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Mother-In-Law Mall
A place to find great gifts!
and products related to mothers-in-law and other family members.
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Mother-In-Law Stories
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June 12, 2003
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I met my DH when I was 5 months
pregnant. We quickly became friends. After two months
we became more than friends. And, then, after my daughter
was born, we got married. My MIL refused to hold the baby
or touch the baby. She would just go into the other room
when the baby was with DH or FIL. Finally, she warmed
up to my daughter, but I had to cry and beg her. Now,
25 years later, she treats her like my sons, her natural grandchildren.
However, she still is a major pain in the @ss. After FIL
died, she went crazy. She complains about her @Ss, her
head and her stomach 24/7. And, when she is not complaining,
she is popping pain pills that make her loopy. The worst
thing she does is to tell my two sons and daughter lies about
me. Of course, they don't listen to her, because everyone
knows she is insane.
Signed - She is Driving
Me Crazy
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Strongly Agree
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Somewhat Disagree
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Strongly Disagree
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Please Seek Counseling
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Continue on Message
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This is just a quick
story. I find it humorous only because MIL had been such
a jerk to me in the past. While watching Saturday Night
Live with DH and SIL, we saw that one of the actors was dressed
as the current president. MIL stopped for a moment to watch
and see what we were laughing at. After about 5 minutes
of watching it, MIL got up and said, "I can't believe that
that is OUR President! "DH and SIL looked at each other,
smiling, when SIL said, "Mom, that's not really him.
It is SNL. It's a joke." We didn't see her for
the rest of the day. Too bad it wasn't the rest of our lives.
Signed - Just a Joke
on TV
Per
the poster's request, no responses collected.
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My MIL is such a witch.
From the day I got married, she has tried to control me and act
as if my own mother doesn't exist. Even from her evil castle
up north, she still tries to run everyone's life (we live down
south). Every holiday, even when she's not in town, she
starts calling around and arranging where we'll spend our holidays.
She seems to forget that my entire family lives in this area,
too, and that I am not going to make it a "fun" family
get together with her relatives and mine. That's exactly
what she expects. She does it so that she can tell her friends
up there how nice her family is to include my family in their
holidays. Right now, both my brother and sister have both
broken up with their spouses. One is divorced, and the other
is being divorced. So, now I have three single siblings
who I think need family now more than ever. I don't mind
including my DH's brother and family and his great aunt, but then,
when the MIL and FIL come down, that's a whole other story.
My family all hate my MIL, because she acts so darn nosy and controlling.
Plus, she's loud and crude, which my family is not. I think
it's time I put my foot down on this situation. This woman
thinks that she can control our lives, and enter into our holidays
and traditions at her whim. In other words, she starts her
own traditions when she comes down whenever she feels like it,
and then she proceeds to continue doing these visits every year,
like it's going to continue forever. I hate it. I
should have put her in her place a long time ago when she started
coming down every year for my son's birthday. Grrrr.
I just can't stand her.
Signed - Unforgiven
RESPONSE: Unforgiven
Stop thinking, start acting.
RESPONSE: Unforgiven
Don't you have a husband? It's his mother; let him deal
with it. He needs to grow a pair. You married a mouse,
lady!
RESPONSE: Unforgiven
That's right, you should have stood up to her long ago.
See what happens when you're a doormat? You have no one
to blame but yourself (and DH). Now, take charge of your
life, your family, and your holidays. Tell MIL to stuff
it and stay up north. You'll be glad that you did.
RESPONSE: Unforgiven
I'm only a DIL, much too young to be a MIL yet, but I have to
side with your MIL on this one. It's rare, I know, most
of the stories here make me thank God that I have the MIL I do!
Your MIL has a right to want to spend the holidays with you and
your family. When you get married, you have to expect to
spend some time with your ILs. Even when you like your ILs,
it's awkward at first. And, of course, you would rather
be with just your family, but that's part of being married (sacrifice).
I'd rather spend all of my time with my family, and I like my
ILs. But, they're not my family. They don't do things
the way I'm used to, they're different, etc. Still, I've
got to share my life with them, because I chose to share my life
with my husband! So, you're going to have to get used to
it.
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My fiancé and
I have been dating for 3 and 1/2 years. His family accepted
me and treated me as though I was one of them. Well, my
fiancé dated another female for 1 1/2 years before we got
together. Anyway, his family is supposedly close with the
girl, which was no problem for me, because I know that it happens.
However, the girl seems to visit every time my fiancé and
I are around. This would not be a problem, except that his
family acts totally differently with me when she is around.
For instance, if we are there before she gets there, we are usually
laughing and talking and having a good time. But, when she
gets there, the family totally ignores me. As a matter of
fact, the first time she ever came over, I was there without my
fiancé, and they didn't even introduce me. This made
me feel very weird. I mean, I didn't expect them to say,
"This is XXX my son's girlfriend," but I thought that
I at least deserved to be mentioned, since I was sitting there.
To make matters worse, the girl was rude to me. She makes
an effort to speak to everyone, one by one, making sure to pass
over me. She makes little remarks for my benefit like, "I
was just telling my mother that, no matter what goes on, you guys
will always be family to me and my daughter." Her daughter,
by the way, is not my fiancé's child. Or, "Do
you guys remember when we all went to the mall and blah, blah,
blah?" She comes around for the holidays, which are
supposed to be only immediate family gatherings (my FIL's children
and their spouses/partners). On these holidays, she again
completely ignores me, and pretty much acts as if I do not exist.
She walks around the house as if it is still her place.
She makes sure that her daughter says good-bye to everyone, one
by one, "Bye Nanna, Papa, Auntie, Uncle," and does not
say a word to Me. It aggravates me the way she uses that
child in this, especially since this is not even his child.
She's not a baby, either. The child is 11 years old.
Anyway, this made me so upset that I expressed my feelings to
my fiancé. I told him that I felt uncomfortable,
and that his family treated me differently when she's around.
He agreed, and said that he did not like this either. Unknown
to me, he had spoken to his mother about it. She told him
that she would not choose between us, that it was her house, that
she considers the X to be a friend, that I should just grow up,
and that she was not going to be mean to them. My fiancé
went on to say that he didn't want her to be mean, he just asked
that they are not there when we visit. They also give her
little gifts that they picked up for her that they knew she would
like. They do this in front of me. I think that this
could be done when I am not around. When I say that they
are mean (FMIL and a FSIL), it makes me feel as though my FMIL
does not accept my relationship with her son. Anyway, after
a while she came around and informed my fiancé that she
would make sure that for holidays she would already have visited
the ex, or would visit her after we left. I was happy about
it, and was ready to put this behind me. Besides, it is
her house and it is her friend, and I thought it was very nice
of her to consider my feelings. I felt that she did not
have to do that, and that she may really like me and want me to
be a part of her family after all. I then began to feel
that I would have a great relationship with my FMIL, and I said
to myself that maybe I was overreacting about the situation.
Anyway, I was ready to go to my FIL's house and enjoy the holidays
without feeling uncomfortable. So, me, my fiancé,
and our son (11 months old) went to the house for Xmas.
Well, guess who showed up!?! I just smiled and said to myself,
"this is Xmas, and I will not let her get to me."
I said hello, and she acted as if she did not hear. She
walked over and did her usual one-by-one hellos. I sat and
smiled. I could see the anger in my fiancé's face,
but I gave him a sign that it was okay. I spoke to the little
girl and asked how was her X-MIL. She looked at her mom
for approval to answer!! Again, the family went quiet, and
forgot that I was there. Also, our son had been sleeping.
When he woke up, I took him into the room where we were, my FFIL
said, " This is my new little grandson." She just
looked at him. She never made a comment, her face was just
flat. It was as though she was staring into space.
Nobody said anything. I had to bite my tongue really hard,
because I was truly offended by this. Anyway, after they
left, the family began talking to me again. When we left,
I informed my fiancé that I did not like being treated
that way, and that I would be distancing myself from the family
for a while. He said that he understood my feelings, and
that I didn't have to go where I felt uncomfortable. However,
he later informed his mother that, if she could not see what was
going on, then he would not be going around there. He told
her that he and his family would go places where we are treated
as a family. She said, "Oh well, if that is the way
you feel, then I guess I'll have to live with it."
I felt hurt - not for me, but for him, because I know he loves
his family, and wants to spend time with them. And, I know
that he is doing this to make me feel that he is there for me.
Well, I love that, and that is why I am marrying him. But,
can I get over this for his sake and just accept that she is going
to be around? Am I wrong for feeling uncomfortable?
Should I just grow up? Please help. P. S. There
is not any history between me and this girl. They were over
a long time before I came around. Also, on Easter they gave
her little gifts in front of me, and did not give me anything.
I feel as though they could do that when I'm not around.
I mean, it totally makes me feel confused, because they treat
me nicely when she isn't around. Also, his older sister
thinks that their behavior is inappropriate, too!! I also
know that they will one-day reconcile, and I don't mind it.
As a matter of fact, I want that, because we have a son, and I
don't want him to miss out on his grandparents and cousins.
I also still wonder why my FMIL does this? Maybe I'm not
seeing it in her eyes? Maybe I'm missing something?
Could someone help me understand her side? I truly want
a happy family (his and mine). Sorry, I asked so many questions.
I'm just truly confused?
Signed - EX-cuse Me-I
Do EXist!!
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
Don't let it get to you. The bottom line is that YOU are
with your DF, and the ex isn't. If you must do something,
then kill her with kindness. Don't let her ignore you.
Indeed, go out of your way to be nice to her and speak to her.
If she still snubs you, then it will be obvious to the rest of
the family what she's up to. You have nothing to lose by
being nice!
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
I think that your MIL needs counseling. If I were in your
shoes, I'd probably feel the same way. Have you tried telling
your MIL how you feel? Ask her how would she like it if
it was her? Also, next time the ex (who should not even
be there) decides to stop, by I would get my husband and my son,
and leave. Good luck!!!
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
There is definitely something that you are missing here!
Are you absolutely SURE that her daughter is not your DH's??!
Her reaction to your FIL's claiming of your son as his grandchild
is awfully telltale. Maybe you could start a conversation
about the girl's father. Since they persist in giving the
gifts to her in front of you, perhaps you not being around will
take away their incentive to make such a big deal about her (they
won't have anyone to put on a show for).
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
I think that their behavior is very inappropriate. This
ex can be a friend, but should not "supersede" you.
Maybe this is because the family really bonded to the 11 year
old as their grandchild, and they don't want that to change.
I don't want the see the 11 year old "lose" the family
that has quasi-adopted her, but it definitely shouldn't be an
either the ex plus child, or you. I'd say to take the high
road. Send a card to the little girl for the holidays (it
isn't her fault that she's caught in this, and it shows everyone
how much class you have), but refuse to come over for family events
until they have learned to treat you with respect. How much
respect are they showing their grandson if they don't respect
his mother?
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
I just want to let you know that you have the right to feel the
way you do, and that your DF is doing a wonderful job supporting
you. See, in my case it was my family who showed no respect
for my husband. They still welcome one of my ex-boyfriends,
especially for family gatherings. Two years ago, at Christmas,
we went there to spend the holiday, and they dared to invite this
guy for Christmas Eve, New Year's Eve, etc. (as they usually do,
and we broke up like 7 years ago!!!). And, when I confronted
them, my mother told me, "This is my house. I welcome
whomever I want. He is a friend of ours, and you and your
DH have to grow up." So, we (DH, DD and I), spent the
holiday feeling miserable and regretting the decision to go there.
It was somehow weird though, because they didn't really think
that they were doing something wrong (because, on the other hand,
all of them were also very nice to my DH). I love them to
death, and up to this date I cannot understand why they behaved
the way they did. Anyway, the point is that I stood up for
my DH. I had a fight with my mother. And, for the
first time in my whole life, I was able to confront her and let
her know that I didn't agree with her. And, I didn't apologize
to her as my dear father suggested. He told me that I had
upset my mother. And I survived!!! Guess what?
They are extra-nice toward us now when we speak over the phone,
and nobody there DARES to even mention this guy's name!!!
And just like you, my husband hurt a lot, but he told me that
he hurt a lot more for me than for himself!!! So, hang in
there. And, if you feel strong enough for that, next time
she (the ex) ignores you while saying hello or good-bye to everybody
else, say, "Excuse me, I haven't introduce myself.
I am (DH name) WIFE, just in case you didn't know it!!!!!!"
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
First of all, I want to congratulate you for handling this situation
with such class and dignity. If you have enough maturity
to not mind your husband's ex-girlfriend at family functions and
holidays, then surely she should have enough to treat you with
common courtesy. You and your husband have handled the situation
wonderfully, so far. You haven't stooped to the ex GF's
level or created ugly scenes. Keep doing what you have been.
The next time that she arrives and fails to acknowledge you, then
your husband should pleasantly announce that it is time for you
all to go. You and your husband should be all smiles and
show no animosity, but leave when she arrives and/or behaves rudely
toward you. Soon enough, your in-laws and the ex GF will
get the message that you won't tolerate this behavior, and that
your husband is 100% behind you. They may or may not change,
but you will also not feel like a doormat by being made to sit
there while someone treats you badly. Lastly, the ex GF
must be a terribly petty and insecure individual if she has to
get her jollies by trying to make you uncomfortable. You've
done nothing to her. And, in fact, you've been extremely
gracious by accepting her presence as you have.
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
You're not the one missing something, it's your FMIL. She's
missing a few marbles!! It is she and the ex who have some
growing up to do. I, too, am a MIL who remained very close
to an ex-girlfriend of my DS, but my son and DIL come first.
ALWAYS!! I warn my son when his ex is coming over so that
he and his wife can avoid her. I would never want anyone
to feel uncomfortable in my home. There is something very
bizarre about FMIL's behavior. It's not just the lack of
hospitality shown to you, but the great disrespect that she shows
for her own son. She seems to put this girl before her own
son's feelings. There's something rotten going on between
the ex and FMIL, so it is best to avoid them altogether.
Maybe things will change after your wedding, but I doubt it.
FMIL seems to be a very good "conniver". Your
DF sounds like a "sweetie", so enjoy your little family
and forget the ILs until they PLAY NICE.
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
You are not wrong for the way that you feel. This situation
is simply unacceptable. You fiancé's family is out
of line. You both need to draw the lines with his family,
NOW. Their intention is to treat you with disrespect forever,
as long as you allow it. My suggestion is that you eliminate
the ex out of YOUR lives. Your DH needs to let his parents
know that you will no longer accept the ex coming over while you
are there. If she does, you should both gather your things
together and leave. Do this every time, and I bet the ex's
visits will start to dwindle. It makes no sense whatsoever
that she is visiting in this way. She obviously has no life,
and no friends or family with whom she can spend her time.
Your fiancé's family is acting like she is his other wife
or something. It's a ridiculous situation that needs a drastic
resolution! GOOD LUCK!
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
My God! I thought that I had it bad! You are being
more than reasonable in your request to be treated as one of the
family. It is NOT you who needs to grow up, it is the rest
of the family. Your MIL is behaving very selfishly (what's
new?) by allowing this girl to continue using their home as though
she's still a part of it. She certainly belongs in the past,
but I'm sure that there are other fairer ways that they can continue
seeing her, if that's what they really want. I understand
that you are upset about the whole thing because you don't want
to be responsible for splitting the family, but remember, YOU
are not the one who made this choice. It was the MIL who
decided that she'd rather have this girl from the past still visit
her, instead of her own flesh and blood. Do not be hard
on yourself. She was mean and cruel in her treatment of
you while this girl was there. And, it sounds like the rest
of the family also didn't support you in this. Any fool
can see that the MIL and the ex have had their twisted heads together
in attempts to make you feel uncomfortable, oust you, and hurt
you. Listen, one thing I've learned is that there's just
no pleasing them. My fiancé and I have a beautiful
relationship, and I have always been the perfect DIL. Where
did it get me? Absolutely bloody nowhere! Now, I have
come to realize that the MIL is only happy when she's being nasty
and miserable (usually helped along by the evil SIL). Both
people involved are terribly bored with their lives, and can only
spice things up through tormenting me. I don't play the
injured anymore, I give back what I'm given. If, one day,
they decide to oust me, they oust their son, too. And, I
know that the MIL would die if that happened. Keep your
chin high. You are not the baddie in this. You have
been treated badly, unfairly, and it is not acceptable.
They don't like the fact that you are happy. Hard luck for
them! Be strong, don't take it, and don't let them beat
you. Good luck. My God! I thought that I had
it bad! You are being more than reasonable in your request
to be treated as one of the family. It is NOT you who needs
to grow up, it is the rest of the family. Your MIL is behaving
very selfishly (what's new?) by allowing this girl to continue
using their home as though she's still a part of it. She
certainly belongs in the past, but I'm sure that there are other
fairer ways that they can continue seeing her, if that's what
they really want. I understand that you are upset about
the whole thing because you don't want to be responsible for splitting
the family, but remember, YOU are not the one who made this choice.
It was the MIL who decided that she'd rather have this girl from
the past still visit her, instead of her own flesh and blood.
Do not be hard on yourself. She was mean and cruel in her
treatment of you while this girl was there. And, it sounds
like the rest of the family also didn't support you in this.
Any fool can see that the MIL and the ex have had their twisted
heads together in attempts to make you feel uncomfortable, oust
you, and hurt you. Listen, one thing I've learned is that
there's just no pleasing them. My fiancé and I have
a beautiful relationship, and I have always been the perfect DIL.
Where did it get me? Absolutely bloody nowhere! Now,
I have come to realize that the MIL is only happy when she's being
nasty and miserable (usually helped along by the evil SIL).
Both people involved are terribly bored with their lives, and
can only spice things up through tormenting me. I don't
play the injured anymore, I give back what I'm given. If,
one day, they decide to oust me, they oust their son, too.
And, I know that the MIL would die if that happened. Keep
your chin high. You are not the baddie in this. You
have been treated badly, unfairly, and it is not acceptable.
They don't like the fact that you are happy. Hard luck for
them! Be strong, don't take it, and don't let them beat
you. Good luck.
RESPONSE: Excuse Me-I Do Exist!!
Well, you sure as he!! should exist, considering you are their
son's fiancé I can't believe that they would make
sure that the ex was such a big part of the family. His
family has got a problem, and it is called tact - they don't know
what it is. What the he!! did the ex do, save them all from
a burning home, give CPR to your MIL??? His ex is super
lame for sticking around so long in her ex's family to begin with.
If she is such a great person, she should at least have the respect,
class, brains, and balls to say hello to you. My family
is friends with an ex, too, but ex's don't belong at family holidays
after you have moved on and are engaged to someone new.
His family doesn't see this. I would just tell you to spend
your holidays with your fiancé and other family or close,
fun friends. He might want to spend the holiday with his
family, but his family could obviously not care less. His
family are morons, and the ex seems to lack the smarts and social
graces to act like an adult and introduce herself to you.
You were in the room when she said that no matter what happens,
they would still be family to her. That was a grade A TACKY
comment, especially when you were in the room. It sounds
like she needs to move on and get with someone else's family,
other than her ex BF, who is now engaged and probably doesn't
appreciate her clinging on to his family's social gatherings,
making it difficult for him and you to be comfortable. Yeah,
she sounds really swift. Maybe you'll get your point across
next time she arrives. Your fiancé can grab your
things and say, "Lets go," and just leave without a
word. This is not something that is going to change.
His family will probably have this girl over no matter who is
in his life, so it's not your fault. But it is a problem
and you and DH need to treat it like one by agreeing to not be
disrespected! Is his family going to have this girl over
for the rest of their lives, even after you get married and maybe
have kids? Screw them. Find your own happiness, just
not with his family on the holidays. Surround yourself with
better people than that.
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Working Women Don't Have Wives