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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 6, 2003
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Hagatha/Posted: 6-JUN-03
Hagatha has always had issues with the clothes
that I buy my daughter. My daughter is, and has always
been, one of the best-dressed children whom I know. Hagatha's
son pays less-than-minimum-wage child support (and is always
late), so the clothes are paid for by me. My daughter
is now seven years old and favors skirts. Hagatha says
that I dress her like a whore! She recently told my daughter
that she was not allowed to go to church (she had a modest dress
with her) because she looked like a whore! Insane!!!!!
Signed - Hagatha
Is A "Churchgoer!"?????
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
Board
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So, MIL and SIL are
attached at the hip. She is DH's only sibling, and she is
younger than us by a few years. She must be pretty amazing,
because she simply can do no wrong. My MIL makes it clear
that she is her soul mate. That is annoying in itself, but
that's their unfortunate deal. Anyhoo, after DH and I lived
out of our home state for 6 years, we moved back a year ago, and
things have blown ever since, especially since we live in the
same town as SIL. The two hours between us and the PIL is
way too close. I've been with DH for 15 years, and in that
time I've only once done something alone with my MIL. We
went to get new driver's licenses, It was a half-hour trip
from beginning to end. Being the moron that I am, I thought
that maybe we'd have an opportunity or two to do some girly things.
MIL came to the town that we (SIL, DH and I) live in to make applesauce
at SIL's apartment. I emailed MIL and said, "If I don't
work tomorrow, maybe I'll stop by to say hi". There
was no response to this, so I didn't go, and it was never mentioned.
The first time that we ate a meal with DH's family after this,
she must've mentioned applesauce a hundred times. It was
obvious that she was dwelling on it to get to me, and I refused
to acknowledge it or eat any. I will never eat applesauce
at their house, but I'll never mention how this made me feel,
either. I call it the applesauce incident of '02.
The most recent snubbing was excruciatingly blatant. MIL
had heart surgery early this year, and got into all this crafty
stuff, including jewelry making. Of course, SIL immediately
got all into it, as if she'd never had an independent idea in
her life. We were staying the weekend at the IL's, and SIL
was also there for the weekend. The first thing I saw on
Saturday morning when I came downstairs was MIL and SIL pulling
out of the driveway. I asked FIL where they were going,
and he said that they were going to a bead store. Oh, how
nice of them to ask me along. Oh well, not a big deal, but
I made sure that DH and I were not there when they returned.
Instead, we spent the rest of the day with my family (of course
MIL was pissed when she didn't see us till the next day).
So, I told her about the most fabulous bead store ever.
It was in a town that was 2 hours away. When the woman becomes
obsessed, no distance is too far for her to travel, and money
becomes no object when she wants something. A couple of
weeks passed, and DH, SIL and I talked about visiting their grandparents
the next weekend. The days of the week went by and the weekend
came. The deal became that the ILs would come to the town
that we all lived in, and DH, FIL and I got to visit the grandparents
while MIL and SIL traveled to the bead store that I told her about.
Of course, SIL had to check it out beforehand to make sure that
it was a good store. So, the next morning at breakfast with
DH's family, MIL pulled out a strand of yellow clear quartz beads
and some raw quartz. I said, "Oh, how pretty,"
and acted like they were the prettiest things ever. The
next weekend, at their house (why do I set myself up for this
torture?!), she ran upstairs to bring down the necklace that she'd
put together with these quartz beads, along with a bracelet that
she'd gotten from her own mother. It was made of amber,
and she intended to wear it with the necklace. My comments
really threw her for a loop. About the necklace I said,
"They look like teeth," and about the bracelet I said,
"It's too big for you." She responded, "You
sound like my mother." Ha, ha, ha, I barely laughed.
A couple weeks later the ILs came to our town again to treat us
all to SIL's birthday dinner. We met FIL at SIL's apartment
(they stay with her, of course, and sleep in her bed when they
come to town) and we met MIL and SIL at the restaurant (they're
"shopping"). They waltzed in, and MIL was wearing
the string of teeth around her neck. Dinner and conversation
ensued, and she finally said to me, "Do you like my teeth?!"
I laughed heartily out loud (it was hilarious, really).
Very, very strangely, SIL sort of stood up for me. She said,
"She's been planning how to say that all day."
This clearly made MIL uncomfortable, and I was still laughing.
Conversation turned and went on. I saw MIL turn to SIL and
ask, "What did I do to piss you off today?" By
this time, I had to put my hands over my face, because I could
barely contain myself. I looked at her and said, "I
love it, but whenever I look at it I think, TEETH!!!"
Hopefully, she'll never be able to wear the necklace again without
being self-conscious and thinking that it looks like teeth.
That's what she gets for snubbing me yet again. How hard
would it have been to ask me along to the bead store that I introduced
her to?
Signed - Not Her Kid
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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I want to know something,
and I'm sure you guys know the answer to it. If you only
want DH with you in the delivery room, can you really tell the
hospital and have them keep everyone else out? I read that
some MILs just barge in. How can this be?
Signed - Just Want
Me and Hubby and the Medical Staff
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Usually the hospital will only allow two people in with the mother
while she is having the baby. If not, go and ask your doctor
about this.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Yes! Do not be timid. Explain what you want and insist
on it. ANY normal, sane person should understand that a
wife only wants her husband with her at that moment.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Yes, you can keep them all out. Make sure that you tell
the hospital beforehand, and when you get there. Tell the
nurse that, under no circumstances will anyone but your DH be
allowed in the room. If they need to get security and arrest
MIL to do this, so be it. MIL has a place at the birth.
Generally, it's about two states over.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
I'm not pregnant, but I made it clear to everyone that we will
be the only ones even near the delivery room or the baby for the
first few hours. We are the parents, and we'd like to have
some quiet time with our new baby before the baby starts getting
passed around to everyone and their cousin. That is our
time - not theirs.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Yes, you can tell them to only allow your DH into the room.
That way, no one else will come in. And, if your MIL comes
in, then you can ask for her to be removed. I did.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Just tell the nurses and doctors not to let her in. If they
do, sue! I don't usually condone suing, but this is not
an area where there should be compromises.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
I never had that problem, but definitely talk to the hospital
staff when you are admitted. MILs have no place in the delivery
room unless specifically invited by the lady in labor! Good
luck.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Yes, by all means tell the hospital your wishes to be ALONE during
this important event! They WILL honor your request as long
as they are aware of it. It would be prudent to put it in
writing to the nursing staff PRIOR to your delivery. And,
have your husband remind the staff about it when you actually
check into the hospital. Good luck!!
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
I have a better way to ensure that they never barge in.
When I went into labor, we only told my parents (so my mother
wouldn't worry; she'd been calling every day) and my best friend.
My parents had said that they would only come down after the baby
was born (they live an hour away). We told my best friend
because she was on standby in case DH couldn't be there.
My in-laws were only told after the baby was born, and their response
was, "Why didn't you tell us? We would have sat in
the waiting room and waited." I was in labor for 25
1/2 hours!! And, that would have been the most effort that
they have ever put in. I can count on one hand the number
of times that they have come to see DS in the last year, and they
live about 1 mile away!!
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Although I hear about women making prior arrangements, on the
day of delivery it is best to make your wishes clear to the staff.
When my daughter entered the hospital birthing center, she handed
them a list that she had made up of people whom she wanted with
her during delivery, and another list of the people whom she specifically
wanted kept out. No one (unless requested by my daughter)
got past the nurses. My DD felt that she was under enough
stress, and the staff agreed. Everything went smoothly.
Good luck to you!
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Sometimes, when it is very busy in the hospital, or the staff
is rotating and uninformed of your request, the ILs just thunder
into the room before anything can be done. It happened to
me. Of course, I told the attending nurse, "No MIL."
When MIL showed up and came in, the attending nurse just stood
there. I had to be the one to tell MIL to get out.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Unless you have a planned induction or cesarean, no one knows
when you will really go into labor. First order of business,
don't call anyone who you suspect will come rushing over.
Wait until the baby is born and you are ready to see visitors.
Second, yes, the hospital staff will keep people out, but you
have to tell them as soon as you get settled in your room
Just say, "I do not want anyone other than my husband to
be here. No one!"
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Yes, they deal with this kind of thing all the time. That's
why they have a security staff. What will probably happen
is that you will tell them, but they won't know exactly who it
is until she does show up. Then, buzz the nurses, point
out your MIL, and say, "That's the person whom you are to
keep out of my room." They can then deal with her if
she tries to get past security.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
I live in Australia, and we certainly have the right to only have
hubby in the room (along with the medical staff, of course).
Make sure to tell the nurse who is looking after you when you
arrive at the hospital to keep MIL out. Really push the
point home to the nurse that MIL is not to be allowed in under
any circumstances.
RESPONSE: Just Want Me and Hubby and the Medical
Staff
Every hospital (in the U.S., anyway) has a patient's Bill of Rights.
If your hospital has a web site, check it out there. If
not, ask for a copy. This cannot be refused. Go through
the BoR with a fine toothed comb. Next, let your doctor
know what your birthing plan is, using the BoR as back-up.
Any reluctance on his or her part to comply with your wishes should
set off red flags. In this case, do not hesitate to pull
rank. Let him or her know that you will not hesitate to
go higher up in the organizational hierarchy to get satisfaction.
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Worst gift: My mother
is a wonderful woman who is rather tight with money (not because
she has to be, but because she was raised in the depression).
For my birthday one year she sent a beautiful card, and inside
was her membership card to the Cremation Society. When I
asked her why she sent that inside my birthday card, she said
that she saved postage by enclosing it with the card. It
gave me a very uncomfortable feeling, and I didn't really want
to face her mortality (or mine) on what is supposed to be a happy
occasion.
Signed - Dying to Know
Why
RESPONSE: Dying to Know Why
How do you say passive-aggressive in your neck of the woods?
RESPONSE: Dying to Know Why
Ask her why she sent it (other than to save postage). Perhaps
it was her way of breaking the ice or making the situation lighter
for all parties.
RESPONSE: Dying to Know Why
My depression era grandmother once sent me eight quarters, while
I was in college, for the laundry machines. It cost $1.50
to mail it! Some people are just like that.
RESPONSE: Dying to Know Why
I know, she didn't have to send it in your birthday card!
But, I doubt if that occurred to her. She might have wanted
you to have that information on hand when the time comes that
you do need to have it. I know, but on your BIRTHDAY?
It sounds like you two love each other, though, and you'll get
through it.
RESPONSE: Dying to Know Why
That is kind of weird. On the one hand, your mother might
be worried that when she passes, you might not be aware of her
wishes for her funeral. But, maybe she didn't know how to
start the conversation about it. On the other hand, if she's
like my mother, she could have included it to send you on a one
way trip to guilt town.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives