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June 20, 2003
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frequent fry her - jkthrn, 2 of 4 needed
Frequent Fry Her TM - jkthrn, 2 of 4 needed/Posted: 20-JUN-03
My husband's birthday was earlier this year.  It wasn't a "big" birthday like 21 or 30, so we didn't have much planned - just a quiet evening at home.  His mother had asked him what was going on for his birthday, and he had told her that she would have to contact me.  She never called.  The night before his birthday, my mother called (she lives 15 minutes away, MIL lives 45 minutes away) and asked if the two of us would like to come over and have cake and ice cream for my husband's birthday.  We accepted and planned to go.  MIL also called later that night.  My DH told her our plans to go to my mother's, and that she was welcome to come along.  She declined, saying that we didn't "want her there", and that she was mad at ME for not calling to invite HER!  It was SHE who was supposed to call me.  And, by the way, I was extremely sick at the time with Pharangitis and Strep!  This is what she ALWAYS does.  She always tries to change things around and make everything about HER.  We ended up going to my mother's, and having a great time anyway.  For the next two weeks, any and all messages that MIL left on our answering machine were addressed to my husband only, with not one mention of me.  She ended up sending him a birthday card in the mail with a snide remark on the card, and a check.

        Signed - A Snide Remark On The Card

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My MIL has never cared for me.  Even my husband has started to notice her little jabs at me.  Every time we go to visit, without fail, she says the same three things to me as soon as we walk in.  First, "Well, you look tired."  It is said, of course, with a look and tone of voice that clearly shows that she means, "You sure look like cr@p."  Second, she then asks if I would like anything to drink.  Not bad in itself, but if I decline, she looks at me with a pained expression and says, "But I have diet."  Now, I am a big girl, but certainly not morbidly obese, and I am still attractive, in spite of my extra pounds.  I suppose the good side of it is that at Easter time she makes tons of peanut butter eggs, and then tells me how she can't keep them (they would just ruin her size 4 figure, I'm sure), but she's sure that I would enjoy them.

        Signed - Ticked Off, Yet Strangely Amused

        Per the poster's request, no responses collected.

Worst gift:  My MIL sent me chocolate breakfast cereal and bandages for my 25th birthday!  What the he!!????

        Signed - Bandaids for Birthdays

RESPONSE:  Bandaids for Birthdays
I imagine that it was a joke.  A gift a child would enjoy.

RESPONSE:  Bandaids for Birthdays
That's a head-scratcher.  Maybe she was trying to be "whimsical".

RESPONSE:  Bandaids for Birthdays
That's a kind of weird present, but I wouldn't have minded it.  There's no such thing as too much chocolate.

RESPONSE:  Bandaids for Birthdays
I can't believe that anyone would go to the trouble of "sending" something as asinine as chocolate cereal and bandaids to anyone, unless it was some kind of inside joke that might give BOTH parties a laugh!

RESPONSE:  Bandaids for Birthdays
ROFL!!!!  I'm so sorry, but that was HILARIOUS, albeit ODD, of course!  What a WEIRD choice of gifts for ANYONE!!!  Are all her gifts usually this goofy?  You have my sympathy.

My in-laws have invited us to go to the beach with them next month.  I am unable to go because I do not have enough vacation time accumulated to do so (we just had our second child and I took paternity leave - it required me to use vacation time for the first 2 weeks).  I don't have a problem with my wife going and taking the kids, other than the fact that it will be the first trip to the beach for a new child and I won't be there.  She will only be 4 months old, but any pictures taken will not have me in them.  And, being a dad who is highly involved with my children, that bothers me.  But, I can accept it.  On top of that, my wife specifically told her that she doesn't want to go the first week of the month, because it is our eldest child's 3rd birthday.  And, it is also our 6 year anniversary.  So what did she do?  She scheduled it during the week of the birthday.  That's right, so not only am I not going to be at the first beach trip for my baby girl, but I also won't be around for my oldest daughter's birthday.  It makes me feel great.  Thanks, mom.

        Signed - Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Your wife ought to cancel and stay home.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Your wife needs to not go.  Sorry.  The beach sounds fun and all, but a daddy is a daddy.  You and your relationship with the kids needs to be put first.  She's lucky to have you, and needs to stand by your side.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Why doesn't your wife graciously change her mind and tell them that the timing of the trip is bad for HER family (her, the children and you)?

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Why is your wife still going?  Tell her that you want to be there for your child's birthday and for the baby's first trip to the beach.  I don't think that that is too much to ask.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Your wife needs to decline the offer.  It would be very generous, except that they did schedule the trip during the one week you requested they not.  It shows a complete lack of respect for you, and your wife should defend you.  Good luck!

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Your wife said that she didn't want to go then, but she's going anyway?  Why?  Is your MIL hog tying her and dragging her along against her will?  Your biggest problem isn't with your MIL, it's with your wife.  If you haven't already, you need to have a talk with your wife.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Uhm, if you ask me, your wife shouldn't go.  Or, she should ask her parents to change the dates of the trip, otherwise she won't be able to attend.  I think it's great that you're such an involved father that you care enough to want to be there.  I can see you missing the baby's first beach trip, but missing your son's birthday is a bit much, just because your in-laws purposefully planned it that week.  Good luck!

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
And your wife is going why?  Any woman who would post this would be told that her husband would need to grow a spine and say that those weeks weren't good for the family.  Also, it's an anniversary, and, of course, the parents should be told that you want to celebrate your child's birthday as a family.  Show her this response.  She should not go.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Don't sweat missing out at the beach.  The baby will never know the difference, and your wife will no doubt appreciate the break from her routine at home.  As for the oldest child's 3rd birthday, just have a celebration at home with her BEFORE they leave for vacation.  The child will be happy that daddy got to celebrate with her, and she will happily go on to enjoy her time at the beach with her siblings and grandparents.  As for your anniversary, what's wrong with celebrating that before your wife leaves, or perhaps postponing it until after she's back?  It would give you both something to look forward to, right?  It sounds like you need to relax a little bit, and realize that not everything can always be done in a perfectly planned and organized way with families.  Flexibility is KEY, IMO.  Good luck.

RESPONSE:  Wanting To Be With My Kids During Precious Moments
Ok, I understand that you want to be there, but you could look at it this way:  Your wife is going to get a nice breath of fresh air, after having a baby, by spending time with her family and getting assistance from them for a week.  She probably needs it.  You might miss the birthday, but that doesn't mean that you can't take your little girl out by herself when she gets back, like my father always did for me, whether he was at the party or not.  God, I felt like a princess when he did that, and it meant so much more to me.  One thing that I do know is that things don't always go as planned when it comes to family, but that gives us the opportunity to do something a little more creative and meaningful than the ordinary.  Both my father and DH would have never hesitated to let their wife and children go on vacation at the beach, even if it meant that they might be absent from special moments.  I think that you are a good man for wanting to be there, but you would be a bigger man for letting them go, and giving them a fun vacation and memories at the beach.  Things which you made possible by sacrificing of your own needs.  Or, you can just make them all stay home and not go to the beach at all, because you can't see the precious moments that we all have to miss sometimes.  Nothing's perfect.


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