stands up to his MIL
in favor of his wife. Hurrah! I can't help but wonder;
if it were HIS mommy, would he do the same thing?
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Where I come from, the polite way of saying "% &*
off" is "Thanks for your input", said in a flat
tone. A very useful phrase!
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Your responses will do just fine - good job! Grandma should
be happy that her grandchildren have an "involved" and
loving father!
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
Parenting is not a 50/50 relationship, it is a 100% - 100% relationship.
Throw that in MIL's face.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
She definitely sounds jealous to me. Your wife needs time
to herself. Just because she had a baby, that does not mean
that she should totally give herself up. Besides, a dad
has to bond, too. I think it's great that you stay with
baby so that she can go out and have some fun. Being a mother
is wonderful, but you still need a break once in a while!
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
A version of #3 - just calmly say, when the woman start's pushing
her buttons (apparently trying to pick a fight), "OK, I'll
talk to you later. Take care, bye!", in a cheerful/pleasant
voice. I had to learn to do this with my step-monster.
It took several years of gritting my teeth and then sobbing on
my husband's shoulder, with repressed rage, until it hit me that
she wanted to upset me. The best response was to "disengage".
She hasn't picked a fight with me over the phone for a while now.
Best of luck.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
I think that some women tend to be old-fashioned when it comes
to the role that a father plays in his children's lives, especially
if it's an infant. There's a tendency to think that daddy
doesn't become part of the baby's life until the child is two,
as though men can't relate to or take care of an infant.
So, that might be the root cause of your problem. Your MIL
might not be as jealous of your relationship as you think.
But, in her interfering and critical way, she is trying to help
her daughter KEEP you by having your home life stress-free and
enjoyable. Maybe she's thinking, "He just came home
from work and you're out for the evening, leaving him home alone
with that baby. He'll just be lost and helpless."
I agree with all your ideas of what your wife should say, but
you should also have your wife reassure her mother that YOU are
a great husband AND father, and that you like being involved with
your baby.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
You could always go the other way. With a surprised and
shocked tone of voice, say, "Why?! Is he going to hurt
her??" That always stopped my mom in her tracks, allowing
me to end the conversation and get on with my life.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
I wouldn't give the mom any explanations for a perfectly normal
and healthy need to get out of the house once in awhile and pursue
a hobby. The more you explain, the more ammunition you give
her for an argument. Your wife should just ignore her and
change the subject. If she persists with her stupid comments,
your wife should stand up for herself and say that she doesn't
want any advice.
RESPONSE: What To Do With a Jealous MIL????????
I don't have any suggestions for you. I think that you very
well understand what's going on with your MIL. It's such
a shame that your MIL is so jealous that she believes her GC should
not bond with the father. Any normal GP would know that
it's in the child's best interest to bond with both parents.
This sounds like a case of another IL who believes that there's
never enough love to go around, and the world only revolves around
them, their wishes, and their family. And, their world isn't
big enough to include others. I hope your DW is not a mama's
girl, still attached to her mom's hip, and that she does realize
what her mom is trying to do to her family.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives