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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 11, 2003
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- Dystopia4u, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
11-JUN-03
During a visit with my MIL (we now live 1,300
miles away, thankfully!), MIL, DD, and my two nieces were sitting
at the table having a snack. During the conversation,
my niece asked about marriage and what I thought was important
for marriage. I told her love, forgiveness, and growing
together were very important. My crass MIL then piped
in saying that marrying a man who had a lot of money was a good
idea. I just stared at her, and she changed the subject.
Later, when I was alone with my DD, I explained that money wasn't
the most important thing. And, that when I first met her
dad, there was a rich, older man who was interested in me.
But, I told her that I didn't love the rich man, I loved her
daddy, and he is the one I chose. I told her that when
she marries, it ought to be for love and because she wants to
spend the rest of her life with that one special person, not
because of what he can do for her financially. Thank goodness
my MIL is not in charge of shaping my DD's morals!
Signed - Sugar Daddies
Rot Your Teeth
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- DIL vs. MIL, 1 of 4 needed/Posted:
11-JUN-03
My FMIL is now mad at me because I canceled a shower
that she wanted to have. Her "friend" (who can
tolerate her, but gets really frustrated with her) and I talked
about 4 weeks ago and I asked her if she still wanted to have
it. She was reluctant, and I quickly answered and told her
that I was really busy. She was also (besides that, I already
have 3 other showers, so I don't NEED another one!), so we canceled
it. Well, FMIL just found out and is very upset with me.
She has been so rude as to not give my fiancé messages
that I called, etc. She drives me crazy.
Signed - DIL vs MIL
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- LoyalZombie, 4 of 4 needed/Posted:
11-JUN-03
My one BIL and I actually get along pretty well.
But, he is afraid to tell his wife, who will, in turn, tell her
mother (my MIL). It will just make things worse for him.
Before I came along, they treated him the way they now treat me.
Now, he certainly isn't treated with the same respect or love
that the "family" is, but, hey, it's better than what
I get. What I don't understand is why MIL hates us so.
Her children are grown, and deserve their own lives. I keep
wondering if FIL's death had anything to do with it. I know
that she relies on my DH for a lot, and I would never prevent
him from seeing her, regardless of how she treated me, but why
can't she accept me too. I treat DH wonderfully. I
adore him and I dote on him. She should be thankful that
he has found someone who cares for him so much. And, I tell
you what else I don't understand - how my DH or my SILs can stand
by while their spouses get treated badly. I try and try
and try to bring up my IL's behavior with my DH, but he gets angry
and tells me, "They're my family, I love them, and you are
just exaggerating." He is there most of the time when
these things happen, yet he never remembers them as they happen.
I swear, he has selective memory. I refuse to discuss it
with him anymore. He will never see my version. He
will always stick up for them, for HER!!! Now, I know some
of you will say "Dump him. He's an @ss, etc."
But, I will not end my marriage over these trivial things.
I married for better or worse, this is just the worse. I
just don't understand the dynamic here. Does anyone have
any insight???
Signed - This Is Just
The Worse
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
Not respecting you doesn't seem trivial to me.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
If your treatment by your ILs and your lack of support from your
husband is "trivial", then I see no reason why you waste
our time complaining about it. So is it "trivial"
or not?
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
I'm not going to tell you to dump your husband because, apparently,
your marriage is good, except for your IL issues. Still,
I think you could benefit from some couples counseling.
Your DH needs to see what his mother is doing to you, and it might
take a 3rd party to point that out to him. Good luck to
you!!
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
Sure, the dynamic is that your DH is a mama's boy. Real
men stick up for their wives, even against their mothers.
Tell him to grow a pair, or the home may become a "cold"
place for him. You need to take the bull by the horns here,
and quickly, or it will only get worse with your MIL.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
OK, stay with a man who doesn't love you. And he doesn't,
since he obviously cannot take up for you, and allows MIL and
SIL to belittle the one he promised to love and cherish.
So, since you have CHOSEN to stay in a loveless marriage, then
quit B!TCHING! Suck it up and take it. Or, you can
tell MIL and SIL to stick it!
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
My husband was the same way. I had to force him to admit
his mother's behavior. He was in a serious state of denial,
and had been since he was a child, so it was hard to break.
It's hard to admit that your mother is a cruel, bitter, old woman.
Ask him how he would like it if your mother treated him like that.
That's what got through to my husband. He needs to see it
from where you stand and stop pretending that everything is wonderful.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
My husband is also the type who never remembers the situation
exactly as it happened, and tries to make excuses for his mother.
At least he was that type. It has gotten to the point now
that he sees what she is trying to do, and he notices the snippy
little comments that she makes that are almost innocent, but not
quite. I think that it took being away from her for awhile
for him to get that outsider's perspective that I have.
Don't give up hope. Someday he will start to realize that
you are not exaggerating.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
You are posting here, so I assume that this is not actually trivial
to you. You complain to DH when MIL disrespects you, but
you let him intimidate you into dropping it. You go back
to playing the good wife. He has gotten out of a nasty conflict
with his mother by a creating a minor conflict with you.
Don't allow him to do this. Don't dote on him when he accuses
you of exaggerating. It's nice that he loves his family,
but does his family include you? Marriage counseling could
help here. If he can't/won't change, or is not even willing
to try, dump him. He's an @Ss
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
I really have some good advice for you and I think that if you
take it seriously, it will work. Ask your husband to sit
down and read this site. He will probably see the light.
Let him read your entry and others of the past. I did this
with my DH, and he woke up really quickly when he realized that
his behavior mirrored the entries. I have a man now, not
a little mama's boy who doesn't realize that I, his wife, come
first because I am his family, and everyone else is secondary
to our life and the home that we have together.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
I, too, feel as you do - that I won't end my marriage over this,
but here is some insight. In your DH's eyes, his family
is still as it was when he was a child. They went through
good times and bad times together. He has a child's perspective.
My DH has told me that every woman who marries into his family
tries to break his family up. He also said that these women
have problems in their own families, are jealous of his, and try
to cause problems. What a load of garbage. Will they
ever see the light? Some DHs on this site eventually do.
In any event, you should not bring it up to him again. Deal
with his family yourself, and treat his family as you would any
of your family or friends. In other words, you wouldn't
let a friend continually treat you like dirt - you would say or
do something. Perhaps if your DH were a spectator to this,
he would see them in a different light.
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
I think that the children of our ILs truly don't see the rotten
behavior of their parents. They grew up with it, have subconsciously
learned to deal with it, and hence, don't see it anymore.
I am the one with the pushy mother, and I DO see it. And,
I also realize that I ignore it, since I have decided that it
isn't about me. My DH's mother is more vicious. I
wrote about her letting my SIL take what sheets and towels she
wanted from our shower gifts. She kept them so that she
could show them off to her family. I wasn't aware that she
was also handing them out! Try to put the situation in perspective.
Is it worth the fight? Will your spouse support you?
What are you trying to accomplish? Is it worth the end result?
For me, life's too short to be crabby. Your personal attitude
toward any given situation is what will help you survive the event.
Good-luck!
RESPONSE: This Is Just The Worse
I can sympathize. My DH ALWAYS supports my MIL over me,
and it drives me nuts. I've had numerous discussions with
my DH, which always end in arguments. What gets me even
more is when something that she has blatantly done (even in front
of him) somehow ends up being my fault or completely misconstrued.
My DH and I both work long hours, so weekends are very precious
to me. The problem is that she always insists on coming
over and causing problems. I've given him an ultimatum that
he has to start supporting me when things happen. For example,
she came over one weekend and completely rearranged my kitchen.
When I saw what she was doing, rather than cause WW3, I very politely
asked her to explain. When she told us that she thought
that it would be better her way, I told her that I wanted it left
the way it was because I'd taken a long time to arrange it the
way I wanted it. When she insisted on continuing, I went
to the extreme of taking plates out of her hand and putting them
back. My DH just stood there and watched! In the end,
I took the high ground and let her go. After she left, I
told him that if he wanted me to cook, he had to arrange it the
way that I wanted it, or do all the cooking in future. Naturally,
he rearranged it, and has promised to be more supportive, but
we'll see!!!
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Frequent
Fry Her TM
- LoyalZombie/Posted: 11-JUN-03
I have so many stories about the ILs that I have
a hard time deciding which ones to post. How about the "family
vacations". My ILs go on vacation every year as a "unit".
These trips are always to the beach, and my MIL pays for the beach
house. Then, each individual group is required to pay for
their trip down and their own expenses. I realize that this
is actually a very nice thing that my MIL does, and I do appreciate
it. I know that she spends quite a bit of money on these
houses, because they are very nice and they are right on the beach.
And, I am not the type to look a gift horse in the mouth.
However, I don't feel that her paying for this house entitles
her to endlessly abuse me during the entire trip. Here are
the best of the worst: 1) She assigns rooms to each
family group. She initially tried to give DH and me the
fold-out couch with no privacy, even though there was an empty
room with a king sized bed available (that no one else needed).
DH brought this to her attention, and she gave us the room.
Then, she complained during the entire trip, because she said
that I make too much noise, and she can hear me from her room,
which is two doors down. 2) She told my DH that I
was flirting with my BIL, because she saw both of us in the hot
tub at the same time, and I was drinking a beer with him.
3) DH and I offered to watch my SIL's children (ages 4 and
6) so she and her husband could do something together. She
said that I was sucking up to SIL to try and turn her against
MIL, the same way that I had turned DH against her. 4)
I brought two bathing suits. She said that both of them
were "too revealing", and continually told me to cover
up while I had them on. One time she pointed out that she
could see my nipples poking out, and tried to get me to put bandages
over them. 5) I was helping my nieces and nephews build
a sandcastle one day. She told me to stop being a child,
and then told my DH that she saw me throw sand in the face of
my niece. 6) I got up early one morning and decided
to go buy donuts and other pastries for everyone to have.
I brought all this back along with a gallon of juice, a gallon
of plain milk, and a half gallon of chocolate milk. She
never thanked me at all, which I didn't expect. But, she
did admonish me for only buying a half gallon of chocolate milk.
She accused me of being thoughtless. And, my personal favorite:
7) The entire family was on the beach one day frolicking
about and having a good time. DH and I were playing around
and goofing off, and we began kissing. We did nothing disgusting,
just loving on each other. I mean, we had only been married
for 4 months at this point and our passion for each other was
at its highest. MIL stormed up to us and stated, "I
hear you two in your room at night having at each other.
There is no need to paw each other in front of God and country."
DH and I both cracked up laughing and she accused me of "lowering
her son's morals", and called me a modern day Delilah.
Then, she walked off, and both SILs followed, shooting daggers
at me. Later, through my BIL (who, I would like to add,
until I came into the picture, was the "hated one"),
I found out that she told them that she heard DH and me at night
in our room having this wild sex, and she just knew that my sexual
prowess was what I used to control DH and turn him against her.
She also said that she couldn't bear to watch me turn her precious
son down this path of evil, as it was surely the pathway to he!!.
I was, to put it mildly, stunned that she would think, much less
say, this to others. And, yet, at the same time I was amused,
as was DH, that she thought that I had these amazing, magical
powers. If I did have "powers", I would use them
to make her disappear!!
Signed - Make Her Disappear!!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
Tell us that you are not going on this trip next time.
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
Don't go on any more beach trips. You don't deserve that
kind of abuse!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
Why do you still go on these family trips, if this is how you're
treated?
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
It sounds like your MIL has a severe case of jealousy. Let
her stew in it!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
I don't think that a cheap vacation is worth it if you have to
put up with all that cr@p. Your MIL is insane!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
When we were married for 4 months, we were "pawing"
at each other. If you guys weren't doing that, I think something
would be wrong. Would your MIL rather have you pawing at
somebody else?
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
You are a good sport, with a healthy attitude for putting up with
all of that. But, I personally would never go on vacation
with her again! Nothing is worth all of that. I would
have had to tell her like it was, and then French my husband right
in front of her!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
What a sick, twisted B!TCH! I guess that you and DH will
have to go on your own vacations. For gosh sake, you all
are MARRIED!
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
As long as your DH is mute and accepts their behavior, nothing
will change. And, as long as DH's behavior around them is
perfectly acceptable to you, I see no way out of this mess.
Tell him to grow a pair and stick up for you, or you won't be
going on any of these "family unit" outings anymore.
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
Tell the old hag to blow it out her @Ss!!!!! You also need
your husband to stand up for you. It is his job, not yours,
to deal with his own mother. Once he defends you and doesn't
stand there like an amused child, maybe she'll shut her mouth.
She needs to realize that her precious baby boy is a man who defends
and loves his wife. Don't let anyone tell you that you are
not allowed to wear revealing bathing suits after you get married.
It's bullsh!t.
RESPONSE: Make Her Disappear!!
The things that you are describing in your FFH pages are NOT trivial.
The types of things you are describing have DESTROYED marriages.
She has more or less called you a whore, who has used your wanton
ways to lure her son down a godless path. You have said
that your husband does not stick up for you at all. She
is sick and disturbed, and needs to be cut out of your life.
What are you going to do when you have kids?? Will you let
her talk this way to you in front of your children?
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Working Women Don't Have Wives